Most people think of their ex when pleasuring themselves, study reveals — here's what it means

New York Post

17-06-2025

They're getting it on while thinking of the past.
Despite how your last relationship ended, if you think of your ex when pleasuring yourself, there's no shame in doing so — and you're not alone.
Thinking about a past fling while pleasuring yourself could mean a variety of things.
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76% of men and 59% of women think of an ex when masturbating, according to a new survey from Ohdoki, the pleasure tech company that makes The Handy male sex toy.
And before you fret, doctor and certified sex therapist Kristie Overstreet told the Everygirl that fantasizing about a past lover could mean a variety of things.
If you're single and reminiscing about your past lover while showing yourself some lovin' — it 'could be a healthy way to look back on what was good in the relationship.'
If you're in a relationship and still thinking about that specific person while masturbating — Overstreet told the outlet that people should look at it as a positive thing, as it could be 'a way to use the past relationship to help enhance the current relationship.'
And oftentimes thinking of the sexual experiences you once had with a person that are now forbidden is a major turn-on for some when masturbating, according to Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist.
And not everyone pleasuring themselves is thinking of a past fling — some are just preferring it over sex.
Some people prefer getting it on by themselves over sex.
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When Charlotte thought she was 'addicted' to her rabbit vibrator in that famous 'Sex and the City' episode — she was onto something.
The Ohdoki survey also revealed that 29% of people prefer solo pleasure to the real thing, including almost one in three men (31%) and just over a quarter of women (26%).
A Swedish study even revealed that on average, women pleasure themselves nine times across a 30-day period — which equals about twice per week. Do the math, and that leaves little time for hanky panky with a partner.
'Some people may find masturbation more enjoyable than sex because they can find their own sweet spot — they know what they like and what they don't like,' said Gemma Nice, a sex and relationship coach.
'When you are masturbating, you can control the rhythm, the pace and the pressure. That level of precision allows people to tune into exactly what they want and reach orgasms that are incredibly intense.'
While self-pleasure is healthy and normal — Nice explained, 'If you rely too heavily on masturbation for satisfaction, it can affect the quality of partnered sex.'
'You may become so used to your own technique that a partner's touch feels less fulfilling. Masturbation shouldn't be a replacement for connection. If that's happening, it's a sign that more open communication is needed, outside the bedroom, too,' she added.