Latest news with #AdriannaHolness
Yahoo
5 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
These 7 ‘Nice Girl' Behaviors Could Actually Be Hurting You, According to Psychologists
These 7 'Nice Girl' Behaviors Could Actually Be Hurting You, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. Being a nice person obviously seems like a good thing. Empathy and kindness are great personality traits. But there's a point where being nice can go too far and enter people-pleasing territory—and that can actually do more harm than good. For women in particular, this has been referred to as "nice girl" syndrome or "good girl" syndrome. To better understand why "nice " behavior can actually be harmful to the person exhibiting it, Parade consulted with three licensed Rhonda Reinholtz is a licensed psychologist providing counseling and therapy services in Madison, Wisconsin. Dr. Sanam Hafeez is a neuropsychologist anddirector of Comprehend the Mind. And Dr. Adrianna Holness is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Worth and Wellness Psychology. The three of them weigh in on these so-called "nice girl" behaviors and the damage they may Reinholtz acknowledges that some men may exhibit people-pleasing behaviors as well, but she says that "societal conditioning to be 'nice'" is especially strong for girls and women. And as Dr. Hafeez notes: Girls, from a young age, are often "rewarded for being 'easygoing' or 'well-behaved'... [and for] keeping the peace." And while the reinforcement of that behavior often begins when a woman is young, it also can continue all her life. As Dr. Holness puts it: "Those tropes are played out in classrooms: The good girl is studious and quiet; the workplace: The good girl is helpful and agreeable; in sports: The good girl is athletic and a team player, but never too aggressive; and in our home lives: The good girl selflessly takes care of her family before meeting her own needs."Even though societal norms have set much of this system up, there are still ways to break out of What Is 'Nice Girl Syndrome'? Dr. Holness thinks that "Nice Girl Syndrome" is really just a way of "describing a lot of the symptoms of high-functioning anxiety." "The pull of anxiety leads the so-called 'good girl' to fear disappointing others, to get stuck in a pattern of what she 'should' or 'shouldn't' be doing and to constantly try to conform to what others need her to do—or who they need her to be," she much of this comes at her own 7 'Nice Girl' Behaviors That Could Actually Be Hurting You, According to Psychologists 1. Being the go-to person "Oftentimes, when we stay really busy, we can push off our own anxiety because we're focused intently on something else," Dr. Holness says. She adds that this is why many people pleasers want to be everyone's "go-to person—the person who is available to meet others' needs."The problem with being so reliable for others is that it can quickly become overwhelming. As Dr. Hafeez says, these women could start to "feel unseen or unappreciated, even though they're doing so much." 2. Prioritizing others at your own expense People-pleasing isn't just about being nice; it's often about being nice in a way that ends up being mean to yourself. Dr. Holness says it can lead to minimizing your own needs or, worse, not even knowing what those needs Reinholtz describes this prioritization of others as "going out of one's way to meet someone's request regardless of whether it fits at all with one's own plans, schedule, needs or feelings."She adds that it perpetuates this societal idea that women are "expected to accommodate others at their own expense," thereby reducing the woman's own "autonomy and self-determination." 3. Downplaying your own ideas and accomplishments Dr. Holness says that "fear of failure" or "chronic self-doubt" are common for those with people-pleasing tendencies. And, as Dr. Hafeez notes, this lack of self-confidence can show up through "downplaying" their own accomplishments, ideas and needs. She warns that, over time, this can lead to "resentment and a loss of self."Related: 4. Avoiding disagreements and confrontation Dr. Hafeez says it's common for people-pleasers to feel "uncomfortable setting boundaries" or worry that they'll be portrayed as "selfish or mean if they speak up." As a result, they can often be overly non-confrontational to their own detriment."It's the internal pressure to always be agreeable," she shares. "They'll say yes when they'd rather say no... to avoid conflict or disapproval." She warns that this type of behavior can erode "natural assertiveness."One sneaky sign of this behavior, according to Dr. Holness, is re-reading your texts or emails several times. "Written communication can be incredibly hard for folks with high-functioning anxiety," she says. "That inner good girl wants to make sure that she is properly understood, non-confrontational, polite and not criticized."Related: 5. Going along with others' negative actions If a people pleaser does disagree with someone, they often won't speak up or show it. Dr. Reinholtz says this can appear as "smiling, laughing or otherwise going along with comments or actions that are actually hurtful or in conflict with one's own beliefs or values." And Dr. Hafeez mentions avoiding eye contact, being quiet in group settings and "laughing at jokes they don't find funny" as other possible trying to be "nice," you're essentially "suppressing your true self" and "making yourself small," says Dr. Holness. 6. Explaining yourself On the off chance that you do set a boundary, Dr. Reinholtz says you don't need to delve deeply into why. "People too often feel they owe an explanation if they can't do what someone has asked," she says. "The more detail you add, the more you are inviting someone to offer solutions to the reason you stated instead of accepting that you are declining."She adds, "You do not owe anyone a justification for choosing how to spend your own time and energy." 7. Being overly-apologetic Another common sign of people-pleasing is frequently saying that you're sorry, even if something isn't your fault, says Dr. Hafeez. It's just another way this sort of "nice girl" behavior can hurt your confidence, Dr. Hafeez says. "Underneath it is a belief that being liked... depends on keeping everyone else happy," she How To Break Free From 'Nice Girl' Behaviors That Ultimately Hurt You If you do currently display any of the behaviors above, that doesn't mean you always have to operate that way. Though it may feel uncomfortable or difficult, you can break free from always being a "nice girl."Start small by saying no to a minor request or allowing yourself to disagree about something, Dr. Hafeez suggests. She says "the goal isn't to [be] harsh," but rather to be more honest. You might "be surprised how much people respect you" when you do set clearer limits, she Reinholtz knows it can be difficult to start turning people down, so she suggests buying yourself time by saying "maybe" instead of immediately agreeing."Get in the habit of always answering requests with, 'I'll check my schedule and get back to you,'" she says. "Or, 'I hope I can! I'll let you know as soon as I can check the family calendar.' Or, 'Hmmm, I'm not sure the timing works for me. But I'll let you know tomorrow.'"Essentially, she says you want to give a response that doesn't instantly commit you to something. That way, you can take the time to decide if it's something you truly want to Dr. Holness explains that she recommends therapy as "the perfect place to start addressing the underlying impact of high-functioning anxiety.""You're a human with needs, and it's OK to ask for help," she Next:Sources: Dr. Rhonda Reinholtz is a licensed psychologist providing counseling and therapy services in Madison, Wisconsin. Dr. Sanam Hafeez is a neuropsychologist anddirector of Comprehend the Mind. Find her on Instagram @drsanamhafeez. Dr. Adrianna Holness is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Worth and Wellness Psychology. These 7 'Nice Girl' Behaviors Could Actually Be Hurting You, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Aug 6, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Aug 6, 2025, where it first appeared. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
04-08-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Being More Optimistic Could Add Years to Your Life—Here's How to Change Your Mindset
Are you someone who sees the glass half full, rather than half empty? Do you always seem to make the best out of a bad situation and see the good in people, even if others don't? If you've been nodding along, congratulations: you're an optimist. There's no shortage of research demonstrating that optimism is good for both your physical and mental health, but did you know that it's associated with longevity? In fact, one 2019 study found that optimism can extend your lifespan by 11 to 15%, on average, and is associated with greater odds of living to age 85 or older. So, what is it about optimism that benefits our health and helps us live longer? We spoke to multiple mental health experts to find out. How are optimism and longevity connected? More than simply 'looking on the brightside,' optimism is 'the pattern/tendency to anticipate positive outcomes for future events,' says Christina Ni, MD, board-certified psychiatrist and interventional psychiatry medical director with Mindpath Health. So how does expecting good things to happen help you live longer? 'From a psychological perspective, optimism likely exerts its effects through both behavioral and biological pathways,' says Adrianna Holness, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist specializing in therapy focused on longevity, self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and trauma. 'Optimistic individuals tend to engage in healthier behaviors: they exercise more, smoke less, and adhere better to medical recommendations.' Additionally, optimism has ties to resilience. 'Optimists have improved ability to work through stressful situations and to manage stress regulation,' Ni says. According to Gary Small, MD, chair of psychiatry at Hackensack University Medical Center, this may involve the link between optimism and effective coping strategies, engagement of social support, and dealing with stressful situations. As a result, optimists enjoy a higher quality of life compared with pessimists, as well as significantly better mental and physical well-being. '[Optimists] are more likely to engage in such lifestyle behaviors as physical exercise, healthy diet, and stress reduction, which leads to increased life expectancy,' he says. 'Previous research indicates that optimists have fewer symptoms of depression and feelings of hopelessness. Optimists also share positive personality traits that are linked to a sense of independence, higher self-esteem, feelings of competence, and extroversion and agreeableness.' In other words, those who believe that the future holds something positive for them may make more of an effort to be healthier. 'From what I see in my work, people who approach life with a sense of optimism tend to take better care of themselves, physically and emotionally,' says Meghan Marcum, PsyD, chief psychologist for AMFM Healthcare. 'They're more likely to make healthy choices, bounce back from setbacks, and stay engaged with others, which all play a role in long-term well-being.' Is it possible to become more optimistic? While some people are born with a genetic predisposition toward optimism, science tells us that we can help ourselves and others to have a more positive outlook, Small says. 'Optimism is considered a modifiable psychological trait—something that can be learned and acquired,' Ni explains. Both psychological and behavioral interventions can help increase optimistic thought processes, she says. Learn to forgive It may be hard, but it's worth it. 'When people hurt us, we naturally experience anger and resentment, but trying to let go of those feelings by forgiving those wrong-doings help us to maintain a more optimistic attitude,' Small explains. 'Letting go of grudges will lower levels of stress while boosting positive attitudes. The ability to forgive and forget has been shown to have a positive impact on mood and well-being.' Try journaling Simply write down positive events of the day, ways to re-think negative perceptions, ideal outcomes of situations, as well as hopes for current and future events, Ni says. Along the same lines, 'mental exercises like meditation can help to reduce rumination over past, current, and future events and creates space for more positive outlooks,' she adds. Make (positive) friends and keep them The people you spend time with rub off on you, so try to gravitate towards those with positive outlooks on life. 'Socially, surrounding oneself with others who are optimistic, positive, resilient helps to reinforce and model positive ways of thinking and behaving so they become more automatic,' Ni says. Plus, being more outgoing and extroverted can help you gain a sense of empowerment and connection with others, Smalls says. Limit incoming information Instead of doomscrolling, reduce your exposure to negative content, Ni says. 'On the contrary, conscientiously increasing time with positive media content and personal contacts will continue the positive direction of shifting one's viewpoints and perspective to a more positive light,' she notes. One important caveat is that optimism should be realistic and grounded, Holness says. 'Unrealistic or 'toxic' positivity can backfire, leading to denial or avoidance of important problems,' she explains. 'Healthy optimism involves acknowledging difficulties while maintaining hope about the future.' Along the same lines, it might take a while to develop your optimism, but the experts say it's worth it. But even small shifts in how we view setbacks or stressors can make a long-term difference in both our mental and physical well-being, Marcum says. Read the original article on Real Simple
Yahoo
01-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
This One Habit Will Help You Live Longer—and You Can Start Right Now
Are you someone who sees the glass half full, rather than half empty? Do you always seem to make the best out of a bad situation and see the good in people, even if others don't? If you've been nodding along, congratulations: you're an optimist. There's no shortage of research demonstrating that optimism is good for both your physical and mental health, but did you know that it's associated with longevity? In fact, one 2019 study found that optimism can extend your lifespan by 11 to 15%, on average, and is associated with greater odds of living to age 85 or older. So, what is it about optimism that benefits our health and helps us live longer? We spoke to multiple mental health experts to find out. More than simply 'looking on the brightside,' optimism is 'the pattern/tendency to anticipate positive outcomes for future events,' says Christina Ni, MD, board-certified psychiatrist and interventional psychiatry medical director with Mindpath Health. So how does expecting good things to happen help you live longer? 'From a psychological perspective, optimism likely exerts its effects through both behavioral and biological pathways,' says Adrianna Holness, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist specializing in therapy focused on longevity, self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and trauma. 'Optimistic individuals tend to engage in healthier behaviors: they exercise more, smoke less, and adhere better to medical recommendations.' Additionally, optimism has ties to resilience. 'Optimists have improved ability to work through stressful situations and to manage stress regulation,' Ni says. According to Gary Small, MD, chair of psychiatry at Hackensack University Medical Center, this may involve the link between optimism and effective coping strategies, engagement of social support, and dealing with stressful situations. As a result, optimists enjoy a higher quality of life compared with pessimists, as well as significantly better mental and physical well-being. '[Optimists] are more likely to engage in such lifestyle behaviors as physical exercise, healthy diet, and stress reduction, which leads to increased life expectancy,' he says. 'Previous research indicates that optimists have fewer symptoms of depression and feelings of hopelessness. Optimists also share positive personality traits that are linked to a sense of independence, higher self-esteem, feelings of competence, and extroversion and agreeableness.' In other words, those who believe that the future holds something positive for them may make more of an effort to be healthier. 'From what I see in my work, people who approach life with a sense of optimism tend to take better care of themselves, physically and emotionally,' says Meghan Marcum, PsyD, chief psychologist for AMFM Healthcare. 'They're more likely to make healthy choices, bounce back from setbacks, and stay engaged with others, which all play a role in long-term well-being.' While some people are born with a genetic predisposition toward optimism, science tells us that we can help ourselves and others to have a more positive outlook, Small says. 'Optimism is considered a modifiable psychological trait—something that can be learned and acquired,' Ni explains. Both psychological and behavioral interventions can help increase optimistic thought processes, she says. It may be hard, but it's worth it. 'When people hurt us, we naturally experience anger and resentment, but trying to let go of those feelings by forgiving those wrong-doings help us to maintain a more optimistic attitude,' Small explains. 'Letting go of grudges will lower levels of stress while boosting positive attitudes. The ability to forgive and forget has been shown to have a positive impact on mood and well-being.' Simply write down positive events of the day, ways to re-think negative perceptions, ideal outcomes of situations, as well as hopes for current and future events, Ni says. Along the same lines, 'mental exercises like meditation can help to reduce rumination over past, current, and future events and creates space for more positive outlooks,' she adds. The people you spend time with rub off on you, so try to gravitate towards those with positive outlooks on life. 'Socially, surrounding oneself with others who are optimistic, positive, resilient helps to reinforce and model positive ways of thinking and behaving so they become more automatic,' Ni says. Plus, being more outgoing and extroverted can help you gain a sense of empowerment and connection with others, Smalls says. Instead of doomscrolling, reduce your exposure to negative content, Ni says. 'On the contrary, conscientiously increasing time with positive media content and personal contacts will continue the positive direction of shifting one's viewpoints and perspective to a more positive light,' she notes. One important caveat is that optimism should be realistic and grounded, Holness says. 'Unrealistic or 'toxic' positivity can backfire, leading to denial or avoidance of important problems,' she explains. 'Healthy optimism involves acknowledging difficulties while maintaining hope about the future.' Along the same lines, it might take a while to develop your optimism, but the experts say it's worth it. But even small shifts in how we view setbacks or stressors can make a long-term difference in both our mental and physical well-being, Marcum says. Read the original article on Real Simple
