Latest news with #AmItheAsshole?
Yahoo
19-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
People Are Debating If This Man Should Call Off His Wedding After Finding Out About His Fiancé's Horrible, Terrible, Astronomical Debt
Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it. Today's installment involves relationships and money. This story comes from a man who described himself as middle-aged. He said, "I am supposed to be getting married in a few months to my fiancé. We've been together for three years, engaged for one, and for most of that time, I genuinely believed we were on the same page about life values and, most importantly, honesty." "For background, I've worked hard to build a stable financial foundation. I'm not wealthy, but I own my home outright, have no personal debt, and I've been saving and investing since my early 20s. It's been a priority for me, especially since my parents went through a nasty divorce that ruined both of them financially." "About a month ago, while we were discussing wedding costs, I brought up a prenup. Not in a cold or controlling way, I just wanted to protect the life I've worked hard to build. I was upfront that I'd still be fair and the agreement wouldn't leave her with nothing. I expected an adult conversation. Instead, she immediately got defensive." "She said things like, 'So you're already planning for a divorce?' and 'I thought we trusted each other.' I tried to explain it wasn't about trust, it was about transparency and mutual protection. But she shut it down completely. That's when red flags started popping up. She became evasive every time money came up, and I started noticing weird things like credit card offers in the mail, a few missed payments on shared expenses she said she'd cover, and lots of 'I'll handle it later' energy." "So, I asked directly if she had debt. She admitted it. $92,000 in credit card debt. Not student loans, not a mortgage, credit cards. She said it accumulated over the years from unexpected expenses and a few dumb splurges, but she never told me about any of it until I forced the issue. I was stunned. We're about to merge lives. This woman was about to legally become my spouse, and she didn't think I deserved to know she was six figures in the red?" "I told her this made the prenup non-negotiable for me. I need to protect myself not just emotionally, but financially. I told her I was willing to still move forward, but not without something in writing that protects my premarital assets. She lost it and called me selfish. She said I was turning love into a business deal, and said my house and money should be hers too if we're truly a team." "Since then, she's refused to talk about the prenup again, and we're barely speaking. Even her mother called me and accused me of humiliating her daughter and being materialistic. All I want is not to be liable for debt I didn't create and to make sure the life I built before this relationship is protected. So now I'm seriously reconsidering the whole wedding. Not because she has debt, but because she hid it, then refused to take responsibility, and now is treating me like the bad guy for trying to protect myself." "I'm almost certain that she could pay her debts since she is a part partner in her friend's business but she just refuses to. AITAH for thinking about walking away?" A LOT of people responded with a resounding NO. "$5,000 or $10,000 is a few dumb splurges, I can't begin to fathom $92,000 in credit card debt. Not the asshole. You dodged a bullet. She would have destroyed you," said user Individual-Spot2700. "The argument that a prenup is 'planning for divorce' is ridiculous because, while, yes, that's literally true, if you don't think you'll ever get divorced, then it won't ever need to be used anyway, so just sign it and forget it," said user meg_em. "I don't think the prenup would mean he wouldn't have worked on her debt with her, but the outright lying about it, refusing to address it, and huffing about it just shows she isn't mature enough to be in a marriage," said user DDRaptors. "If your partner can't have an open and honest conversation about finances at the beginning of your marriage, how are you going to work together through all the other uncomfortable and serious things that come up in a lifetime?" said user TheUnculturedSwan. "Like, at a certain point you're going to have to have frank talks about health needs and death planning, and I can't imagine doing that with someone this avoidant and immature!" "There are absolutely more skeletons in her closet," user ExcellentCold7354 declared. "Not the asshole. Sorry you had to go through this, it was not a wasted three years. You have learned a valuable lesson. I would have done the exact same thing!" said user StrikingSecretary121. Many people shared their personal experiences, like user ScullysMom77. "I had this conversation with my spouse prior to marriage. It was really important to me, and very easy to be fair. The first stage was financial disclosure, which I realized later is not something everyone does before marriage. Just seeing everything on paper, and knowing what debts and assets each of you brings in, tells you a lot about each other." "We did basically what the original poster was asking for. Whatever debt and assets we had prior to marriage were ours alone, and we were very equitable about how future marital assets would be divided. We signed it, stuck it in a file cabinet, and haven't talked about it since." "My ex had hidden debt when we married, and I had to help pay it off. I think prenups, along with a full credit report, salaries, and 401k for home labor disparities and pregnancy/childbirth, should be mandatory before marriage," said user Naive-Stable-3581. "I think a lot of people could be saved from bad marriages if they were mandatory. Marriage is the only business contract that profoundly affects your ability to survive and earn, yet due diligence is actively discouraged. If you were merging two companies, these would be bare minimum requirements." "Not the asshole at all. My partner and I both have a solid chunk of debt. We both kept it under wraps for maybe the first four to six months of the relationship, but then slowly started discussing it when we saw our relationship heading somewhere serious. Hiding it completely for three years is insane, and I get the feeling that she was hoping that when you got married, she could force your hand into helping her pay it off. You dodged a huge bullet," said user lisafightsbutchers. Quite a few people felt like the original poster's fiancé was using him, like user strawhatpirate91. "She definitely saw him as an ATM and a ticket to clear her debt. If she really loved him, she'd want to protect him, too, not use him for his money. This is screaming red flags." "Not the asshole. I'm glad you found out before you got married, and I'm more glad you didn't push on purely because you love her. She clearly showed you she cannot be trusted and finds no fault in lying to you. All she was actually wanting was for you to be liable for her debts and for her to get her hands on your savings so she could keep spending," user Sweet-Interview5620 said. "Without respect, trust, and love, there can be no marriage, as hard as it is, she couldn't have loved you if she was happy to lie and trap you with her debt. I'm just glad you brought up the prenup or you might never have discovered the truth." "If she truly loved him, she would have worked through it with him, taken accountability, and signed the prenup, ultimately growing from the experience. She chose not to grow, and that's not love," user No-Bet1288 asserted. What do you think, is he wrong to consider calling off the wedding? Let us know in the comments. Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
Buzz Feed
19-05-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
Man May Cancel Wedding Because Of Partner's Debt
Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it. Today's installment involves relationships and money. This story comes from a man who described himself as middle-aged. He said, "I am supposed to be getting married in a few months to my fiancé. We've been together for three years, engaged for one, and for most of that time, I genuinely believed we were on the same page about life values and, most importantly, honesty." "For background, I've worked hard to build a stable financial foundation. I'm not wealthy, but I own my home outright, have no personal debt, and I've been saving and investing since my early 20s. It's been a priority for me, especially since my parents went through a nasty divorce that ruined both of them financially." "About a month ago, while we were discussing wedding costs, I brought up a prenup. Not in a cold or controlling way, I just wanted to protect the life I've worked hard to build. I was upfront that I'd still be fair and the agreement wouldn't leave her with nothing. I expected an adult conversation. Instead, she immediately got defensive." "She said things like, 'So you're already planning for a divorce?' and 'I thought we trusted each other.' I tried to explain it wasn't about trust, it was about transparency and mutual protection. But she shut it down completely. That's when red flags started popping up. She became evasive every time money came up, and I started noticing weird things like credit card offers in the mail, a few missed payments on shared expenses she said she'd cover, and lots of 'I'll handle it later' energy." "So, I asked directly if she had debt. She admitted it. $92,000 in credit card debt. Not student loans, not a mortgage, credit cards. She said it accumulated over the years from unexpected expenses and a few dumb splurges, but she never told me about any of it until I forced the issue. I was stunned. We're about to merge lives. This woman was about to legally become my spouse, and she didn't think I deserved to know she was six figures in the red?" "I told her this made the prenup non-negotiable for me. I need to protect myself not just emotionally, but financially. I told her I was willing to still move forward, but not without something in writing that protects my premarital assets. She lost it and called me selfish. She said I was turning love into a business deal, and said my house and money should be hers too if we're truly a team." "Since then, she's refused to talk about the prenup again, and we're barely speaking. Even her mother called me and accused me of humiliating her daughter and being materialistic. All I want is not to be liable for debt I didn't create and to make sure the life I built before this relationship is protected. So now I'm seriously reconsidering the whole wedding. Not because she has debt, but because she hid it, then refused to take responsibility, and now is treating me like the bad guy for trying to protect myself." "I'm almost certain that she could pay her debts since she is a part partner in her friend's business but she just refuses to. AITAH for thinking about walking away?" A LOT of people responded with a resounding NO. "$5,000 or $10,000 is a few dumb splurges, I can't begin to fathom $92,000 in credit card debt. Not the asshole. You dodged a bullet. She would have destroyed you," said user Individual-Spot2700. "The argument that a prenup is 'planning for divorce' is ridiculous because, while, yes, that's literally true, if you don't think you'll ever get divorced, then it won't ever need to be used anyway, so just sign it and forget it," said user meg_em. "I don't think the prenup would mean he wouldn't have worked on her debt with her, but the outright lying about it, refusing to address it, and huffing about it just shows she isn't mature enough to be in a marriage," said user DDRaptors. "If your partner can't have an open and honest conversation about finances at the beginning of your marriage, how are you going to work together through all the other uncomfortable and serious things that come up in a lifetime?" said user TheUnculturedSwan. "There are absolutely more skeletons in her closet," user ExcellentCold7354 declared. "Not the asshole. Sorry you had to go through this, it was not a wasted three years. You have learned a valuable lesson. I would have done the exact same thing!" said user StrikingSecretary121. Many people shared their personal experiences, like user ScullysMom77. "I had this conversation with my spouse prior to marriage. It was really important to me, and very easy to be fair. The first stage was financial disclosure, which I realized later is not something everyone does before marriage. Just seeing everything on paper, and knowing what debts and assets each of you brings in, tells you a lot about each other." "My ex had hidden debt when we married, and I had to help pay it off. I think prenups, along with a full credit report, salaries, and 401k for home labor disparities and pregnancy/childbirth, should be mandatory before marriage," said user Naive-Stable-3581. "Not the asshole at all. My partner and I both have a solid chunk of debt. We both kept it under wraps for maybe the first four to six months of the relationship, but then slowly started discussing it when we saw our relationship heading somewhere serious. Hiding it completely for three years is insane, and I get the feeling that she was hoping that when you got married, she could force your hand into helping her pay it off. You dodged a huge bullet," said user lisafightsbutchers. Quite a few people felt like the original poster's fiancé was using him, like user strawhatpirate91. "She definitely saw him as an ATM and a ticket to clear her debt. If she really loved him, she'd want to protect him, too, not use him for his money. This is screaming red flags." "Not the asshole. I'm glad you found out before you got married, and I'm more glad you didn't push on purely because you love her. She clearly showed you she cannot be trusted and finds no fault in lying to you. All she was actually wanting was for you to be liable for her debts and for her to get her hands on your savings so she could keep spending," user Sweet-Interview5620 said. "If she truly loved him, she would have worked through it with him, taken accountability, and signed the prenup, ultimately growing from the experience. She chose not to grow, and that's not love," user No-Bet1288 asserted. What do you think, is he wrong to consider calling off the wedding? Let us know in the comments.
Yahoo
10-02-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
This Woman Wants To Know If She's The A**hole For Breaking Up With Her Trump-Supporting Boyfriend, And The Internet Isn't Holding Back
Gather 'round everyone, it's time to dive into my favorite corner of the internet, the subreddit called Am I the Asshole? This is where Reddit users tell the internet about situations they're in and ask if they're the asshole for how they handled it. Today's installment involves politics and dating. This story comes from a 17-year-old woman who said, "So I started talking to this guy (16, male) around New Year's time. We hit it off and became official about a week later. When Trump was inaugurated, I debated with my mom and her boyfriend over his speech and what he wanted to do with his executive orders. I am very anti-Trump. I have even argued over Trump in my debate club at school many times." "That night, I was on a call with my boyfriend telling him about the debate and how bad Trump's presidency would be, when he came out with, 'Is it a bad time to say I would've voted for Trump?' His exact words. This left me a bit blindsided. He told me how he liked Trump's economy and social relations. We stopped talking about it and went to sleep because he wanted to stop talking about it." "I broke up with him anyway since there were other deciding factors. He got defensive, telling me it's not that big of a deal and that he's actually anti-government and doesn't know much about politics. When I told my mom and her boyfriend, they said I'm just a really opinionated person, and this isn't something I should break up with someone over. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but politics and stuff like what Trump wants to do are really important to me, even though I don't live in America. I think I made the right decision, but I still want to know, AITA?" A LOT of people responded with a resounding 'NO,' saying she's not the asshole here. "This is a message that young people need to absorb. You can break up with someone for any reason. Sometimes that knowledge will help you avoid really bad situations," user CemeteryDweller7719 stressed. "Supporting a fascist wannabe dictator is 100% a valid reason to kick his ass to the curb," user Jasmisne pointed out. "You are kids and have been going out for a few weeks. You can break up with him for liking different pizza toppings if you want to," said user 6ft3dwarf. "NO. And I hope your parents WAKE TF UP," said user La_Baraka6431. "I'm contemplating divorce every time I get home from work and he's been watching Fox News all day 🙄," user SheepherderNo785 shared. "You were right. Opposition to Trump is not only about policies. It's also about values and character. The Trump regime is far-right fascism; they keep proving it. People who choose to ignore that are like cult members," user RevolutionaryYouth88 said. "Pretty hard to find someone attractive when they support policies that encourage the destruction of democratic norms, racism, sexism, violence against journalists, and the destabilization of world economies. Glad you can see through this MAGA cult! Keep on being 'really opinionated.' That is what the world needs right now!" And user SkyLightk23 said they would've done the same thing. "I wouldn't want to fight every day over stuff like that. The original poster cares about politics, and her boyfriend says he doesn't, but he still has a strong opinion, which he is unwilling to change. He seems to care but doesn't want to fight with the original poster." However, some people felt expecting their partner to align with them on every issue was unrealistic, like user CJaneNorman. "You also shouldn't expect to agree with someone on everything. If that's the expectation, then the original poster would end up single forever cause it just doesn't happen." While user Empty_Try8500 said she's not the asshole, they also said this argument goes both ways. "He would also not be an asshole if he broke up with you for being a Kamala (or whoever) supporter." "But for your own sake, you may want to stop obsessing over politics, especially in another country. And I hope you don't get into the pattern of cutting off people who disagree with you." And user ECS0804 said there is one way she could be the asshole. "If you hold it against him like a grudge or something and stop being friends with him over it, then yes, you're the asshole. It happened to me, although with just regular friends." And finally, "I think this growing trend of canceling your friends and even family members over their vote is very sad and disturbing," user pedsteve shared. What do you think? Was her boyfriend's support of Trump a good enough reason to break up with him? Let us know in the comments. Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
WIRED
10-02-2025
- General
- WIRED
In Relationships, Am I the Asshole?
By Adam Bumas and Angela Watercutter Feb 10, 2025 6:00 AM For more than a decade, Reddit's 'Am I the Asshole?' sub has served as a trove of cautionary tales and (very) real relationship advice. WIRED talked to two OPs about what happened after their posts. Illustration: Gaetan Sahsah In a chaotic social media landscape, Reddit has been thriving. The site is one of the last strongholds of the truly social web, the rare place where users aren't coming to make money or appease an algorithm. On Reddit, you can trust you're talking to someone who wants to be there—though you may not trust everything they say. WIRED went looking for love and found that modern romance is a web of scams, AI boyfriends, and Tinder burnout. But a smarter, more human, and more pleasure-filled future is possible. No subreddit exemplifies this quite like r/AmItheAsshole. The community was founded in 2013, bringing a snarky, crowdsourced perspective to the advice column format. Reddit users, who usually create new 'throwaway' accounts to stay anonymous, recap interpersonal conflicts and ask the community for their judgment: 'AITA for shouting at my ex in front of my daughters?' 'AITA for wearing a wedding dress at a wedding?' Commenters will vote on whether the original poster (OP) is or is not the asshole (YTA or NTA), and the conversation grows from there. While posts on Am I the Asshole? cover all manner of drama, the posts about sex and relationships often get the most traction. Some become beacons of healthy relationship-building; others stand as cautionary tales. The debates over who's in the right, who to trust, and what happens next can spill off the subreddit, like a post about beef stew from January 2, which was closed after attracting attention from around the web. Hoping to find out what happens after someone has asked for an Asshole verdict, WIRED reached out to the authors behind dozens of our favorite posts. We heard back from two: one YTA who wondered about escalating a disagreement with her partner, and one NTA who asked her partner to call her 'Grandma' in bed. (You'll see.) Here's what they had to say. These interviews have been edited for clarity and length. Adam Bumas: How often do you visit r/AmITheAsshole? Weight-Late: I read the subreddit maybe twice a month, if that. While I love the community, lately a lot of bots or people posting for clout have clogged up the forums. How often do you post there, and why? Quite honestly I'm only on the sub once in a blue moon when I know I can't go to my friends or family about something, because they're biased towards or against me. What do you enjoy about taking your problems there? Well, on this sub you get what you asked for, unbiased and fair judgment. Honestly I like that. It's like getting a breath of fresh air. Do you ever share AITA posts—your own or in general—with the people in your life? I've only shared my own maybe once or twice, and only with one person: my best friend of six and a half years. She's the one I go to the most about problems I have, but if I know what her thoughts are gonna be (biased towards me) I go to Reddit. As for other posts, my partner and I often scroll through our individual accounts and show off AITA posts to each other. That's sweet! So AITA is something you both share? Occasionally, that or r/relationships. I'm not sure however if he posts anything, and he doesn't know I post anything. If we show each other things it's mostly other posts and stuff like that. Do you do that with other social media or just Reddit? Just Reddit! My other social media profiles are actually pretty public, and I like the anonymity that Reddit brings. Typically, the hive mind of AITA gives you an NTA score. But this time you got called 'the asshole.' How do you feel about that, and what are you planning to do about it? My current issue that I came to the subreddit with is still 'under construction,' if you will, but the advice I was given—while harsh—was eye-opening. Oh yeah? I'm not gonna exclude the kind ones, because those made me cry the most, but each piece of advice given from the community is helpful. Angela Watercutter: What led to you to post on AITA? Icy-Speaker9100: I had never posted on the forum before. I hadn't really used Reddit much before that. I actually used to always go on Twitter and read all of the Am I the Asshole? highlights posts. It was like Best of Reddit or something. Oh yeah, I remember those feeds. They had stopped posting, so I was like, I'll just go straight to the source and read it there instead of waiting for this weird bot account to post it. And I just so happened to get into a stupid argument with my boyfriend at the time, and I was like, you know what? This is funny because it's ridiculous, and I think other people will enjoy this. So I typed it up and put it on Reddit. I think I wrote that post at 2 or 3 in the morning, so I didn't even expect anyone was going to see it. Did they? Within two hours I had 1,500 or so upvotes. It started just gaining notice quickly, and I was like, oh wow . There were a lot of responses. I knew how I felt, and I'm a pretty strong-in-my-feelings person. If I think I'm right, I probably am, and he was always wrong. I like that some people [call their partners 'Daddy']. It's none of my business, not my bedroom. But I wasn't sure if some people were going to be like, 'No, that's a fair thing to ask. And you could have just said no.' You never know how people are going to react on the internet on any given day. Especially on AITA. It could have been a different day, and I could have gotten a different crowd and got a really completely different answer, someone who told me I was kink-shaming and being awful. So I liked that everyone was on my side, of course, because no one wants to be called wrong, and it just made me feel vindicated. I was just giving it back to him, and he deserved it, so it made me feel good, and I'm glad everyone agreed. What about the less serious responses? My favorite was the person who suggested you play the theme to Golden Girls . The responses made me die. So what happened after the post? Did your boyfriend see it? Oh yeah, I showed him. What was his reaction? He had already kind of accepted that it was a losing battle. I'm pretty like, 'You're not going to get away with it for long, and I'm not going to stop.' I enjoyed typing it, and I thought it was hysterical. I showed him, and I was like, 'Hey, a thousand people think you're wrong too.' How'd he take it? He was like, 'OK, I already know I'm wrong.' I was like, 'Yeah, tell Grandma she's right.' But he accepted it. No one was called Daddy ever again. Are you two still together? We broke up for a little while and we got back together. I'm with a different person now. You didn't break up over the 'Grandma' thing, did you? No. OK, good. One thing I like about AITA is that people don't always jump to 'dump him'—they give thoughtful feedback. I have a new boyfriend now. He's lovely. Do you have any personal favorite AITA posts? I'd have to think about it. I have the brain of a gerbil when I'm put on the spot. I always try to save particular posts, but a lot of my favorites and a lot of the things that attracted me to Reddit came off Twitter, and Twitter is no more, so it's hard. Yeah, Reddit feels like the last of a dying breed. [ Scrolling on phone ] Oh, this is actually a good one. And it was pretty well loved at the time. This person made their ex jealous with a picture of a potato they posted that looked rather girthy—I guess phallic in nature—and they really flew off the handle about it. Reddit! I love Reddit. I think it's one of the last untouched places. With Twitter turning into X and the TikTok ban and Mark Zuckerberg with his weird chain on Facebook, there's nowhere safe to just be a regular person and have a conversation. I love that about Reddit. Some people suck. People suck everywhere. You can block them on Reddit. Illustrations: Gaeton Sahsah
