Latest news with #AmyKean
Yahoo
8 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Why the pressure to be liked at work is holding women back
It's human nature to want to be liked. We are inherently social creatures that have survived throughout history thanks to our inclusion in groups. And although we no longer need others to help us hunt for food or protect against predators, the need to be accepted is still a crucial part of our psyche. Sometimes, though, the need to be liked by others can be problematic – especially at work. According to a new report called Shapeshifters, women are often held back because they feel greater pressure to be liked. Of a survey of more than 1,000 people, 56% of women said they felt pressured to be likeable compared to 36% of men. Amy Kean, a sociologist and author of the report, published by training company Good Shout, says that the pressure to be liked is 'a culturally entrenched demand' that transcends industries and job titles. It's a systemic barrier linked to long-standing gender stereotypes that dictate women should be agreeable and amenable, not assertive. So instead of speaking up, they spend more time and energy trying to appease others or minimising their ideas and opinions to avoid being branded as 'difficult'. Read more: Five soft skills that can help you get hired or promoted at work 'Our research told us that women shapeshift in a variety of different ways, in some cases twice as much as men,' says Kean. 'Withholding opinions, downplaying their achievements, and toning down their confidence. There's a constant worry with many women that we're 'too much' – a relentless guessing game going on inside our heads with every social interaction. Quite simply, this holds us back. When you're not even allowed to be your own cheerleader, this can drastically reduce opportunities.' The impact of this 'likeability labour' can be tangible in the workplace. Studies reveal that women are far less likely to tout their own laudable job performance than male counterparts. They're also far more likely to play down their achievements and undervalue themselves. According to a recent National Bureau of Economic Research working paper, women consistently rated their performance on a test lower than did men, even though both groups had the same average score. Where men on average gave themselves a 61 out of 100, women gave themselves a 46 out of 100. 'Many women are socialised from an early age to prioritise warmth and likability, and it's these traits that are often the most rewarded as they grow up,' says Emily Maguire, career and business consultant. Read more: How employers can prevent mental health crises at work 'In contrast, men tend to be rewarded for being assertive and direct. If a woman exhibits this behaviour, she can be seen as being too assertive or labelled as difficult to work with. Yet, if she does the opposite, she risks being overlooked for promotion,' adds Maguire. 'Women may be less likely to ask for promotions or pursue leadership roles for the fear of being seen as too pushy, or they may push themselves too much to the point that they experience burnout.' Dismantling gender stereotypes – and the structural problems they cause – is no easy feat. But one important way to relieve women of the pressure to be liked is to stop rewarding likeability. 'Stop calling Helen 'the office mum',' says Kean. 'We need to start having direct conversations about direct conversations, and why it's absolutely okay to function at work without covering yourself in glitter and apologising in every email. It's so simple: publicly reward the direct women, and other women will see that it's safe to be themselves.' Read more: How to manage 'time blindness' at work if you have ADHD However, Kean adds, that doesn't mean allowing rude behaviour. Being kind is important for all workers if we're to work harmoniously. It's more about accepting that women should be able to be direct and to speak up if they disagree with something, without worrying that they're going to be vilified. They should be able to contribute ideas and opinions to discussions and promote their knowledge and expertise. 'Organisations can help counteract some of these effects by implementing policies that help all employees feel valued and supported on their professional journeys,' says Maguire. 'They can do this by broadening their definition of leadership to include diverse role models that celebrate strong female leaders,' she adds. 'Employers need to highlight that ambition is something to be valued, and provide mentorship and leadership training that is specifically designed to empower women and other underrepresented groups.' Read more: Could child-friendly co-working spaces fix the childcare crisis? How inadequate maternity leave harms mothers' wellbeing Five questions you shouldn't be asked in a job interviewError in retrieving data Sign in to access your portfolio Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data
Yahoo
8 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Why the pressure to be liked at work is holding women back
It's human nature to want to be liked. We are inherently social creatures that have survived throughout history thanks to our inclusion in groups. And although we no longer need others to help us hunt for food or protect against predators, the need to be accepted is still a crucial part of our psyche. Sometimes, though, the need to be liked by others can be problematic – especially at work. According to a new report called Shapeshifters, women are often held back because they feel greater pressure to be liked. Of a survey of more than 1,000 people, 56% of women said they felt pressured to be likeable compared to 36% of men. Amy Kean, a sociologist and author of the report, published by training company Good Shout, says that the pressure to be liked is 'a culturally entrenched demand' that transcends industries and job titles. It's a systemic barrier linked to long-standing gender stereotypes that dictate women should be agreeable and amenable, not assertive. So instead of speaking up, they spend more time and energy trying to appease others or minimising their ideas and opinions to avoid being branded as 'difficult'. Read more: Five soft skills that can help you get hired or promoted at work 'Our research told us that women shapeshift in a variety of different ways, in some cases twice as much as men,' says Kean. 'Withholding opinions, downplaying their achievements, and toning down their confidence. There's a constant worry with many women that we're 'too much' – a relentless guessing game going on inside our heads with every social interaction. Quite simply, this holds us back. When you're not even allowed to be your own cheerleader, this can drastically reduce opportunities.' The impact of this 'likeability labour' can be tangible in the workplace. Studies reveal that women are far less likely to tout their own laudable job performance than male counterparts. They're also far more likely to play down their achievements and undervalue themselves. According to a recent National Bureau of Economic Research working paper, women consistently rated their performance on a test lower than did men, even though both groups had the same average score. Where men on average gave themselves a 61 out of 100, women gave themselves a 46 out of 100. 'Many women are socialised from an early age to prioritise warmth and likability, and it's these traits that are often the most rewarded as they grow up,' says Emily Maguire, career and business consultant. Read more: How employers can prevent mental health crises at work 'In contrast, men tend to be rewarded for being assertive and direct. If a woman exhibits this behaviour, she can be seen as being too assertive or labelled as difficult to work with. Yet, if she does the opposite, she risks being overlooked for promotion,' adds Maguire. 'Women may be less likely to ask for promotions or pursue leadership roles for the fear of being seen as too pushy, or they may push themselves too much to the point that they experience burnout.' Dismantling gender stereotypes – and the structural problems they cause – is no easy feat. But one important way to relieve women of the pressure to be liked is to stop rewarding likeability. 'Stop calling Helen 'the office mum',' says Kean. 'We need to start having direct conversations about direct conversations, and why it's absolutely okay to function at work without covering yourself in glitter and apologising in every email. It's so simple: publicly reward the direct women, and other women will see that it's safe to be themselves.' Read more: How to manage 'time blindness' at work if you have ADHD However, Kean adds, that doesn't mean allowing rude behaviour. Being kind is important for all workers if we're to work harmoniously. It's more about accepting that women should be able to be direct and to speak up if they disagree with something, without worrying that they're going to be vilified. They should be able to contribute ideas and opinions to discussions and promote their knowledge and expertise. 'Organisations can help counteract some of these effects by implementing policies that help all employees feel valued and supported on their professional journeys,' says Maguire. 'They can do this by broadening their definition of leadership to include diverse role models that celebrate strong female leaders,' she adds. 'Employers need to highlight that ambition is something to be valued, and provide mentorship and leadership training that is specifically designed to empower women and other underrepresented groups.' Read more: Could child-friendly co-working spaces fix the childcare crisis? How inadequate maternity leave harms mothers' wellbeing Five questions you shouldn't be asked in a job interviewSign in to access your portfolio
The Guardian
19-05-2025
- General
- The Guardian
‘Likability labour' – why it's time for women to stop being nice at work
Name: Likability labour. Age: The phrase is new, but as a thing it's almost certainly been going on for ever. I'm guessing this has nothing to do with the political party currently in power in the UK, because people seem to be finding it hard to like them at the moment? Not that Labour, no. It's about women in the workplace. Them, I do like. Well, maybe that's part of the issue. Oh. How so? There's a report … Thought there would be … called Shapeshifters: What We Do at Work to Be Liked, which, after surveying more than 1,000 people, discovered that women feel greater pressure to be liked at work and in life. Why? The pressure for women to be likable is 'a culturally entrenched demand that transcends industries and job titles,' says Amy Kean, a sociologist and author of the report, published by training company Good Shout. 'Women are expected to balance competence with warmth, assertiveness with agreeability, and combine authority with overt humility.' Got some numbers for us? Of course: 56% of women feel pressure to be likeable, compared with 36% of men. So how does this manifest itself – what do women do? Kean says: 'They're supposed to be the office mum, taking notes in meetings while softly whipping everybody into shape and baking cakes on Fridays in order to be as palatable as possible.' The cakes? No! The female employees. And it's not just about what they do, it's about what they say as well. Go on. Women are often twice as likely as men to use phrases such as, 'I might be wrong, but …' and, 'Does that make sense?' Does it? Make sense? Yes, and they know it does! But 33% of women worry about coming across as too confident (compared to 16% of men), and 50% say they hold back their true opinions in order to be liked (compared to 35% of men). More than a third of women try to 'smile more'. And I'm thinking this likability labour doesn't pay, does it? Not only does it not pay, the report says it is 'draining creative energy, muffling innovation and punishing authenticity'. Otherwise it's pretty much a level playing field, right? Ha! Yes, of course. Unless you take into account the glass ceiling, the gender pay gap, the patriarchy and emotional labour (the effort required to keep everything running smoothly). Not to mention mental load (also known as cognitive household labour), and other unpaid labour that women take on at home … Do say: (Without looking up, certainly without smiling) 'Just leave it there, on my desk, thanks.' Don't say: 'Sorry to ask but could you possibly do that thing that is literally your job to do …'
