‘Likability labour' – why it's time for women to stop being nice at work
Name: Likability labour.
Age: The phrase is new, but as a thing it's almost certainly been going on for ever.
I'm guessing this has nothing to do with the political party currently in power in the UK, because people seem to be finding it hard to like them at the moment? Not that Labour, no. It's about women in the workplace.
Them, I do like. Well, maybe that's part of the issue.
Oh. How so? There's a report …
Thought there would be … called Shapeshifters: What We Do at Work to Be Liked, which, after surveying more than 1,000 people, discovered that women feel greater pressure to be liked at work and in life.
Why? The pressure for women to be likable is 'a culturally entrenched demand that transcends industries and job titles,' says Amy Kean, a sociologist and author of the report, published by training company Good Shout. 'Women are expected to balance competence with warmth, assertiveness with agreeability, and combine authority with overt humility.'
Got some numbers for us? Of course: 56% of women feel pressure to be likeable, compared with 36% of men.
So how does this manifest itself – what do women do? Kean says: 'They're supposed to be the office mum, taking notes in meetings while softly whipping everybody into shape and baking cakes on Fridays in order to be as palatable as possible.'
The cakes? No! The female employees. And it's not just about what they do, it's about what they say as well.
Go on. Women are often twice as likely as men to use phrases such as, 'I might be wrong, but …' and, 'Does that make sense?'
Does it? Make sense? Yes, and they know it does! But 33% of women worry about coming across as too confident (compared to 16% of men), and 50% say they hold back their true opinions in order to be liked (compared to 35% of men). More than a third of women try to 'smile more'.
And I'm thinking this likability labour doesn't pay, does it? Not only does it not pay, the report says it is 'draining creative energy, muffling innovation and punishing authenticity'.
Otherwise it's pretty much a level playing field, right? Ha! Yes, of course. Unless you take into account the glass ceiling, the gender pay gap, the patriarchy and emotional labour (the effort required to keep everything running smoothly). Not to mention mental load (also known as cognitive household labour), and other unpaid labour that women take on at home …
Do say: (Without looking up, certainly without smiling) 'Just leave it there, on my desk, thanks.'
Don't say: 'Sorry to ask but could you possibly do that thing that is literally your job to do …'
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