Latest news with #AnneLamott
Forbes
10-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
10 Relationship Books To Reshape Your Perspective Of Love
Author Anne Lamott penned "Help Thanks Wow" as well as "Somehow," one of the best books about ... More relationships. Good relationships form the basis of nearly everything we do in our lives, from spending time with family and friends to advancing in the workplace. Little wonder, then, that so many people desire relationship books that can teach them how to deepen and strengthen their bonds. By reading about others' experiences, building connections between strategies and your own life, and being open to changing your behavior patterns, you can learn things from relationship communication books that will change your life for the better. Many works focus on different types of relationships, offering a range of possibilities for improvement. The best relationship books on this list also answer your biggest life questions. Most of these books focus on romantic relationships, though others cover familial, friendship and work connections. Tomes about relationships are a small niche among general self-help books that give readers insights into specific areas of concern rather than broader self-improvement. The rankings on this list were determined based on the reputation and expertise of the authors, commercial success and the enduring longer-term popularity of these powerful books. Clinical psychologist Sue Johnson shows couples how to form long-lasting emotional bonds in this modern relationship classic that has sold more than one million copies. She advises couples to identify their 'raw' spots, revisit their rockiest moments and recognize unhealthy dialogue patterns to keep love alive. This book is best for those who have been in a relationship for a long time and want to reinvigorate things. Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight is available from publisher Hachette. A list of books about relationships must include sex, an essential element of many romantic relationships. Emily Nagoski's instant New York Times bestseller lays out the keys to a happy sex life in a long-term relationship. She explains how relationship issues can contribute to problems in the bedroom and provides vocabulary for discussing sex. This book is best for anyone in a sexual relationship. Emily Nagoski's Come Together is available from publisher Penguin Random House. The New York Times called Attached 'gripping.' Written by a neuroscientist and a psychologist, it employs science to suggest ways to improve relationship-building based on the three attachment styles. By determining your attachment style, you can discover the best way to build connections with a partner and improve the way you interact. This book is best for those looking for reasons why a relationship may not be working. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller's Attached is available from publisher Penguin Random House. While memoirs are rarely self-help books, this one based on Mandy Len Catron's popular New York Times essay has elements of both. She delivers revelatory insights on why we fail to achieve intimacy and examines how myths about romance can damage our relationships using the lens of her parents' divorce and her breakup. This book is best for those wondering if everlasting love is possible. Mandy Len Catron's How to Fall in Love with Anyone is available from publisher Simon & Schuster. This essay collection is a breath of fresh air. It reminds everyone they deserve to see themselves reflected in conversations about relationships, focusing on Black joy in romance. The book also demands that relationships be enjoyable and not a grind—and shows the impact of seeing relationships depicted in pop culture. This book is best for anyone (Black or another race) who wants to celebrate romantic joy. Jessica P. Pryde's Black Love Matters is available from publisher Penguin Random House. Considered a modern classic, this New York Times bestseller looks at love from a unique perspective—based on our relationships with one another within the nation and how we can heal as a collective. Whether you want to improve professional or platonic relationships, you can benefit from this directive to use 'love' as a verb. This book is best for those who feel they are still learning to love. Bell hooks' all about love is available from publisher HarperCollins. Author bell hooks wrote "all about love," a book about healing the nation through love and one of ... More the best books about relationships. Conflict between two people is inevitable, yet many shy away from it, not realizing that approaching conflict the right way can actually strengthen relationships. Love Lab co-founders Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman's bestseller discusses the 'right' ways to fight and shows how different styles of communicators can resolve things together. This book is best for conflict-averse readers. Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman's Fight Right is available from publisher Penguin Random House. Before penning Fight Right with his wife, John M. Gottman wrote this New York Times bestseller with Nan Silver. It focuses on ways to repair and strengthen marriages based on studies of couples. Finding common ground and pursuing greater intimacy are two keys to a happier, longer-lasting marriage. This book is best for those getting married or who are already married. John M. Gottman and Nan Silver's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is available from publisher Penguin Random House. Gary Chapman's much-heralded work has sold over 20 million copies during the past three decades. The book essentially asks whether you and your partner speak the same love language. Where do you stand on quality time, physical touch, gifts, acts of service and affirming words? The answers could change your life. This book is best for those in long-term relationships struggling to see eye to eye. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages is available from publisher Northfield Publishing. Renowned author Anne Lamott blends personal experiences with insights on love in this book that captures the energy, excitement and even drudgery of love. She notes at one point, 'Love is our only hope,' and this optimistic work shows us that while love can be uncomfortable, it is always worth it. This book is best for those looking for books on grief or love later in life or anyone in search of standout audiobooks. Anne Lamott's Somehow is available from publisher Penguin Random House. Bottom Line Our relationships define us, and we should also have a chance to define what we want from them. By reading these relationship books, you can define what you want in a relationship and how to get it. Start your journey today! Many people dream of finding love, but it is not always a straightforward process. If you want guidance on strengthening a blossoming relationship and taking it to a higher level, check out Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. This 2019 book by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams gives couples eight conversational prompts related to trust, sex, money and more to help you get to know each other before entering a lifelong commitment. Creating a solid marriage requires an investment of time and a willingness to become vulnerable. Milan Yerkovich and Kay Yerkovich's How We Love (2017) assists couples with identifying their intimacy styles, moving beyond patterns that have derailed you in the past, and healing conflict based on what created the problem. The couple who learns together stays together. Make a joint investment in your relationship by reading Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage: Unlocking the Secrets to Life, Love and Marriage by Mark Gungor (2008). Gungor emphasizes honesty and humor through his nontraditional approach to making marriage work—and he banishes the myth of the 'soulmate.' Relationships require work, especially when one (or both) people have broken the trust that sustains them. While cheating may not have caused your issues, a book addressing the issue offers tips and strategies anyone can use. Janis A. Spring's After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful (2020) helps couples through the three stages after trust has been shattered.
Washington Post
11-04-2025
- Health
- Washington Post
All the joys of aging
The newsletter series A User's Guide to Aging draws from a year's worth of essays by Anne Lamott about growing older. In each edition, we share journaling prompts and invite readers to share reflections on their own experiences with aging. The responses we've received so far have been thought-provoking, funny and moving. You can read some of them below. To read the full newsletter, sign up here. Beatrix Lockwood Opinions newsletter strategy editor In what ways has getting older changed your mindset for the better? The aging process has been front and center in my life. I just turned 82 and moved across the country from Colorado to Virginia so I can breathe at sea level. When everything in your life changes and you have to start over, the hardest task is to grab hold of the positive things. For me, they are being closer to a beloved daughter and her children, getting a rescue dog, appreciating the greenery, and learning that making good friends in a new area is possible. Flexibility is the name of the game. Some days are easier than others. Anjenette Cooper, Fairfax I allow myself to cry soft, wet, flowing tears whenever I feel like it — there's no need to be manly anymore. I appreciate my grandparents more now. They went through the First World War, the 1918 flu, then the Blitz in London. When I was 7, Granddad taught me how to march: He explained I needed to be ready for the next war. Rod Baker, Lions Bay, British Columbia Story continues below advertisement Advertisement I celebrated my 68th birthday in September and decided that officially made me a member of the 'old ladies who don't give a flying fig' club. I have given myself permission to experience the grace of growing older. I've grown my hair long because it's fun to play with. I wear leggings and tunics and rarely wear a bra (even though I probably need one) because clothes that aren't comfortable aren't worth owning. I get up when I want, I eat what I want, and I drink more Pepsi than I should, but I'm okay with all that. I have taken up writing in the past few years and, if I say so myself, I've been pretty successful at it: I have had more than two dozen short stories published. I worry about the state of the world, but I rarely worry about the state of me. Patricia Miller, Edgerton, Wisconsin Learning new things is key, in my opinion. Even if it's not something that you will ever master. At 69.8 years of age, I've started to learn the bass viola da gamba. I'll never be performance-ready, and I don't care. I'm following Kurt Vonnegut's advice: Practice making any art, music, song, dance, play, drawing, painting, sculpture, poetry, fiction, essay — no matter how poorly they turn out. Do it not to get money and fame but to experience becoming better at something, to find out what's inside you and to make your soul grow. Bob Gotwals, Durham, North Carolina At the age of 70, I had the terrible idea of running my DNA through 23andMe. The results were so weird that I reran them through AncestryDNA. It turns out that my parents adopted me in 1954 a few days after I was born. I was the son of a 12-year-old rape victim. I've been received with open arms by my biological mother's family, as they had long hoped 'that kid' would find his way back to them. I have been able to share large family events with them. It is so wonderful to hear that I look like members of the family. I never heard that growing up. I've also been in contact with my father's side, and we've had the conversation about what my father did. We're moving beyond that. Everyone involved in the adoption, of course, is dead. Some days I sit here wondering why I did the DNA analyses in the first place. Maybe at this age it's better to leave the memories of love intact rather than stirring the pot. What I now know has destroyed much of what I once considered sacred. The trust and love of my adoptive parents are now in question. Why didn't they tell me? My adoptive mother lived to 95 and had plenty of time to do it. Old age is a great time to learn to forgive. William Lee Arnette, Charlottesville Story continues below advertisement Advertisement What daily routines or rituals have you started later in life? I am 83. Almost every day, I put on my iPod and take a walk while listening to my favorite classical music. Sometimes I go out just to take in the sights and sounds of life around me. And sometimes I walk to meet the boys at the coffee klatch to converse about our aches and pains. We have been meeting for years. We used to discuss politics but not anymore — too polarizing. Our group has recently diminished — two deaths and one disabling illness — but those who remain enjoy each other's company. We all know that we'll miss it as time moves inexorably forward. Jeff Zaller, Columbia I discovered a new hobby that I didn't have time for in the past: collecting sea glass, shells and pretty rocks. Being outside, hearing the waves and the tumbling rocks, and going on a treasure hunt to see what the ocean has waiting for me have become an important part of my life. I gather the treasures, wash and sort them, paint some, make jewelry out of others, and then do it all over again. It's a joy! And, of course, I give the art I create to my friends and family. Laura Chandler-Vierra, Laie, Hawaii Notice the small 'miracles' around you, and write about what you appreciated. I've taken to spending every morning eating my flax- and chia-enhanced oatmeal while watching the birds at our feeder and the squirrels racing across the top of our fence. My son implied I have nothing happening in my life, and I told him it is more than that: With him out of the house, I finally have time to see the miracles around me. Meredith Fox, Bethesda Story continues below advertisement Advertisement What are you capable of now that you weren't in your youth? As my hair turned from gray to white and I slowed down, I became invisible. When you're invisible, you can dress inappropriately. Who cares if I'm overdressed if I enjoy it! No one's watching, so go ahead and do whatever you like. I'm writing a bad novel. I love to make up stories. Jon Florey, Alameda, California Forgiveness is liberating. It is a superpower of aging that is mostly unavailable to our younger selves. As life's regrets pile up, insensitive words and actions from my youth reverberated in my brain. I began to wonder: Who was the ignorant person who said and did those things? It couldn't have been me. Was I ever so callous, selfish and arrogant that I was capable of acting out in such thoughtless ways? As we age, we come to realize that with youth comes a lack of maturity and an insecurity about who we are and how we should conduct our lives. In the clear light of hindsight, we see who we were and how we acted. Our guilt and shame turn to regret. When this happens, we have a choice: We can either remain cloistered in our regret or we can learn to forgive ourselves in the knowledge that we've lived with our regret, done our penance and changed for the better. Once you've done this, you can readily forgive others for their failings as well. Paul Fior, Newcastle, Washington Story continues below advertisement Advertisement Probably the most beneficial trait to have as you age is the ability to laugh at yourself. Things that might have been terribly embarrassing when you were younger are now just funny. For example, falling can be dangerous but also very funny when you get past the fear. As an 84-year-old, I got my foot stuck in a drainage hole and couldn't get leverage to remove it. After a few minutes, my husband wondered where I was and used a ski pole to help pull me out. That event could have been stressful and upsetting, but the rest of the day was full of jokes about my foot in the hole. A lot of the more negative things that come with aging can be viewed as a joke. If you are able to not take them too seriously, you are set for a happy old age. Shari Reed, Albuquerque What is something you know now about life that you didn't know in your youth? When I was younger, I thought I wasn't smart enough, especially in math. I was a quiet child, and I was an easy target of my math teacher's wrath. Then, in my late 40s, I earned a master's degree. To do so, I had to pass a Math Methods course, which I did after taking several classes at our local community college. I cried when I got an above-average score. I was 48, and I finally knew that I was smart. Without sobriety, that would never have happened. Elaine Sage, Oak Brook, Illinois You never know what tomorrow will bring. Live each day with vigor, enthusiasm and a zest to learn just one new thing. Oh yeah, and tell someone, anyone, that you love and appreciate them in your life. Len Petrancosta, Pittsburgh
Washington Post
07-02-2025
- Politics
- Washington Post
The antidote to Trump despair is action. Here's where to start.
Regarding Anne Lamott's Jan. 31 op-ed, 'The resistance won't be rushed': Thank you for these words of 'stillness.' I have been struggling every day to stay positive. President Donald Trump's actions are not surprising me at all because he told us exactly what he was going to do, and millions of people decided that was okay. My heart has been broken, but I believe in all the light you cannot see. The light is always present, but right now, it's having a hard time reaching us. But it will if we keep moving forward. Thank you for reminding me that, no matter how tired I am, it's okay to be still for a while and rest up for the battle to come. Dale Coffee, Phoenix Stand unbroken I was devastated by the outcome of the election and, consequently, determined to minimize the amount of time I dwelled on politics. I distracted myself by taking up healthy activities (swimming, meditation, journaling) and non-heathy ones (bingeing Netflix, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram). As a newly retired social studies teacher, I was selfishly relieved that I did not have to cover this election outcome with my students. In fact, I decided to take a break from politics indefinitely. But as Inauguration Day approached, I began to realize that what was once unimaginable to me was about to become reality. Was I really going to continue to live my life with government and politics playing a small, peripheral role? I spent my entire professional career, nearly 40 years, emphasizing the importance of social studies education. James Madison, the chief architect of the Constitution and our nation's fourth president, wrote, 'Knowledge will forever govern ignorance: And a people who mean to be their own Governors, must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.' Representative democracy requires an educated and engaged citizenry. When citizens are ill-informed or checked out and leave participation to others, it creates a void that will be filled by those who don't put the public good first. Yet, here I was, retreating from what I had always believed were core elements of citizenship. Civic-mindedness and political engagement require that one not only stay informed but also strive to make a positive difference. If you don't like what's going on, make a plan for change. 'Be the change you wish to see in the world,' a paraphrase of a Mohandas K. Gandhi quote, means direct action is required when confronting a disturbing reality. The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. said, 'The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.' Some mistakenly think this means a more just society is inevitable. That couldn't be further from the truth. As King emphasized in his 'Letter from Birmingham Jail,' a more just world will only come about when people collectively demand change. By the end of the day, the silver lining of Trump's inauguration became clear to me. It wasn't to be found in his dark presidential address, nor was it in witnessing a smooth transition of power. The silver lining was the realization that I was still standing at the end of the day. I was not broken. Watching the inaugural events, listening to his divisive rhetoric and watching him sign executive orders did not break me. Taking in the day's events had the opposite effect, renewing my commitment to stay engaged and to demand better from our elected representatives. Rather than experiencing a decline in my overall wellness, the day's proceedings helped to rekindle my sense of purpose and passion for politics. I was invigorated. For the first time in months, I felt whole. Carolyn Faggioni, Bellmore, New York Story continues below advertisement Advertisement Gather I am a Black American activist of over five decades. I schedule monthly meetings at my local library to talk with community members and brainstorm strategic ideas to survive and develop in the Trump 2.0 regime. We will also evaluate and assess the latest political developments. I always look forward to making a real-time difference in my community. Greg Thrasher, Annapolis Start locally I threw myself into grassroots environmental organizing about five years ago as a way to deal with political stress. I volunteered to be the Pollinator Pathway organizer in my rural town and found two other volunteers to help. We encourage gardeners and landowners to use more native plants, avoid pesticides and reduce lawn sizes to help declining insect and bird populations. We provide free seeds and plants, give educational talks, maintain a demo native plant garden on town land, contribute to the town's monthly newsletter, maintain an educational blog and set up tables at town events. I've even begun coordinating with organizers in surrounding towns to help find volunteers for invasive plant pulls. Not only am I meeting new people who are similarly committed to this grassroots environmental cause, but I can also see it's making a difference. More folks are becoming aware of the issue and are adopting better landscaping practices. Focusing on town government buy-in is our next step. It's been empowering and gives me hope for the basic decency of my fellow Americans — regardless of party affiliation. I'm also a firm believer that real change comes from the ground up. If we want people to care about these issues, it has to start locally, where they can see the impact of habitat loss, pesticides and invasive species with their own eyes. Once you see it, you can't unsee it, and that's the first step in getting people to do something about it. Jennifer Sterling-Folker, Ashford, Connecticut Story continues below advertisement Advertisement Help where we can I start each Monday by taking a box of groceries to the Greensboro Urban Ministry because hunger is solvable. Jonathan Wilds Smith, Greensboro, North Carolina Inform The Post's reporting about Trump's tariffs rattling the markets made me wonder when we will see more articles about efforts pushing back on all the chaos his administration is causing. Thwarting destruction is just as newsworthy as — or even more newsworthy than — the destruction itself. The more people learn of others making such efforts, the braver they will be in stepping up themselves. Time to get that ball rolling. Sherry Bigalow, Shelburne, Vermont Communicate clearly Regarding Perry Bacon Jr.'s Jan. 24 op-ed, 'The 'resistance' isn't dead, just different': The online subtitle of Bacon's piece is on target: 'The notion that the 'resistance' is dead is wrong — or at least exaggerated.' The Democratic Party and those of us who oppose the Trump administration and its supporters have a different playbook now than we did in 2017. I agree with Bacon that Trump's opposition is showing signs of being more strategic and savvy — and I would include more litigious and relentless, as demonstrated by the immediate legal cases filed by groups such as the American Civil Liberties Union. Millions of people have also opted out of mainstream media in recent years for alternative news sources (e.g., MeidasTouch News, the Contrarian, Letters from an American) and platforms (e.g., Bluesky). What I am waiting for — although I'm worried I will be disappointed — is a coordinated messaging machine from the Democratic Party across all media platforms, and especially news deserts, that pounces on the administration's lies and demonstrates the direct harm Trump is causing. Sure, 'We the People' need to rise up, take the reins and be proactive, but party leaders must model this behavior. The closest I've seen recently is Gov. Gavin Newsom's messaging about the fires in California. It appears Newsom has a communications army in place to combat, immediately and powerfully, all the lies about how the disaster is being handled. Others in the party could learn from his example. Diane Felicio, Dobbs Ferry, New York Story continues below advertisement Advertisement Do what's right When are the members of Congress going to get back to doing their jobs, positions they were elected to do? They all seem to worry only about losing their positions and power. This is not how it is supposed to be. I am so sick of these politicians bowing to pressure from President Donald Trump. Stand up and do what is right. Eileen Hendrixson, Streamwood, Illinois Find new leaders Aaron Blake's Jan. 27 Fix column, 'These 12 Democrats could lead the party out of the wilderness,' is right to point out the lack of clear direction among Democratic leadership. Blake is premature, though, in promoting the usual suspects as candidates for president in 2028. He skirted the implicit call (in Democrats' failed election) for a new breed of leadership and strategy. Around me, I see direction coming from grassroots groups. Many are active and organized, with common themes and goals and varied methods. We need to focus on 2026 while building a believable, efficacious Democratic coalition. For example, the Working Families Party has hit the ground running with its goals of getting a new breed of candidate in office. Perhaps among the 12 potential candidates Blake mentioned, there will be a few who truly reinvent themselves and address the needs of the nation. Let's wait to see their new faces. Kate Wessling, Higganum, Connecticut
Washington Post
29-01-2025
- Politics
- Washington Post
The resistance will not be rushed
Anne Lamott's latest book is 'Somehow: Thoughts on Love.' I am not sure what my role in the resistance will be, as my feet and right hip frequently hurt. Also, it was announced in the news beginning several hours after the November presidential election that the resistance is muted, and/or that there is no resistance. Democrats and the opposition leaders — of whom there are apparently none anyway — don't know what to do. But how could anyone? When my mother fell into a steep decline with Alzheimer's disease and diabetes in 2000, my two brothers and I met with a gerontology nurse. She listened to our grief, confusion and absolute exhaustion. How would we know when it was time to move Mom to assisted living? How could we keep her from bingeing on the rolls and cookies she was shoplifting from Safeway, which the checkers paid for because they loved her? How could we get her to take her insulin when she was so confused? And the nurse replied gently, 'How could you know?' This had not occurred to us. We thought we must be stupid not to know. She said, 'You guys all need a good, long rest.' I think we need and are taking a good, long rest. Along with half of America, I have been feeling doomed, exhausted and quiet. A few of us, approximately 75 million people, see the future as a desert of harshness. The new land looks inhospitable. But if we stay alert, we'll notice that the stark desert is dotted with growing things. In the pitiless heat and scarcity, we also see shrubs and conviction. Lacking obvious flash and vigor might seem as if there is no resistance. But it is everywhere you look. It is in the witness and courage of the Right Rev. Mariann Budde. It is in the bags of groceries we keep taking to food pantries. It looks like generosity, like compassion. It looks like the profound caring for victims of the fires, and providing refuge for immigrants and resisting the idea that they are dangerous or unwanted, and reaching out to queer nieces, siblings and strangers and helping resist the notion that their identities are unworthy, let alone illegal. It is in our volunteer support for public schools and libraries, because we know the new president holds them in contempt and fear. Teachers and librarians are allies for souls who have been dismissed as hopeless. These unabashed do-gooders will definitely get the best seats in heaven, nearest the dessert table. What they have to offer — patience, companionship, poetry — is about to be defunded by the new administration, but not by us. Resistance may depend on federal district court judges, but it will look like bake sales. Too bad my mom is no longer here to donate her stolen cookies, but I am here, as are all my friends. They ask me for direction, because I am a Sunday school teacher, and they feel like children: 'How will we get through the next four years?' I tell them a few things that always help me. First, I tell them what my Jesuit friend Father Tom Weston says when I call him for help when I feel craziest. After assuring me once more that he can counsel Protestants, too, if they are pitiful enough, and no matter the exact details of the latest calamity at the dinner table or in D.C., he always says, 'We do what's possible.' So we are kind to ourselves. We take care of the poor. We get hungry kids fed. We pick up litter. Second, I tell them what Susan B. Anthony's grandniece said. Also named Susan B. Anthony, she told her therapy clients that in very hard times, we remember to remember. Remember that the light always returns. Remember earlier dark nights of the soul, for ourselves, our families and our nation, when we fell in holes way too deep to ever get out of. Remember the Greensboro sit-ins and the march from Selma to Montgomery, the 2017 Women's March, the coronavirus vaccine. Remember how in the desert, down by the arroyo, you'll find dubious patches of pale green, maybe a random desert lily and, impossibly, baby leaves. Molly Ivins would have told me on Nov. 6, 'Sweet Pea, we got our horse shot right out from under us.' We did, and it hurts like hell and we loved that horse, and people are laughing at us. We a little time here to decompress. Now is a time of quiet. A passionate activist friend told me she doesn't feel very resisty yet, but one thing that characterizes deserts is the stillness, until the wind blows. And, boy, when it blows, it's like an organ. You can hear its shape and power because everything else is so still. How or when will the wind start up? How could we know? But it always does. Spring is less than two months away — warmth, light, daffodils, life bursting into its most show-offy self. 'Give me those far away in the desert,' Saint Augustine said, 'who are thirsty and sigh for the spring of the eternal country.' I can tell you this: The resistance will be peaceful, nonviolent, colorful, multigenerational — we older people will march with you, no matter our sore feet and creaky joints. There will be beautiful old music. There will also be the usual haranguing through terrible sound systems, but oh well. Until then, this will be my fight song: left foot, right foot, breathe. Help the poor however you can, plant bulbs right now in the cold rocky soil, and rest.
