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Indian Express
15 minutes ago
- Entertainment
- Indian Express
When love isn't enough: Why I left my ‘perfect' relationship
I walked out of my 'perfect' relationship. While it lasted — all of eight years — it looked like a match made in heaven. He was patient, kind, and loyal. Our relationship was supported and celebrated by our families and friends. But with time, I became aware of the vast gap in our perception of the world, which only grew larger by the day. There was not much drama or conflict, but the truth was undeniable and stark. Break-ups are usually messy, often a result of cheating or dishonesty. There's shouting, tears, blocked numbers, and divided friend groups. At least that's what social media, movies, and even our own fears would have us believe. It's almost as if a relationship can only end for explicit, solid and explosive reasons. But separations need not necessarily be about betrayal, disappointment, and anguish. They can happen when two people, who still love each other, stop moving in the same direction. For me, there was no single, seismic moment that marked the end. It was rather a slow unravelling, and here's how it possibly began. For quite some time, I wanted to have deeper conversations with him that challenged our social conditioning and pushed our boundaries of comfort. I wanted to interrogate the world and my place in it. He chose the comfort of certainty and was content with how things were, and I was not. One day, I asked myself: if this continues, what will I become? At first, it was just a niggling restlessness. Eventually, I understood that I was growing. Not away from him, but into myself. We often confuse love with compatibility, but are they the same? You can love someone deeply and still find yourself fundamentally out of sync. Love is not a guarantee of forever. It is a powerful bond, but it doesn't erase the need for shared growth, intellectual connection, or mutual curiosity about the world. I found myself thinking often about The Way We Were, starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford. In one unforgettable scene, Streisand's character Katie says to Redford's Hubbell, 'If I push too hard, it's because I want things to be better.' That line helped me with the realisation: I wasn't trying to break us. I was trying to make us expansive enough to hold everything I was becoming. When that couldn't happen, I chose not to contort myself to fit into that limiting tent. Or take Eat Pray Love, where Julia Roberts' character, Liz, leaves a marriage not because it was terrible, but because it was stifling in its sameness. She says, 'I want to marvel at something.' That desire, to marvel, to stretch, to be wide open to the world, is not a rejection of love, but a reaching toward selfhood. She knew she was built for something different, something wider — that recognition is liberating. Then, there's Tamasha, where Deepika Padukone's character, Tara, falls in love with Ved in Corsica, only to be heartbroken when she realises the man he becomes in his routine life is far different from his inner light, his own self. Even in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, Abhay Deol's character, Kabir, begins to confront the emotional weight of fitting into his relationship with Natasha, played by Kalki Koechlin. He has to decide if his own desires fit into her expectations. These are not stories of betrayal or failure. They are stories of truth. And the truth is, we can love someone and still choose ourselves. We can walk away from something that looks whole because we recognise a deeper ailment: one that is not about who the other person is, but who we have become. Relationship dynamics shift as people evolve. And staying in something you know will eventually shrink your spirit is one of the quietest, yet riskiest, things you can do — to yourself, and to the person you love. Because when alignment fades, love can curdle into resentment. And no one deserves that. So, I made the hardest, but perhaps the kindest choice I could. I walked away from my 'perfect' relationship. Our final conversations were quiet and gutting. He asked me if I was sure, and I said I was. He asked if I still loved him. I said yes, but added that I loved myself differently now. I could not shrink my curiosity, ambition, or shifting worldview to make someone else comfortable, even if it was someone I adored. He deserves someone who finds joy in the life he wants, and I deserve a life that reflects the depths of who I am becoming. When I tell people I ended a 'perfect' relationship, their first reaction is confusion. 'But everything was fine,' they say. And they are right. Everything was fine. But 'fine' is a dangerous trap. 'Fine' convinces us that comfort is the same as compatibility. 'Fine' is what keeps people captive in unspoken misery for years, trading depth for predictability. When it comes to growth, it doesn't always follow the same timeline. Sometimes, people evolve in parallel directions. Sometimes they don't. My decision underscores identity and autonomy, and not rebellion. I chose a real life, not one of labels. Shruti Kaushal is a social media sieve and catches'em trends before they grow big, especially cinema. She has been a journalist for 4 years and covers trends, art and culture, and entertainment. ... Read More
The Guardian
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Alan Bergman, Oscar-winning lyricist, dies at 99
Alan Bergman, the Oscar-winning lyricist who teamed with his wife, Marilyn, for an enduring and loving partnership that produced such old-fashioned hits as How Do You Keep the Music Playing?, It Might Be You and the classic The Way We Were, has died aged 99. Bergman died late on Thursday at his home in Los Angeles, family spokesperson Ken Sunshine said in a statement on Friday. The statement said Bergman had, in recent months, suffered from respiratory issues 'but continued to write songs till the very end'. The Bergmans married in 1958 and remained together until her death, in 2022. With collaborators ranging from Marvin Hamlisch and Quincy Jones to Michel Legrand and Cy Coleman, they were among the most successful and prolific partnerships of their time, providing words and occasional music for hundreds of songs, including movie themes that became as famous as the films themselves. Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett and many other artists performed their material, and Barbra Streisand became a frequent collaborator and close friend. Blending Tin Pan Alley sentiment and contemporary pop, the Bergmans crafted lyrics known by millions, many of whom would not have recognized the writers had they walked right past them. Among their most famous works: the Streisand-Neil Diamond duet You Don't Bring Me Flowers, the well-named Sinatra favorite Nice 'n' Easy and the topical themes to the 1970s sitcoms Maude and Good Times. Their film compositions included Ray Charles's In the Heat of the Night from the movie of the same name; Noel Harrison's The Windmills of Your Mind, from The Thomas Crown Affair; and Stephen Bishop's It Might Be You, from Tootsie. The whole world seemed to sing and cry along to The Way We Were, an instant favorite recorded by Streisand for the 1973 romantic drama of the same name that co-starred Streisand and Robert Redford. Set to Hamlisch's tender, bittersweet melody, it was essentially a song about itself – a nostalgic ballad about nostalgia, an indelible ode to the uncertainty of the past, starting with one of history's most famous opening stanzas: 'Memories / light the corners of my mind / misty watercolor memories / of the way we were.' The Way We Were was the top-selling song of 1974 and brought the Bergmans one of their three Oscars, the others coming for Windmills of Your Mind and the soundtrack to Yentl, the Streisand-directed movie from 1983. At times, the Academy Awards could be mistaken for a Bergman showcase. In 1983, three of the nominees for best song featured lyrics by the Bergmans, who received 16 nominations in all. The Bergmans also won two Grammys, four Emmys, were presented numerous lifetime achievement honors and received tributes from individual artists, including Streisand's 2011 album of Bergman songs, What Matters Most. On Lyrically, Alan Bergman, Bergman handled the vocals himself. Although best known for their movie work, the Bergmans also wrote the Broadway musical Ballroom and provided lyrics for the symphony Visions of America. Their very lives seemed to rhyme. They didn't meet until they were adults, but were born in the same Brooklyn hospital, four years apart; raised in the same Brooklyn neighborhood, attended the same children's concerts at Carnegie Hall and moved to California in the same year, 1950. They were introduced in Los Angeles while working for the same composer, but at different times of the day. Their actual courtship was in part a story of music. Fred Astaire was Marilyn's favorite singer at the time and Alan Bergman co-wrote a song, That Face, which Astaire agreed to record. Acetate in hand, Bergman rushed home to tell Marilyn the news, then proposed. Bergman is survived by a daughter, Julie Bergman, and granddaughter. Bergman had wanted to be a songwriter since he was a boy. He majored in music and theater at the University of North Carolina, and received a master's from the University of California, Los Angeles, where he befriended Johnny Mercer and became a protege. He and Marilyn at first wrote children's songs together, and broke through commercially in the late 1950s with the calypso hit Yellowbird. Their friendship with Streisand began soon after, when they visited her backstage during one of her early New York club appearances. 'Do you know how wonderful you are?' was how Marilyn Bergman greeted the young singer. The Bergmans worked so closely together that they often found themselves coming up with the same word at the same time. Alan likened their partnership to housework: one washes, one dries, the title of a song they eventually devised for a Hamlisch melody. Bergman was reluctant to name a favorite song, but cited A Love Like Ours as among their most personal: 'When love like ours arrives / We guard it with our lives / Whatever goes astray / When a rainy day comes around / A love like ours will keep us safe and sound.'
CBS News
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- CBS News
Alan Bergman, Oscar-winning lyricist who helped write "The Way We Were," dies at 99
Oscar-winning lyricist Alan Bergman, who worked with his wife, Marilyn, in a partnership that produced hits such as "The Way We Were," "It Might Be You" and "How Do You Keep the Music Playing?," has died, his family announced. He was 99. The family's spokesman, Ken Sunshine, said the legendary lyricist died late Thursday night at his Los Angeles home with his daughter, writer and film producer Julie Bergman, present. "Bergman suffered from respiratory issues in recent months, but continued to write songs till the very end," Sunshine said in a statement. The Bergmans married in 1958 and remained together until Marilyn's death in 2022. With collaborators ranging from Marvin Hamlisch and Quincy Jones to Michel Legrand and Cy Coleman, they were among the most successful and prolific partnerships of their time, providing words and occasional music for hundreds of songs, including movie themes that became as famous as the films themselves. Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett and many other artists performed their material, and Barbra Streisand became a frequent collaborator and close friend. Blending Tin Pan Alley sentiment and contemporary pop, the Bergmans crafted lyrics known by millions, many of whom would not have recognized the writers had they walked right past them. Among their most famous works: the Streisand-Neil Diamond duet "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," the well-named Sinatra favorite "Nice 'n' Easy" and the topical themes to the 1970s sitcoms "Maude" and "Good Times." Their film compositions included Ray Charles' "In the Heat of the Night" from the movie of the same name, Noel Harrison's "The Windmills of Your Mind" from "The Thomas Crown Affair," and Stephen Bishop's "It Might Be You" from "Tootsie." The whole world seemed to sing and cry along to "The Way We Were," an instant favorite recorded by Streisand for the 1973 romantic drama of the same name that co-starred Streisand and Robert Redford. Set to Hamlisch's tender, bittersweet melody, it was essentially a song about itself — a nostalgic ballad about nostalgia, an indelible ode to the uncertainty of the past, starting with one of history's most famous opening stanzas: "Memories / light the corners of my mind / misty watercolor memories / of the way we were." "The Way We Were" was the top-selling song of 1974 and brought the Bergmans one of their three Oscars, the others coming for "Windmills of Your Mind" and the soundtrack to "Yentl," the Streisand-directed movie from 1983. At times, the Academy Awards could be mistaken for a Bergman showcase. In 1983, three of the nominees for best song featured lyrics by the Bergmans, who received 16 nominations in all. The Bergmans also won two Grammys, four Emmys, were presented numerous lifetime achievement honors and received tributes from individual artists, including Streisand's 2011 album of Bergman songs, "What Matters Most." On "Lyrically, Alan Bergman," Bergman handled the vocals himself. Although best known for their movie work, the Bergmans also wrote the Broadway musical "Ballroom" and provided lyrics for the symphony "Visions of America." Their very lives seemed to rhyme. They didn't meet until they were adults, but were born in the same Brooklyn hospital, four years apart; raised in the same Brooklyn neighborhood, attended the same children's concerts at Carnegie Hall and moved to California in the same year, 1950. They were introduced in Los Angeles while working for the same composer, but at different times of the day. Their actual courtship was in part a story of music. Fred Astaire was Marilyn's favorite singer at the time and Alan Bergman co-wrote a song, "That Face," which Astaire agreed to record. Acetate in hand, Bergman rushed home to tell Marilyn the news, then proposed. Bergman had wanted to be a songwriter since he was a boy. He majored in music and theater at the University of North Carolina and received a master's from the University of California, Los Angeles, where he befriended Johnny Mercer and became a protege. He and Marilyn at first wrote children's songs together, and broke through commercially in the late 1950s with the calypso hit "Yellowbird." Their friendship with Streisand began soon after, when they visited her backstage during one of her early New York club appearances. "Do you know how wonderful you are?" was how Marilyn Bergman greeted the young singer. The Bergmans worked so closely together that they often found themselves coming up with the same word at the same time. Alan likened their partnership to housework: one washes, one dries, the title of a song they eventually devised for a Hamlisch melody. Bergman was reluctant to name a favorite song, but cited "A Love Like Ours" as among their most personal: "When love like ours arrives / We guard it with our lives / Whatever goes astray / When a rainy day comes around / A love like ours will keep us safe and sound." Alan Bergman is survived by his daughter and granddaughter, Emily Sender, whom Sunshine said just completed a master's degree in global food studies.
The Guardian
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Alan Bergman, Oscar-winning lyricist, dies at 99
Alan Bergman, the Oscar-winning lyricist who teamed with his wife, Marilyn, for an enduring and loving partnership that produced such old-fashioned hits as How Do You Keep the Music Playing?, It Might Be You and the classic The Way We Were, has died at 99. Bergman died late Thursday at his home in Los Angeles, family spokesperson Ken Sunshine said in a statement Friday. The statement said Bergman had, in recent months, suffered from respiratory issues 'but continued to write songs till the very end'. The Bergmans married in 1958 and remained together until her death, in 2022. With collaborators ranging from Marvin Hamlisch and Quincy Jones to Michel Legrand and Cy Coleman, they were among the most successful and prolific partnerships of their time, providing words and occasional music for hundreds of songs, including movie themes that became as famous as the films themselves. Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett and many other artists performed their material, and Barbra Streisand became a frequent collaborator and close friend. Blending Tin Pan Alley sentiment and contemporary pop, the Bergmans crafted lyrics known by millions, many of whom would not have recognized the writers had they walked right past them. Among their most famous works: the Streisand-Neil Diamond duet You Don't Bring Me Flowers, the well-named Sinatra favorite Nice 'n' Easy and the topical themes to the 1970s sitcoms Maude and Good Times. Their film compositions included Ray Charles's In the Heat of the Night from the movie of the same name; Noel Harrison's The Windmills of Your Mind, from The Thomas Crown Affair; and Stephen Bishop's It Might Be You, from Tootsie. The whole world seemed to sing and cry along to The Way We Were, an instant favorite recorded by Streisand for the 1973 romantic drama of the same name that co-starred Streisand and Robert Redford. Set to Hamlisch's tender, bittersweet melody, it was essentially a song about itself – a nostalgic ballad about nostalgia, an indelible ode to the uncertainty of the past, starting with one of history's most famous opening stanzas: 'Memories / light the corners of my mind / misty watercolor memories / of the way we were.' The Way We Were was the top-selling song of 1974 and brought the Bergmans one of their three Oscars, the others coming for Windmills of Your Mind and the soundtrack to Yentl, the Streisand-directed movie from 1983. At times, the Academy Awards could be mistaken for a Bergman showcase. In 1983, three of the nominees for best song featured lyrics by the Bergmans, who received 16 nominations in all. The Bergmans also won two Grammys, four Emmys, were presented numerous lifetime achievement honors and received tributes from individual artists, including Streisand's 2011 album of Bergman songs, What Matters Most. On Lyrically, Alan Bergman, Bergman handled the vocals himself. Although best known for their movie work, the Bergmans also wrote the Broadway musical Ballroom and provided lyrics for the symphony Visions of America. Their very lives seemed to rhyme. They didn't meet until they were adults, but were born in the same Brooklyn hospital, four years apart; raised in the same Brooklyn neighborhood, attended the same children's concerts at Carnegie Hall and moved to California in the same year, 1950. They were introduced in Los Angeles while working for the same composer, but at different times of the day. Their actual courtship was in part a story of music. Fred Astaire was Marilyn's favorite singer at the time and Alan Bergman co-wrote a song, That Face, which Astaire agreed to record. Acetate in hand, Bergman rushed home to tell Marilyn the news, then proposed. Bergman is survived by a daughter, Julie Bergman, and granddaughter. Bergman had wanted to be a songwriter since he was a boy. He majored in music and theater at the University of North Carolina, and received a master's from the University of California, Los Angeles, where he befriended Johnny Mercer and became a protege. He and Marilyn at first wrote children's songs together, and broke through commercially in the late 1950s with the calypso hit Yellowbird. Their friendship with Streisand began soon after, when they visited her backstage during one of her early New York club appearances. 'Do you know how wonderful you are?' was how Marilyn Bergman greeted the young singer. The Bergmans worked so closely together that they often found themselves coming up with the same word at the same time. Alan likened their partnership to housework: one washes, one dries, the title of a song they eventually devised for a Hamlisch melody. Bergman was reluctant to name a favorite song, but cited A Love Like Ours as among their most personal: 'When love like ours arrives / We guard it with our lives / Whatever goes astray / When a rainy day comes around / A love like ours will keep us safe and sound.'
Reuters
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Reuters
Alan Bergman, great American lyricist, dies at 99
NEW YORK, July 18 (Reuters) - Alan Bergman wrote a song with his future wife on the day they first met. Over the next 60 years they never stopped making music together. Bergman was one half of one of the greatest American songwriting duos. The other was his wife Marilyn, who died in 2022. Together, the couple wrote the lyrics for "The Way We Were" and "The Windmills of Your Mind," tunes for the film "Yentl," and the theme songs for 1970s television comedies "Maude," "Alice" and "Good Times." "It was a terrible song, but we loved the process," Bergman said in 2011 of that first collaboration. "And from that day on, we've been writing together." The songwriting team went on to win three Oscars, four Emmys and two Grammy awards, and to be inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1980. Their lyrics were set to the music of composers including Michel Legrand, Marvin Hamlisch, John Williams and Quincy Jones. Singers ranging from Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra to Johnny Mathis, Barbra Streisand and Sting recorded their songs. Bergman died on Thursday, aged 99, family spokesperson Ken Sunshine told Reuters. Bergman wrote his first song when he was 13 years old and continued to pen lyrics into his 90s, after his wife's death. The song "Wherever I May Go (for Marilyn)" was a tribute to her. 'It's such a deeply personal song,' composer Roger Kellaway told the San Francisco Classical Voice newsletter in 2022. "You could look at this, like, that's how committed Alan is to the relationship and how committed he is to songwriting." Alan Bergman was born in September 1925 in Brooklyn, New York in the same hospital as his wife a few years later. But the couple didn't meet until 1956 when they were introduced by the composer Lew Spence in Los Angeles. Bergman studied at the University of North Carolina and completed a Master's degree in music at the University of California, Los Angeles, where he met songwriter Johnny Mercer. Mercer, who wrote the lyrics of "Moon River" for the film "Breakfast at Tiffany's" in 1961, became his mentor. Despite his desire to write songs, Bergman first worked as a TV producer in Philadelphia. At Mercer's urging he moved to California in the 1950s. "I was writing both music and lyrics in those days, and he would listen to what I was writing and critique it and encourage me," Bergman told JazzTimes magazine last year. "I would not be here today without him. He was a great influence." Bergman liked to use a baseball analogy to explain the couple's writing process - pitching and catching ideas back and forth. He preferred to have the music before he began to write the lyrics. Composers would leave their compositions with the couple. They would then write words that fit the notes. "We believe that words are at the tips of those notes and it's our job to find them," he told radio station NPR in 2011. "That's the adventure." "Yellow Bird" was the duo's first money-making song, but their big break came with Frank Sinatra's 1960 album "Nice 'n' Easy." The crooner became a friend of the couple. He referred to them as "the kids." They had another career breakthrough when they worked with composer and producer Quincy Jones in 1967 on the song "In the Heat of the Night" for the film of the same name. They won their first Academy Award for best original song for writing "The Windmills of Your Mind" the following year, with Michel Legrand, for the film "The Thomas Crown Affair." They were awarded another Oscar in 1974 for "The Way We Were" with Marvin Hamlisch, as well as a Grammy for Song of the Year in 1975. In 1983, the couple were the first songwriters to have written three of the five Oscar-nominated songs. Two years later they took home their third Academy Award for "Yentl," starring Barbra Streisand. The singer became a friend and frequent interpreter of their music. Streisand recorded more than 50 of their songs. She released the album "What Matters Most" as a tribute to the Bergmans and their music. "When she does our songs, she finds things that always surprise us," Bergman told Reuters in 2011. "She deepens them. She gets all the nuances, everything, so it's thrilling." The couple's Emmys included awards for the TV movies "Queen of the Stardust Ballroom" (1975) and "Sybil" (1977), and the song "Ordinary Miracles" from the 1995 Streisand special "Barbra: The Concert." The couple married in 1958 and had one daughter. Bergman said he loved songwriting. Doing it for so long with someone he loved made it that much more beautiful.
