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Time of India

Noble Donald

A former associate editor with the Times of India, Jug Suraiya writes two regular columns for the print edition, Jugular Vein, which appears every Friday, and Second Opinion, which appears on Wednesdays. His blog takes a contrarian view of topical and timeless issues, political, social, economic and speculative. LESS ... MORE To set the record straight as to the real reason that President Trump has declared a tariff war against India, the White House gave a special interview to Second Opinion. Second Opinion: Why are you so angry with India? Is it because India has high tariffs and refuses to buy your apples, and cheeses, and the discarded chicken legs Americans don't want to eat? Or is it because India persists in buying Russian oil? Is that why 'Howdy Modi' became Rowdy Modi, as someone you want to have a row with? White House: Chicken legs, chicken feed! Oil, shmoil! Howdy Modi became Rowdy Modi 'cause he did that Operation Sundoor, or whatever, and refused to say that it was me who brokered a peace deal between India and Pakistan. That's the reason. Look at Pakistan. It said Yes sir, No sir, Three bags full sir, and did three backward somersaults for me in callin' me a peacemaker. SO: Are you so keen on being seen as a peacemaker between India and Pakistan, between Russia and Ukraine, between Israel and Palestine, that you'll start trade wars to show what a peacenik you are? WH: What a dumbass question. I want to be seen as a great peacemaker so that I can get the Noble Prize for Peace, like that Bomama fella did. SO: I think it's a Nobel Prize, not the noble prize, and it's Obama, not Bomama. WH: Obama, Bomama, whatever. And it'll become the Noble Prize, when I get it 'cause I'll rename it the way I renamed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. SO: Why do you want to change the Nobel Prize into the Noble Prize? WH: Another dumbass question. When I get it and change it to Noble, I'll become a Nobleman, like those Brit Sirs, and Lords, and Dooks, an' stuff. Heck, my son's already a Baron. SO: Good lord! WH: See? It's working already… Facebook Twitter Linkedin Email Disclaimer Views expressed above are the author's own.