Latest news with #BrenéBrown
Forbes
a day ago
- General
- Forbes
How To Use Curiosity To Overcome Workplace Shame And Embarrassment
How To Use Curiosity To Overcome Workplace Shame And Embarrassment There's a moment everyone hopes to avoid. The time you say the wrong thing in front of a client. Or your mind goes blank during a presentation. Or someone points out an error you made in front of the entire team. Suddenly, your face is hot, your thoughts are scrambled, and you just want to disappear. Workplace shame and embarrassment can feel overwhelming, especially for high achievers. But the truth is that it doesn't have to define you. If you let it, curiosity can become your way out. Why Workplace Shame And Embarrassment Hit So Hard Embarrassment and shame are powerful emotions because they're rooted in fear, including the fear of losing status, competence, or belonging. At work, where we often tie our identity to performance, any public misstep can feel like a character flaw instead of a simple mistake. I can remember speaking at an event where Brené Brown spoke prior to my turn on stage. Known for her work on vulnerability and shame, Brené said, 'Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.' That really resonated with the audience. In the workplace, that often translates to believing we are no longer respected. Why Curiosity Works When Confidence Disappears Due To Workplace Shame And Embarrassment Confidence can disappear in a single moment. Curiosity helps you rebuild it. When you feel humiliated, your natural instinct might be to hide or ruminate. But curiosity creates movement. It shifts your focus away from the fear of judgment and onto questions that help you understand what happened, how to respond, and what you can learn. It's a tool for regaining power without pretending the moment didn't happen. What Questions Can Help After A Humiliating Moment Of Workplace Shame And Embarrassment? Instead of obsessing over what others might be saying, start with questions that keep you grounded: Curiosity turns you from a victim of the moment into a student of it. It invites reflection instead of reactivity. What Happens If You Don't Use Curiosity To Overcome Workplace Shame And Embarrassment? When you don't question what happened, your brain fills in the blanks with the worst possible explanations. You assume your reputation is ruined. You start replaying the moment over and over again. You might even avoid people or projects just to escape the shame. That avoidance reinforces fear and keeps you stuck. Without curiosity, moments like these grow into patterns that hold you back. Can Curiosity Help You Face The People Who Saw You Experience Workplace Shame And Embarrassment? Yes. Curiosity softens the judgment you place on yourself, and that changes how others respond to you. When you approach the aftermath with a sense of humility and genuine interest in growth, people see that. They're less focused on your mistake and more focused on your recovery. Curiosity gives you something to say besides an apology. It lets you ask for feedback, explore what went wrong, and show up with grace. How Do Leaders Recover From Workplace Shame And Embarrassment? The leaders I've interviewed who made a strong comeback after setbacks didn't ignore the problem or try to cover it up. They used their curiosity to understand how others perceived the situation, what systems failed, and what they could do differently. One executive told me that after a failed launch, she went team by team and asked, 'What did you see that I didn't?' That one question opened up ideas and insight that ultimately led to their next success. What Role Does Emotional Intelligence Play In Overcoming Workplace Shame And Embarrassment? Curiosity is one of the quickest ways to activate emotional intelligence. Instead of reacting based on shame, fear, or blame, curiosity gives you a pause. That pause helps you label your emotions, recognize the impact on others, and regulate your response. Emotional intelligence researcher Marc Brackett wrote in his book Permission To Feel, 'If you can name it, you can tame it.' Curiosity helps you name what's really going on, so you don't spiral. What If You've Experienced Workplace Shame And Embarrassment By Something You Said In A Meeting? This is one of the most common workplace regrets. Whether it's a joke that didn't land or a point you fumbled, embarrassment can feel sharp. Use curiosity to ask yourself: Did I say something unkind or just unpolished? Do I need to follow up or clarify anything? What would help me feel closure on this? Often, a short message, a clarifying email, or even acknowledging the awkwardness with humor can reset the tone. Can Curiosity Help Prevent Future Workplace Shame And Embarrassment Moments? Yes. If you're the type who often feels blindsided, curiosity helps you anticipate better. It encourages preparation, self-awareness, and continuous learning. Asking for feedback before a big meeting or practicing answers to tough questions can reduce the likelihood of missteps. It doesn't guarantee perfection, but it builds resilience and insight that protect your confidence. What Should You Remind Yourself After A Hard Moment Of Workplace Shame And Embarrassment? You're allowed to have an off day. You're allowed to feel embarrassed. But don't let a single moment become your story. Ask the questions that lead to growth. Be the person who gets curious instead of shutting down after experiencing workplace shame and embarrassment. That's what strength looks like. That's what leadership looks like. And that's how you move forward, one question at a time.
Yahoo
16-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Some Daters Use 'Floodlighting' To Fast-Track Emotional Intimacy. Here's Why You Shouldn't.
You're on a first date at a cozy restaurant and, for once, it's actually not awkward. You're laughing at each other's jokes; you're sharing an app; you're feeling super comfortable the more you chat. It's all fun and flirtation until your date mentions a childhood memory of theirs, which triggers a painful memory for you. Because the date is going so well and you feel at ease, you think, "What's the worst that could happen if I share this traumatic event?" Then, the worst *does* happen: Their body language shifts, and an awkward silence ensues—they become obviously uncomfortable. You don't know what you just did, but you know it wasn't good. Turns out, there's a term for sharing too much too soon: "floodlighting." Coined by professor and author of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage Brené Brown, it's basically when someone overshares prematurely in a relationship, whether knowingly or not, to bypass the time and energy needed to develop actual emotional intimacy. You can think of floodlighting as the love child of two other toxic dating trends: trauma dumping (word-vomiting vulnerability on an unsuspecting audience) and love bombing (bestowing lavish gifts and grand gestures upon a new love interest so they'll quickly fall for you). When someone floodlights another person, it can seem like they're simply being vulnerable. And hey, what's wrong with that? Well, 'unlike genuine vulnerability, which unfolds gradually through time, emotional floodlighting resembles purpose-driven emotional oversharing,' says Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, neuropsychologist and founder of Comprehend the Mind, a New York's leader in neuropsychological assessments. That drive, she explains, can be as innocent as a trauma response, such as anxiety, or as nefarious as emotional manipulation. It's natural to want to vet the emotional 'agility' of someone you're dating, especially if you're looking for a long-term partner whom you can lean on during life's ups and downs. But floodlighting tries to do this by taking the 2 Fast 2 Furious route. 'The person who discloses too much information could be testing the other person to see if they can handle some of the different traumas or different experiences they've experienced—almost to an extent of manipulation—that leads to control over the conversation,' says Kayanan. Whether they're using that control to dominate the conversation or judge how well you handle their emotions, the floodlighting forces you, the listener, to take on the therapist role for a person you have just met. Plus, it can be emotionally invasive to try to force a connection with someone who may not be equipped to handle certain traumatic information—or at least, not right away. 'The person who is [floodlighting] may be putting the other in the position of feeling as if they need to respond, even though they may not be ready to,' says Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a relationship scientist, sex therapist, and the founder of Embracing Change Marriage and Family Therapy. 'Intimacy requires reciprocity, and vulnerability takes time.' But not all floodlighters act with ulterior motives. In fact, many people might not even know they're doing anything wrong. '[The floodlighter] may be engaging in this form of communication as they feel a sense of security in the relationship and may genuinely want to establish a deep connection with the other person,' says Cohen. 'Their intention may just be, 'I feel safe with you. I want to connect with you by sharing this important information about me and my past.'' In the digital age, it's become commonplace to overshare online for an audience of hundreds or thousands of followers. Because these posts tend to garner validation and sympathy in the reply section, why wouldn't you expect the same response in real life? But you're not privy to the reactions of all your followers—and it's likely that many people think that some information would be best kept between you and a therapist. Floodlighting can also be an anxiety response, says Kayanan, rooted in the fear of how they'll be perceived by their date. A floodlighter might use this tactic to put forth a sympathetic narrative and reel the other person in quickly because they're nervous their date will find out difficult or dubious information about them later. It's the performative, rather than substantive, nature of these actions, says Kayanan, that signals the relationship might be taking a wrong turn. It could also be a trauma response, says Hafeez, because 'casual conversations often unexpectedly lead back to your previous emotional wounds and life difficulties.' For example, your date may bring up their favorite vacation memory, which triggers your PTSD, and you bring up a traumatic event that prevented you from traveling or a negative memory you have associated with the place your date visited. Oversharing becomes an unconscious defense mechanism to soothe negative feelings and maintain nervous system balance, she explains. Essentially, floodlighting is a way to gain control over your emotions. Floodlighting might also be a way to protect yourself from genuine emotional intimacy, according to Brené Brown, which can often happen when you've felt dismissed in the past or are otherwise responding to a false belief about yourself. Say your last partner dumped you, and you now have a fear of abandonment. If you share that deep fear early on, and your date gets overwhelmed and decides not to pursue things further, you're subconsciously confirming your own internal bias. This false sense of security can skew the emotional connection over time, says Hafeez, because, rather than creating an emotional connection with your date, you're seeking to validate a subconscious fear about yourself. Whether done intentionally or not, floodlighting can lead to dating disaster—that is, until now. Ahead, relationship experts share how to spot the signs of floodlighting, what to do if you get get caught in the floodlights, and healthy alternatives to toxic over-sharing. When you have chemistry with someone, it can be easy to get swept away with sharing your interests, values, and life goals. Naturally, you'd want to test the emotional waters—but that's where it can get rough. For example, your date casually mentions their family dynamics, but that's a touchy subject for you, due to an estranged relationship. In an effort to connect, you might feel the urge to share your whole family history, but unloading that much personal information on your date may make them feel emotionally drained before they're even emotionally invested. Or, they may be obligated to share their own experiences to help you feel more comfortable, not necessarily because they genuinely feel an emotional connection. It's not always easy to tell when someone is getting uncomfortable, especially if they're trying to avoid making you feel uncomfortable, but there tend to be some specific indications of unease. For example, if they're turning their body away from you, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, or changing the subject, those are all likely signs that they're not feeling up for the current topic. If you ignore these cues, then you're probably crossing the line from sharing into floodlighting. Even if you don't feel like you've overstepped, it's a good idea to switch up the direction of the conversation. Sharing why the most recent relationship didn't work out can be a topical date convo, but it should be the length of an elevator pitch—about 30 seconds—not a long, drawn-out explanation detailing every way your ex wronged you. Not only will divulging all this emotional trauma early on overwhelm the other person, but you may also (inadvertently or intentionally) put pressure on them to exceed your expectations or "save" you from your past in the process, Hafeez says. Remember, you barely know this person, so it's not your date's responsibility to make up for someone else's bad behavior or take on the role of a therapist and help you process years of pain. (FYI: This isn't a long-term partner's job, either—it is literally only the job of licensed mental healthcare professional!) Typically, the floodlighter doesn't give the other person room to respond and redirect the conversation to a lighter topic, or they pressure them to open up to the same degree that they just did, says Hafeez. Either way, 'their behavior suggests they want to accelerate the relationship beyond what you find comfortable,' she explains. This can be a nefarious form of floodlighting because it sends a clear signal that they are prioritizing what they want to get out of the convo, even if means crossing another person's boundaries (which probably took some work and courage to establish in the first place!). This can set the stage for an unhealthy relationship dynamic before it even gets a chance to blossom. When a casual convo starts to feel too heavy, you have every right to redirect toward a lighter topic—and you can do so without seeming insensitive. Use 'I' language, such as 'I understand this topic has deeply affected you, but I feel uncomfortable having this conversation right now. Could we revisit it another time?' By addressing what both parties may be feeling in that moment, you're effectively creating distance from the heavy conversation, as well as establishing a clear boundary, says Kayanan. But you're also not shutting down your date full-stop—the door is still open to resume this conversation at a later point when you have naturally built up the emotional intimacy necessary to support this person. Okay but... what if you realize your long-term partner has been floodlighting you for some time? 'Initially, their emotional sharing seemed to indicate a close connection, yet eventually, it led to an unequal relationship where your needs became neglected,' says Hafeez. Now that you're no longer blinded by the floodlight, it's time to speak up, says Cohen, and you can use the same 'I' statement tactic as above. Why it works: By keeping the focus on your feelings, rather than assigning blame, 'this can point out the behavior and highlight why it is making you uncomfortable,' says Cohen. Once your partner understands where you're coming from, you can start setting new boundaries with them so don't feel emotionally drained. 'Therapy—individually or together—can also help,' says Hafeez. 'Discovering floodlighting means you're progressing to create a balanced and healthy relationship.' That's the best case scenario, but there is also the possibility that your partner is unwilling to accept your new boundaries or continues to ignore them. 'Now that you're seeing the pattern, it's okay to step back and ask: Is emotional safety and support present in this relationship for me?' says Hafeez. Only you can decide how much you're willing to look past, however, if you constantly feel unheard or as if your emotional needs don't matter, it could be time to end the relationship. The most obvious—and simplest—alternative to floodlighting is emotional pacing, a.k.a. gradually disclosing information as time goes on, says Kayanan. 'When you're talking with a person, you display or disclose a small amount of information at a time and you gauge the person's reaction,' she explains. Think of it like dropping emotional breadcrumbs that lead the other person to want to learn more about you (not to be confused with breadcrumbing, yet another toxic dating trend). Maybe they ask follow-up questions that allow you to fill in the gaps over time, Kayanan says. That can help ensure each convo is more of a give and take than a dump and deal with it. Another option: Instead of rushing full steam ahead into sensitive topics, you can check in with your date to see how deep they're comfortable getting with a new person, says Cohen. Say something like, 'That reminds of something pretty heavy I experienced, but I'm not sure we're there yet.' This way, you're acknowledging that you have more to share while giving the other person an opportunity to carry on the conversation or put a pin in it. To borrow a bit of dating wisdom from William Shakespeare: 'The course of true love never did run smooth," so if you want a lasting relationship, take the scenic route, not a shortcut to emotional intimacy. You Might Also Like Jennifer Garner Swears By This Retinol Eye Cream These New Kicks Will Help You Smash Your Cross-Training Goals
Yahoo
10-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
'Floodlighting' Is the New Dating Trend That's Sort of Like Love Bombing
"Hearst Magazines and Yahoo may earn commission or revenue on some items through these links." Vulnerability can be a terrifying and beautiful thing, one that's pretty much required of anyone who desires to forge and maintain meaningful relationships in life (sorry to my avoidants). But there is such a thing as too much too soon when it comes to baring your soul, and that thing is called 'floodlighting.' Coined by Brené Brown, author of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage, floodlighting is the practice of oversharing deeply personal information in a way that may seem vulnerable but can actually have the exact opposite effect, functioning as more of a defense mechanism to protect the oversharer from true vulnerability. Lately, the term has been making headlines, morning shows, and reddit threads as a toxic dating trend in which floodlighters unload intense info early on in an attempt to force a connection or create a false sense of intimacy with a potential new partner. In some ways, floodlighting is reminiscent of what Carrie Bradshaw once called being 'emotionally slutty' after dumping the details of her latest breakup on her new crush. But while we've all found ourselves stumbling into emotionally slutty territory after a few too many drinks or a too-recent heartbreak, there's a difference between toxic floodlighting and accidentally revealing a little too much too soon. 'It's not sharing in and of itself that's problematic; it's sharing a lot early on to force a connection that's the issue,' says therapist Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, a relationship expert at dating app Hily. 'It's the motivation behind the sharing that matters.' In a dating context, floodlighting happens when one person shares emotionally intense or vulnerable information in an attempt to fast-track a connection. Basically, they're using an overdose of vulnerability as a shortcut to intimacy. 'This can be problematic, as intimacy requires reciprocity and vulnerability takes time,' says Cohen, adding that floodlighting also puts the person on the receiving end of this emotional deluge in an unfair position in which they may feel pressured to overshare themselves. On a recent episode of On Air With Ryan Seacrest, cohost Sisanie explained that examples of floodlighting may include 'someone you just met suddenly sharing details about a painful breakup, family issues, or past traumas, making you feel obligated to comfort them' or even hard launching their therapy diagnoses to the tune of 'I have a history of abandonment, and I need to know you won't leave me.' A floodlighter may or may not be aware of the actual motivations behind this behavior, but it's still a manipulative tactic even if it's not consciously or intentionally deployed with manipulation in mind. Essentially, you might compare floodlighting to a kind of love bombing, except instead of lavishing you with gifts and affection to accelerate a relationship, a floodlighter lays on the childhood trauma and deep convos to create a facade of instant intimacy. Some daters might also use floodlighting as a kind of test to see whether a potential love interest can 'handle' them and their baggage, which not great! Again, there's a difference between floodlighting and plain old oversharing. Cohen says people may share a lot with a date or prospective partner early on for a number of (nontoxic) reasons, including that fact that some people are just naturally more open and forthcoming. For others, it may be a case of first-date nerves, rushing to fill or avoid awkward silences, or other manifestations of ultimately benign social anxiety. Oversharing crosses into potentially toxic floodlighting territory, however, when someone is divulging a lot of intense, traumatic, or emotionally charged information in a way that can make the other person feel uncomfortable or pressured to respond in kind, and failing to read those cues. And even if the floodlighting works and the person on the receiving end does feel like getting vulnerable themselves in a way that seems to forge an instant connection, it's still not necessarily a good thing. Again, floodlighting isn't real vulnerability and the intimacy it creates isn't real intimacy—it's a shortcut. This is not to say that the 'Oh my gosh, I feel like I've known this person my whole life/can tell them everything' feeling after a particularly great first date isn't real. It absolutely can be, and that can be a great foundation on which to build actual intimacy—gradually. 'People tend to open up over time as they feel more secure in the connection and build trust,' says Cohen, adding that the pacing and timeline looks different for every couple. But overall, Cohen says it's important for the intimacy of the relationship to develop organically. Rather than forcing deep conversation to create the connection, we should allow that depth to come from the connection itself as it evolves. You Might Also Like Here's What NOT to Wear to a Wedding Meet the Laziest, Easiest Acne Routine You'll Ever Try
NBC Sports
07-05-2025
- Entertainment
- NBC Sports
2024-25 PREMIER LEAGUE CHAMPIONS LIVERPOOL HOST SECOND-PLACE ARSENAL THIS SUNDAY, MAY 11, AT 11:30 A.M. ET ON NBC, PEACOCK, AND TELEMUNDO
Liverpool Clinched 2nd Premier League Title and Record-Tying 20th English Top-Flight Title Race for Champions League Qualification : Fifth-Place Chelsea Visit Four-Place Newcastle Sunday at 7 a.m. ET on USA Network and Universo; Seventh-Place Aston Villa Visit Bournemouth this Saturday at 12:30 p.m. ET on NBC, Peacock, and Telemundo Premier League Multiview Available Exclusively on Peacock During Multi-Match Window this Saturday at 10 a.m. ET and Sunday at 9:15 a.m. ET New Episode of THE MEN IN BLAZERS SHOW, Hosted by Roger Bennett, Features Best-Selling Author Brené Brown this Saturday at 3:30 p.m. ET on Peacock; Special Encore of Ryan Reynolds Episode Saturday at 3:30 p.m. ET on NBC STAMFORD, Conn. – May 7, 2025 – First-place Liverpool, who clinched the 2024-25 Premier League title two weeks ago, host second-place Arsenal this Sunday, May 11, at 11:30 a.m. ET on NBC, Peacock, and Telemundo, headlining Premier League action across NBC Sports platforms this weekend. Liverpool clinched the club's second Premier League title and record-tying 20th English top-flight title (Manchester United) two weeks ago with a win over Spurs in front of their home crowd at Anfield. Liverpool fell to Chelsea, 3-1, last weekend. Mohamed Salah, who scored in the title-clinching match two weeks ago, has scored a Premier League-leading 28 goals this season. Arsenal lost to Bournemouth, 2-1, last weekend and are three points ahead of third-place Manchester City with three matches remaining in the PL season. Jon Champion and Graeme Le Saux will call Liverpool-Arsenal live from Anfield on Sunday. This weekend's coverage begins Saturday, May 10, with Premier League Mornings at 9 a.m. ET on USA Network and Peacock, leading into four matches live at 10 a.m. ET: Southampton v. Manchester City (USA Network), Fulham v. Everton (Peacock), Ipswich v. Brentford (Peacock), and Wolverhampton Wanderers v. Brighton & Hove Albion (Peacock). Peacock's popular Multiview feature is available Saturday with coverage of the three Peacock-exclusive matches during the 10 a.m. ET multi-match window. The Goal Rush whip-around show will also stream live on Peacock on Saturday at 10 a.m. ET, providing viewers with the most compelling action in real time and on replay so they won't miss a single goal or key play. At 12:30 p.m. ET on Saturday, Aston Villa visit Bournemouth on NBC, Peacock, and Telemundo. With the top five Premier League clubs automatically qualifying for a Champions League spot, seventh-place Aston Villa (60 points) are three points behind fifth-place Chelsea (63) and four points behind third-place Manchester City (64). Peter Drury and Le Saux will call the match live from Vitality Stadium. This Sunday's coverage begins at 6:30 a.m. ET with Premier League Mornings on USA Network leading into fifth-place Chelsea visiting fourth-place Newcastle at 7 a.m. ET (USA Network, Universo), in a pivotal match for European qualification. Chelsea and Newcastle are tied with 63 points each this season and currently occupy the Premier League's final two automatically qualifying Champions League spots. At 9:15 a.m. ET on Sunday, NBC Sports presents three matches live as Nottingham Forest host Leicester City (USA Network), Tottenham Hotspur host Crystal Palace (Peacock), and West Ham visit Manchester United (Peacock). Multiview will be available on Peacock for the two Peacock-exclusive matches at 9:15 a.m. ET. This weekend's coverage concludes on Sunday with Goal Zone at 1:30 p.m. ET on NBC and Peacock following Liverpool-Arsenal (11:30 a.m. ET on NBC, Peacock, and Telemundo). Rebecca Lowe hosts this weekend's Premier League Mornings, Premier League Live, and Goal Zone shows alongside former Premier League player Robbie Mustoe and former Premier League and USMNT player Tim Howard. NEW EPISODE OF THE MEN IN BLAZERS SHOW THIS SATURDAY AT 3:30 P.M. ET ON PEACOCK A new episode of THE MEN IN BLAZERS SHOW, hosted by popular soccer personality Roger Bennett, premieres this Saturday at 3:30 p.m. ET on Peacock featuring an interview with best-selling author Brené Brown. Also on Saturday, a special encore presentation of THE MEN IN BLAZERS SHOW with actor and Wrexham co-owner Ryan Reynolds will air on NBC at 3:30 p.m. ET. THE 2 ROBBIES PODCAST Robbie Earle and Robbie Mustoe discuss and dissect the top Premier League storylines after every matchweek on 'The 2 Robbies' podcast. On the most recent episode, Earle and Mustoe discuss their favorite highlights from Premier League Live at the Kentucky Derby, Chelsea topping Liverpool, and more. Click here to listen to the podcast or click here to watch on YouTube . STREAMING ON PEACOCK Peacock continues its expansive Premier League coverage this season with exclusive matches, all games on the NBC broadcast network simulstreamed live, studio shows, full match replays, an always-on 'Premier League TV' channel, and more. In partnership with Telemundo and Universo, Peacock will provide extensive Spanish-language coverage of the Premier League. In addition to Premier League, Peacock's sports programming features live coverage of the NFL, including Sunday Night Football, Big Ten football and basketball, the Olympic and Paralympic Games, Notre Dame Football, the U.S. Women's and Men's National Teams soccer matches (in Spanish), golf, NBA and WNBA coming in 2025 and 2026, respectively, and much more. Multiview will be available for Premier League matches for the rest of the season and is one of Peacock's innovative and popular features that enhance the live viewing experience, including Catch Up With Key Plays and Live Actions. To learn more about how to watch Premier League on Peacock and how to sign up, visit . Following is NBC Sports' schedule for this weekend's Premier League coverage (all times ET, subject to change): Date Time (ET) Match Platform Sat., May 10 9 a.m. Premier League Mornings USA Network, Peacock Sat., May 10 10 a.m. Southampton v. Manchester City USA Network Sat., May 10 10 a.m. Fulham v. Everton* Peacock Sat., May 10 10 a.m. Ipswich v. Brentford* Peacock Sat., May 10 10 a.m. Wolverhampton Wanderers v. Brighton & Hove Albion* Peacock Sat., May 10 10 a.m. Goal Rush Peacock Sat., May 10 Noon Premier League Live NBC, Peacock Sat., May 10 12:30 p.m. Bournemouth v. Aston Villa NBC, Peacock, Telemundo Sat., May 10 2:30 p.m. Goal Zone NBC, Peacock Sat., May 10 3:30 p.m. THE MEN IN BLAZERS SHOW (New) Peacock Sat., May 10 3:30 p.m. THE MEN IN BLAZERS SHOW (Ryan Reynolds Encore) NBC Sun., May 11 6:30 a.m. Premier League Mornings USA Network Sun., May 11 7 a.m. Newcastle v. Chelsea USA Network, Universo Sun., May 11 9 a.m. Premier League Live USA Network, Peacock Sun., May 11 9:15 a.m. Nottingham Forest v. Leicester City USA Network Sun., May 11 9:15 a.m. Tottenham Hotspur v. Crystal Palace* Peacock Sun., May 11 9:15 a.m. Manchester United v. West Ham* Peacock Sun., May 11 11:15 a.m. Premier League Live USA Network, Peacock Sun., May 11 11:30 a.m. Liverpool v. Arsenal NBC, Peacock, Telemundo Sun., May 11 1:30 p.m. Goal Zone NBC, Peacock *Available on Premier League Multiview –NBC SPORTS–
Los Angeles Times
06-05-2025
- Health
- Los Angeles Times
Opinion: Toxic positivity's hidden harm to mental health
Sometimes it seems like we are a culture addicted to happiness. Social media news feeds are filled with #GoodVibesOnly tweets, self-help books brainwash us to the power of limitless optimism, and good friends teach us to 'just think positive!' when life isn't going so well. What if, rather than keeping us happy, this cultural mandate of optimism is preventing us from being happy? I mean toxic positivity — the assumption we can only be positive in every situation and cut off all else. On paper it sounds wonderful, even therapeutic-sounding. However, the suppression of bad feelings can cause a rebound. It was discovered in a 2018 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study that individuals who embraced their negative emotions had lower depression and anxiety levels than individuals who suppressed or denied them. Suppression of negative emotions was associated with reduced long-term emotional resilience in a 2017 NIH study. The problem isn't that we're getting too scared—it's that other feelings are being de-legitimized. When you say to someone who's in pain or hurt, 'just be thankful for what you have!' you're hearing it as the message that your pain is not valid. Psychologist and author Susan David argues that emotional well-being is a side effect of accepting all of the feelings, not only the good ones. Social media sites such as Instagram and TikTok engage in toxic positivity by encouraging the airbrushed highlight reel of life. In a 2021 NIH study, researchers found that binge-watching 'positive' content leaves the viewer worse-off since they compare their very real issues to other individuals' seemingly perfect lives. I've seen it myself. A sophomore at Washington Connections Academy who requested to be anonymous once told me, 'I feel guilty feeling sad because everyone on the internet is so happy.' That guilt only set her further into isolation. Researcher Brené Brown states it more eloquently: 'We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.' Optimism is beautiful, of course — science attaches it to increased physical well-being and durability. But toxic positivity isn't. The first permit struggle; the second closes doors to struggle. As a teaching example, it can be over-loading when telling a patient with cancer 'be positive,' as it represses fear by suggesting restraint on something that should give way. In a 2022 International Journal of Behavioral Medicine article, researchers put cancer patients in a good mood and found they had higher levels of impairment and limited engagement in life after treatment. Sometimes the nicest thing we can tell someone is, 'This really sucks, and I'm here for you.' What do you do instead? Practice emotional validation – Instead of disqualifying someone else's pain, try: 'That sounds really tough. How can I help you?' In other situations, you can practice 'both-and' thinking – you can love your job and still be outraged about a horrible day. Emotions are not mutually exclusive. Forcing false happiness isn't liberating us — it's deteriorating us. By eschewing the #PositiveVibesOnly illusion, we're making it easier to live authentic connection and healing. And as psychologist Carl Rogers masterfully explained long ago, 'The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.' Let's not sweep aside pain in the guise of being optimistic. At times the most kind thing we can do is to say, 'Me too.' Related
