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CNA
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- CNA
8 best podcasts for women in Singapore: Top picks on career, motherhood, health, dating and love
The best thing about podcasts is that you can listen to them anywhere, anytime, as long as you have a device that plays them. While they can simply entertain or even introduce us to a whole genre we never knew we were interested in – hello, true crime podcasts – they can also inform. For women looking to find out more about health, parenting or career-related issues, here are eight local podcasts – all free – that delve into these topics. WHAT THE F: FROM INFERTILITY EXHAUSTION TO PEACE BY TINA PADIA Tina Padia launched the podcast in January because she had been through a four-year fertility journey and knows how it feels to be 'in that dark and lonely place where I sometimes felt completely helpless'. She describes What The F as 'a safe haven, a lifeline' for women going through fertility struggles. 'There is no judgement here or unwanted triggering advice around what you should and shouldn't be doing,' she told CNA Women. Padia is a certified and accredited life coach and fertility coach, and felt it was important to talk about the need for a more holistic, empathetic and compassionate approach to the emotional needs of women – and couples – going through fertility treatment. It's especially so in Singapore and Asia as fertility clinics and hospitals often don't provide this, she said. 'There isn't a podcast specifically for women affected by infertility in Singapore so I'm here to try and make sure no one else has to go through this journey feeling isolated, guilty or shameful about what they're going through or feeling,' she said. Episodes range from Padia talking about balancing work and fertility treatments, to healing after an unsuccessful IVF cycle and how to support someone undergoing fertility treatments. THE BIRTH OF A MOTHER BY CLARITY SINGAPORE Launched in April, this podcast by mental health charity Clarity Singapore was started to bring about awareness and education to mums about maternal mental health, such as what symptoms to look out for, knowing when to seek professional help, as well as what is considered normal and not normal. Cindy Khong, senior mental health counsellor at Clarity Singapore, said: 'It's also to encourage mothers to seek help and know that they do not need to journey alone in their struggles and pain, by improving access to information regarding perinatal experiences for them and their families. 'Plus, to instil hope and inspire help-seeking for families, and reduce the stigma surrounding maternal mental health by sharing personal experiences of mothers' real struggles,' added Khong, who also leads the charity's Clarity for Moms programme, which provides support for expecting and postnatal mums facing emotional challenges. The four episodes feature personal stories from mums who have experienced perinatal depression and anxiety, as well as expert advice from Dr Gillian Lim, a psychiatrist at the Institute of Mental Health. The team is currently going through feedback from the first run, to decide if more episodes will be made. Listen to The Birth Of A Mother here. THE FORTIES FORMULA BY AMANDA LIM AND JASMIN DHILLON Amanda Lim is a metabolic health coach while Jasmin Dhillon is a nutritional health coach. The wellness pros believed something was missing in the conventional health messaging given to 40-something women, so they wanted to connect with this group of women looking for a more nuanced approach. On the podcast, they chat with experts about perimenopause management, strength training in your forties, having a low sex drive, and makeup for mature skin. Dhillon revealed they have a younger audience too, who feel that the podcast is 'like a harbinger of what's to come, helping younger women make better decisions now to improve their future wellness lives'. 'Our content is for any woman looking to gather multiple perspectives, hear a wealth of different insights and potentially make significant lifestyle changes based on expert opinion and informed advice from a diversity of wellness professionals,' she added. Listen to The Forties Formula here. Catch new episodes every Thursday at 7am. MAKE IT WORK BY SARAH WONG Sarah Wong spent six years in Silicon Valley's fast-paced tech scene and experienced burnout upon returning to Singapore. The mother-of-two sought stories of working mums who redefined success on their own terms, making bold career shifts while prioritising what mattered most. 'Their insights were too valuable to keep to myself, so Make It Work was born. A podcast for ambitious mums navigating career and family on their terms,' Wong told CNA Women. Wong speaks to mums working in various fields and gets advice on topics such as parenting in a digital age, how to build your professional village and finding strength through vulnerability. She recommends her podcast for working mothers who are wondering if they can 'have it all' and are looking for inspiration, practical advice and a supportive community. 'It will especially resonate if you are considering or have made career shifts to better align with your family life,' she added. Wong also frequently shares episode highlights, curated parenting inspiration, advice and a dose of parent-life comedy on Make It Work's Instagram and TikTok accounts. JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR BY MARISSA TREW AND HANLI HOEFER Listen to two young, mixed-race women in Singapore discuss everything from mental health to sex positivity to pondering the answer to the age-old question – can men and women really be friends? It's an insight to the thoughts of young Asian women and their take on modern life. The two longtime friends chat candidly about topics relevant to women in their twenties and thirties. They also interview personalities from various fields, tackling issues such as sexual health, breast cancer and investing. The podcast kicked off in March 2020, with the last episode released in November 2024. There are 102 episodes to get through so strap in for a fun, informative ride with Melissa Trew and Hanli Hoefer. If you prefer to watch them in action, there are also some episodes on YouTube. Listen to Just So We're Clear here. WOMANKIND BY CNA WOMEN The CNA Women team started the Womankind podcast because they felt there was more about women's issues that could be explored beyond their digital stories. When you tune in to this podcast, it feels like you're part of a conversation with friends, with topics related directly to women, explored in a friendly and relatable manner by its hosts, Penelope Chan and Hidayah Salamat. There are eight episodes, which touch on a wide range of topics, from women's health to dating and motherhood. Find out why we dread women's health tests (that Pap smear), whether maternal instinct is a myth, how self-care for mums is crucial, why women are more prone to burnout, why we find it so hard to ask for help and how woman can achieve sexual equality between the sheets. Listen to Womankind here. CAN'T KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT BY NIXALINA WATSON Nixalina Watson brought her brand, Sex & London City, to Singapore in 2019, creating a digital platform called Sex & Singapore City. She's a writer by trade and this was a website that included sex, dating and love articles – what she was famed for in her native United Kingdom. A month after the website went live, she received an e-mail from a studio in Singapore, asking if she'd consider doing a podcast on the topics she writes about. This led to the launch of the Sex & Singapore City podcast and it became an immediate hit, topping Spotify charts and being included in the Louis Vuitton Singapore Travel Guide, among other accolades. 'I realised it was being listened to in 68 countries so I rebranded it to Can't Keep My Mouth Shut, and the rest, as they say, is history,' Watson said. Watson admitted she 'had zero intention to become a podcaster'. However, her brand of straight-talking chats about love, dating, sex and everything in between resonated with her audience 'who enjoy unfiltered, brutally honest conversational podcast episodes that leave you feeling inspired or sad, in fits of laughter or even simply life-focused – depending on the topic'. She has spoken about topics such as long-distance relationships, abusive relationships, egg freezing and dating apps. Listen to Can't Keep My Mouth Shut here. A new episode drops every Monday evening but Watson sometimes takes a break from recording, 'just to keep the creative juices flowing'. THE PARENTING REVIVAL PODCAST BY SHARANYA V As a marriage and early parenting coach, Sharanya helps families navigate the complexities of early parenthood. She launched the podcast as she recognised the challenges of balancing marriage, mental health and parenting. 'I aimed to offer practical strategies and real-life insights to help parents restore harmony and confidence in their family lives and overall wholesome happiness for everyone in the family,' she said. Parents of young children can get advice on issues such as parental guilt, your child's sleeping habits, the importance of empathy in relationships and how to better connect with your husband. 'This podcast is designed for parents, especially those with young children, who seek guidance on managing sleep deprivation, marital dynamics and parenting challenges,' Sharanya said. 'It's also beneficial for caregivers interested in fostering a balanced and fulfilling family environment.'
CNA
04-05-2025
- General
- CNA
How this 35-year-old woman adopted her foster daughter and built a forever family with her
When asked how many children they want, most married couples might say one, two, or perhaps none. But Nasrin Shah Beevi, 35, has raised six children – and she doesn't plan to stop there. None of these children were born to her, however. They are her foster children, and have ranged from a baby to children in their tweens. Nasrin, who's a counsellor, began her fostering journey in 2021, two years after marrying her husband, Nizamudheen Ishak, 52, an IT manager. Though Nasrin loves all her foster children dearly, she knows that they are all only with her for a season. Placed in foster care due to abuse, neglect, abandonment, or because their parents are unable to care for them due to incarceration, illness, or death, most of them return to their biological families once the situation stabilises – usually within a few months to a few years. But one girl stayed. Two years ago, around Mother's Day, Nasrin received news that she could adopt Nur (not her real name), a spirited three-year-old girl she had been fostering. 'I cried. It was like a Mother's Day gift to me,' she recalled. In turns laughing and crying during our interview, Nasrin shares her incredible motherhood journey with CNA Women. BECOMING A MUM OVERNIGHT Nasrin was first told about Nur through a phone call. Days later, she and her husband made their way to a respite house – short-term accommodation typically for children in crises or whose carers need a brief reprieve. Balloon and lollipop in hand, she met three-and-a-half-year-old Nur for the first time. The first thing that struck Nasrin was how small the child was. Part of this might have been genetic, but Nur also wasn't well-fed as a baby and toddler, Nasrin said. 'Nobody would believe she was three-and-a-half. They'd probably think she is barely two years old,' she remarked. From the beginning, Nasrin was told the child would be available for adoption. However, the social worker wanted to observe how the girl adjusted under Nasrin and Nizamudheen's care. The young girl was playing with another child and refused to even look at her fosterers. Later, when she followed the two strangers home, she silently held Nasrin's hand, not uttering a word. For the next few days, Nur did not speak to Nasrin, responding to questions with non-verbal sounds. She was slightly more communicative with Nizamudheen, but still very reserved. Nasrin had been told that Nur was more comfortable with men due to her history of neglect and abandonment, particularly with women. Nonetheless, she couldn't help wondering if she was doing something wrong. Taking the rejection in her stride, Nasrin worked hard to win Nur's trust, caring for the child and carving out time to give her undivided attention. Slowly but surely, the breakthrough came. Two weeks later, Nur began responding to Nasrin, and even called her 'mummy' for the first time. 'It was really beautiful when I was able to reach her, and she acknowledged my presence – embraced my existence,' Nasrin said. A SECOND CHANCE AT CHILDHOOD It's hard to believe the six-year-old Nur today was the neglected, withdrawn child Nasrin met at respite care. Today, she is chatty, opinionated, bursting with energy, and full of life. 'My cousins say that she'll be a good lawyer. She tries to negotiate everything to the best of her ability,' Nasrin chuckled. 'She's bright, intelligent, sociable, happy and mischievous – everybody adores her.' Noticing the positive changes in Nur, the social worker initiated the adoption process. The day after Mother's Day in 2023, Nasrin and her husband received the joyful news that they could legally adopt her. In October 2024, the adoption was finalised – and Nur officially became their daughter. The mother and daughter are very attached. 'I've never received this much love and attention from a child,' Nasrin said, choking up with tears. 'She jumps on you, cuddles you, hugs you and kisses you. Even though we don't share blood ties, she loves us so much. It's really beautiful,' Nasrin added. 'Every night, before we go to bed, we hug and kiss.' The family enjoys cycling, reading, doing craft activities and travelling together. 'Every day is a precious memory,' Nasrin said. LOVE THAT STEPS IN, WHEN FAMILY CAN'T Watching Nur blossom has been a magical experience for Nasrin. It has also convinced her that a loving family can transform the life of a vulnerable child. Nasrin told CNA Women that she has been drawn to fostering since she began working as a counsellor at a social service agency in her twenties, where she worked with many vulnerable children. Her husband, an active volunteer working with offenders and ex-offenders, is also passionate about helping those in need. Hence, shortly after their marriage, the couple agreed to start their fostering journey, regardless of whether they have biological children. 'We didn't put pressure on each other to have a biological child. We will let nature take its course,' she said. After adopting Nur, the couple, at Nur's request, also fostered a 13-month-old baby for a few months. Nur had been wishing for a little sister. This was the first baby Nasrin has fostered – her other foster children were between four and 10 years old. While Nasrin bonded with the baby and found the experience meaningful, Nur had a harder time adjusting. The baby demanded much of Nasrin's attention, and Nur missed the one-on-one time they used to share. She also struggled with mum guilt. Hence, the couple have decided to hold off fostering for now, and instead offer short-term respite care lasting a few days to children in need. They hope to continue fostering in a couple of years when Nur is ready and Nasrin has the bandwidth. 'We felt that with Nur's transition from foster to adopted child, it may be too soon for her to be an older sister. Hopefully, in a couple of years, when Nur is more mature, we will engage her in the decision-making (on whether to foster again),' Nasrin said. Reflecting on the importance of stepping up to provide a temporary home and family for children in need, Nasrin poignantly recalled her first foster child, a four-year-old, in 2020. 'I will never be able to forget this experience. The social worker brought him from the hospital, so he was wearing hospital clothes and didn't have any home clothes. 'After we signed the fostering agreement, my husband and I brought him to a mall to get new clothes. He was a very fair-skinned boy and looked very different from us. As my husband and I held his hands, the public's eye was on us. I wondered how the child felt,' she added, tears welling in her eyes. HERE FOR A SEASON, IN HER HEART FOREVER One challenge of fostering is that the children come from diverse backgrounds. Every child is different, and depending on their age, are going through different transitions, Nasrin said. Another challenge is that no matter how much you love the child, he or she will usually leave you in time, she said. 'Right from the start, I knew the fostering journey could end abruptly. It was what I had signed up for,' she said. Even with adopted children, this may be the case, Nasrin added. As her adopted daughter grows older and begins asking questions about her biological mother, Nasrin is ready to support her if she ever decides to search for and return to her birth parents, she said. 'If that is her decision, we will walk the journey with her,' she said resolutely. For Nasrin, it doesn't matter whether they came from her womb or through foster care – she loves her adopted daughter and foster children as her own. She said she would have adopted her other foster kids if reunification with their biological families hadn't been possible. "My husband once told the social worker that he wants to take a family photo with all our foster children and hang it on the wall one day," Nasrin said, her voice full of warmth. This unconventional family tree is a dream Nasrin holds close to her heart as well.
CNA
01-05-2025
- Entertainment
- CNA
From Suntec to Tampines: She's behind the Mak Besar bazaars that attract tens of thousands
If you love bazaars and find yourself drawn to the bright lights and row upon row of stalls selling everything from food to fashion, with the occasional live performance or celebrity appearance thrown in, you've likely come across a Mak Besar event. Since its debut in 2019, the events and marketing company has organised more than 15 large-scale consumer events, each featuring 100 to more than 200 retail, food and entertainment vendors, and attracting around 65,000 visitors per set-up. Singaporeans would have been to a Mak Besar bazaar at Suntec Singapore Convention and Exhibition Centre, Singapore EXPO, and the now-defunct Turf City, as well as at open spaces in Tampines and Lakeside. The company's name is a nod to the Malay term for a beloved 'big aunt' or 'big mama', and also happens to be the nickname given to its founder and managing director, Haryani Othman. The 46-year-old's background is as colourful as her bazaars. She's worn many hats – legal executive, television producer, comedian and now, bazaar boss – but at her core, she sees herself as 'a member of the community' who cares deeply about the people she works with, especially her Mak Besar vendors and staff. 'I love seeing others happy,' Haryani told CNA Women. 'Mak Besar allows me to create happy spaces where everyone can come together and have a great time.' BRINGING JOY TO OTHERS After graduating with a communications degree in 2003, Haryani carved out a name for herself in the local entertainment scene. She got her start in 2006 in Gemilang, a comedy variety show hosted by Najip Ali on Suria, the local Malay broadcast station. That led to acting opportunities, and before long, she became a familiar and versatile face on Malay-language television. Off-camera, Haryani wrote and produced over 20 television programmes, including collaborations with comedian Kumar. In 2011 and 2015, she won awards for her writing at Pesta Perdana, a local awards show honouring talents in the Malay television industry. 'I loved working on them all,' she said. 'I just really liked the idea of being a part of something that gave viewers what they were looking for when they were watching their favourite drama." Even while she was working in television production, Haryani was also dabbling in other fields, such as law. Having earned a law diploma in polytechnic before her communications degree, Haryani worked on ad-hoc legal projects in the early 2010s and even did business development for a law firm in 2018. Around the mid-2010s, she began dipping her toes into event management. 'I didn't really think running consumer shows was a sustainable career at that time. I had lots of friends who were bazaar vendors and organisers, so I just wanted to try it out and have fun along the way,' she said. Haryani started out doing marketing, but as it turned out, events management was the sum of everything she loved: Connecting with people, offering the opportunity for them to gather and creating platforms for business owners and collaborators. It became a way for her to work with her friends, support home-based businesses and small vendors in the Malay community, and offer Singaporeans something they could enjoy and look forward to. TAKING A RISK AND STARTING MAK BESAR By 2017, Haryani was channelling most of her energy into legal work and freelance events management. However, she had a falling out with an events company while working on a large project, and that marked a turning point for her. She realised that while she loved the industry, she sometimes found dealing with multiple stakeholders and managing expectations emotionally exhausting. 'It was a dark period in my life. I still loved doing what I did, but I also began to wonder if I should continue events management, or if I should just go back to what had always worked for me – law and media,' she reflected. By that time, Haryani and her close friends – married couple Firdaus 'Fid' Faisal and Lina Liyana Samsi – had already earned a small reputation in the events scene. The three were known to be reliable freelancers and were trusted to deliver. 'We didn't have a name then, but people in the space knew who we were,' said Haryani. 'They were telling us not to give up, to keep going, some even encouraged us to start our own events company.' The encouragement struck her, but starting a business was no small decision, and Haryani was all too aware of the financial risks. 'I may not have kids, but I was a wife and I was supporting my parents alongside my sisters,' she said. 'Fid and Lina had five children to feed. It wasn't just my risk to take – it would affect all of us.' What solidified her resolve to take the leap was the support of people around her. Her parents and husband told her they were behind her decision to start an events business. People she had worked with on previous events even offered to work for free at her first few events, to help her get things off the ground. 'I felt so touched that they'd really do that for me – and they kept their word, they really did volunteer their time and energy for us for free,' Haryani said. In 2018, Haryani decided to take the plunge and roped in Fid and Lina – the latter suggested calling the company Mak Besar. It felt right – people trusted Mak Besar because they trusted Haryani's leadership, vision and heart. The company launched its first event a year later, Grand Bite at Grandstand, a food event at the now-defunct Turf City. For Haryani, the worries about costs, logistics and operations melted away as the crowds showed up and the vendors thrived. 'The people who worked for me for free – we got to pay all of them from what we earned, and more,' she beamed. Haryani knew she was building something bigger than herself – a business that supported not just her livelihood, but the many vendors and small businesses that depended on their events to thrive. 'The Malay community is full of entrepreneurs,' she said. 'Creative women selling their homemade products. Fathers who want more time with their children start businesses to involve them. Youths with bold ideas want to try it with their friends. I wanted to give all of them a platform.' But those early years were exhausting, Haryani said, and she juggled numerous tasks herself. 'I did the work of 10 people – marketing, liaising with celebrities, artistes, and their managers, live shows, accounting,' she said. 'Fid and Lina supported me, of course, but I did so much just to make sure the consumer show was a success – not just for me and my team, but for the vendors who had put their faith in us.' At the Grandstand Bazaar that year, there were about 100 food and retail vendors, and about 50,000 people came. Then the pandemic hit in early 2020, and annual Ramadan bazaars at Geylang Serai, Kampong Gelam and other heartland spots were cancelled. Haryani worried about her vendors. 'It felt like people were counting on us to help them make up the income they lost,' she said. 'So we went live on TikTok and Instagram, and we started an online e-commerce platform called Mak Besar Garage.' Vendors paid the company a small fee to be featured, and for Haryani to livestream herself trying out their products. 'The team rented a studio and I was on screen for 12 hours a day, selling everything from carpets and clothes to kueh, accessories, food, and even delivery services, from home-based businesses. 'I ate so much and tried on so many outfits live – it was exhausting! But we had hundreds of thousands of viewers, and the vendors were happy. They stopped losing money. They started seeing gains.' Musicians and dancers also went live on social media to entertain viewers watching from their homes. 'I read everyone's comments, so seeing people laughing in the comments and sending in all their sweet and supportive messages – that's what makes all the work worth it,' she said. View this post on Instagram A post shared by MakBesar (@makbesarsg) Now, six years in, Haryani finally has room to breathe. She currently leads Mak Besar's marketing arm, which has expanded to offer marketing services beyond events, while Lina and Fid manage sales, admin, operations and logistics. What started as a three-person hustle is now a team of about 10 full-time staff and 20 part-timers. This year, Mak Besar organised the Grand Market at Suntec in January and February, followed by the Ramadan Bazaar at Our Tampines Hub in March. Events are already lined up until November, and each edition has a unique theme. For instance, the upcoming bazaar in May is themed FUNWORLD, targeting families with young children and full of kids-centric activities like bouncy castles and youth performances. 'Some people may think Mak Besar is just another bazaar – the same old thing every other month,' she said. 'But to me, it's always changing because I'm always listening and observing. I want Mak Besar to reflect what the community wants at any given time.'
CNA
26-04-2025
- Entertainment
- CNA
Why are some women in Singapore embracing digital love and virtual boyfriends in this popular mobile game?
Across Singapore, a curious phenomenon is unfolding: Young women in their twenties and thirties are getting 'hitched' to virtual male characters in a mobile game. In Love And Deepspace, players step into the role of customisable female protagonists, navigating romantic storylines and action-packed combat sequences – all set against a futuristic fantasy landscape. One particularly intriguing feature? The game includes a built-in period tracker, allowing players to log real-life menstruation dates, set reminders, and receive supportive messages from their in-game 'boyfriends' or 'husbands'. Love And Deepspace is a 3D otome game developed by Chinese company Paper Games. Otome games are narrative-driven romance games that typically target a female audience. Since launching in January 2024, the game has amassed around six million monthly active users, including a few thousand in Singapore, according to players CNA Women spoke to. Some of these spend thousands on in-game purchases, while others go as far as renting digital billboards at 313@Somerset or hosting themed celebrations at cafes for their favourite characters. To be clear, the game's five romanceable, not to mention attractive, male leads – Caleb, Rafayel, Sylus, Xavier, and Zayne – aren't AI-powered but rather digital avatars. Their interactions are scripted, with pre-programmed dialogue trees that respond to player choices, creating a sense of immersion within structured storylines. Think of it as a digital age Choose Your Own Adventure-meets-1980s romance novel – with a blend of emotional depth and interactivity rarely seen in mobile games. For player Dawn, who declined to give her full name, these characters evoke the 'book husband' phenomenon in China, where female novelists craft idealised male protagonists who provide their readers with a deeply satisfying romantic and emotional experience. 'We don't see these characters as our romantic interests, but at the same time, they do satisfy some elements of what we want from a romantic relationship,' said the 29-year-old market developer. Said Jeanice Cheong, a clinical psychologist at Heartscape Psychology: 'Parasocial relationships developed in games can provide players with a sense of companionship and social connectedness. It can potentially foster their sense of autonomy as well as boost their sense of adequacy, self-confidence and esteem.' Indeed, while the assumption is that players play for the opportunity to romance the male leads, the reality is that they are drawn to the characters for more than just romance. The characters demonstrate acceptance, understanding and respect for the players, providing them with emotional support and ultimately, a confidence boost that might be lacking in their real-world relationships. This became apparent after CNA Women spoke to nine players between their early twenties and early thirties. All are single, with the exception of Natasha Conceicao, 28, a content creator who is engaged in real life but who "wed" her in-game paramour, Sylus. "He is the character who understands me, anticipates my needs, and is able to take charge and plan things," Natasha explained. 'In real life, I take charge of everything. [In the game], I just need to show up.' That she "married" Sylus before marrying her fiance Erwin Chong, 30, isn't a big deal for the couple. 'Erwin doesn't really care because he knows that it's not real. It's a small joke to us, we don't take it seriously.' View this post on Instagram A post shared by Natasha & Erwin (@onericeplease) Psychologist Ooi Sze Jin, founder of counselling practice A Kind Place, said: 'Parasocial relationships… may lead to unrealistic expectations in real-world relationships, such as anticipating partners to embody the idealised traits of game characters [which] could result in dissatisfaction.' This is something that Chong is all too aware of. 'It's somewhat similar – though maybe a harsh comparison – to pornography, where some people develop unrealistic expectations and start comparing their partners to what they see on screen,' he said. 'If players begin measuring real relationships against their in-game experiences, friction can arise.' IF YOU LIKE IT, PUT A RING ON IT While nothing in the game explicitly refers to marriage in the conventional sense, couple rings automatically become available to players when they hit an affinity level of 100 and above, the highest tier possible. Affinity levels are awarded based on the amount of time spent interacting with the male leads, and rings can be exchanged with more than one lead. Because of the association that rings have with marriage, players tend to refer to their chosen lead(s) as their 'husband(s)'. This was the case with Nikki T (not her real name). The public relations executive ' tied the knot ' in January and celebrated by uploading photos of herself and Sylus in romantic poses to her Instagram. Nikki, who referred to the occasion as a 'milestone memory', acknowledged that it's a fantasy. 'I know the difference between reality and fiction, but there are people who can't differentiate between the two. And that's dangerous,' the 30-year-old said. When the lines are blurred, problems can surface. Said marriage counsellor Theresa Pong, founding director of The Relationship Room: 'Unlike virtual interactions, real-life relationships involve uncertainty and emotional risk. To form deep bonds, one must learn to embrace vulnerability and take chances.' Michelle Goh, owner of dating agency CompleteMe, noted that the game's instant gratification could be a drawback – constantly receiving quick responses and immediate outcomes in-game may lead younger players to develop impatience in real-world dating. 'In reality, building meaningful relationships takes time, effort and resilience. Players may find it challenging to apply the same level of patience in developing real-world romantic connections, where gratification is not always immediate.' "THE CHARACTERS RESPECT WOMEN" For Nikki, the period tracking feature introduced in January was a welcome addition. It mainly logs cycle dates, but she appreciates the thoughtful touch of receiving caring messages from the characters when she's on her period. Jen Lau, a university student in her early twenties, feels that such features help to destigmatise taboos. 'There's a lot of negative connotation about periods, like it's something embarrassing, and maybe we shouldn't talk about it. But the game tells you that it's not something to be embarrassed about.' Lau added: 'The characters respect women. They don't try to make you something that you're not or try to fit society's standards.' Another player, Koriy, who declined to give her full name, agreed. 'In reality, when you interact with different people, they often have certain expectations of you… if someone sees you as a helpful person, for example, you may feel pressured to always be that way. The 29-year-old studio photographer added that in real life, she is herself 80 per cent of the time, and puts up a front the rest of it. 'But in the game, I can be myself. No matter what choices I make, the characters will still love me. They won't judge or tell me I'm wrong – they'll simply reassure me that it's okay,' she said. The power of virtual relationships cannot be underestimated, as they can be a source of emotional support, connection and validation. Said marriage counsellor Pong: 'These relationships can offer comfort and a sense of belonging. They provide a safe space to explore emotions without fear of rejection. Players may feel less lonely and find it easier to express their feelings.' For master's student Hitomi, who declined to give her full name, the game helped her build her self-efficacy and confidence, giving her the courage to interact more with men. 'Before playing, I didn't have that kind of confidence,' she told CNA Women. Now, Hitomi has no qualms approaching the opposite sex to strike up a conversation. Yuka, who declined to give her full name, is a 28-year-old business analyst who manages the Instagram account @deepspacebb_and_me. She was the first to start an interest group for fans to dedicate billboards to their idols. View this post on Instagram A post shared by SG Deepspace Hunter Association (@deepspacehunter_sg) The group pays for billboard ads at 313@Somerset, forking out S$1,300 for a 10-second video that loops and runs for a week during the idols' 'birthdays'. When the video runs, it gives fans lots of photo opportunities. 'The community is the biggest reason why I'm still in the game,' said Yuka, who started playing in January 2024. 'There are a lot of nice fans out there, and all of us are equally invested in this game. I think it's fun to make new friends through this hobby.' Kinship is also what brought members of the SG Deepspace Hunter Association together. The group, which organises birthday parties for the game's characters, has more than 1,000 followers on its Instagram page @deepspacehunter_sg, including Hazu, a civil servant in her mid-twenties, and Yvonne Sng, a human resource executive in her early thirties. Hazu, who declined to give her full name, said these are just like real birthday parties, with catered food, birthday cakes and general merrymaking. But there are also photo booths and guest cosplayers, who dress like the characters and interact with fans. THE JOURNEY TO SELF-WORTH The majority of players said the game hasn't really affected how they feel about affairs of the heart. It has, however, made them more aware of their own self-worth. 'Maybe it's because I'm slightly older and have experienced quite a bit in life, but I don't feel that the game has significantly influenced my real-life views on love, marriage, or relationships,' said Yvonne, who recently broke up with her boyfriend. 'That's not to say it couldn't – but for me, it hasn't. 'That said, do I sometimes experience romantic feelings while playing the game? Yes, occasionally. After all, it's an otome game designed for that purpose. 'But how deeply those feelings take root is another matter. At the end of the day, it's a game I enjoy. I love the features and the experience of being the main character interacting with different male characters, but that's where I draw the line,' she added. Said Hazu: 'Society tends to assume that if we're too involved in online dating games, we won't be able to accept real relationships with men. The game helps us understand our worth in a relationship and shows us how we want to be treated and respected.' But as virtual reality and AI technology advances and games like Love and Deepspace become more realistic and convincing, psychologists caution that reality and fantasy could overlap. 'If the person and the game character have more back-and-forth 'natural conversations', the player feels immersed. They might believe that these relationships are real and struggle with distinguishing between reality and virtual relationships,' says Ooi from The Counselling Place.
CNA
22-04-2025
- Health
- CNA
They've got 'magic hands': Meet this family of massage therapists that started with her late great-grandma
For the past six decades, Hajar Agil has seen a steady stream of people almost every day, often from morning to late evening. Some come to her current home in Bedok; other times, she travels around Singapore to see them. Hajar is a massage therapist, and she has one goal in mind – to 'fix' her clients with her 'magic hands', as her granddaughter Farhanah Khailani describes them. Now in her seventies, Hajar is very much sought after by clients, who come to her through word of mouth, from neighbours, friends, friends of friends, and extended relatives. But Hajar doesn't work alone. Helping her is her entire family: Four generations of massage therapists, including her daughter Halijah Tahir and granddaughter Farhanah. The family specialises in Javanese and Malay massage, and Farhanah recalled that as a child, she would sit beside her grandmother and watch her work. These make up some of her earliest memories, she told CNA Women. 'We help people feel better. Whether it's a neck sprain, an injured shoulder, or prenatal and postnatal care, you name it, we know how to approach it and 'fix' the problem,' said the 35-year-old. ' My entire family, including my aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, knows at least the basic techniques – it's like coming from a whole family of First-Aiders. 'Of course, we also know when we cannot 'fix' something, ' she added. 'If it's serious, like an injury that involves a huge loss of blood, we always encourage our clients to seek medical help from a doctor.' Farhanah learned the art of massage from Hajar, whom she affectionately calls Baba. The matriarch taught all her four children, including Farhanah's mother Halijah, and nearly all her grandchildren. Farhanah runs an interior design business with her husband, but massage therapy is close to her heart. It is both her passion and her family's legacy, she said. 'I think it'd be really 'sayang', such a waste, if I didn't learn how to urut (Malay for massage),' she said. 'It'd feel like losing a part of my family's history. This is something that all of us, particularly the women, share, and I'll do whatever I can to keep it going.' A FAMILY HERITAGE Hajar was born in the 1950s. Growing up, she vividly remembers watching her mother, Yang Salamah, helping others by massaging their body aches and sprains. Most of the time, she would treat people in their kampung in Geylang, but there were also days when she would head to the community centre at Kampong Ubi, with Hajar in tow, to treat complaints, from a sore shoulder to a sprained finger. 'So many people in our kampung and neighbouring kampungs knew about my mum's magic hands,' Hajar told CNA Women in Malay. 'I remember there was even a pair of police officers who helped us get water from the well in Beach Road – it was a time when we didn't have running water and had to fetch it from wells – because my mum massaged one of their hands after he sustained an injury.' Inspired by the way her mother could ease others' pain, Hajar decided to learn from her. 'I saw how she impacted others just by making them feel better,' she said. 'I wanted to do the same for others, too.' It wasn't easy at first. As a tukang urut, one would have to touch many parts of a person's body to address their needs, which could be embarrassing. 'You can't be geli,' Hajar said, using the Malay word for being squeamish or to be put off. Her daughter, Halijah, 54, and the family's third-generation tukang urut, agreed. Growing up, she watched her mother and late grandmother massage others, but she was uncomfortable doing so herself. 'I felt embarrassed to massage others,' Halijah said. 'The thought of seeing and touching people's bodies made me cringe slightly. Even though I'd learned the basics from my mum, it wasn't until I was in my twenties that I got the hang of it and learned the full range of techniques.' Halijah got married at 19 and gave birth to Farhanah, her eldest child, a year later. As she navigated new motherhood and the physical toll that came with it, she decided to delay her return to her job in the offshore industry. Instead, she accompanied her mother on her house calls. Eventually, Hajar began passing some of her clients to Halijah. By the time Farhanah was seven, Halijah had become particularly skilled in prenatal and postnatal massage. 'I got really good at it,' she said. 'Women, new mums, would come to me and tell me how much they enjoyed my massages, how their bodies felt renewed. I have my mother and grandmother to thank – they taught me everything.' CARRYING ON THE INTERGENERATIONAL PRACTICE For Farhanah, massage has always been part of her world. 'I remember crawling around Baba as she massaged her clients,' she said. 'As a baby or toddler, I'd hold the legs of Baba's clients while she pressed on them to help them feel better.' Unlike her mother, Farhanah never felt 'geli'. She was fascinated by the craft from the time she was a pre-teen. When she was old enough, she began running errands for her grandmother, including fetching her special massage ointment, writing down client appointments in the family's logbook, and setting up mattresses in clients' homes for the sessions. By her late teens, she was already massaging her friends' hands, legs, or shoulders whenever they had a headache or muscle tension. When she was 20, both her mum and grandma began passing clients her way. It wasn't just so that she could practice, but that demand had grown so much that Hajar, Halijah and Farhanah's aunts and uncles couldn't keep up. 'Every day, even at this age, I still see so many clients,' Hajar said. 'I can't bear to turn anyone down, so I still accept them. But instead of me attending to them, I get my girls or grandkids to do it.' Some days, clients crowd Hajar's flat, seeking help for sprains and other injuries. There were even times, when Farhanah was younger and staying with her mum and Hajar, when the family had people knocking on their door at 3am to seek massages for their injuries. 'It can be stressful and frustrating, but Baba never turned anyone away,' Farhanah said. 'Those moments make me realise how much she values her gift, her 'magic hands' that she got from my great-grandmother. 'It's not always easy dealing with people and pain, but seeing the way my mum, aunts and Baba handle the situations makes me realise that it's a great blessing to be able to help others and be part of a family that's so empathetic to everyone. 'Whenever I can lift the burden from my mum's or grandmum's shoulders, I'm happy to do so and will accept whoever they send my way,' she added. As a fourth-generation massage therapist, Farhanah feels proud to continue what her late great-grandmother started, even though she herself has no daughters. 'I'm blessed with two sons who are nine and 13,' she said. 'It's different from having a daughter who can learn from me the way I learned from my mum and Baba, but just because they're boys doesn't mean they can't learn the practice.' The men in the family, including Farhanah's late uncle and her male cousins, were all taught basic massage. If she has male clients, Hajar asks her sons to attend to them. Farhanah's eldest son has already shown signs of interest. 'He follows me to meet clients, and though he doesn't get to sit in with all of them the way I sat with my Baba, he still has an idea of what needs to be done,' said Farhanah. 'I get him involved in simple cases like massaging heads, necks, shoulders or hands.' Hajar said that she feels heartened and proud that her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are not only interested in carrying on the family practice, but that they also have a sense of responsibility to do so. 'When it comes to urut, we still need to be ikhlas (sincere),' she said. 'I believe God gave my mother this talent to help others when they're injured, in pain, or want to feel better. I'm grateful that this tradition can be continued. I pray it will last for as long as possible.'
