Latest news with #CassandraKalpaxis
News.com.au
2 days ago
- General
- News.com.au
If your partner insists you always do this together, you need to run
It might seem cute, intimate even, but relationship experts have warned a common 'romantic' gesture can actually be a sign you are in extreme danger. On the surface, showering as a couple is the ultimate act of intimacy, one that even comes with a slew of health benefits such as stress relief and increased bonding, with heat and physical touch known to release oxytocin, the 'feel-good' or 'love' hormone. But when showering together becomes insisted upon by one partner, shifting the basic human need into something that cannot be done without the other, it becomes a worrying act of control. Sydney-based lawyer and domestic violence advocate, Cassandra Kalpaxis, explained it is easily mistaken as a bid for closeness but can be determined as a precursor to domestic violence and abuse. 'Insisting on shared showers removes one of the few moments of privacy and bodily autonomy we have,' she told 'It creates an opportunity for surveillance, and often for sexual coercion, masked as intimacy. It's not about hygiene or connection: it's about access and control.' The owner of family and divorce lawyer firm, Kalpaxis Legal, added: 'It's a red flag because it represents something bigger: the slow erosion of space, boundaries, and consent in the relationship. Even when it's framed as 'love,' if it's non-negotiable, it's not safe.' US psychotherapist, Aishia Grevenberg, shared similar concerns while appearing on the RISK! podcast with journalist, Mel Hamlett, to discussed their advocacy after both surviving domestic abuse. 'Several women have shared their stories, explaining their partner always made them shower with them,' Ms Hamlett said. 'And I was like, 'Ha, that's what he [my ex] did'. Because at first it was cute, I was like, 'Oh, is this what couple's do', because I had never been in a relationship before. 'So I was like, 'OK, cool, we shower together', I didn't realise that was one of his ways of control.' She went on to explain that she 'always had to shower with him', adding that her former partner would also urinate on her as he stood behind her. 'There were all of these little ways that he was like, 'I hate you, I hate you',' she explained. Dr Grevenberg said the controlling tactic is commonly used by abusers to create a 'hive mind', a term that is used to describe how individuals are influenced by social groups, trends, or collective understanding of the world, sometimes leading to uncritical acceptance of information or behaviours. 'It's two heads, one mind, saying 'you have to shower with me' is him being intrusive to these very personal, private moments,' she shared. 'He's inserting himself and demanding, and you didn't have enough experience to know, 'I don't need to shower with you, I don't need to do this'. 'But he knew you didn't have the lived experience, and he exploited this, to step into your life and take over.' A video of the women discussing the little-known sign of coercive control has amassed almost 1 million views, with many expressing shock and disbelief in the comments. 'My ex did this too, he even controlled how much toothpaste I used. He washed me, washed my hair,' shared one. 'This just triggered me. My narcissistic ex would do this so that he could claim every space so that I never had anything of my own. The peeing thing too, ugh, God,' wrote someone else. As one raged: 'What the actual HELL! People do this?' Others stressed that everyone is entitled to privacy in a relationship. 'You don't even have to change in front of your partner,' said one. 'Wow I didn't know this was common in DV relationships.,' added another. While one woman argued: 'Men are so dangerous. If he does this, run.' Each week across Australia, a woman is killed in an act of domestic and family violence. The NSW Domestic Violence Death Review Team found that 97 per cent of intimate partner homicides in NSW (2000–2018) were preceded by coercive and controlling behaviours, such as emotional and psychological abuse. Yet, despite growing awareness, coercive control is still widely misunderstood and frequently dismissed until it escalates into physical violence. 'One of the most dangerous things about coercive control is that it often flies under the radar – not just for the victim, but for friends, family and even professionals,' Ms Kalpaxis said. 'It doesn't always look like 'abuse' in the way people expect. The behaviours often co-occur and escalate over time. 'What might start as 'just checking in' soon becomes full surveillance, financially, emotionally and physically. 'Victims gradually lose autonomy, confidence and the ability to resist. It's rarely one dramatic incident, it's the cumulative pressure, delivered dropâ€'byâ€'drop.' Some of the most common signs, many of which are overlooked, can include isolation disguised as concern, financial 'help' that becomes dependence and threats or guilt-based manipulation. 'This can look like making you feel guilty for spending time with others, or frame your loved ones as threats to your relationship,' she said. 'Taking over all the finances, such as giving you an allowance, or preventing you from working, limiting your freedom to leave. 'They may also say things like, 'You'll never make it without me,' or use children, pets, or personal secrets as leverage.' Other alarm bells include, surveillance masked as trust, such as asking for your phone password, tracking your location, or monitoring your conversations under the guise of love or 'transparency.' Micromanagement of your choices: This can look like dictating what you wear, eat, read, or how you spend your time. Even saying things like 'That outfit is too revealing' or 'Why do you need the gym?' Ms Kalpaxis said that a partner undermining your abilities, dismissing your achievements, or making you feel like you'd be lost without them, is a sign of emotional belittling, while someone who subtly turns friends and family against you or plants seeds that you're 'unstable' or 'emotional' so if you ever speak up, you won't be believed, is attempting to control of the narrative.
Daily Mail
30-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Why Deborra-Lee Furness' withering 'betrayal' statement could mean trouble as she files for divorce from Hugh Jackman
An Australian lawyer has weighed in on Hugh Jackman and Deborra-Lee Furness' messy divorce drama. After Deborra-Lee, 69, officially filed for divorce from Hugh, 56, this week, the actress addressed her heartbreak in an exclusive statement to Her emotive statement addressed the 'profound wound' the actress suffered during the split, which she described as a 'traumatic journey of betrayal.' Sydney divorce lawyer Cassandra Kalpaxis has since commented on the recent developments, warning that Deborra-Lee's public statement could be 'misinterpreted.' 'When I work with high-profile clients, I always advise them not to speak publicly about the split,' Cassandra told From A-list scandals and red carpet mishaps to exclusive pictures and viral moments, subscribe to the DailyMail's new showbiz newsletter to stay in the loop. 'It's never received the way it's intended, not by the media, friends, or family, because context and tone are everything.' The lawyer, who is also the author of Dignified Divorce: How to Separate Simply and Stay Out of Court, added that misinterpreted comments can often sour an amicable split. 'Things are easily misinterpreted, and that one comment can get back to the other person, be taken the wrong way, and spark acrimony,' she said. 'That's often how amicable divorces turn acrimonious.' Following her decision to officially file for divorce from the Les Misérables star, two years after announcing their separation, the Australian actress addressed her heartbreak in an exclusive statement to 'My heart and compassion goes out to everyone who has traversed the traumatic journey of betrayal,' she said. 'It's a profound wound that cuts deep, however I believe in a higher power and that God/the universe, whatever you relate to as your guidance, is always working FOR us. 'This belief has helped me navigate the breakdown of an almost three-decade marriage. I have gained much knowledge and wisdom through this experience. 'Even when we are presented with apparent adversity, it is leading us to our greatest good, our true purpose. 'It can hurt, but in the long run, returning to yourself and living within your own integrity, values and boundaries is liberation and freedom.' She concluded her statement with the 'one thing' that she has learned, which is 'that none of this is personal'. 'We are all on our individual journeys and I believe that the relationships in our lives are not random,' she added. 'We are drawn to people, we invite them in, in order to learn our lessons and to recognise and heal the broken parts of ourselves...I remain grateful.' Deborra-Lee and Hugh announced the end of their marriage in a shock statement in September 2023, telling fans that they were 'shifting' and as a result had decided to 'separate to pursue our individual growth '. They were married in Melbourne, Australia, in April 1996 before adopting their son Oscar, now 24, in 2000. Five years later they completed their family unit when they adopted daughter Ava, now 19. Following Deborrah-Lee's statement, Hugh, who is now in a relationship with actress Sutton Foster, 50, took a very telling swipe at his ex on social media on Wednesday. He shared a clip of himself skipping on stage to the sounds of NSYNC's Bye Bye Bye with the simple caption, 'FINALLY', in what appeared to be a pointed reference to the divorce drama. The video was posted the same day that Deborra-Lee took a swipe at her estranged husband amid the flurry of rumours that he cheated on her with his current girlfriend Sutton Foster. exclusively revealed this week that Deborra-Lee filed the complaint in New York on May 23 and that, per the filings, everything has been ironed out behind the scenes. Other filings submitted by Furness' lawyer, Elena Karabatos, in the divorce matter include a notice concerning continuation of health care coverage, a proposed qualified medical child support order, a New York state case registry form (used to report child support orders to the state's registry), the settlement, a proposed judgment of divorce, and certificate of dissolution. All that needs to be done now is for the judge to sign off on the judgment. Furness, who has two adopted children with the Wolverine actor, has received a 'handsome spousal support payment,' according to an insider who said there will be no 'drama' as they terminate their 27 year marriage. 'A settlement was reached that Deborra is pleased with which includes a handsome spousal support payment,' a source exclusively told 'There was some back and forth regarding this financial agreement but, in the end, she got what she believed she deserved. Both are coming out of this financially secure. 'There is not going to be any drama with this gives closure that she needed.' A separate source said the divorce is 'non contested,' meaning there was not a major disagreement between the couple divorcing. 'They have worked out the details in advance and everything is ironed out in terms of a settlement, alimony and the expenses for the future of their children,' they said.
