Latest news with #ChangeYourMind
Daily Mirror
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mirror
Matt and Emma Willis 'sad' by Netflix decision over Love is Blind
Presenting duo Matt and Emma Willis have spoken about the rules on Love Is Blind and how their relationship has been shaped by therapy Television presenting duo Matt and Emma Willis said they were said when the producers behind Love is Blind made a big decision after the show. Love is Blind is a streaming series on Netflix where equal numbers of single men and women live in separate areas and spend two weeks dating members of the opposite sex in pods where neither one can see the other. As a result, the focus is meant to be not on how someone looks, but their personality and how one converses with them. During this time period, contestants must decide whether or not they want to be engaged to the other, before spending three weeks in a flat together before deciding, at a wedding ceremony, whether or not to marry their partner. Busted bassist Matt, 42, and Emma, 49, have been the presenting the UK version of the hit Netflix dating show for the past few years, although recently announced their decision to step back from the accompanying podcast. But despite building connections with contestants on the show, they revealed they were unable to attend the wedding ceremonies for one key reason. Matt told the i: 'Apparently they tried this with the American hosts and it was too distracting.' Emma then added: 'We should just get ordained and conduct the ceremonies ourselves!' The pair's comments as they discussed their own 17-year marriage and the benefits of therapy within a relationship nearly 20-years after they first met through friends. Emma said that she was the one who made the first move Matt. She said: "I was physically attracted to Matt before I fell in love with him. He was - and still is - the most charismatic person I've ever met. As well as funny and kind.' Matt added: 'I remember the first time I hung out with Emma. Nothing happened. But I walked back to my hotel thinking: 'Oh my god! That is the coolest f****** girl I've ever met.' I remember that very vividly.' As well as looking back on the good times in their relationship, the pair have also been open about the difficult times in their marriage and how much therapy has helped them. Speaking to the BBC about it ahead of their programme 'Change Your Mind' which looked at therapy, Emma said that it had worked well for them and hoped it would work for other people. She said: 'I think we've both experienced first-hand the effects that it can have. "For us, we're huge advocates of therapy, if it's accessible to you, or simply talking or finding tools or tips and tricks that can help you.' Matt added: 'We've been through a journey and an experience. I've had quite a lot of therapy in my life and it's been transformative for me. It's also knowing the work is outside the room as well.'
Yahoo
10-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Why do I hate my job? Am I drinking too much? What people really ask a shrink
Owen O'Kane worked as a nurse in palliative care for 10 years before retraining as a psychotherapist. He eventually rose to become a clinical lead for the NHS. O'Kane now works in private practice and is the author of four books including 'How to be Your Own Therapist' and 'Addicted to Anxiety'. He appears as an expert on BBC One's 'Change Your Mind, Change Your Life'. People tend to come into therapy with the most 'respectable' version of their story. The problem they start with isn't the real issue. For example, someone might start off by saying 'I want to work on public speaking and confidence', but once I get to know them, they may also be dealing with issues around self-worth – or 'imposter syndrome' – where they wonder whether they are good enough, or will be 'found out'. It's rare for a therapist to be shocked by a client's story: we've heard it all. That's not to say we're immune, however, and sometimes a person's story can bring up something from a therapist's own past. This isn't necessarily a bad thing – the best therapists in my opinion are those who have walked the walk. Mostly, our job is to 'be alongside' the client and help them understand their story, their symptoms, where they have got stuck and how to find a way through. Hope is at the centre of everything. Feelings of shame, helplessness or even 'unlovability' can underpin many everyday issues. More often than not, these relate back to adverse childhood events, or some degree of trauma that's never been dealt with. Anxiety has always been common, but these days I am seeing more of it. Diagnosable conditions such as panic disorder, OCD, PTSD and generalised anxiety disorder have been around for years, but an increasing number of people are reporting what I'd call more chronic everyday anxiety – feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or struggling with uncertainty. There's a risk that if this chronic anxiety isn't dealt with, it can lead to a more serious acute condition. Even a statement like 'I'm feeling anxious about the climate' usually has a link to the person's own story – 'am I safe?', 'Can I cope?', 'I don't know how to manage the uncertainty'. Here are the five most common everyday problems I see in my treatment room: When a client starts the conversation with a statement like this, my job is to try to unpick it. 'What does this look like?' I'll ask – and am usually met with a list of the factual things that are going on, such as: 'I'm too busy at work, I've got too much on, I'm worried about paying my mortgage.' Of course, everyday life events can contribute to feeling stressed, but it's the person's internal reaction to these events that's the important thing. Many people struggle with uncertainty and not knowing how things are going to turn out. The adrenalin from this is making them feel on edge or perhaps making it hard for them to sleep. There are two approaches that can help. The first is practical: to try to break down the contributing problems, to make them feel more manageable, to prioritise and focus on what small next steps would be useful. But the second, deeper part is to challenge the person to look at their beliefs about how things 'should' be when they are proclaiming that life 'isn't fair' or 'it's all too much'. Perhaps it would be more helpful for a person to have a more flexible approach to their problems. Maybe it's OK not to know what's around the corner, that it's acceptable for things to be a bit untidy and that it's OK to ask for help. The client is probably contributing to their problems more than they realise and it's the act of trying to take total control that creates more internal turmoil. Whether they are referring to their intimate relationships or broader interactions with friends or colleagues, it's not unusual for people to struggle. Relationships are the one area where we can be 'hit' quite strongly, and they can often hold a mirror up to parts of ourselves we don't like. There's another layer in that relationships can also be conflictual, and each person will have their own version of events as they go on the attack or run to their own defence. We're all familiar with the blame game – 'he did this, she did that' – but the trick is to notice the feeling evoked in yourself when a person does something you don't like. 'He makes me angry,' a client might tell me. I will respond: 'no, you are angry. You are responsible for your own emotions. You can't rely on another person's behaviour to dictate whether you feel rejected, not seen or not heard.' All this can be difficult to acknowledge. The first step is to be aware of the above, and the second is to ask yourself whether you are willing to take some responsibility in the conflict. (I'm not talking about situations such as domestic violence, abuse or coercive control when responsibility may lie with the other person). My suggestion in any relationship challenge is a four-step process: Understand what has been activated in you. Never react in the moment. Is there another perspective you might consider? Speak to the person when you can balance rationality and emotion. I once worked with a client who was going to end her relationship with a boyfriend because he didn't call her for three days while he was on holiday. She was convinced he was seeing someone else, and was moments from leaving him a voice message to end the relationship. The day was saved when she received a call from him, informing her he was in hospital with a burst appendix. 'So why are you staying?' is always my first question. What my client really wants me to say is 'oh, that's terrible' so they can go into every tiny detail of how awful their job is, but we could sit there for the next 10 years doing that. People tell me they stay in horrible jobs because 'someone has to pay the bills', but the real reason is that they are stuck in their mental state. Again, it comes back to the need for stability and security: people don't like to make changes, and they like predictability, even if it's bad. Earlier in my career, I worked with patients who were dying. This, more than anything, made me realise that life is short. If something is making you miserable – in this instance, your job – then it's not negotiable. There will be an alternative role out there for you that pays the same amount, or possibly even more. Don't use your fear of change or attachment to the old routine as an excuse to remain unhappy. I advise my clients to do a cost-benefit analysis about the factors that might make them leave or stay. Yes, understand that change is scary, but how does that stack up against five more years of misery? It's just possible a new job will make you happier than the one you have now. Plus, if you do find a new role, the realisation that the process wasn't so bad after all will give you invaluable confidence and resilience to help you in the longer term. We aren't necessarily entering the realms of addiction here; this situation could refer to any behaviour that becomes unhelpful and which comes at a cost. It could be drinking or drugs, but it could also be too much sex, shopping or work. Psychologists call these 'maladaptive coping strategies'. An example might be the person who finds it impossible to perform well at work after a bottle of wine at night but feels they 'need' the alcohol to relax and fall asleep. The first thing to realise is that this might be a way of coping, but it may also be creating more challenges and difficulties. My role is to understand what the person in front of me is trying to soothe, repress or avoid. And when I ask my client what that is, most people can answer the question quite easily. Many agree when I suggest they are mostly 'trying not to feel'. 'Do you think it might be useful to start to feel?' I will ask the client. 'Are there other ways you can self-soothe and ease some of the pain in your life?' These are different for everyone: some people might go to the gym, others take long walks, take up painting, join a book club, meditate, but there are invariably alternative solutions. Clients often complain that their relationships aren't progressing, their jobs aren't fulfilling and that life was supposed to be better than it is. Of course, none of this is helped by social media, which leads a person to the assumption that everyone is doing better than they are, which almost certainly isn't true. People rarely share a sh-- day or put a rubbish photo on Instagram. The upshot of this is that many clients internalise their dissatisfaction and blame themselves. They start to believe that if only they had loads of money, a better job, a bigger house, or were thinner or more beautiful, they would be happier. But the truth is, I rarely see this happen. If you try to use the external world to heal internal wounds, this just won't work: it's a bottomless pit. The first thing I do as a therapist is to challenge these beliefs. I ask clients to recall a time when they received the big promotion, the expensive car – and to ask how long the feelings of subsequent feelings of wellbeing lasted. The answer is usually: not long. Once the person is aware of the evidence that none of this worked, they are able to start exploring how they really feel about themselves and begin working on the things that are really standing in the way of their happiness. As told to Miranda Levy Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
BBC News
17-05-2025
- Health
- BBC News
Changing your brain - inside the therapy room
Nicole enters the therapist's room and clutches what she calls her hugging pillow. She admits to being nervous about sitting down with a stranger to discuss her mental is 31, lives in London and works as chiropractic assistant. She suffers from anxiety when she drives."There are so many things that so quickly go through my head," she says. "How far away is it? What is the route? I somehow forget how to drive."She suffers from panic attacks and her fear of driving means she is constantly cancelling over the course of six sessions with psychotherapist Owen O'Kane, it becomes clear her problems are much deeper than just a fear of driving. Digging around in the mind Every week, one in six of the UK population experience mental health problems such as depression and anxiety and every year more than 1.2 million people seek help from the NHS talking therapies service, with many more paying for support form of therapy is most commonly used for anxiety and depression, but can also help with a range of other problems, including body image dysmorphia, obsessive compulsive disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. It does not work for everyone: research suggests one-third of people do not BBC has followed 12 people, featured in the series Change Your Mind, Change Your Life, who each received six support sessions from therapists. The therapists have used a combination of different talking therapy approaches, including cognitive behavioural therapy which focuses on changing the way we think and behave, alongside other techniques to improve relationships and process it reveals is striking: How understanding and learning to manage the mind has the power to transform lives. "You're not stuck with the brain you've got," says Owen O'Kane, who has worked in the field for 25 years. He describes his job as like detective work: "People come with what seems to be a reasonable story, but the interesting thing is that very often the story and emotions don't match. I guess what we are doing is digging around a little bit." 'I completely hated myself' Over their sessions, Owen digs deeper into Nicole's anxiety. At one point she weeps. She admits in the past she has "completely hated" herself. She worries about what people think of her and is socially anxious: "I don't feel good enough to be there. I might say something wrong. I need people to like me."Owen questions why she feels like this: "As human beings we like the nice emotions. We like feeling happy, joy, being in love." but he says some people try to avoid or suppress emotions like fear, dread and sadness, and that can cause anxiety. Instead, he says it is healthier to accept them and accept them as safe. When people get to that point, he says, they start to feel empowered: "They realise they're not going to be overwhelmed."Speaking outside the therapy room, Nicole says: "I'm shocked. He got my number straight away. I would see vulnerability as a negative thing, but it's not."Asked to describe herself she uses words such as kind, thoughtful, determined and enthusiastic: "I am not a bad person," she tells says she has learned a lot: "Most importantly I found I wasn't being kind to myself. That was really eye-opening."Owen says this is typical of many people he treats: "When people get to these crossroads, when they wake up and realise what they are doing, that's a gold dust moment for me." 'I had stroke in my early 30s' James likewise learned to think about himself differently thanks to therapy.A 39-year-old father-of-one who works in finance, he struggles with anxiety and, in particular, worries about making mistakes at work. That fear is so debilitating he doesn't make it to work has been supported by Prof Steve Peters, a psychiatrist who explains perfectionism is at the root of his problems: "If we think it's the end of the world if we make a mistake, it paralyses you."James was once an athlete, playing semi-professional football and competing in athletics before specialising in the bobsleigh. He was training for trials for the Great Britain team when he had a stroke eight years ago: "With a flick of a switch, I lost everything," he says. "It made me feel a lesser man."Now he fears under-performing at work and losing his job. Over the course of the sessions, Prof Peters explains the key is James's belief he gives some seemingly simple advice: "Put your feet on the floor, stand up and walk," he says. Focusing on the basic task of moving, in James's case moving so he can get to work, enables someone caught up in catastrophic thinking to block out the negative thoughts that stop them doing later sessions, James and Prof Peters explore what could be behind his problems. James tells Prof Peters about his childhood and how his father would criticise him to push him to Peters explains how James believes that to please you cannot make errors and then the devastating stroke he suffered at a young age has triggered an absolute desire for things to never go wrong tells James he needs to make "peace with himself" by defining himself not by performance but by values and behaviours. He too asks James to describe himself and James replies he is hard-working, honest, engaging, friendly and as someone who would put others the course of his sessions, James's way of thinking changes: "I can look at myself in the mirror and feel my value and my worth," he explains. 'My mum died when I was 15' Anjalee's struggles are somewhat different. They relate to one traumatic event in childhood – her mother died suddenly when she was a mother herself, with three children under five, she has struggled has sleepless nights, a tight chest and feels emotionally disconnected. It is worse than any physical pain, says the 34-year-old: "Becoming a mother has reopening everything I've tried to suppress."Her first birth was particularly traumatic. She developed sepsis – the condition her mother died from: "I thought I was not going to survive," she says. Her psychotherapist, Julia Samuel, explains to Anjalee she has not been able to process what has happened and, as a result, the trauma has stayed with her. When her mother died, Anjalee was in the middle of exams and had two younger siblings, leaving her without time to grieve. Julia suggests eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing therapy, which uses movement to help people process and recover from distressing asks Anjalee for her worst memory and she describes how her father tried to save her mother's life by performing chest compressions in their home until the paramedics arrived. Her mother was rushed out with Anjalee hoping she would return. She never says she has never talked about this within anyone. Julia asks Anjalee to cross her arms against her chest and start deep breathing and tapping, mimicking a butterfly's wings flapping. She talks through the memory and how the images in her head are changing to more positive says this type of treatment is particularly effective when dealing with one single traumatic event. One memory, she says, can act as a block on Anjalee speaks about how her symptoms have eased and the contentment she now feels. "My therapist helped me reconnect with the 15-year-old girl I'd silenced. I began to process the trauma that haunted me. I now understand grief as the other side of love."During May, the BBC is sharing stories and tips on how to support your mental health and to to find out more.
New Statesman
14-05-2025
- Entertainment
- New Statesman
The BBC's new therapy show left me with a full-body cringe
Photo by BBC/Twenty Twenty Productions Right now, the BBC is asking us licence-fee payers to tell the organisation what we want it to be, an exercise it is trialling on screen as a mock TV quiz show, except there are 'no wrong answers'. It probably goes without saying that I won't be participating in this nonsense myself. As if they're going to give in to my requests for a 12-part adaptation of George Gissing's novel New Grub Street and a 360-degree rethink of Newsnight's rubbish new incarnation! But if I was to respond this very moment, I would first demand that no one would ever again be allowed to commission a series as poor and as dubious as Change Your Mind, Change Your Life with Matt and Emma Willis. You may have seen the trailers for this too: a show that makes therapy seem vaguely like an interior-design makeover, all cushions and pot plants and easy remedies. I'll admit that I had to Google its presenters, not so much because I didn't know that Matt Willis was in the band Busted and his wife, Emma, used to present Celebrity Big Brother – though I guess I was a bit hazy – but because I couldn't for the life of me work out why they'd got this gig. Was it, perhaps, an elimination show, the last patient to sob broken-heartedly the first out of the door? But, no. It seems that Matt and Emma are merely big fans of therapy. The things it can do! 'You're not stuck with the brain you've got,' says Emma at one point, an announcement that will come as major news to the nation's transplant surgeons. It works like this: patients new to therapy are matched to various species of shrink and we watch their encounters over the course of three sessions – though not full ones. We get about five minutes of each, and they always come with some kind of magical breakthrough, causal dots having been joined as easily as ABC. In this take on therapy, you see, no one ever lies. They're neither avoidant nor repressed. Argument, even hesitation, is unknown to them, even in the face of the very worst kind of Hallmark-card truism. And guess what? So far – look, I watched as much as my full-body cringe would allow – there have been no failures. Magic wands all round! The patients, however, are not the problem with this show. Even if I can't understand why they want to talk of private feelings on television, I'm sympathetic to their feelings of failure, anxiety and loneliness. One of them suffers from a fear of driving, a phobia from which I suffered myself 20 years ago (I cured it by hiring a former copper, experienced in car-chase situations, to take me out on the road). No, the problem – and it's a grave one – lies on the other side. What kind of therapy do these shrinks practise, and what qualifications do they have? We're never told. I recognised one, the ubiquitous Julia Samuel, a psychotherapist best known for her work around bereavement and a godmother to Prince George, and wondered why on Earth she'd agreed to appear. I can only guess that the justification is, as ever, one of duty, that the uptight people of Britain really must learn that it's good to talk. As for the others, how dismaying they are; how embarrassingly inarticulate and cliché-bound. Even in the hands of a highly intelligent and skilled practitioner, the thinking behind therapy can sound specious, but here it's as if they're reading at random from Eckhart 'The Power of Now' Tolle (in case you don't know, Tolle is a German, Oprah Winfrey-endorsed bestselling author of guides to 'inner transformation'). Professor Steve Peters, a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in sport, tells his patient to be 'in the moment'. Dr Fatoumata Jatta, a clinical psychologist and transformational life coach, tells hers to try to have a 'better relationship with herself' (and also to take up roller-skating again, which she loved as a child). Owen O'Kane, a psychotherapist specialising in depression and anxiety, tells his poor poppet that he senses (based on no evidence that I could see) her 'residual sadness'. He also asks her – ugh – if she wants a hug. What's that? Ah, you want to know what Matt and Emma do. In the end, it comes down to a bit of minor encouragement from the sidelines. It's pitiable, but I guess they're some BBC bigwig's idea of relatable. Change Your Mind, Change Your Life BBC One [See also: Portrait of an 18th-century It girl] Subscribe to The New Statesman today from only £8.99 per month Subscribe Related
Daily Mirror
13-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mirror
Emma Willis opens up on tough health battle after major heart surgery
Weeks after her heart surgery, Emma Willis fronts a new TV show with her husband Matt. But she admits she's been experiencing a new kind of turmoil as she reprises a normal life. Emma Willis returns to screens just weeks after undergoing heart surgery to fix a hole in her heart - and she admits feeling anxious in the aftermath of her operation. The presenter recently revealed on Instagram that she had unknowingly been living with a hole in her heart since birth. 'It's really weird to live with something in our body that we don't know about,' Emma Willis says. But she reassures her fans, adding: 'It's fixed so I'm good and there's no physical pain.' Still the emotional aftermath has been tougher to heal. 'I have a lot of health anxiety,' she says. 'So I'm always checking. Every time my heart flutters or feels strange, I panic.' At the same time, she credits her attentiveness to her body for eventually helping her spot the issue. 'I'm glad I eventually discovered it,' she says. While Emma and her hubby Matt Willis ' careers are thriving, they always prioritise their marriage, alongside raising their three children – Isabelle, 15, Ace, 13, and nine-year-old Trixie. 'We go on date nights all the time because we know how important it is for our marriage,' Matt says. And if they had to choose, they'd happily trade a fancy dinner for a therapy session. 'Nothing's been more important than going to therapy together,' Matt says. 'It's allowed us to really see each other. We never row – it's been 20 years.' Now the pair are sharing their therapy journey with the nation through their new BBC One show Change Your Mind, Change Your Life, where they team up with leading therapists – Owen O'Kane, Julia Samuel MBE, Professor Steve Peters and Dr Fatoumata Jatta – to follow Brits facing everyday challenges, from grief to anxiety, as they try to transform their lives with therapy. Emma, 49, and Matt, 42, leave each participant with an expert, checking in between sessions to offer support. 'The duty of care on the show is next level,' Emma says. 'Our job is to see them along the way, when they've had time to reflect and decompress. But there is a huge care team around the participants, not just the therapists.' In 2023, Matt opened up in a TV documentary about his battles with alcohol and drugs, which remain one of the reasons he's diligent about his mental health. Over the years, he's gathered a toolkit of strategies. 'He's a master of mental health and wellbeing,' says Emma. 'He's done and tried it all.' But therapy wasn't always easy for him to talk about. 'I've had a lot of therapy but, for a long time, I didn't really mention anything about it,' Matt says. 'Because I knew there was a stigma attached. But I've had such incredible experiences with it.' Even Emma once resisted the idea. 'I was that person saying, 'I don't need therapy.' I didn't feel like I needed it,' she says. 'I didn't realise I had anxiety until we went to therapy. When I mentioned Matt playfully calling me a control freak, the therapist said, 'No, that's anxiety.' So, with that, you need to be across everything because of an inner fear. That completely changed how I saw myself.'
