4 days ago
When we 'drop the rock,' we gain serenity and improve our relationships
When We 'Drop the Rock,' We Gain Serenity and Improve Our Relationships
'Drop the Rock' is a short talk by the late speaker Sandy Beach. (Yes, his real name!) It is a favorite message of mine. You can click here to listen to it on YouTube, but to summarize, the story describes a person struggling to swim out to a boat where her friends were waiting. She was weighed down by a rock around her neck (her friends could see it, yet she could not). The friends kept yelling, 'Drop the rock!' When she finally began to untangle the strings holding the rock around her neck, the load became lighter, and she could swim out to the boat and meet her friends.
In this analogy, the boat represents recovery. The 'rock' is a symbol of the baggage she carried: fear, anger, resentment, and so forth. The message is that we can have emotions that weigh us down without our even realizing it.
Many of us have our own rocks we carry around. We might underestimate how much they are holding us back. They harm our serenity and damage relationships.
I have a CEO friend who will periodically call me after reading a column of mine. During a recent conversation, I asked how a new member of the senior team was doing. He said, 'Funny you should ask,' and shared the situation. The person had just come from an organization in which the top leader was a hard-charging, get-it-done, no-excuses type of person. The top leader described his leadership style as KITA leadership. KITA stands for 'Kick in the a**.'
When he started at this organization, the CEO suggested he listen and build relationships. After some weeks went by, the feedback on the new hire was not good. People did not want to work with him. The CEO met with him and shared the feedback. The new hire admitted he had not adjusted his style to the new culture. He then said, 'I need to detox myself from where I came from.' Though a strong statement, it was accurate. The new hire apologized to his team and began listening and building relationships.
I have another friend who is a managing partner of a company. Over the years, when we discussed the previous company he had worked for, it was obvious he had hard feelings for the founder. I asked if I could share an observation, and he said yes. I explained that the founder had taken a chance on him, and he earned enough money to become a managing partner of another firm. While very few leaders are perfect, overall, it seems like he ran a good company. After thinking for a while, my friend said, 'You are right. I am going to send him a thank-you.' My prediction is this will open more communication.
A few tips for getting rid of baggage:
Take self-inventory. In recovery, we are taught to print the names of people we resent, get angry with, are envious of, etc. Try this. Write down the reason you feel this way. Then check how your experience with the person impacted you. It usually comes down to security or self-esteem. Then write down your role in the situation or relationship. This helps you to take a more objective look.
Share your list with a trusted person. This also helps get things out on the table.
Say a prayer for the person. Ask that they receive what you want for yourself.
All of the above will help you to stop letting a person or experience live in your head and impact your serenity.
Of course, do not stay in a toxic environment. But also make sure you're not creating or adding to your own toxic environment internally by feeding negative emotions. Drop the rock. You will be surprised at how much lighter and freer you feel.
Quint Studer is the author of 16 books on leadership in the workplace and the community. His book Building a Vibrant Community is a valuable resource for civic leaders, business owners, and all citizens who have a stake in building a community they can be proud to call home. In Sundays with Quint, he shares a selection of his popular leadership columns for leaders, employees, and business owners in all industries. He can be reached at Quint@
This article originally appeared on Pensacola News Journal: Studer drop the rock to gain serenity, improve relationships
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