Latest news with #FAFO
Metro
6 days ago
- General
- Metro
FAFO parenting teaches good behaviour the hard way — but it could 'tip into neglect'
With every new generation of parents comes a new school of thought on the best approach to child-rearing. And just as gentle parenting replaced the authoritarian methods favoured in decades gone by, the pendulum has now swung back to something altogether more savage: FAFO, or f*** around and find out. According to a recent Wall Street Journal report, an increasing number of parents are adopting FAFO after the softer approach left them feeling 'walk[ed] all over'. Whereas gentle parenting encourages positive behaviour through discussion and redirection, FAFO is all about letting kids experience the negative consequences of their actions. Say it's a winter's morning and your little one is refusing to put a coat on; following the former technique, you'd acknowledge their frustration and explain why you're asking them to wrap up warm. On the other hand, if you're going by FAFO, you'd simply let them go out in their t-shirt, hoping the cold would make them miserable enough to learn their lesson. If you think it seems a bit harsh, you're not alone. According to Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author of The Gentle Parenting Book, although it may look like it works to produce obedience without much effort, 'it's a temporary quick fix that will cause far more issues down the line.' Dr Emily Crosby, child and educational psychologist, largely agrees, arguing that children need to feel protected by the adults in their lives above all else. 'If they do not feel this safety early on in their childhoods this can then result in negative behaviours towards themselves, friendships, romantic relationships and even their own children one day,' she tells Metro. To balance no-nonsense discipline with healthy guidance, Dr Crosby says boundaries are vital — and these must be in place, with trust and respected established, before you even consider a more experimental approach. Although Dr Amanda Gummer, PhD in neuropsychology and founder of the Good Play Guide, acknowledges that FAFO 'risks tipping into neglect' if taken too far, she believes it can work for parents who 'feel burnt out from constant negotiation and micromanagement' at home. More Trending 'There's a growing sense among parents that children are not developing the tools to cope with failure, disappointment or responsibility because adults are too quick to intervene and soften every blow,' she tells Metro. 'When done well, I think an FAFO approach can help children build life skills such as judgement, independence, emotional regulation and resilience. Experiencing manageable failures and learning to reflect on them can foster a strong sense of competence and self-esteem. And for parents, it can reduce conflict and relieve the emotional burden of being involved in every small decision.' Dr Gummer's advice is to start small and be there to offer support whenever it's required; like letting them deal with the school's repercussions for not doing their homework, then discussing things together when they get home. 'It's about stepping back just enough to allow growth, without withdrawing a presence,' she adds. 'Letting children experience consequences within safe limits is an important part of growing up, but it should never feel like punishment or abandonment. Compassion remains key.' Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: Shocking photo reveals 'putrid' melon-sized hairball removed from teen's stomach MORE: Calvin Harris' placenta Instagram post isn't 'vile' but the backlash is MORE: I left my six kids and husband behind in the UK to start a new life abroad Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.
India Today
7 days ago
- Lifestyle
- India Today
Why FAFO parenting is blowing up right now
If you're a parent sitting there thinking, "When does this get easy?"—hate to break it to you, but the easy part is long gone. Remember those well-meaning elders who told you to enjoy your pregnancy before the real roller coaster begins? And how you rolled your eyes, thinking, "How hard can it really be?"Well, now you know, it was wisdom speaking. The early days may have been a blur of feeding schedules, first words, and milestone celebrations. But as your child grows, the challenges evolve: What kind of parent do you want to be? How involved is too involved? How much freedom is the right amount?advertisementAnd just when you thought you had parenting figured out, there's a new trend everyone's talking about: FAFO parenting, which stands for F**k Around and Find is it? Dr Deepak Gupta, child and adolescent psychiatrist, senior consultant, Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, New Delhi, explains that FAFO parenting is a firm, consequence-based approach where kids learn through real-world outcomes rather than repeated warnings."This approach believes that natural consequences support the development of critical thinking skills by allowing children to feel empowered in their decision-making, rather than simply following directives from authority figures," he tells India this, Priyanka Kapoor, a Mumbai-based couple and family counsellor, psychotherapist and psychologist, adds that this parenting style lets the child learn the hard way. "People are tired of explaining and being kind to children. Children are taking advantage of politeness and patience, and parents are losing patience," she states. This parenting style encourages kids to make decisions and learn from them | Photo: Pexels/KoolShooters She further shares that the ideology behind FAFO parenting is to make the child learn through experiences. Experiences often teach good lessons in life. Such an approach increases resilience, high self-esteem, boundaries, and gentle parentingA lot of parents have started feeling like gentle parenting, while great in theory, can sometimes swing too far. Sure, it's all about empathy and understanding, which sounds amazing, but when every tantrum gets met with endless negotiations, some mums and dads feel like the lines blur. Where are the boundaries? Who's actually in charge here?That's where the concern comes in: if kids never hear 'no' or face real consequences, does that set them up to think the world will always bend for them? Some parents believe it does, and that it can create a sense of entitlement without meaning to Dr Gupta, there's a noticeable shift. Parents are looking for something a little firmer, a style that still cares but doesn't compromise on structure and agrees, "Gentle parenting is giving parents a hard time, where children are becoming more rebellious and disrespectful. Children always think in black and white ways. Their brain is not equipped to understand the shades of grey. Hence, the absence of rules, restrictions, and strictness can lead to children taking advantage." Parents are taking a break from gentle parenting | Photo: Pexels/Arina Krasnikova Meanwhile, according to Nishita Srivastava, clinical psychologist, LISSUN (a mental health startup), parents are now moving away from gentle parenting because it can feel exhausting. Being the constant guide, always calm, always explaining, it's a lot. And after all that effort, many still feel taken for resonate with FAFORiddhi Doshi Patel, a Mumbai-based child psychologist and parenting counsellor, says FAFO parenting resonates with parents for two reasons: it promotes independence and responsibility in kids, and it helps parents reclaim the authority they felt they were losing with gentle parenting."With gentle parenting, the support needed to be 100 per cent. Even if you wanted to discipline a child, you'd point it out gently once or avoid discipline altogether. Over time, kids started taking their parents for granted. Parents were stressed, especially during and after the pandemic, when behavioural changes weren't showing up despite all the patience and calmness."advertisementFAFO feels different because it brings boundaries back into the equation. "The idea is simple: you explain, you warn, and if the child still does it, then the responsibility is theirs," Patel says, adding, "Parents like this because they grew up with very authoritative parents and wanted to break away from that. Many went all-in on gentle parenting because social media made it seem like the only 'right' way. But now, they want balance."However, the problem is, parents take one style and follow it to the extreme. You need to merge styles and balance them for Priyanka Kapoor, FAFO parenting makes kids emotionally and physically independent. They are solving their problems themselves. They are able to handle difficult emotions and it means for kidsNishita Srivastava tells us that this style of parenting gives kids a strong sense of autonomy from an early age. They're trusted to make their own choices, within safe limits, and that freedom comes with an important lesson: every action has a it's positive or negative, they begin to understand cause and effect in real life. Over time, this helps them develop accountability, decision-making skills, and resilience because they learn to own the results of their choices instead of relying on someone else to bail them further explains that FAFO parenting can affect kids both short and long term. At first, children may struggle to see their parent as affectionate rather than cold, but over time, it fosters autonomy and confidence. These kids often develop decision-making skills earlier and feel more assured in their Kapoor feels that the FAFO style of parenting may sometimes mean ignorance or neglect to the child. It depends upon the age of the child and also the personality."When the child is young, till the age of eight, they need guidance, warmth, and affection too. For some kids, especially those who are rebellious, it is respect, space, and independence. But kids who are sensitive and emotional can't handle everything all alone emotionally, physically, or in relationships. Hence, each to its own," she this parenting style can help kids become resilient and emotionally strong, it's not without risks. If taken to the extreme, children may end up feeling detached, lonely, or even emotionally neglected. The lack of warmth and affection can create a sense of emptiness, which over time may build into anger and Doshi Patel also shares that for kids, FAFO can sometimes feel harsh. The tone of 'I warned you, now deal with it' may backfire, leaving children feeling emotionally unsafe or unsupported. Some may fear making mistakes, worry about who will help them, or even withdraw from sharing things with their overused, this approach can damage trust, create anxiety, or lead to lying and internalised shame. Too much of FAFO parenting can lead to fear and lying | Photo: Pexels/August de Richelieu Is FAFO the right approach?The experts believe that FAFO parenting style can be effective, but only when used thoughtfully. Like anything else, too much of it isn't good. The ideal approach is a balanced one: a mix of authority, warmth, affection, and independence. Without guidance, children can make wrong decisions that may lead to serious works best when paired with empathy. If it turns punitive, parents need to reassess and bring in connection-based discipline, like a lighthouse, offering safety, support, and clear boundaries while still giving children space to explore, make mistakes, and single parenting style works for everyone. What matters is finding the right balance for your child. Extreme approaches rarely work; what children need is firmness combined with kindness.- EndsMust Watch
Time of India
01-08-2025
- General
- Time of India
Heard of FAFO parenting? Here's WHY it could (actually) be beneficial
A new parenting buzzword is catching up these days, known as FAFO. FAFO represents the internet slang "F*** Around and Find Out", which has evolved into a popular parenting strategy that is currently trending online. Parents today use this trend to show children that practical life lessons can emerge from natural experiences, even though they do not require continuous adult supervision. What does FAFO parenting mean The core principle of FAFO parenting involves allowing children to face the outcomes of their decisions, instead of blocking them or assigning unrelated consequences. For example, parents should allow children to discover the cold outside, when they refuse to wear jackets despite earlier warnings. Similarly, parents will not nag the child for doing their homework, as they will have to face the consequences later themselves. The approach of FAFO differs from traditional parenting styles that use rules or gentle parenting. Examples of FAFO Parenting A child refuses to put on their coat when leaving the house: Instead of fighting the issue or forcing compliance, you should let them discover the cold outside. Homework neglect: When your child chooses to not do his/her homework, a parent lets them be. The experience of dealing with their teacher will teach them about responsibility. The main principle of FAFO involves using consequences that emerge naturally from children's decisions, rather than being invented by parents. FAFO parenting enables children to experience minor errors, which strengthen their ability to solve problems in real life. The practice of FAFO parenting does not involve exposing children to dangerous or unsafe conditions, but permits them to learn through brief mistakes. Why is it catching on FAFO parenting emerged as a response to gentle parenting and helicopter parenting, because it represents a middle ground between these two approaches. Experts alongside parents, agree that complete protection from consequences reduces children's ability to become independent and resilient. The approach of FAFO parenting supports independence, by letting children experience cause-effect relationships in their choices which minimises continuous family power conflicts. The strategy helps children develop resilience, together with independence and problem-solving abilities, that become essential when they become adults. Children who experience minor setbacks while making mistakes, develop superior skills to handle failure during their future life. The vital importance of balance The approach of FAFO parenting does not imply parental lack of attention, or careless behavior. The use of boundaries remains essential according to expert recommendations. For this: Parental intervention becomes necessary whenever it poses an actual risk to the child. Explain potential risks through communication when interacting with young children, because they lack an understanding of cause-effect relationships. After their mistakes, children need a safe environment to discuss their experiences, while receiving support from parents to process what happened and gain knowledge from it. Parents must never expose their children to dangerous situations including fire, play and traffic accidents simply to demonstrate "finding out." The best time to use this approach occurs when children have reached an age of understanding while engaging in small safety lessons. What do critics say Several people support the development of tough independent children through this trend, yet others express concern about its potential to be either too severe, or lacking in guidance particularly when parents misunderstand its application. Children, especially the youngest group, lack sufficient emotional maturity to benefit from painful or uncomfortable learning experiences, and therefore require parental protection from their own impulses. The approach faces potential misuse when parents use it to justify either lazy or punitive behavior, instead of developing their children through proper strategy implementation. What do experts say The majority of parenting specialists agree that children need to experience actual consequences within a safe environment that is filled with love. The healthiest families establish thoughtful boundaries to explain their reasons while preventing mistakes from becoming dangerous. FAFO serves as a method of preparing children for actual real-world situations beyond punishment and embarrassment. When children learn to cope with minor setbacks at a young age, they become more capable of managing significant challenges as adults. References
Mint
25-07-2025
- General
- Mint
Goodbye gentle parenting, hello ‘f—around and find out'
Carla Dillon tried lots of ways to discipline her rambunctious 13-year-old, including making him write the same contrite sentence 100 times. But when he sprayed her with a water gun at a campground after she asked him not to, she saw only one option: She threw him in the pond, clothes and all. 'Some of the best lessons in life are the hard ones," she said. The internet calls it 'FAFO," short for 'F—Around and Find Out." It's a child-rearing style that elevates consequences over the 'gentle parenting" methods that have helped shape Gen Z. FAFO (often pronounced 'faff-oh") is based on the idea that parents can ask and warn, but if a child breaks the rules, mom and dad aren't standing in the way of the repercussions. Won't bring your raincoat? Walk home in the downpour. Didn't feel like having lasagna for dinner? Survive until breakfast. Left your toy on the floor again? Go find it in the trash under the lasagna you didn't eat. Parenting that's light on discipline has dominated the culture in recent decades. But critics blame the approach for some of Gen Z 's problems in adulthood. They cite surveys that show young adults struggling with workplace relationships (was it because their parents never told them 'no"?) and suffering from depression and anxiety (was it because their parents refereed all their problems?). For parents who have spent years trying to meet their children's emotional needs without slipping into overt permissiveness, FAFO can sound blessedly simple. Dillon, 35, knows the approach can be off-putting. 'Maybe your kids wouldn't like that, but, not to be rude, my kid is tougher than yours," said the mother of two outside Richmond, Va. She said her son, who is comfortable in the water, thought it was hilarious but still learned a lesson. She wants to teach her children to be responsible, persevere through hard times and treat others with respect. She adds that some children have different needs that might require gentle parenting. 'My kids will walk all over me if I do that," she said. 'I've tried it." Carla Dillon, shown with her children, said 'some of the best lessons in life are the hard ones.' FAFO parenting goes by lots of names: Tough love, authoritative parenting, or, as Dillon once put it, a method to 'out-feral their feral." But it's also deployed in other contexts. During a diplomatic dispute with Colombia, President Trump reposted on Truth Social a doctored image of himself in a fedora in front of a yellow sign reading, 'FAFO." To some, the parenting debate reflects a divided country. The paradigm of gentle parents vs. FAFO parents isn't quite Snowflake Kids vs. MAGA Kids, but there's a whiff of that. Not in actual politics, but in style. Hard-line parenting is necessary for a child's survival in a harsh world, said FAFO father of five Jon Wellington. The era of the participation trophy is over, he said. 'It caused us to get a little soft." Wellington, 46, a stand-up comedian from Summerville, S.C., recalled that when he and his brother misbehaved, they had to stare into each other's eyes while their parents simultaneously spanked them. He hardly thinks it's excessive that he made his high school daughter go to color guard practice even after she realized she hated it. 'In the real world when you commit to a loan or car payment or house payment or even a marriage, you have to finish that thing until it's over with," said Wellington, who paid for his daughter to join the group at her request. Jon Wellington, with his sons Max and Nic, said the era of the participation trophy is over. Andrea Mata, a clinical child psychologist who offers a webinar entitled 'Gentle Parenting Doesn't Work," practices her own version of FAFO. Recently, her 8-year-old son kept having accidents in what Mata thought was him intentionally disregarding the urge to go to the bathroom during a fun activity. After attempts to correct it, she told the boy to take his allowance and buy himself new underpants. She later discovered the problem was related to a medical issue, which was resolved, and she has since apologized to him. But she didn't reimburse him since he'd lied about it and tried to cover it up, and she stands by the idea of repercussions when children intentionally fall short of expected behavior. The subtleties of gentle parenting techniques are so challenging, 'you need a clinical Ph.D in child development" to master them, said Mata, 41. Becky Kennedy, the psychologist known as 'Dr. Becky" who doesn't identify her methods as gentle parenting but is often associated with the label, sees aspects of FAFO working. All that mindful adulting has robbed parents of their freedom and left them tiptoeing around their children's feelings. She argues a gentler style doesn't advocate for those things, but it has been distorted in a culture that thrives on extremes. Still, the author of the parenting book 'Good Inside" opposes FAFO's authoritative methods. 'There's just a very old idea that somehow feelings get kind of equated with raising snowflakes, like feelings are weak," she said. Millennial parent Madison Barbosa said she struggles with boundaries and is a chronic people pleaser because of the authoritative parenting she experienced. So rather than scaring her children into obedience, she wants them to trust her. 'If my kids are ever in trouble, I don't want them to say, 'Mom's going to be so mad at me,'" said Barbosa, 31, a mother of two small children in Ontario, Canada. 'People feel weird about creating a generation of soft kids and my opinion is, would that be so bad?" Recently, Barbosa posted an image of a bite mark on a child's arm after her children got in a fight, calling it 'my gentle parenting f*ck up" because she'd reacted by screaming at her toddler. Barbosa's followers leapt to her defense. In the comments, it was easy to spot the FAFO parent of a biter. 'I bit mine back," the person wrote, 'and she never did it again." Write to Ellen Gamerman at
Axios
25-07-2025
- Automotive
- Axios
Pennsylvania's latest banned license plate list is a riot
Pennsylvania, U-FNNY-AF. Why it matters: Call us vainglorious, but Pennsylvanians are getting more creative withnew, crass catchphrases to put on our vanity plates. The big picture: The state's most recent banned plate list has grown to more than 4,500 entries, up from roughly 2,000 in 2023. Entries reflect political machinations, historic and pop cultural events and a taste for the tawdry. And it all comes as state lawmakers are considering a proposal requiring drivers to have two license plates on their vehicles. How it works: Rules, rules, rules. The state has a whole list of them, but basically you can't include sexual innuendo, profanity, scat references (grow up, everyone) or things that'll confuse law enforcement or make you seem like you're a cop. Axios Philly went line-by-line through the list to better understand what the state deems clever or canceled. Here are some of the rejected submissions that caught our eye: POTUS47, F-ELON, EF ELON: One Pennsylvanian's political tribute is another's insult. Bonus irony points if this had ended up on a Tesla. The drawback: It's very easy to read it as "FELON." NOMAMES: A Spanish slang term to express surprise ... and something you mutter under your breath when the PennDOT clerk tells you that you can't put it on your plate. LFGENZ: OK, boomer! EDGING: Yep, someone went there. We're edging toward a very, very dark place in Pennsylvania license plate history. FAFO: Philadelphia District Attorney Larry Krasner's go-to catchphrase ended up on T-shirts, but PennDOT was like "FAFO" when someone tried replicating the cringeworthy meme on a plate. FITFO: Apparently, this stands for "Figure it the f--k out." We just did. FLUFF-U: It's where you go to get a bachelor of science (BS). FWAGON: Keep your mind out of the G-utter, folks. Clearly, this is a typo — F and G are right next to each other on the keyboard — from someone chest-pounding about their new Mercedes Benz G-Class. UZAHO: AKA E-ZPass' licentious cousin. Get it, or is that too subtle? GOVNA: That's Mr. Shapiro to you, bloke. PENNDOT: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
