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Black America Web
3 days ago
- General
- Black America Web
Is Abstinence Really ‘Not for Everyone?' Rethinking The Narrative For Believers
Source: FatCamera / Getty Let's just be real: there's this running message in and outside the church that says abstinence is only for a particular 'type' of Christian. You know, the super spiritual ones. The ones who don't struggle. The ones who aren't dating. Or the ones who are 'called to singleness forever.' Somehow, we've watered down abstinence to a suggestion, instead of seeing it as what it is, a call to holiness. And I get it. When your desire for God is real, but your desire for connection, intimacy, and touch is also real, abstinence can feel impossible. Not because you don't love God, but because you're human. Add loneliness, disappointment, and pressure to the mix, and suddenly what God asks of you feels unfair, even outdated. But here's what I've learned: it's not that abstinence is unrealistic, it's that obedience is costly. And for many of us, that cost feels too high. RELATED: 3 Ways Singles Can Grow Closer to God 5 Green Flags In Friendships Knowing that you should live for God and choosing to live for Him are two very different things. Christians understand that we're called to offer our bodies as living sacrifices. That's considered a reasonable request from the Lord (Romans 12:1). But let's be honest, our flesh, which is part of our God-given nature, doesn't always cooperate. Paul, one of the most influential authors of the Bible, speaks to this tension in Romans 7:15: 'I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.' That verse has always comforted me. It reminds me that even the most devout can wrestle with doing what's right. Abstinence is one of those topics that always seems to stir up debate, especially in Christian spaces. When I decided to become abstinent 13 years ago, the conversation around purity was everywhere. But honestly, my decision wasn't shaped by media or church culture. It was deeply personal. God came to me in a dream and told me I needed to live for Him, and for me, that included abstinence. That encounter gave me a conviction stronger than anything a sermon or social trend could offer. Dating as a single woman in New York City or any major city is already a challenge. The culture here doesn't exactly push people toward marriage or family. It's all about career, hobbies, and self-fulfillment. Add being a Christian and abstinent to the mix, and it gets even more nuanced. Early on in my dating journey, disillusionment became a familiar feeling. I can't count how often I heard people say, 'Abstinence isn't for everyone.' And if I'm being fully transparent, I wondered if that statement had some truth. But I've come to this conclusion: Abstinence isn't just for the super-spiritual. It's a call for every believer. Over and over in scripture, God calls His people to be set apart. What's encouraging is that God never pretends we're not surrounded by temptation. He sees the world for what it is, messy, loud, flesh-driven. And still, He calls us to live differently. One verse that drives this home is 2 Timothy 2:20-21: 'In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay. Some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master, and prepared to do any good work.' We have a choice. We can live surrendered lives and be used in powerful ways by God, or we can remain 'common', not because we're not loved, but because we're unwilling to surrender. God is holy. He's also forgiving, yes, but He's clear: believers are not to engage in premarital sex (1 Thessalonians 4:3–5): 'It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.' And his reasons aren't about control, they're about love. He disciplines because He loves. And obedience brings rewards, both natural and spiritual. I think we forget this sometimes, but Jesus was entirely God and fully man. He understands what it means to struggle. Hebrews 4:15 reminds us: 'For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.' Before He went to the cross, Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, begging God to take the cup from Him (Matthew 26:39): 'My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.' He didn't want the pain, but He submitted anyway. He knows what it feels like to deny the flesh. And because of that, He empowers us to do the same. Source: FatCamera / Getty Dating while abstinent felt impossible at times, especially in conversations with men. I would hear things like: 'You're never going to find anyone.' 'Men can't abstain.' 'It's impossible.' And after hearing it repeatedly, part of me started to believe it. I questioned if abstinence was just something for me or a select few. I wondered if I had some 'special gift' that others didn't. But that's not the truth. Abstinence is not a spiritual superpower. It's also essential to understand the difference between abstinence and celibacy. Abstinence is the choice not to engage in sex with the intent to marry eventually. Celibacy is the choice never to marry and remain sexually inactive. Celibacy and abstinence are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same. After years of wrestling with the question, I've landed here: Abstinence is for every believer. Not because some of us are wired for it and others aren't, but because God calls all of us to sexual purity. When we refuse to abstain, it's not because we're incapable; we don't want to. That may sound hard, but love without truth isn't love. The truth sets us free (John 8:32): 'Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.' In my book Ready, Set, Wait , I talk about the reality of navigating sex, singleness, and abstinence as a Christian woman. I share how childhood sexual trauma awakened a hypersexual desire in me. So when God called me to abstain, He wasn't calling someone untouched by pain. He knew I couldn't do it without Him, and I couldn't. That's what we have to understand: real abstinence requires God. Abstinence is possible, but not without a strategy. You need tools. Here are three things I recommend: 1. Flee Immediately (James 4:7) 'Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.' Stop entertaining temptation. Those texts, DMs, 'just checking in' calls? Let them go. 2. Take the Escape Route (1 Corinthians 10:13) 'No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.' God always provides a way out, even when you don't want to take it. Invite Him into those moments. 3. Guard Your Gates Convictions aren't legalism; they're protection. That meant letting go of '90s R&B because of what it stirred up. Be honest about what triggers you and set boundaries accordingly. That moment of satisfaction isn't worth the long-term disobedience. Sometimes, it's not that you even want the person—you're just tired of waiting. Saying 'no' isn't punishment; it's protection. Abstinence isn't about perfection. It's about pursuit. God isn't asking for a flawless record; He's asking for a surrendered heart. If you've messed up, you can start again. If you're in the middle of temptation, you can choose differently. It's never too late to come back to Him. Holiness isn't out of reach. It's the fruit of obedience. And obedience, even when it's hard, is always worth it. DON'T MISS… Breaking the Silence: A Deep Dive into Sexless Marriages With An Intimacy Expert How to Date Well: Cultivating Healthy Relationships and Behaviors 5 Books You Need To Read If You Struggle With Setting Boundaries SEE ALSO Is Abstinence Really 'Not for Everyone?' Rethinking The Narrative For Believers was originally published on Black America Web Featured Video CLOSE
Yahoo
19-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Maryland's gains in maternal mental health stall as other states, nation advance, report finds
While Maryland falls ahead of the national average, mental health advocates say that more can be done to boost maternal mental health in the state. (Photo by FatCamera/Getty stock photo) Maryland is slightly ahead of most states when it comes to supporting maternal mental health, but other states have been gaining ground in the last year while Maryland has been static, according to an analysis that assesses states on a A-F grading scale. The 2025 Maternal Mental Health State Report Card, released Thursday, gave Maryland a 'C' this year, pushing the state just ahead of the national average score of a C-. But health advocates note that 26 other states boosted their 'grades' over last year's report card, and say Maryland needs to increase mental health screening efforts to help improve its score for next year's report card. 'Maryland has a lot to be proud of in terms of its grade. It is performing better than most states on maternal mental health policies,' said Caitlin Murphy, one of the researchers who worked on the report. 'Maryland is doing better than the national average, which is great … There's a few key areas where Maryland could continue to improve.' The Policy Center for Maternal Mental Health released its third annual report Thursday to update grades on states' accessibility to maternal mental health services. 'The good news is that the U.S. national grade has improved slightly from a D+ to a C- … We're also seeing 26 state grades improving this year alone, with five state's earning B's,' Murphy said. 'We know there's still a lot more work to be done on 19 states that are still earning D or F grades.' This year, five states received B grades, 27 states received C grades, 17 states received D grades and 2 states received F's. That's an improvement from last year, when 24 states received D grades and 5 states receiving failing grades. 'Folks are realizing just how crucial it is to address this. And not only to destigmatize maternal mental health, but really put the policies in place at the state level and the health insurance level to get … all the things we know are needed to support mental health for moms,' Murphy said. Report: Md. shows 'incremental' gains on maternal mental health, but still needs work 'Folks are very aware of postpartum depression, but this also includes postpartum anxiety, OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder), psychosis – which is much rarer. But, there is starting to be more understanding around that,' she said. The report focuses on several areas where states can improve maternal mental health access to services and health care coverage across the states. Some metrics considered include Medicaid coverage, access to maternal mental health providers, and data from insurance coverage and claims for services. One category assesses whether Medicaid requires screenings and data collection for mental health concerns such as prenatal depression and post-partum depression. Last year's report card docked Maryland over not requiring data collection on mental health screening – an area that Maryland lost points on again this year. 'States can require their health plans to report on rates of maternal mental health screening,' Murphy said. 'Right now, Maryland does not require its health plans, and in particular its Medicaid health plans, to report on rates of maternal mental health screening.' Dan Martin, senior director of public policy for the Mental Health Association of Maryland, said that the report card shows 'that there is room to improve in Maryland,' including in screening for maternal mental health needs. 'Screening and identification for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders really improves the likelihood for recovery of the mother. It supports healthy childhood development,' he said. 'It (maternal mental health) can have profound impacts on the health of the mother and her infant and her family.' That doesn't mean that those screenings are not happening, Murphy noted, just that the state doesn't require collection of that data, which can make tracking statewide progress difficult. 'The more health plans that are reporting out the screening rates, the better idea we're able to have of if it's actually happening – and that's one of the biggest gaps right now in terms of data,' she said. 'We don't know yet if maternal mental health disorders are reducing, and part of that is the need for screening to be more universal and for screening to be required, so we can actually track this over time.' SUBSCRIBE: GET THE MORNING HEADLINES DELIVERED TO YOUR INBOX The Maryland Department of Health said in a written statement Thursday that the state is 'committed to all women in Maryland achieving and maintaining their highest level of physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being.' The policy center added new metrics this year that measured whether states invested in group prenatal care for the Medicaid populations. Murphy said such programs help connect pregnant people and new mothers to peers and social supports. Maryland earned a few extra points for programs such as the Medicaid CenteringPregnancy Program, which brings people with a similar due date together to will learn about what to expect during pregnancy as a community. But it was not enough to boost the state's grade to a C+, Murphy said. She noted that Maryland is ahead of other states when it comes to health care coverage for pregnancy through Medicaid, the joint federal-state health insurance program targeted for lower-income families and other specific populations. But with members of Congress deliberating significant cuts to Medicaid, Murphy worries that states will backslide on progress made over the last few years. State officials, advocates fear impact of expected Medicaid cuts in House bill 'Even though states are making this incremental progress on maternal mental health, we also know that right now Congress is putting forward proposed policies to cut Medicaid and Health and Human Services programs,' she said. 'If those kinds of cuts go through, we are going to see state scores and the overall national score backslide.' KFF, a nonpartisan health research organization, reports that in 2023, 41% of births in the United States were financed by Medicaid. In Maryland, about 42% of births were supported by Medicaid coverage that year. 'That statistic is often surprising to folks, but it reflects the fact that this is a really important source of coverage,' Murphy said. She said that interest in maternal mental health has been increasing over the last few years and hopes that increased awareness of the issue will help deter Congress from cutting supports for maternal mental health services. 'It's been wonderful that over the past several years, I think people have started to understand the depths of how important maternal mental health is and also how far we have to go,' Murphy said. 'This is a real failure of our health care systems to support our moms and families … It's really a matter of life or death.'
Yahoo
21-04-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Advocates for Black maternal health press NC General Assembly to approve ‘MOMnibus' legislation
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's latest maternal mortality report found that in 2023, Black women nationally were more than three times more likely than white women to die during or after childbirth. (FatCamera/Getty Images) On the week that North Carolina senators were busy rolling out a $32.6B spending plan, it was difficult to gain attention for legislation that some consider a longshot this session. But Senator Natalie Murdock (D-Chatham, Durham) refused to allow budget week to shift her focus from what she sees as the critical need to pass a bill crafted to improve Black maternal health outcomes. The United States has the highest maternal mortality rate in the developed world. And Black women in the U.S. are three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related health problems than white women. Murdock has repeated those sobering facts for more than three years now, as she tries to get the Republican-controlled Senate to advance the MOMnibus 3.0 Act. Gabriel Scott, an MPA with the North Carolina Coalition of the National Council of Negro Women, joined Murdock last week in advocating for Senate Bill 571/House Bill 725. Scott said when she went into labor at 25 weeks, doctors were dismissive. 'I needed pain medication, I needed help, I needed something. They did not listen.' After she delivered her twins, complications with the placenta and an excessive loss of blood, left her husband terrified she might need a blood transfusion. 'They finally had an anesthesiologist come to give me medication. My husband said, can you at least tell me what the medication is? And the anesthesiologist laughed and said, 'Oh, this is typically medicine we give to war vets who have had limbs blown off,'' Scott recounted. 'They took it as a joke. The doctor continued to shove his arm in me.' Hours later in recovery, a white female doctor came to her room acknowledging the difficulty of the delivery. 'And she said, there are things that we know we do well at the hospital and then there are things that we know we don't do well, and one of those things is our treatment of African-American women and childbirth.' The same doctor suggested both she and her husband might seek mental health help. Scott gives thanks to God that her twin girls are healthy. But she's been dealing with pelvic pain for over four years and the trauma of doctors who didn't listen to her. Dr. Charity Watkins, an assistant professor of social work at North Carolina Central University and a maternal health researcher at Duke University, shared her own terrifying story of pregnancy-related heart failure. 'I always feel it is important for me to introduce myself using my professional roles. Maybe my doctoral degree will save me from the daily mistreatment I experienced because of my dark complexion. Maybe leaning into the perceived prestige of being a professor will protect me from poor perceptions and negative stereotypes associated with being a Black woman,' Watkins told a room of reporters on Wednesday. After her pregnancy, Watkins presented with classic heart failure symptoms, a family history of heart disease, and a recent cesarean delivery followed by hemorrhaging. She was told by a doctor that maybe it was the flu. 'What could have led to me receiving quality health care without having to prove I'm worthy of being treated as a human being?' Watkins believes the MOMnibus 3.0 Act would have changed her birth story, with doctors who would not have dismissed her as being over-dramatic or 'just another Black woman exaggerating her pain levels.' The legislation would direct the NC Department of Health and Human Services to establish and operate a maternal mortality prevention grant initiative that would establish or expand programs for the prevention of maternal mortality and severe maternal morbidity among Black women. 'It's time for us to provide Black mothers with more confidence in their care before, during, and after childbirth,' said Watkins. The legislation would also require NCDHHS, in collaboration with community-based organizations led by Black women and a historically Black college and universities (HBCUs) that primarily serves minority populations to create evidence-based implicit bias training program for health care professionals. Patients receiving care at a perinatal care facility would also receive a list of their rights including being informed of continuing health care requirements following discharge. The bill would also earmark $3 million for each year of the 2025-27 biennium for the UNC Board of Governors for recruiting, training, and retaining a diverse workforce of lactation consultants in North Carolina. Reps. Zack Hawkins (D-Durham) and Julie von Haefen (D-Wake) are advocating for HB 725, the companion bill in the state House. Hawkins said his two sisters and his wife had their own stories in which doctors were not 'listening appropriately' to their pain, and the fact that they knew their own bodies. Von Haefen said while it may not seem like her place to speak on Black health, she also knew she could not turn away. 'This should not be something that's put solely on Black women. White women need to be allies in this fight, because we are all mothers.' In North Carolina Black women are 1.8 times more likely to die from childbirth, two-thirds of these deaths are preventable, according to Murdock.
