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Metro
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Metro
My partner died — now I'm sleeping with four men at once
Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger. This week we hear from Rayna*, a 40-year-old nutritionist who's partner tragically died in 2022. Rayna has always been part of the fetish community, after being introduced to it at university. In particular, she enjoyed watching group sex. So, when she felt ready to start dating again last year, she joined Feeld, known for being a more sex positive, open-minded dating app. And, Ryna says it 'certainly delivered'. 'I don't care much for monogamy anymore, and my sex drive is unashamedly high,' Rayna explains. 'I have a deep need for sex, but I don't use it to validate myself.' While she identifies as straight, she loves watching men and women have sex, and enjoys group dynamics. Rayna says she's not ready for a romantic connection, but has sex around three times a week. She's currently involved with two single men, as well as two men in open relationships. 'I love that my sex life is active and varied, with regular players who I trust and have a connection with,' she says. Rayna has no desire to have a baby, although marriage is something she could see for herself at some point in the future. Love reading juicy stories like this? Need some tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up to The Hook-Up and we'll slide into your inbox every week with all the latest sex and dating stories from Metro. We can't wait for you to join us! Without further ado, here's how Rayna got on this week… The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work . This is a non-work day for me, and John* comes over in the afternoon. I get a text before he arrives that says 'be fully dressed and well behaved.' I interpret this as answering the door in high heels and a see-through dress. He immediately pushes me down onto my knees. After he hangs up, we have sex in front of the mirror so we can watch ourselves do doggy style. I've always enjoyed primal positions like this. I had only ever had clitoral orgasms with my late partner, but now, I can climax through penetration. I think the trauma of him dying burned away insecurities I had. The experience taught me that life can be short: just get out of your head and enjoy it. I go for dinner and to see a play with my mum after work. Mark* texts on the way home to arrange our next meet and we chat about BDSM power dynamics. During a session we had recently, he really restricted my pleasure over several hours. He denied me full thrusts, before giving me everything and taking it away again. We discuss ethical non manogamy a lot too, as he has a long-term girlfriend, and I'm very curious. When I began dating after my partner passed, I wanted someone I wouldn't fall in love, as that was something I just wasn't ready for. But I did want someone I could have sex with, and get back on the horse with. I found Mark, who was already dating other people. I realised I didn't care – there was no jealousy, or terrotorial twinge. I discovered I liked hearing about the sex. From there, the separation between sex and an emotional partnership became really clear in my head. I meet Elliot* for a drink for the first time after we matched on Feeld. I get a good vibe from him, and I turn him on at the bar by telling him all about my fun Monday with John. Elliot is in an open relationship, and they enjoy group sex, so I'm hoping we can all have some fun together. I've had threeways with other women before, but not with two men and never a foursome. All things that are now on the horizon. We finish our margaritas and go back to mine. I go down on him in my hallway and then we move to the bedroom, and he returns the favour. I know he'll go home to his partner and tell her all about it, which I find really hot. Today I work from home, then I just go to the gym and relax, before masturbating to some of my home videos. I often film myself have sex – I have so many clips, that I don't even watch porn anymore. While doing so, I message Elliot about how much fun I had last night. I think about what it would be like to have sex with Elliot and John at the same time. I also fantasise about watching John and Elliot doing this with Elliot's girlfriend. The possibility for all this happening, and soon, is high. I have a very intense orgasm and fall into a deep sleep. Fred* is in town (he lives abroad but is often in London for work) and we meet for dinner. I've been edging myself all day on his instructions, and the anticipation really ramps up as we eat. Afterwards, we go back to his hotel, and I strip for him before he spanks me. I'm so turned on, but he makes me beg him for it. It is rough, but he knows my limits. I'm not into extreme pain or degradation, and this is always respected. I'm never pushed further than I want to go. We have sex three times, and in between sessions I post about the hotel in a women's travel Facebook group that I'm a member of. I give a rave review and make a brief, throwaway comment about the fact I am there for a cheeky hook up. The post goes viral with women wanting details of the sex, it's like a feeding frenzy with thousands of comments. It later transpires that the hotel website gets so much traffic that it crashes and is down for two days! Fred says he's going to ask them for a discount next time he stays there. I wake Fred up with a blowjob. I'm a real morning sex person, always have been. I go for lunch with girlfriends and share my raunchy antics which cause a mixture of shock, wicked delight and a touch of concern. I assure them I'm enjoying myself and being safe. It's a perfect girl's lunch, complete with champagne. I perhaps drink more of it than I should and end up showing them all a photo that I took of myself on my bed in black lingerie and heels. Ultimately, they are all really happy to see me having fun and love hearing the juicy details. Mark comes around after I get home from work. I'm told to wait in my bedroom, kneeling on the floor facing the wall. I'm not allowed to turn around. This time, he also brings his partner with him and tells her to come and kneel next to me. We quickly smile at each other in excitement. I'm someone who always likes to be in control, yet in the bedroom, I love to be ordered around. More Trending We give him a blowjob together as he sits in the chair in my bedroom. John likes to regard this chair as 'his', although in reality, it actually belongs to my cat. Then Mark has sex with us both. It's a great, fun end to the weekend and we lie in bed afterwards chatting and joking. There was no feeling of being left out or jealous, even though they were a couple. View More » I cook myself some dinner while enjoying a glass of wine and ponder the logistics of a sixsome, which I'd love. Is that even a word? When does it cross over into orgy territory? I get a really good night's sleep. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: Sleepgasms are real — my climax wakes me up in the mornings MORE: Elizabeth Hurley reveals blossoming bond with Billy Ray Cyrus' daughters after loved-up summer MORE: I went on a £11,000 desert orgasm retreat — this is everything that happened
Times
5 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Times
Hang on, when did I become a milf?
When my marriage disbanded last October, and I knew I didn't want to rush into anything serious but I quite wanted to see what was 'out there', a friend recommended I get on Feeld. This is the ostensibly fun dating app where anything goes, and most people are looking for short-term 'interactions' rather than long-term relationships. Feeling like a deer in the headlights, I finally, tentatively signed up this year. By Feeld standards my wants and needs were reserved. Other users say they're into multi-partner interactions, BDSM, shibali (ropes) or simply 'watching'. I, meanwhile, said I loved good food, nice hotels, and was up for lunch dates to see if there was a spark. Unlike many others on the app (I later discovered), I was upfront and honest about my age, separation and co-parenting situation. 'That will sort the wheat from the chaff,' I thought, anticipating that declaring that I had three children — and the 47-year-old body that carried them — would put men off me, like a natural filter, so I'd only be left with a select few likes. • Help! I've got part-time empty nest syndrome How wrong I was. A week after posting my profile, I had over 1,000 likes from men. Some 25 per cent were older than me, ranging up to mid-seventies, but what surprised me — dumbfounded me, even — was that 75 per cent were younger than me. In fact 25 per cent of them were under 30; young enough, feasibly, to be my son. When I saw an 18-year-old blond boy who liked my profile and lived two miles away, my first thought was, 'But I might know your parents!' At first I thought that all these boys/men had clicked on me by accident, or that they hadn't read the 'mother of 3' part of my profile properly. However, as the next week progressed, my app continued to fill up with new likes from very young men. What was strange was they were all good-looking, gym-honed, interesting, often creative and well travelled. They didn't look desperate. • Why is everyone swinging — except me? Gulp … does that mean I'm a milf? Having three children, life is busy, so my hair regularly goes unwashed, my legs are only shaved on special occasions, and I often wear the same clothes a few days in a row. I go to bed at 9pm and love nothing more than a good book in the bath, so it's not something I'd ever had cause to consider. I'd always found the phrase repellent but when, at a dinner party a couple of years ago, a drunk dad-friend whispered over the table, 'Don't worry, you're a milf,' after I admitted the youngish waiter was attractive, I understood it as a compliment. At least he was my own age. Seeing all these 18-30s liking my profile was even more flattering. But in all honestly, it brought out a nurturing instinct rather than an erotic one. I felt more inclined to make them dinner and watch Stranger Things together than get naked with them. In the interests of research, I messaged a couple of the boys/men as I was intrigued to find out why they'd liked my profile, but pretty soon each referred to my age. One said: 'I fancy older women, like you.' Another explained: 'Milfs are more confident, it's hot!' Then he asked: 'Are your kids my age?' Cue me inwardly cringing and politely saying goodbye while feeling sorry that these Gen-Z daters aren't out in bars making eye contact with women their own age like we used to do in the Nineties, when most of them weren't even born. • My first date after the split — oh dear, I got 'friendzoned' Also, didn't they know there is nothing that's going to make a woman run away faster than being told she's an 'older woman'? It reminded me of the midwives at the hospital who kept telling me I was a 'geriatric mother' at the birth of my second child when I was 35 (let alone my third, four years later). Since this experience, my thoughts on milfdom have changed. I've had a spring in my step from the attention, but it's not a kink I'm keen to explore. There's something appealing about having a conversation with someone my own age-ish. I'm not sure I even want to date someone in their thirties, as I enjoy banter with people who get the same cultural references, whose body is a similar vintage, and who don't view me as older by default. Now I've set the Feeld filter to only see likes from men between 40 and 57. It's an arbitrary, non-scientific age pool, but I'm interested to see what those conversations bring. At least they won't need to ask me if they are older than my kids. Follow Molly's must-read dispatches on love, life and parenting after separation online, every fortnight
Mint
27-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Mint
How dating apps are leading to emotional burnout in the ENM community
By the time Mira (name changed) matched with her 150th person on Feeld (a dating app for those interested in ethical non-monogamy), she no longer felt curious, but, just numb. What started two years ago as a way to explore ethical non-monogamy (ENM) with her primary partner had become a blur of awkward conversations, ghostings, and mismatched intentions. 'It felt like auditioning for something I didn't even want to be cast in anymore," she said. 'Like I had to sell this curated version of openness that didn't even feel like mine." Mira is not alone. Across ENM communities, especially among queer, neurodivergent, and trauma-conscious users, there's a growing undercurrent of emotional fatigue. On the surface, platforms like Feeld and Pure promise what traditional dating apps can't: space for multiplicity, exploration, and conscious relating. But behind the curated profiles and kink-friendly tags, many users are quietly burning out. WIPE CULTURE MEETS ENM Arjun (name changed), a 33-year-old visual artist, based in Mumbai describes his journey through ENM dating apps as 'a slow erosion of hope." What began as excitement to meet like-minded individuals quickly turned transactional. 'I got tired of being someone's 'first non-monogamous experience' or their 'try-poly for a weekend' fantasy. There was no depth. Just more profiles, more pings, and less connection." Apps like Feeld may have been built for people like Arjun and Mira – those seeking relationships beyond monogamy, with explicit communication and boundaries. But their lived experiences suggest a different reality: one where the same systems that constrict monogamy are simply repackaged under the banner of freedom. 'Most dating apps, even the supposedly open-minded ones, are still engineered like slot machines," says Dr Aman Bhonsle, a consulting psychotherapist in Mumbai. 'Gamified, performative, and designed to spike dopamine. The promise is a genuine connection, but the reality often feels like a social auction." For ENM users, this mismatch cuts particularly deep. Unlike casual monogamous users, who may be swiping to findthe one, ENM users are often managing multiple emotional ecosystems. When these are built on shaky, shallow app interactions, the result is a sense of relational whiplash: too many people, too few anchors. 'Monogamous users usually burn out from not finding one stable bond," Bhonsle adds. 'ENM users often burn out from too many shallow ones." THE MYTH OF LIMITLESS CONNECTIONS Dating fatigue isn't unique to ENM, but its shape is distinct. For those practicing ethical non-monogamy, the illusion of endless choice often backfires. 'It's like a buffet," says psychotherapist Sanjana Prasad, based in Bengaluru. 'At first, the variety seems exciting. But after grazing endlessly, you realise you've consumed a lot without actually feeling nourished." While apps serve up endless 'options," what's often missing is resonance. As Prasad explains, 'Our attachment systems thrive on attunement, not volume. When every interaction feels fleeting, the nervous system doesn't register safety or connection. Just noise." For Arjun, this emotional void came with creeping self-doubt. 'I began questioning if I was asking for too much by wanting honest conversations or emotional care in these dynamics. Everyone claimed to be open, but it felt like a performance, like ENM cosplay." Both therapists agree that performative openness is one of the most corrosive forces in today's ENM dating culture. 'Many people enter ENM trying to sidestep the emotional baggage of monogamy," Bhonsle explains. 'But they end up colliding with a new kind of overwhelm: chronic comparison, attachment confusion, and emotional fatigue." Prasad echoes this, pointing out how even in ENM circles, people can find themselves trapped in new sets of expectations. 'There's often pressure to conform to a particular way of 'doing ENM.' If your version doesn't match the dominant script, often hyper-sexualized and low on emotional accountability, you feel out of place." This dissonance between what people say ENM is and how they actually engage with it creates emotional confusion. 'It's like I was constantly gaslighting myself," Mira says. 'Thinking maybeI'm the one doing it wrong for wanting depth, safety, or softness." WHEN VULNERABLE IDENTITIES MEET FRAGILE ECOSYSTEMS For users navigating ENM alongside other layered identities such as queer, neurodivergent, trauma-impacted: the emotional cost is even steeper. 'As a queer woman, I expected ENM to be liberating," Mira recalls. 'But instead, I found myself having to explain my boundaries constantly, or worse, having them ignored." Repeated objectification or shallow engagement can start to warp a person's understanding of what ENM is supposed to feel like. 'If all you're offered is performativity or consumption," Prasad says, 'you start to internalise that as the norm. Over time, it chips away at your sense of self and belonging." Bhonsle highlights how those with attachment trauma or neurodivergent patterns may particularly struggle with ENM in the app world. 'Fast-paced ambiguity and ghosting can be deeply triggering. Without clear relational scaffolding, these users often spiral into self-blame or emotional dysregulation." Another common theme among ENM users is the experience of being reduced to a function: a kink, a dynamic, a role to be filled. 'Sometimes it felt like people were 'shopping' for a third to plug into their pre-written fantasy," Arjun says. 'I wasn't a person, just a variable in someone else's storyline." This kind of objectification can be subtle. It may show up in the way someone frames their availability, their lack of follow-through, or the casual dismissal of emotional needs. But its impact is cumulative. 'Eventually," Bhonsle explains, 'you're not just being objectified by others but you start doing it to yourself. Softening your truth, downplaying your needs, performing a version of yourself that keeps you in the game." GO SLOW, SEEK REAL CONNECTIONS If dating apps are structured to reward surface-level interaction, what's the alternative? Prasad suggests that part of the answer lies in reclaiming slowness and groundedness. 'Therapy helps, yes, but so does community care, nervous system regulation, and reflective solitude. ENM is noisy. You need spaces where your whole self can exist without explanation." Community – be it real, relational, accountable community – is key. But so is discernment. 'Not all ENM spaces are created equal," she says. 'The goal isn't just finding people who share the label, but those who also share your values." For Arjun, the turning point was pulling back from apps entirely and seeking connection through local, in-person ENM meetups. 'It's slower, more awkward, but way more real." Mira, too, has taken a step back. 'I've learned to listen to my nervous system more than someone's bio. If it doesn't feel safe or nourishing, I don't care how 'conscious' they say they are." The promise of ENM was never ease. It was never abundance. It was truth, autonomy, and emotional responsibility. But in trying to digitize it, we've lost some of its nuance. 'ENM requires a kind of emotional infrastructure that most dating apps don't support," Bhonsle says. 'They're wired for novelty, not depth." Perhaps the next evolution of ENM isn't in better technology, but in better conversations. More honest narratives. And the courage to say:I'm tired of pretending this is working when it's not. Until then, users like Mira and Arjun will keep carving out their own slow, messy, imperfect paths, one honest connection at a time. Divya Naik is an independent writer based in Mumbai.
7NEWS
03-07-2025
- Health
- 7NEWS
Federal health adviser Daniel McCluskie charged over alleged sexual assaults of partner and woman he met on dating app
A senior digital health adviser has been accused of multiple rapes and assaults against two women — a long-term partner and another he met on a dating app. Daniel McCluskie, 44, was arrested at his home on Sibbick St in Russell Lea — Sydney's inner west — at about 7am on Wednesday after an investigation into alleged domestic violence-related sexual and assault offences committed between 2021 and 2024. NSW Police launched the investigation in March after allegations emerged that McCluskie had sexually assaulted, choked, and kidnapped a 35-year-old woman between 2021 and 2023. Further inquiries uncovered a second alleged victim, a 52-year-old woman McCluskie met on the alternative dating app Feeld, which caters to people interested in kink and non-traditional relationships. He is accused of choking her after consensual activity in March 2024. McCluskie has been charged with 15 domestic violence-related offences, including eight counts of sexual intercourse without consent, three counts of intentionally choking a person without consent, two counts of stalking or intimidation, one count of intentionally recording an intimate image without consent, and one count of detaining a person with intent to obtain advantage. He appeared at Parramatta Local Court on Thursday and was granted conditional bail. Conditions of his bail include restrictions on leaving NSW or Australia and bans on using smartphones and dating apps. McCluskie is listed as a digital health adviser for the Australian Digital Health Agency. 'Daniel, as a Clinician, Program Director, and Transformation Architect, stands out as a distinguished leader in the realm of Digital Health throughout Australia,' the federal government agency said on its website. 'Daniel's multifaceted skill set, coupled with his unwavering commitment to driving positive change within the healthcare landscape, underscore his role as a transformative force in Digital Health across Australia.' The agency told on Thursday that it is aware of the 'serious charges' laid against 'a Daniel McCluskie'. 'As this is an active police matter, we are unable to comment,' it said in a statement. 'We note that Digital Health Advisers are not employees of the Agency.' understands McCluskie held a wedding ceremony in 2013 in NSW's Mittagong. A University of Sydney Bachelor of Nursing graduate, McCluskie has been featured on the university's alumni page, sharing 'words of wisdom' with fellow students. The university said McCluskie 'has had a great deal of success', and he reflected on how his time there shaped his career, which included serving as a Director at KPMG consulting in the health industry. 'The greatest achievement in my career is that I have been able to have direct and indirect impacts on those in our communities, working to improve quality of life and wellbeing,' he said. 'Whether it is a finishing a shift in ICU knowing that you have done your best caring for the patient and their loved ones, supporting the nurses on the ward you manage to deliver the best care they can, or leading the implementation of an electronic medication management system that significantly reduces the risk of medication errors and adverse events. 'All are great achievements, with meaningful impact, it's just a matter of scale.' McCluskie is next due to appear at Burwood Local Court on July 10.
Time of India
20-06-2025
- General
- Time of India
What is 'relationship anarchy'? The new dating trend that fights loneliness but has a big red flag
In a world where swiping left or right is the norm and traditional dating leaves many emotionally drained, a new relationship model is challenging everything we've been taught about love. Known as 'relationship anarchy,' this trend is gaining traction among Gen Z and LGBTQ+ communities for its radical approach to connection—one that might just be a solution to modern loneliness, but also brings its own complications. Redefining What a Relationship Means Relationship anarchy is not about chaos or avoiding intimacy. It's a philosophy that questions the traditional labels and hierarchies we place on relationships. Coined by Swedish writer Andie Nordgren, the idea encourages people to approach every connection—romantic, platonic, or familial—as unique and equal in value. Rather than slotting people into roles like 'best friend,' 'partner,' or 'spouse,' relationship anarchists aim to co-create bonds that suit the needs of those involved, free from societal expectations. There are no rules unless you decide on them together. No assumptions about exclusivity, no pressure to define the relationship, and no hierarchy that prioritizes romantic ties above others. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Play War Thunder now for free War Thunder Play Now Undo Not Polyamory—But Close While relationship anarchy might resemble polyamory in its openness to multiple emotional or romantic connections, it takes things a step further. Polyamory often includes structure, such as primary partners or agreed boundaries. Relationship anarchy, on the other hand, rejects all predefined frameworks. It's about autonomy, mutual respect, and designing your own blueprint for connection. A psychologist says that the term stems from the idea of having 'no rulers' in relationships—no set roles or expectations, only mutual intent. It's not about avoiding love or commitment, but about defining them in your own way. A Response to a Loneliness Epidemic The appeal of relationship anarchy lies partly in how it addresses the growing sense of isolation in today's world. According to a recent report from Feeld, a dating app catering to non-monogamous and queer communities, nearly 20% of young respondents said they had tried relationship anarchy. Many of them reported feeling less lonely and more emotionally connected, with deeper, more varied bonds than they had experienced through traditional dating. The report also highlights how this model is especially popular among LGBTQ+ individuals, who often seek alternatives to heteronormative relationship structures that don't reflect their realities. But It's Not for Everyone Despite its promises of freedom and connection, relationship anarchy isn't without challenges. The very absence of rules and labels can make navigating boundaries difficult. Feeld's data shows that those practicing relationship anarchy were significantly more likely to struggle with conflict resolution and unclear expectations. Some critics argue the trend could be an excuse for avoiding accountability. However, its supporters suggest the opposite: that it actually demands more effort and emotional clarity. Without scripts to fall back on, every connection requires honest communication and constant check-ins. Relationship anarchy doesn't reject love or attachment. In fact, it often involves deep emotional investment—but without the societal packaging. Commitments can take many forms: daily check-ins, shared routines, or simply being there when it matters. As younger generations seek more flexible and authentic ways to connect, this model offers an alternative to the rigid rules that often define romantic relationships . But it also asks for emotional maturity, clear intentions, and mutual respect—qualities that can be hard to sustain without traditional guardrails.
