My partner died — now I'm sleeping with four men at once

Metro

13 hours ago

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.
This week we hear from Rayna*, a 40-year-old nutritionist who's partner tragically died in 2022.
Rayna has always been part of the fetish community, after being introduced to it at university. In particular, she enjoyed watching group sex.
So, when she felt ready to start dating again last year, she joined Feeld, known for being a more sex positive, open-minded dating app.
And, Ryna says it 'certainly delivered'. 'I don't care much for monogamy anymore, and my sex drive is unashamedly high,' Rayna explains. 'I have a deep need for sex, but I don't use it to validate myself.'
While she identifies as straight, she loves watching men and women have sex, and enjoys group dynamics.
Rayna says she's not ready for a romantic connection, but has sex around three times a week. She's currently involved with two single men, as well as two men in open relationships.
'I love that my sex life is active and varied, with regular players who I trust and have a connection with,' she says.
Rayna has no desire to have a baby, although marriage is something she could see for herself at some point in the future.
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Without further ado, here's how Rayna got on this week…
The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work .
This is a non-work day for me, and John* comes over in the afternoon. I get a text before he arrives that says 'be fully dressed and well behaved.'
I interpret this as answering the door in high heels and a see-through dress. He immediately pushes me down onto my knees.
After he hangs up, we have sex in front of the mirror so we can watch ourselves do doggy style. I've always enjoyed primal positions like this.
I had only ever had clitoral orgasms with my late partner, but now, I can climax through penetration.
I think the trauma of him dying burned away insecurities I had. The experience taught me that life can be short: just get out of your head and enjoy it.
I go for dinner and to see a play with my mum after work. Mark* texts on the way home to arrange our next meet and we chat about BDSM power dynamics.
During a session we had recently, he really restricted my pleasure over several hours. He denied me full thrusts, before giving me everything and taking it away again.
We discuss ethical non manogamy a lot too, as he has a long-term girlfriend, and I'm very curious.
When I began dating after my partner passed, I wanted someone I wouldn't fall in love, as that was something I just wasn't ready for. But I did want someone I could have sex with, and get back on the horse with.
I found Mark, who was already dating other people. I realised I didn't care – there was no jealousy, or terrotorial twinge. I discovered I liked hearing about the sex. From there, the separation between sex and an emotional partnership became really clear in my head.
I meet Elliot* for a drink for the first time after we matched on Feeld. I get a good vibe from him, and I turn him on at the bar by telling him all about my fun Monday with John.
Elliot is in an open relationship, and they enjoy group sex, so I'm hoping we can all have some fun together. I've had threeways with other women before, but not with two men and never a foursome. All things that are now on the horizon.
We finish our margaritas and go back to mine. I go down on him in my hallway and then we move to the bedroom, and he returns the favour.
I know he'll go home to his partner and tell her all about it, which I find really hot.
Today I work from home, then I just go to the gym and relax, before masturbating to some of my home videos. I often film myself have sex – I have so many clips, that I don't even watch porn anymore.
While doing so, I message Elliot about how much fun I had last night. I think about what it would be like to have sex with Elliot and John at the same time. I also fantasise about watching John and Elliot doing this with Elliot's girlfriend.
The possibility for all this happening, and soon, is high. I have a very intense orgasm and fall into a deep sleep.
Fred* is in town (he lives abroad but is often in London for work) and we meet for dinner. I've been edging myself all day on his instructions, and the anticipation really ramps up as we eat.
Afterwards, we go back to his hotel, and I strip for him before he spanks me. I'm so turned on, but he makes me beg him for it.
It is rough, but he knows my limits. I'm not into extreme pain or degradation, and this is always respected. I'm never pushed further than I want to go.
We have sex three times, and in between sessions I post about the hotel in a women's travel Facebook group that I'm a member of. I give a rave review and make a brief, throwaway comment about the fact I am there for a cheeky hook up.
The post goes viral with women wanting details of the sex, it's like a feeding frenzy with thousands of comments. It later transpires that the hotel website gets so much traffic that it crashes and is down for two days! Fred says he's going to ask them for a discount next time he stays there.
I wake Fred up with a blowjob. I'm a real morning sex person, always have been.
I go for lunch with girlfriends and share my raunchy antics which cause a mixture of shock, wicked delight and a touch of concern. I assure them I'm enjoying myself and being safe.
It's a perfect girl's lunch, complete with champagne. I perhaps drink more of it than I should and end up showing them all a photo that I took of myself on my bed in black lingerie and heels.
Ultimately, they are all really happy to see me having fun and love hearing the juicy details.
Mark comes around after I get home from work. I'm told to wait in my bedroom, kneeling on the floor facing the wall. I'm not allowed to turn around. This time, he also brings his partner with him and tells her to come and kneel next to me. We quickly smile at each other in excitement.
I'm someone who always likes to be in control, yet in the bedroom, I love to be ordered around. More Trending
We give him a blowjob together as he sits in the chair in my bedroom. John likes to regard this chair as 'his', although in reality, it actually belongs to my cat. Then Mark has sex with us both.
It's a great, fun end to the weekend and we lie in bed afterwards chatting and joking.
There was no feeling of being left out or jealous, even though they were a couple.
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I cook myself some dinner while enjoying a glass of wine and ponder the logistics of a sixsome, which I'd love. Is that even a word? When does it cross over into orgy territory? I get a really good night's sleep.
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