Latest news with #BDSM
Yahoo
17 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What is a ‘lesbian top?' LGBTQ+ sex experts explain and give tips on topping
The terms topping and bottoming usually come up in two contexts: when talking about gay sex or in the context of a BDSM Dom/sub relationship. In the simplest terms, topping = giving or penetrating, and bottoming = receiving or being penetrated. But there are tops and bottoms in lesbian sex, too. For lesbians, where oral is a big component of your sex life, the top/bottom dynamic may always be present when you take your clothes off, or may just come into play during penetrative sex with fingers or strap-ons. And instead of it just being shorthand for who likes to penetrate and who likes to do the penetrating, it also has a lot to do with which partner wants to be in control and who wants to relinquish it. But there is so much more to get into, so we talked to LGBTQ+ sex and relationship experts to do a deep dive into what a lesbian top is, how you can be the best top around, and what to do if you're brand new to topping in a sapphic relationship. What is a lesbian top? Santypan/Shutterstock So we've been over what a 'lesbian bottom' is, but what is a 'lesbian top?' 'Unlike in gay male culture where 'top' and 'bottom' may have clearer penetrative connotations, lesbian dynamics are broader, often involving mutual exchange, but with one partner taking initiative,' Chelsea Newton, a licensed clinical social worker who founded the LGBTQ+ sex therapy practice Phases of the Mind therapy, tells PRIDE. While penetration may be part of the equation, there are plenty of other ways lesbian tops dominate, lead, and control in the bedroom. 'A lesbian top might fuck/penetrate her partner with a strap-on or hand-held dildo, or with her hands. But she might also just be more dominant — backing her partner up against a wall, undressing her, or calling the shots, regardless of what specific sexual activities she engaged in. She might even 'top' her partner with her eyes, looking her up and down with unabashed desire,' explains Dr. Ruth Schwartz, certified sex and intimacy coach, director at the lesbian-focused Conscious Girlfriend Academy, and author. And don't get bogged down by stereotypes — the heteros do that enough for all of us — because there are plenty of butch bottoms and high femme tops. So, whether you're a diesel dyke or a lipstick lesbian, you can own the title of 'lesbian top.' Is it all about positions? Sexual positions only play a small role in what makes a lesbian top vs. bottom. Your attitude and level of control and dominance you exert also help define a lesbian top. 'A top isn't necessarily literally on top! It's about attitude and about a more take-charge energy,' Dr. Schwartz says. 'Or, if she is a 'service top,' she might take charge of the action but in a softer way, with an intent to arouse and please.' From stone tops ('touch me nots') to service tops to tops who are hyper femme to ones who want to explore masculine energy, there is also no one way to be a top, and it will look different for every person. 'Some lesbian tops feel they are channeling masculine energy, as if the dildo is their own cock,' she explains. 'Others just love the experience of feeling a partner surrender to her own pleasure with them, whether they're using their hands, mouths, or a strap-on. Whichever way it works for you is fine.' What makes a good lesbian top? A good top is attuned to their partner's desires and has the confidence to act on that knowledge. 'The best tops are emotionally present, patient, and responsive,' Newton explains. 'They care about their partner's experience, check in without interrupting, and prioritize consent and pleasure. Good tops also know how to create anticipation and adapt in real-time. Psychological flexibility and playful experimentation go a long way.' According to Dr. Schwartz, being a good top in a sapphic relationship means being attuned to your partner's desires and responses so that you 'can both arouse her and bring her pleasure.' A good lesbian top is also 'intuitive, and tuned-in to her own body enough to be able to actually feel her partner's arousal and pleasure.' Tips for improving your topping skills 'Learn your partner's erotic language: Ask about turn-ons, boundaries, and fantasies beforehand,' Newton suggests. Slow down and build erotic tension through pacing and edging. Pay attention to your partner's physical cues like changes in breathing, small body movements, and muscle tension. Don't be afraid to be vocal in bed. Praise, affirmations, and whispered desires can be a huge turn-on for your bottom. Make asking for consent sexy. If you say it with confidence and dripping with desire, a 'May I?' or 'Do you like this?' Can ratchet up the sexual tension while getting consent at the same time. Performative dominance isn't cute or sexy. Have the courage and confidence to learn how to pleasure your partner and then take them to O-town. Practice makes perfect! 'Many women are sexually shy and, especially if they've been with men, tend not to take the lead. If you're drawn to take the lead with another woman, it's okay to be vulnerable, express your desires, and ask for input and feedback as you build competence and confidence,' Dr. Schwartz advises. While your bottom may have plenty of toys of their own, you should equip yourself with a good strap-on harness and several dildos of varying sizes. You can never be too prepared! But what if it's your first time? If it's your first time topping, either because this is your first lesbian relationship or because you've never explored this sexual dynamic before, it can feel a little overwhelming. But don't worry because our experts have you covered! Being a lesbian top means getting attuned to your partner's wants and desires, so start paying close attention to her body language. 'If you move closer to her, does she soften? If you back her against the wall or pin her down on the bed, does she sigh and open, or stiffen? Never be afraid to ask questions or change course, because being a top is about bringing pleasure,' Dr. Schwartz recommends. Don't get too focused on penetration. Not all bottoms are interested, and that's ok, there are plenty of other things to do in the bedroom. Don't forget about foreplay and timing! 'Many bottoms feel more turned on if they're made to wait before something they are craving — whether it's your lips on her lips, your squeeze of her nipples, your mouth or fingers on her pussy, or, of course, your fingers or dildo inside her,' Dr. Schwartz says. Encourage your partner to moan, move, and be vocal about what she wants more of or less of. It will help her feel freer and give you valuable information as a newbie. Check in and cuddle afterward. Aftercare is an important part of the experience, too. Biggest mistakes lesbian tops make Rushing through foreplay, ignoring verbal or nonverbal cues, relying on toys while ignoring manual or oral technique, and 'viewing topping as dominance rather than connection,' are all common mistakes lesbian tops make, Newton explains. And don't get it twisted, tops are allowed to enjoy pleasure too. If you want the focus to be solely about your partner's enjoyment, that's ok, but you're allowed to have fun and experience orgasms yourself while topping. 'A lesbian top might also think it's not okay to get aroused, want to be touched, or have an orgasm herself. But in fact, all of these things are more than okay! Letting yourself be touched and pleasured doesn't turn you into a bottom, if your energy is still in charge of the encounter,' Dr. Schwartz says. What should you do if you get performance anxiety? Nicoleta Ionescu/Shutterstock First, try to find a partner to explore this dynamic with who you can trust, who is already comfortable as a bottom, and is open to letting you explore this side of yourself. Second, don't put too much pressure on yourself to get it right immediately. 'Anxiety is common and doesn't mean you're not capable,' Newton says. 'Start by talking openly with your partner about your nerves. Frame this as exploration. Shift from 'I need to do this perfectly' to 'We get to discover what we like together.'' Dr. Schwartz agrees, 'The more you can approach sex with an attitude of play, adventure, curiosity and exploration, the more you can have a good time even if, say, the dildo falls out of its harness, or you have trouble finding a position that lets you thrust, or your hips start hurting midway, or you get a stiff neck or sore tongue. You get to be human and vulnerable while being a top.' Experts cited: Chelsea Newton, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the LGBTQ+ sex therapy practice Phases of the Mind therapy. Dr. Ruth Schwartz, certified sex and intimacy coach, director at the lesbian-focused Conscious Girlfriend Academy, and author of eight books, including Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love. This article originally appeared on Pride: What is a 'lesbian top?' LGBTQ+ sex experts explain and give tips on topping RELATED 18 Really Awkward Thoughts to Have During Lesbian Sex 12 More Amazing Lesbian Sex Scenes in Movies 28 lesbian sex tips adult films won't teach you Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mirror
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mirror
Netflix fans have just days to binge watch 'steamiest' romance franchise
There are just four days left to tune into the romantic drama Netflix viewers have just a few days left to stream a divisive film franchise based on raunchy romance novels. The streamer is set to remove Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed from its library this Thursday, July 31. Based on E. L. James's bestselling novels, the erotic drama propelled Jamie Dornan to mainstream fame. It follows a sexual relationship between university graduate Anastasia Steele (played by Dakota Johnson) and young businessman Christian Grey (Dornan). As their relationship blooms, Christian introduces Anastasia to BDSM sexual practices. Although sex takes centre stage in the trilogy, the story also delves into interesting themes such as working through emotional trauma. Upon its 2015 debut release, the R-rated franchise received poor reviews. Rotten Tomatoes critics awarded it a sour 25% rating, with audiences rating it a more generous 41% score. Critics described the first film as a "less than satisfying experience," but that didn't prevent the franchise from expanding. The following films, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed, were released in 2017 and 2018 respectively. They were similarly slammed by critics. However, some moviegoers were quick to defend the franchise. "It's easy, it's fun, it's a little mischievous, it's got a story line... I dunno why people are so harsh," reviewed one IMDb user. They same fan added: "I watch films to relax and switch off. It left a smile on my face at the end maybe I'm a romantic at heart, who knows. I guess I liked the ultimate love conquers all message." Another simply penned: "Plain and simple, I loved all of the series.. beyond the pale sensuality with this undertone of wanting to find love.. I loved it." Meanwhile, book blogger 'Natasha is a Book Junkie' shared a glowing review: "It [Fifty Shades of Grey] pulled off the almost impossible task of faithfully bringing these fictional characters to life and making them even more psychologically layered and three-dimensional than they might have been in the first place, turning my overall viewing experience into an absolute thrill start to finish."
Buzz Feed
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- Buzz Feed
Men Share Their Biggest First-Date Red Flags
Sometimes it all lines up on paper. Their profile says you have similar interests, life goals, and it definitely helps that they are a THIRST TRAP! But sometimes the fantasy starts and ends with a profile, and the first date reveals it allll. So when Reddit user White-Kitten8 asked men, "What's something a woman has done on a first date that completely turned you off regardless of how attractive she was?" I wanted to give us all a PSA. Do you agree with these? Let's see... "She invited her friend (without telling me) for 'security.' The restaurant was pricey, and she expected me to pay for her and her friend. It was ridiculous. Especially when they both ordered the most expensive things on the menu. I waited for them to order, told the waitress I needed some more time, but asked her to go ahead with their orders. I then went to the bathroom and left." "She ordered her meal, PLUS a meal and a salad to-go. She was absurdly gorgeous, but the audacity!" "I told her I was an EMT. Her eyes widened and she said, 'So that means you can get, like, pills and stuff, right?!?!' No. No, I can't. Have a nice life." "She first showed me a pink bag full of BDSM stuff, and disclosed that it wasn't for me. Then she showed me a picture of her ex-boyfriend's penis in a chastity cage. Yeah, there was no second date." "She brought her mom, dad, and little brother. They bought tickets behind us in the movie theatre and loomed over us the entire time. Then she got unbelievably upset at me when I didn't want to make out during the movie in front of her entire immediate family. It was so weird." "After explaining my last relationship ended because I was cheated on, she told me that she didn't believe cheating was that bad, and that she'd cheated on multiple partners. A date has never ended so fast." "She got a text from someone named 'Ryan' when we were sitting in her car that said, 'We had plans tonight. No call?' Then 'Ryan' showed up at her house, and he was not happy." "She invited me to her home to have a bottle of wine. I asked what kind she preferred. She said red. So I brought two bottles of something really nice. She said, 'Oh, you brought so much alcohol. I hope you're not thinking we're having sex.' Then she told me how her boss was the most important man in her life, who actually helped her emotionally and physically, and made insinuations on how they were having an affair." "She yelled, 'Well, this is boring,' in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I didn't even realize she had an issue. We'd been talking up until that point. I finished my food, said I was going to the restroom, I paid for myself, then left." "She had a smelly apartment with rabbits running around. She also 'needed' to smoke weed before we got intimate. Nothing against weed, but 'needs?' Argh." "She told me that she's immune to COVID, cause apparently, 'Disease is a state of mind, and if you don't believe you will get sick, you won't. A negative mindset is what lets it in.' Yeah, it's a 'yikes' for me, dawg." "She started talking about how many kids we were going to have, and when and where she would want our wedding to be. She's married with kids now, so well done?" "We went ice skating with my friends. She intentionally ignored me the whole time. When she needed help or had a question, she only talked to my guy friends. When I tried to ice skate near her, she said, 'I like to go fast,' and would skate away." "She took a shot of whiskey in her mouth, kissed me, and squirted the alcohol into my mouth. I wasn't expecting it and choked. Whiskey really burns down the airway." "I went on a blind date, and once we got into my car, she lit up a cigarette. I don't date smokers, so I told her that it wouldn't work out, and she should get out. She was a smokeshow, both physically and literally. What a shame." "She complained about her ex-husband incessantly. Literally, the whole entire night. They had been divorced for eight years." "I kissed her, she kissed me back, then kindly pushed me after about 10 seconds. We talked more, then she kissed me, so I kissed her back, then she pushed me away. After four times, I got tired. When I went back home, she messaged asking me why I didn't push for it more." "I hooked up with a woman at a friend's wedding, then went to dinner with her the next weekend. Twenty minutes into the date, she asked how much was in my bank account. She got mad and left when I asked why she wanted to know." "One told me I looked like my bathroom was clean. There wasn't a second date." "She started picking her teeth with her extremely long nails after eating." "She got so drunk that I had to look after her. I don't mind drinking, but you are your own responsibility." "I was at a bar once, and this pretty girl came over and told me she was on a date, but he was boring, so she came over to talk to me. I said, 'Wait…so you just ditched him? Wtf!' Then she got MAD." "She was more than a little mean to our young waitress, who handled it well, but shouldn't have had to. I was stunned. Particularly as she also worked in the hospitality industry. Maybe it was some sort of weird flex?" "She bragged about dropping out of high school and having a job that allowed her to rent a room from her mother." And finally: "She was on her phone the whole time." In the comments or the anonymous form, tell me the biggest question mark, red flag, or pet peeve someone has shown on a first date. For me, I don't like it when people aren't upfront about their interest in you and frame a date as "hanging out." My now-husband asked me on a date the second time we met, and his blunt intentions were veryyyy sexy. For more fun content, make sure you follow BuzzFeed Canada on TikTok and Instagram for more!
Business Insider
6 days ago
- Business Insider
Men accused of waterboarding a bitcoin millionaire for his password to be freed on $1M bail
"If you think the bondsman is going to take cryptocurrency, that would be a problem," New York Supreme Court Justice Gregory Carro told lawyers for the two men."You are certainly going to have to show where it is coming from," the judge said of the money to be posted by William Duplessie, 33, of Miami, and John Woeltz, 37, of Kentucky. Under the bail agreement, both will wear ankle monitors. Duplessie will serve home confinement with family in Miami, and Woeltz will serve from a yet-determined address in New York. The men are accused of kidnapping and torturing a bitcoin millionaire from Italy for nearly three weeks in May inside a $24 million luxury Manhattan townhouse. The victim was not only pistol-whipped, set on fire, and attacked with a small chainsaw — he was also waterboarded, head butted, and hoisted up by his throat, all to get him to turn over his bitcoin password, prosecutors say in court papers. At their last court appearance, in June, the defendants' lawyers told Carro that the kidnapping-torture allegations are completely fabricated. (Carro is the same judge assigned to the state-level murder case of Luigi Mangione, accused in the December 2024 assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.) The crypto-kidnapping victim, Michael Carturan, 28, was a business partner and friend to Duplessie and Woeltz, the lawyers said. They said Carturan was at the townhouse willingly, for what they described as a 17-day party. There are videos of Carturan "smoking crack, having the time of his life, being involved in a sex orgy, being dragged around by a woman while he's naked inside the location" while wearing a BDSM collar, defense lawyer Sanford Talkin told the judge. Talkin told the judge that Carturan is also seen on sidewalk surveillance video walking the neighborhood freely, including shopping for eyeglasses and taking a stroll with the dogwalker who cared for a dog living at the townhouse. At any time, Carturan could have stopped a passerby and said, "I'm in trouble," but did not do so, said Wayne Gosnell, attorney for Duplessie. "He was at church, he was at clubs, he was at dinners," Gosnell said. Prosecutor Sarah Khan told a different story — with images. "I would like to show the court a photograph that shows that the victim is lit on fire," she told the judge. "So what are his injuries?" the judge asked. The flames would be extinguished before he suffered burns, Khan answered. "Our information is that the defendants would pour tequila in him, light him on fire, then put the fire out, sometimes by urinating on him," she said. Caturan was bleeding from his head and face on May 23, when he ran barefoot from the house, desperate to find a police officer, prosecutors and police have said. Khan said in court last month that Caturan was coerced into assuming "various poses" to make it look in photographs as if he were not being forcibly held. "Victims of abuse are not always going to act in a way that we expect people to do," she told the judge. She suggested that Caturan's grand jury testimony — which resulted in a ten-count indictment charging kidnapping, assault, and weapons possession — was harrowing. "This is not, in fact, the first time that these defendants have engaged in conduct that constitutes similar crimes, meaning people being held against their will," Khan also told the judge last month. "There are two other victims from two different occasions," she said, previewing arguments that may become more detailed at Wednesday's bail hearing. Court documents also reveal new details of what police say they seized from the eight-bedroom, six-floor property, which was being rented for more than $30,000 a month. The seized items include a loaded gun, two knives, two hacksaws, a chainsaw, zip ties, plastic buckets, and a cattle prod. The list also includes items described as "pants with burn" and "wooden paddle with signatures." "I don't think there's anything crazy in here," Woeltz told the NYPD officers who arrested him at the townhouse shortly after Caturan fled. Prosecutors said last month that they were still going through 30 cellphones and laptops seized from the home, along with 30 crypto "storage devices." Khan said at last month's arraignment that so far, three recovered cellphones have revealed "additional evidence, including photos and messages that corroborate the intent here: Torture, humiliation, and control."
Business Insider
6 days ago
- Business Insider
Men accused of waterboarding a bitcoin millionaire for his password will ask on Wednesday to be freed on bail
Waterboarding, too? Court documents reveal new details of the torture that prosecutors say a bitcoin millionaire from Italy suffered in May during a two-week kidnapping inside a $24 million luxury Manhattan townhouse. The victim was not only pistol-whipped, set on fire, and attacked with a small chainsaw — he was also waterboarded, head butted, and hoisted up by his throat, all to get him to turn over his bitcoin password, prosecutors say in court papers. The latest details may be discussed on Wednesday, when the two accused kidnappers, cryptocurrency investors William Duplessie, 37, of Miami, and John Woeltz, 37, of Kentucky, will ask a judge to free them on $1 million bail each with separate home confinement in the homes of their parents. At their last court appearance, in June, the defendants' lawyers told New York Supreme Court Justice Gregory Carro that the kidnapping-torture allegations are completely fabricated. (Carro is the same judge assigned to the state-level murder case of Luigi Mangione, accused in the December 2024 assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.) The crypto-kidnapping victim, Michael Carturan, 28, was a business partner and friend to Duplessie and Woeltz, the lawyers said. They said Carturan was at the townhouse willingly, for what they described as a 17-day party. There are videos of Carturan "smoking crack, having the time of his life, being involved in a sex orgy, being dragged around by a woman while he's naked inside the location" while wearing a BDSM collar, defense lawyer Sanford Talkin told the judge. Talkin told the judge that Carturan is also seen on sidewalk surveillance video walking the neighborhood freely, including shopping for eyeglasses and taking a stroll with the dogwalker who cared for a dog living at the townhouse. At any time, Carturan could have stopped a passerby and said, "I'm in trouble," but did not do so, said Wayne Gosnell, attorney for Duplessie. "He was at church, he was at clubs, he was at dinners," Gosnell said. Prosecutor Sarah Khan told a different story — with her own images backing it up. "I would like to show the court a photograph that shows that the victim is lit on fire," she told the judge. "So what are his injuries?" the judge asked. The flames would be extinguished before he suffered burns, Khan answered. "Our information is that the defendants would pour tequila in him, light him on fire, then put the fire out, sometimes by urinating on him," she said. Caturan was bleeding from his head and face on May 23, when he ran barefoot from the house, desperate to find a police officer, prosecutors and police have said. Khan said in court last month that Caturan was coerced into assuming "various poses" to make it look in photographs as if he was not being forcibly held. "Victims of abuse are not always going to act in a way that we expect people to do," she told the judge. She suggested that Caturan's grand jury testimony — which resulted in a ten-count indictment charging kidnapping, assault, and weapons possession — was harrowing. "This is not, in fact, the first time that these defendants have engaged in conduct that constitutes similar crimes, meaning people being held against their will," Khan also told the judge last month. "There are two other victims from two different occasions," she said, previewing arguments that may become more detailed at Wednesday's bail hearing. Court documents also reveal new details of what police say they seized from the eight-bedroom, six-floor property, which was being rented for more than $30,000 a month. The seized items include a loaded gun, two knives, two hacksaws, a chainsaw, zip ties, plastic buckets, and a cattle prod. The list also includes items described as "pants with burn" and "wooden paddle with signatures." "I don't think there's anything crazy in here," Woeltz told the NYPD officers who arrested him at the townhouse shortly after Caturan fled. Prosecutors said last month that they were still going through 30 cellphones and laptops seized from the home, along with 30 crypto "storage devices." Khan said at last month's arraignment that so far, three recovered cellphones have revealed "additional evidence, including photos and messages that corroborate the intent here: Torture, humiliation, and control." The two defendants say they will fight the charges. They face up to life in prison if convicted of the top kidnapping charge.
