Men Share Their Biggest First-Date Red Flags
So when Reddit user White-Kitten8 asked men, "What's something a woman has done on a first date that completely turned you off regardless of how attractive she was?" I wanted to give us all a PSA. Do you agree with these? Let's see...
"She invited her friend (without telling me) for 'security.' The restaurant was pricey, and she expected me to pay for her and her friend. It was ridiculous. Especially when they both ordered the most expensive things on the menu. I waited for them to order, told the waitress I needed some more time, but asked her to go ahead with their orders. I then went to the bathroom and left."
"She ordered her meal, PLUS a meal and a salad to-go. She was absurdly gorgeous, but the audacity!"
"I told her I was an EMT. Her eyes widened and she said, 'So that means you can get, like, pills and stuff, right?!?!' No. No, I can't. Have a nice life."
"She first showed me a pink bag full of BDSM stuff, and disclosed that it wasn't for me. Then she showed me a picture of her ex-boyfriend's penis in a chastity cage. Yeah, there was no second date."
"She brought her mom, dad, and little brother. They bought tickets behind us in the movie theatre and loomed over us the entire time. Then she got unbelievably upset at me when I didn't want to make out during the movie in front of her entire immediate family. It was so weird."
"After explaining my last relationship ended because I was cheated on, she told me that she didn't believe cheating was that bad, and that she'd cheated on multiple partners. A date has never ended so fast."
"She got a text from someone named 'Ryan' when we were sitting in her car that said, 'We had plans tonight. No call?' Then 'Ryan' showed up at her house, and he was not happy."
"She invited me to her home to have a bottle of wine. I asked what kind she preferred. She said red. So I brought two bottles of something really nice. She said, 'Oh, you brought so much alcohol. I hope you're not thinking we're having sex.' Then she told me how her boss was the most important man in her life, who actually helped her emotionally and physically, and made insinuations on how they were having an affair."
"She yelled, 'Well, this is boring,' in the middle of a crowded restaurant. I didn't even realize she had an issue. We'd been talking up until that point. I finished my food, said I was going to the restroom, I paid for myself, then left."
"She had a smelly apartment with rabbits running around. She also 'needed' to smoke weed before we got intimate. Nothing against weed, but 'needs?' Argh."
"She told me that she's immune to COVID, cause apparently, 'Disease is a state of mind, and if you don't believe you will get sick, you won't. A negative mindset is what lets it in.' Yeah, it's a 'yikes' for me, dawg."
"She started talking about how many kids we were going to have, and when and where she would want our wedding to be. She's married with kids now, so well done?"
"We went ice skating with my friends. She intentionally ignored me the whole time. When she needed help or had a question, she only talked to my guy friends. When I tried to ice skate near her, she said, 'I like to go fast,' and would skate away."
"She took a shot of whiskey in her mouth, kissed me, and squirted the alcohol into my mouth. I wasn't expecting it and choked. Whiskey really burns down the airway."
"I went on a blind date, and once we got into my car, she lit up a cigarette. I don't date smokers, so I told her that it wouldn't work out, and she should get out. She was a smokeshow, both physically and literally. What a shame."
"She complained about her ex-husband incessantly. Literally, the whole entire night. They had been divorced for eight years."
"I kissed her, she kissed me back, then kindly pushed me after about 10 seconds. We talked more, then she kissed me, so I kissed her back, then she pushed me away. After four times, I got tired. When I went back home, she messaged asking me why I didn't push for it more."
"I hooked up with a woman at a friend's wedding, then went to dinner with her the next weekend. Twenty minutes into the date, she asked how much was in my bank account. She got mad and left when I asked why she wanted to know."
"One told me I looked like my bathroom was clean. There wasn't a second date."
"She started picking her teeth with her extremely long nails after eating."
"She got so drunk that I had to look after her. I don't mind drinking, but you are your own responsibility."
"I was at a bar once, and this pretty girl came over and told me she was on a date, but he was boring, so she came over to talk to me. I said, 'Wait…so you just ditched him? Wtf!' Then she got MAD."
"She was more than a little mean to our young waitress, who handled it well, but shouldn't have had to. I was stunned. Particularly as she also worked in the hospitality industry. Maybe it was some sort of weird flex?"
"She bragged about dropping out of high school and having a job that allowed her to rent a room from her mother."
And finally: "She was on her phone the whole time."
In the comments or the anonymous form, tell me the biggest question mark, red flag, or pet peeve someone has shown on a first date. For me, I don't like it when people aren't upfront about their interest in you and frame a date as "hanging out." My now-husband asked me on a date the second time we met, and his blunt intentions were veryyyy sexy.
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You don't have to love Taylor Swift, but I'm gonna raise an eyebrow if you turn her off in the car because 'all she does is write break-up songs.' —u/Ok-Wait-8281 5."A seriously overlooked red flag: saying he is looking for a woman 'capable of an intellectual conversation' on his dating profile. The thing he's not saying is that he doesn't think that is a given for women…" —hereforthedramz 6."When they preface things with, 'You might not get this,' or, 'You might not understand this.' Yes, I am a girl. No, I am not an idiot." —u/This_Silent_Tragedy "Especially when it's an extremely simple concept that he's trying to explain. A guy that I work with was trying to explain his views on Roe v. Wade getting overturned and began it with, 'You probably aren't going to understand this...' I'm a software programmer; I'm clearly not dense." —u/lilimac416 7."When men think you need to be told how to do something just because you do it differently than they do. He once said to me, 'Here, let me cut that for you because you're not doing it right.' Uh, no…I want to cut it this way, and if I wanted help, I'd ask. It's degrading after years and years of it. Just because I do something differently than you does not make me wrong." —Anonymous 8."When they strongly identify with fictional characters who treat women poorly, because they think they're badass or cool." —fanosaurusrex 9."My ex used to jokingly say, 'Girls don't poop.' I didn't think much of it at first, but then I realized that he was placing me on a pedestal, and when I didn't live up to these unrealistic expectations of being this perfect, hot all the time, poopless fartless, sex machine, I was 'too much' or 'not enough' or a mess or whatever else." —u/ExistentialHousecat "My grandmother used to tell this story about a distant male relative of hers who divorced his wife because he 'caught' her removing sock lint from between her toes. This was such a disgusting act to him that he couldn't stand to be married to her any longer. My grandmother always told this as a cautionary tale about how a woman always has to make sure to act properly or her husband would leave her. My mother didn't quite agree." —u/brutalbeast 10."When they interrupt or talk over their partner, repeatedly." —u/Noah_Pinyin "I once dated a man that interrupted me constantly. I, assuming it was unintentional, told him what he was doing, and he stopped. Then, he replaced doing that by saying, 'You talk a lot.' In reality, he talked fucking constantly, and any of my part of the conversation was maybe one-third of the time of his. Eventually he started using the phrase 'equal rights, equal lefts.' I can't believe I stayed so long." —u/Dorkadoodle men pretend to care about women's rights, but only engage with them in an abstract way, while continuing to embody the same problematic dynamics that they claim to hate in their personal lives. This is exactly why I roll my eyes at men who say, 'Not all men,' 'There's good men out there,' or, 'I would never do this and that.'" "My good friend is married to a guy who is extremely involved in social justice movements. You would think he'd be more socially aware, but he talks over her constantly and openly patronizes her if he thinks she's said something wrong. It's so uncomfortable to watch." —u/bucky_list 12."When we watched movies and there was a scene with all women, my ex would always feel the need to comment, 'Here is the obligatory female scene to get the chicks to watch.' He said this emphatically during Endgame when the women had a fight scene. He made a similar comment with the latest Ghostbusters about how stupid the movie was going to be because of the female cast. As if women don't or can't contribute to a plot in any realistic way — we are just filler until the men can carry the plot forward." —Anonymous 13."When they correct you on literally EVERYTHING. My ex corrected me about the name of a certain muscle. I have a degree in health science, which involved no less than six anatomy or physiology courses, and I got 98% in all of them. He worked in finance. He would also 'test' me on things typically feminine like knowledge of makeup products or names of clothing styles." —jess_is_a_babe91 14."When they're skeptical of educated women or women that make good money." —u/productofoctober "I make a good living. I worked so hard to get where I am, and I can't tell you how many MEN daily are like, 'What guy do you sleep with to get these things?' Like, no, women don't need men to have nice things!!!!" —u/lmc152 15."When their opinion always matters more than yours. Ex: It's your birthday, and you love sushi, but your BF hates it. He refused to take you to a sushi restaurant, even though they offer options other than sushi. Or he will drag you to whatever movie he pleases, knowing that you don't want to see it. 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He was always faultless; everything was deflected, always turned back on me. His domineering statements always, ALWAYS began with 'You need to...' or 'You should...' or 'I told you not to...', or my absolute favourite, 'The problem with you is...'" "Five years of gaslighting before some amazing and on-the-ball maternity staff when I was having his baby helped me to finally get clued into how toxic and misogynistic he was, and that his behaviour toward me (and the baby) was not okay!" —Anonymous 23."They're only affectionate when they're getting intimate before sex. Any other time they're asked for a back rub or foot massage before going to bed, they insist they're tired and just flip over to go to sleep because they know you're not in the mood for sex. Like, they think a massage or touch is a prelude to sex every time. This gets annoying and erodes the relationship." —Anonymous 24."When your partner always defends his mates' bad behavior(s) and makes up excuses. 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