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NZ Herald
3 days ago
- Health
- NZ Herald
My donor and me: What it was like meeting my sperm donor after years of wondering
'One day, if you want to meet him, you can. Now, who wants McDonald's?' At eight I couldn't really grasp what my parents were telling me about donor conception. Eight years old was the recommended age to tell children these things, according to research my parents had read - before they develop a full sense of self. And so it was for us. There wasn't an earth-shattering moment when I started to panic about who I was; I just enjoyed my nuggets along with my siblings and we carried on with our childhoods. Now, I'm not going to go into detail as to why my parents used sperm donation; that's not my story. My story began later, at around 11, when I finally started to have questions about who I was and what made me, me. I became obsessed with the show Missing Pieces. I loved it - I'd picture myself meeting my donor with the help of David Lomas. Dramatic music would crescendo as we walked across a field into each other's arms, the camera panning around us… When I started dating at around 16, it dawned on me that the sperm donor might have helped other families across New Zealand. What was stopping me from accidentally falling for my half-brother or sister? Tiptoeing around the subject of biology became routine for me on a second date. Careful questions about genetics. I'd ask which parent they thought they looked the most like. Anything to try and confirm they knew their entire make-up. I reached out to Fertility Associates in 2019 after becoming sick of trying to figure out if I was genetically related to every potential date. But even then - what if their biological dad was my sperm donor? By 2019, I had had enough of that routine and I contacted Fertility Associates. They told me I had a half-sister born in 2000 like me, and a half-brother born in 2001. Reaching out It wasn't until March this year, at 24, that I decided to finally find my sperm donor, and learn about the other half of my genetics. I had realised I would be devastated if I waited longer and he died while I bided my time. I emailed the donor-linking team at Fertility Associates and they told me the process usually began with the donor-conceived child writing a letter to the donor. Include a bit of detail, they said: first name, where you grew up, a few interests and a small explanation of why you are are reaching out. I wondered, who should I address it to? To my biological father? Dear Donor? A simple 'Kia Ora' is what I landed on. 'My name is Rachel, and I am here today because of your generosity, possibly over three decades ago,' I wrote. 'I would love to learn a bit more about your personality if you would be open to it, and how that might have made up who I am today. 'I understand you said at the time you were okay to be identified. I hope this is still the case.' I wasn't prepared to feel such a need to be liked. A daughter wanting her father's approval is nothing new, but this felt complicated and foreign. I suddenly feared he would be disappointed his genetics made me. On the flip side of that - what if I didn't like him? What if he embodied all the things I most hated about myself? I chose to soldier on. After I sent the letter into what felt like an abyss, I heard nothing for weeks. I had been warned that even identifiable donors moved or changed phone numbers without updating their information, making it impossible to find them. Little did I know, I was in luck. Just as Fertility Associates began the process of trying to track him down, my donor updated his information for the first time in years. He would later tell me he 'just knew' he had to. I've never been religious but it made me consider whether there really could be a higher power. In May I received a reply: and started crying as soon as I realised it was from him. 'I'm just so glad he's sane! And nice!' I cried to my friend later that day. His name was Wayne. He said he was a '64-year-old blue-eyed Virgo' (I mean, what boomer man knows his star sign!?) 'I would certainly like to learn more about you and share some of the many happenings that I have accumulated in my life,' he wrote. A few more emails revealed his full name. For several days and three sleepless nights I resisted the urge to search him up online - determined to have my moment and see him for the first time in person. But I was too curious - and when I laid eyes on his photo, all the wind was knocked out of me. As I looked at him, I saw my own eyes staring back at me. My coworker - who I'd been updating on my progress - peered over at me, and my screen, and said 'Holy s***, that's him.' When I look at photos of me and Wayne together now, I still find small similarities between our looks, like our cheeks and how our eyes are an identical shade of blue. Photo / Michael Craig. A few weeks, emails and texts later, a date to meet was set. King's Birthday weekend at the Mission Bay fountain. It was a good mid-point between Thames (his home) and Whangarei (mine) - and it also had a decent pub nearby. This was going to be it. 17 years of questions, finally answered. The Meeting There is no guidebook on how to feel, what to wear and how bold a lip to apply before you meet your sperm donor (I chose a red jumper, jeans and light makeup). I decided to share this experience because I have noticed a lack of positive stories about donor-linking. The headlines tend to focus on the crazed scientist who fathered 500 children, or the donor-conceived adult who accidentally married a half-sibling. So when I walked across the field and past the fountain, looking at Wayne on the other side, there was no script and I had no clue how to feel. Would I feel enlightened by our meeting? Would an inner voice say 'now I know who I am'? My siblings, Wayne and his partner and I enveloped each other in hugs before stepping back and staring at each other, taking it all in. We all had tears in our eyes. 'Not finished yet,' Wayne's partner said as I tried to pull away from the initial hug, and even though I am not usually someone who enjoys physical closeness with others, I felt comfortable staying in her arms. My parents arrived shortly after we sat down at the restaurant, and the pattern started up again - long hugs, looks of bewilderment and wonder. Mum didn't just shed a few tears - hers streamed down her face as she held Wayne. At the end, we fought over the bill (Wayne paid), walked along the beach with ice creams (I paid) and met up with my siblings' partners and my brother's children. We laughed at my brother's dodgy jokes about sperm, shared stories of our funniest childhood mishaps and learned about Wayne's life. I felt closure. I felt whole. I felt answered - and I felt like I knew myself properly for the first time in my life. Our future That was a few months ago now. I've since travelled to Te Puru, ten minutes north of Thames, to film and speak with Wayne for this story. He intends to meet up with us in Whangarei soon too - to check out where we are from. We have a group chat: Wayne, his partner, my siblings, our parents and me -where we send life updates and photos. DD and DD - it is still crazy to me how such an easy natural bond has formed. We have discussed what to call each other. The actual terms 'dad' and 'father' didn't feel right - I have my dad and this was never about looking for another one. Wayne didn't raise me, I didn't feel like he earned the title, and he felt the same. We've started referring to each other as DD, for 'donor daughter' and 'donor dad'. Sometimes when he texts me, he starts with 'Hi young lady'. That's verging on some pretty dad-like territory, but I am happy to let it slide.
The Sun
11-08-2025
- Health
- The Sun
Malaysia's fertility rate drops to 1.7 as ageing population looms
ARAU: Malaysia's Total Fertility Rate (TFR) has declined significantly to 1.7 children per woman in 2023, down from 4.0 in 1980. The National Population and Family Development Board (LPPKN) warned that this signals a shift towards an ageing population. LPPKN director-general Datuk Abdul Shukur Abdullah linked the drop to changing lifestyles, higher living costs, and later marriages. He also noted a growing preference for smaller families among Malaysians. 'Increased participation of women in higher education and the workforce also influences family planning decisions,' he said. Financial pressures, career priorities, and reproductive health issues were identified as additional contributing factors. His speech was delivered by LPPKN Research, Population and Family Division director Adzmel Mahmod at the Perlis Population Seminar 2025. The seminar, themed 'Perlis Population: Small State, Big Aspirations', was officiated by Perlis Women, Family and Community Development Committee chairman Wan Badariah Wan Saad. To address the fertility decline, Abdul Shukur highlighted the government's Fertility Treatment Assistance and Infertility Advocacy (BuAI) initiative. The programme includes Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) support to boost birth rates and raise awareness. Perlis recorded a TFR of 1.7 in 2023, alongside a drop in live births from 4,392 in 2016 to 3,878 last year. 'This seminar is timely to explore policies to slow fertility decline and prepare Perlis for demographic shifts,' he added. The event focused on population, family development, and human reproduction strategies. - Bernama
The Star
11-08-2025
- Politics
- The Star
Malaysia's fertility rate more than halved since 1980
ARAU: Malaysia's Total Fertility Rate (TFR) has dropped sharply to 1.7 children per woman in 2023, down from 4.0 in 1980, signalling a demographic shift toward an ageing population, says the National Population and Family Development Board (LPPKN). Its director-general Datuk Abdul Shukur Abdullah attributed the decline to lifestyle changes, rising living costs, delayed marriages and a growing preference for smaller families. "Increased participation of women in higher education and the workforce also influences family planning decisions. "At the same time, financial pressures, career priorities, reproductive health issues and infertility are key factors that must be addressed holistically," he said in his speech delivered by LPPKN research, population and family division director Adzmel Mahmod at the Perlis Population Seminar 2025, held in conjunction with World Population Day here on Monday (Aug 11). Themed "Perlis Population: Small State, Big Aspirations", the seminar was officiated by Perlis women, family and community development, unity and environment committee chairman Wan Badariah Wan Saad. To combat the decline, Abdul Shukur said the government has implemented the Fertility Treatment Assistance and Infertility Advocacy (Buai) initiative, which includes assistance such as intra-uterine insemination, to increase birthrates and improve public awareness on fertility issues. He added that Perlis recorded a TFR of 1.7 in 2023 and has also seen a decrease in live births from 4,392 in 2016 to 3,878 in 2024. "This seminar is timely to explore policies and strategies to slow the fertility decline and prepare Perlis for fast-moving demographic changes through programmes focused on three pillars, namely population, family development and human reproduction," he said. – Bernama
Daily Telegraph
09-08-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Telegraph
Ninja Warrior's Olivia Vivian reveals why she'll freeze her eggs
Don't miss out on the headlines from Fertility. Followed categories will be added to My News. Former Australian Ninja Warrior champion Olivia Vivian has opened up about her journey to 'find myself again' after her marriage breakdown and her upcoming fertility mission. Vivian was heartbroken after separating from husband and fellow contestant Ben Polson in 2023. The first woman to conquer the Warped Wall on the Australian edition of the show, Vivian revealed she would freeze her eggs later this year. 'I've been advised by a lot of amazing friends who have had kids late to do this,'' the 36-year-old said. 'I'm going to listen to them. We had a public relationship so it was tough at first to re-explain myself about children. Olivia Vivian is looking at freezing her eggs at age 36. 'I wasn't sure if I wanted kids. For a long time it was a hard no because early on I was told it was a hassle and it wasn't for me. Then I had to go away and I asked 'what did I want' instead of what I was taught as a child. With the right person it's a beautiful thing and as far as I know I've got a lot of healthy eggs.' Vivian is competing overseas and will return to Australia for the egg freezing process. The topic of egg freezing and when to do it will be discussed during a must-watch online conversation that will air at 4pm on Monday. It will feature top experts and people with lived experience with infertility, including actor Olympia Valance. Melbourne IVF medical director and fertility specialist Raelia Lew discusses egg freezing during the event and when is the best time to do it. Ahead of her egg freezing journey, Vivian is currently doing a safari in South Africa and living her best life. Olivia Vivian was a Ninja Warrior champion. Picture: Supplied/Channel 9 'The separation was coming for some time, but when it happens and you're no longer hanging out with your best friend every day, it hit me pretty hard,'' Vivian said. 'My reaction was to fly. I went to international events and I needed to get away. It turned into a journey to find myself again and it's been a rollercoaster but I feel happier and know my worth. 'It was a true blessing in disguise. Initially I was like never again to a relationship and locked my heart away but slowly I started opening up and healing. There's been a couple of guys since, not in Australia, so in a sense now I'm miss worldwide. I'm looking for a man, not a boy.' Vivian competes in ninja competitions at invite-only events and is proud of her feats in Australia. It's hoped that the sport will be in the Olympics by Brisbane 2032. 'It's a big thing all over the world and it's changed my life,'' Vivian said. Olivia Vivian and Ben Polson before their split. Picture: David Swift. 'I felt so out of touch and burnt out from the elite gymnastics world and then Ninja Warrior came along. We were all bonded by trauma in a way, filming it at midnight and it was such a unique experience and I poured my heart into it. Ben and I were the golden couple of the show. 'I compete in events that are the pinnacle of the ninja world and it's been great watching the sport evolve. I'd love to be competing or commentating when it's in the Olympics. 'Hopefully it's had a ripple effect and inspired girls to go for their dreams and goals.' Originally published as Ninja Warrior's Olivia Vivian says she'll freeze her eggs after marriage split
Gulf Today
25-06-2025
- Health
- Gulf Today
FNC calls for reviewing housing installments, social allowance system
During its 12th session in Abu Dhabi, chaired by Saqr Ghobash, the Federal National Council (FNC) called for a comprehensive review of the social allowance system and housing installment policies, linking them to the number of children in a family. The FNC also urged the inclusion of fertility treatments under insurance coverage across all UAE emirates. It recommended that the social allowance and housing installments, based on the Cabinet decision No. 6 of 1981 should be linked to family size and loan repayment periods. Maternity leave duration and breastfeeding hours under the Federal Human Resources Law and Federal Decree-Law No. 33 of 2021 on labour relations were requested to re-discussed. The FNC requested to study granting childcare leave for working mothers in public and private sectors, explore reducing work hours for mothers, and assess its impact on career paths and financial benefits. The FNC has called for the launch of a comprehensive national strategy aimed at enhancing fertility rates in the UAE. The strategy should include clear performance indicators to measure the effectiveness of government programmes and initiatives. The Council emphasised the need to strengthen government initiatives which encourage and facilitate early marriage for young men and women. It also stressed the importance of developing qualitative and quantitative indicators to ensure the effectiveness of existing health policies aimed at increasing fertility rates. The Council has recommended the establishment of a Federal Fertility Centre, taking into account the geographic distribution of existing centres. The proposal includes a comprehensive plan to attract specialised professionals in the field of fertility, expand continuous medical education and training programmes, and create specialised academic programmes in collaboration with local and international universities. The Ministry of Health and Prevention was also called to coordinate with local authorities to strengthen oversight and inspection of all fertility assistance centres, with a priority to conducting specialised studies and research on factors influencing fertility rates. Additionally, the FNC urged the launch of an awareness and educational campaign highlighting the importance of boosting fertility rates and raising awareness about the risks of delaying marriage and childbirth.
