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Mom Shares ‘Non-Negotiable' Rule to Prevent Her Kids From Bickering on Playdates
A mom of four has a definitive rule to make sure her children stay 'forever friends': No fighting with your siblings on playdates.
'However you treat your sibling, is how you open the door for other people, including friends, to treat them,' Hannah Driscoll tells
Driscoll, whose children are 8, 7, 2 and 1, explained on TikTok:
'I don't let my kids play with friends if they're not getting along,' Driscoll said in her video. 'My big kids just had a bunch of neighborhood kids in our backyard, and they were all playing and my son started being mean to my daughter.'
Driscoll said her 8-year-old son kept pushing his 7-year-old sister, down a slide while she yelled, 'Stop!'
'I called both of them in and asked what was wrong, and they talked to me about it,' Driscoll said in the clip. 'I said, 'OK, we're done playing with friends.' I told my son to go tell the other kids that they had to go home.'
In Driscoll's video, she said her son took personal responsibility for the canceled playdate because, 'It's not my fault they have to go home.'
Driscoll said her son told his friends: 'Hey, you guys have to go home because I'm not getting along with my sister.'
She added, 'If they want to play with friends, they have to be getting along with their siblings.'
It's not that I expect them to get along 100% of the time — it's that I expect that if they're going to be playing with friends, they treat each other well.'
Driscoll said that after the canceled playdate, all was forgotten.
'Do you know what all my kids are doing right now?' Driscoll said in the video. 'They're all in the same room playing together and having fun. Because they know that those are their forever friends.'
Moms with more than one child, agreed.
'We call it, 'The Same Team Rule.' Siblings are on the same team, always, and I'm the coach. If you're not playing like a team, the game is over.'
'I tell mine, 'If you treat your brother/sister bad, your friends are going to think that they can also treat your brother/sister bad.'
'YES! I always told my kids, 'If you can't get along with each other, you can't get along with your friends.' This made such a difference in how my children treated each other.'
'We don't tolerate meanness. Good on you for setting this standard with your kids.'
'My rule has always been, 'Everyone plays or no one plays. They have grown to respect this rule, whether they like it or not.'
'Also ... my kids will not allow other kids to mistreat one of their sisters.'
Driscoll tells that her eldest are 17 months apart and share neighborhood friends, who are between the ages of 6 and 9.
'My kids fight sometimes, but they typically get along and have always had a close relationship,' she says.
'Learning how to resolve conflict with a sibling will help you do it at school or in the workplace,' says Driscoll, adding that she doesn't want other kids to mistreat her children based on what they see between her children.
Driscoll knows from experience since she grew up with a similar rule.
'When my brother and I would fight, my mom wouldn't separate us — she would make us sit on the couch and hold hands,' says Driscoll. 'As a kid, I was annoyed by this but my brother and I ... are super close now. I appreciate it.'
When her children's playdate ended early, Driscoll says her children begged for a second chance, but she insisted.
After the neighborhood children left, says Driscoll, her kids continued playing with each other, explaining to 'They didn't miss a beat.'
'Removing a privilege like a playdate when siblings are not getting along is grounded in basic behavioral principles,' Francyne Zeltser, clinical director of mental health and testing services at Manhattan Psychology Group, tells in an email.
'From a clinical perspective, playdates are privileges, not rights,' says Zeltser. 'If the family rule is that playdates are contingent on sibling cooperation, then it's logical that conflict between siblings may result in that privilege being revoked.'
Zeltser says 'prioritizing family relationships' is the message.
'Reinforcing the value of getting along with siblings before engaging with peers can help children learn to maintain harmony in their closest relationships,' she explains. 'As children grow older, peers often become more influential than parents or siblings. By establishing early on that family comes first, parents can instill a sense of loyalty, mutual respect and advocacy within the family unit. This can serve as a protective factor during adolescence, when peer influence becomes stronger and not always positive.'
Zeltser notes the potential downside of canceling a playdate, especially if it happens a lot and kids continue to argue.
'It could result in fewer invitations from peers who don't want to risk their time being cut short,' says Zeltser. 'In that case, it's worth reassessing the approach and possibly incorporating other strategies, like coaching the children on conflict-resolution skills or using positive reinforcement for cooperative behavior.'
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