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Yahoo
08-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists
4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade. 'Gaslighting' has been a buzzword for a while. You may have read articles about what gaslighting is, watched TikToks where creators shared their stories with it or even used the word when talking to friends about an refresher: Gaslighting is manipulating another person to make them doubt their perceptions and even their that wasn't scary enough, there are also 'high-level gaslighters.' But what are they, how can you spot one and how can you deal with them? Parade reached out to psychologists to learn about the common habits and behaviors to look out for. Related: 8 Phrases High-Level Gaslighters Often Use, According to Psychologists First, let's talk about what sets a high-level gaslighter one, they are 'more calculated, polished and subtle in their tactics,' according to Dr. Harry Cohen, PhD, a psychologist and the author of Be the Sun, Not the Salt. They're generally likeable people, he continues, and they use plausible deniability and 'reasonable' language to make their lies seem more Amelia Kelley, PhD, a trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author of Gaslighting Recovery for Women, shares similar input. She adds they're 'often socially rewarded for the very traits that make their behavior so dangerous,' and that they're hard to spot 'because on the surface, they often seem emotionally intelligent, generous, even vulnerable.' That can drive you deeper into the relationship and its unhealthiness. 'When we can't clearly name what's happening, we're more likely to internalize the harm,' Dr. Kelley explains. 'That confusion is part of what makes this so damaging and so difficult to walk away from.'You may be curious why people are this way—not to excuse their behavior, just to understand what's going on. According to these psychologists, several reasons could be at play: wanting to control the narrative or people's perceptions, to preserve their image and power, to avoid facing emotional discomfort and to protect their ego. Related: The 10 Earliest Signs of Emotional Manipulation To Look Out For, According to PsychologistsWhat that might look like in practice, Dr. Cohen says, is claiming they 'never said that,' shifting blame to make you question your reality, or eroding your confidence and self-trust so they're more dominant and in the cause of that, he continues, could be a variety of factors, from narcissistic personality disorder to antisocial tendencies to even deep insecurity. As mentioned, one of the 'charms' of high-level gaslighters is that they seem emotionally intelligent. You may feel as though they're in touch with your feelings and know that they use that information strategically and for their benefit. 'They'll validate you just enough to build trust, then later use your words or vulnerabilities to deflect blame or gain control,' Dr. Kelley says. Dr. Cohen makes a similar point about how high-level gaslighters often exploit the fact that you're a caring person. 'They use your values, like compassion or loyalty, against you,' he says. They may say something like, 'You're supposed to be understanding, not accusing me,' when you try to set boundaries or discuss a makes phrases like that work, he continues, is that it leads you to doubt yourself. The gaslighter presents you as the 'bad guy' for something as normal as having an emotion or a question. Sensitive people and empaths are particularly vulnerable to high-level gaslighters, Dr. Kelley adds, because they're more likely to doubt themselves and lean toward Have you ever brought up a time they said something hurtful, and they swear it didn't happen? That can be another sign.'They conveniently 'forget' critical events or conversations, especially the ones that prove your version of reality,' Dr. Cohen says. 'Over time, you question your memory, become hesitant to trust your gut and depend more on them for 'truth.''Sometimes, people genuinely remember things differently. The difference is, they aren't trying to manipulate you or make you question your sanity by saying so. It's easier to point out an outright lie (even though a high-level gaslighter may deny that too). But another piece that makes their gaslighting high-level (and therefore harder to notice) is the fact that they frequently don't go for a complete lie. Instead, they twist the story just enough to confuse. Dr. Kelley calls it 'strategic misdirection.''They may say things that are vague, contradictory or half-true, so if you confront them, it's easy for them to flip it back on you,' she says. 'It keeps you in a mental fog, constantly trying to decode what's real.'Phrases they may use, she continues, are 'That's not what I said' and 'You misunderstood me.' And again, what makes that so confusing is that misunderstandings do happen and aren't always manipulative. With a gaslighter, though, trust that they When you're doubting yourself, your perceptions and your reality, you may turn to a loved one or other person who was there. Did what you think happened really happen? Be aware that their perception may not be accurate either. High-level gaslighters 'cultivate strong, positive impressions with others (bosses, friends, therapists) so that if you confront them, they can subtly frame you as unstable or overreactive to others,' Dr. Cohen says. In other words, your coworkers or friends might not see the gaslighter's bad side, so they feed you the same (wrong) information. This is a form of triangulation, or bringing a third person into the conflict or to complicate things.'It isolates the target and discredits them while the gaslighter maintains credibility,' Dr. Cohen adds. As a result, you may feel—or worry you're seen as—even more 'crazy.' This gives the gaslighter more Kelley shares a major sign. 'They might make small comments to others about you, hint at your instability or share selective versions of events, all while playing the role of the 'reasonable' one,' she says. 'Over time, you may feel more and more alone, unsure of who you can trust. That isolation is exactly what makes their version of reality too hard to challenge.'Related: Take notes on what's happening, even if and when you don't trust your judgment.'Keeping a written or digital log of conversations, events or patterns creates an objective record you can refer back to,' Dr. Cohen explains. 'Be specific with dates and times and verbatim quotes. This counters their manipulation of facts and helps you reclaim your sense of reality.'Besides writing what was said, note how it makes you feel and what your body is telling you. 'The patterns start to reveal themselves when you see it in writing,' Dr. Kelley even if it doesn't feel true now, it may feel true the keyword is 'privately.' Where can you put these notes so the other person won't see them?Related: After your reality has been denied, it's understandable and common to distrust your intuition.'Gaslighting disconnects you from your internal compass,' Dr. Kelley affirms. Try to get that back. Journaling and paying attention to how your body feels, as mentioned above, are helpful ways to do this. Whether you're setting a boundary around how they talk to you, physical space or something different, know you're allowed to, no questions fact, not explaining may turn out in your favor. 'High-level gaslighters often twist your reasoning,' Dr. Cohen says. 'By setting firm, concise boundaries without overexplaining, you reduce their opportunities to manipulate your words.' If they ask for an explanation or justification, he suggests saying something like 'I'm not available for that conversation right now' or 'I've made my decision.' This can help you avoid getting pulled into a debate (that's impossible to win).Related: When someone is lying or has lied for a while, it can feel empowering to call them out. But remember, that won't be as healing as it may seem, nor is it necessary. 'If the relationship leaves you feeling confused, anxious or constantly self-doubting, that's enough,' Dr. Kelley says. 'Emotional safety is reason enough to set boundaries or walk away.'Related: When you feel 'crazy,' having someone to back you up and provide validation and perspective can mean so much. 'Whether it's a friend, therapist or support group, being heard and believed can be a turning point,' Dr. Kelley says. 'A validating conversation can re-anchor you in what's true.'Dr. Cohen speaks to the specific ways a therapist can help. 'A professional, in particular, can help you name what's happening and develop grounded strategies to protect yourself emotionally and psychologically,' he says. 'Create your own group of trusted advisors to check your reality and offer helpful support and practical guidance.' Up Next:Dr. Harry Cohen, PhD, psychologist and author Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD, trauma-informed therapist, researcher, podcaster and author 4 Common Habits of High-Level Gaslighters, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jun 8, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 8, 2025, where it first appeared.
Epoch Times
28-05-2025
- Health
- Epoch Times
‘Sunny Over Salty': Psychologist Harry Cohen's Mission to Promote Positive Energy
As May, Mental Health Awareness Month, draws to a close, spending a few minutes with the 'Be the Sun, Not the Salt' podcast is what psychologist Harry Cohen hopes everyone will do. 'The choice exists in each moment for us to be uplifting, like the sun on the leaves of the plant, or we can be depleting like the salt on the roots of that plant,' Dr. Cohen said in a recent interview with The Epoch Times. An Ann Arbor, Michigan-based psychologist, coach, husband, father, restaurateur, and self-described 'seeker of wisdom,' Cohen said his a-ha moment—this simple way to be, rooted in the heliotropic phenomenon where plants turn toward the sun for their energy—didn't happen all at once, but came after decades of listening and learning. In fact, Cohen, 70, himself didn't realize that spreading this one idea would become his lifelong mission—until it did. 'The light bulb was the simplicity of the metaphor,' he said. Finishing up his TEDx Talk in March, it crystallized for him: He realized, 'I don't need to do anything other than hone the articulation of the point.' Related Stories 8/21/2024 8/5/2024 The principles shared in the TEDx talk—which outlined the concept of heliotropic leadership, the scientific understanding that all living systems are drawn toward life-sustaining energy, including our own—were so well-received that Cohen was inspired to write his second book, 'Be the Sun, Not the Salt,' and eventually launch his podcast of the same name. Focus on Your Own Behavior 'I read a chapter a day, every single day, and then write a note, 'Here's how I intend to practice today's lesson', so that it's more real, and it's never ending in terms of information and wisdom that I collect and go,' Cohen said, explaining how people, including himself, can use the book as a blueprint to living a healthier life. Unlike many other self-help manifestations, it doesn't matter what your background or family history is, or how you've been living your life up to this point. Growing up in Buffalo, New York, Cohen said his own family was not a force of positivity. 'My father was glass half empty. My mother was more glass half full,' he said. 'They weren't abusive but angry. They were not aware of the power of emotional regulation, the power of leaning into being a better human being.' All it takes to start your path of positivity is 'the tiniest of things,' Cohen said. 'What I keep learning about is, the little-er the better.' What does that 'smallest thing' look like for someone wanting to put positivity at the forefront? 'Showing up on time; taking a breath; asking someone how they're doing,' Cohen said. 'I didn't say to you this morning for example, 'How are you? How can I help you?' I mean that's little. I could go on and on about the little stuff—conversations you get into, words we use, how the words I use can be more effective, more heliotropic. They're endless.' For Cohen, this has now become his life's work. He doesn't see the need to do anything else but keep spreading it. 'This is a lifelong noble effort,' he said. 'The lifelong piece is, 'We'll never be done with this.' I know my motive. I know why we're doing this. And I know it's good. And that's why I'm doing this until I die.' Courtesy of Harry Cohen Don't 'Eat' Everything In today's social media-obsessed world, the challenge is greater, Cohen said. He regards choosing the social media we follow as a metaphor for choosing the food we put into our bodies. 'Monitor your media intake, watch what you ingest, be mindful of the stuff that is put on the buffet before us,' he said. 'We won't get to eat anything we want. There's a million things on a buffet and I look at it and go, No. No, No, No. That's decent. No, no, no, no. Oh, I guess I can eat this, this, and this because I know enough to know that this, this, and this is good.' Research consistently links optimism to better well-being, something Cohen taps into with his 'sunny over salty' philosophy. 'It's every single thing that I do, and more importantly, don't do,' Cohen said about walking the walk. 'It took decades for the establishment and for the mass media to go: 'Yeah, I guess smoking is not good for you.' And they're just starting now with sugar and processed food and alcohol. And maybe decades from now ... but that's what we are up against. 'It's OK for me. It's a noble fight. I'm not going to get dissuaded by the avalanche of negativity.'
Yahoo
08-02-2025
- Climate
- Yahoo
Forest Hills community still recovering from Hurricane Milton 4 months later
The Brief Elected leaders discussed continued recovery for a Tampa community hit hard by Hurricane Milton. In the days after the storm, pump stations failed, causing several feet of water and sewage to flood dozens of homes in Forest Hills. Many of those families are still out of their homes and some will never be able to return. TAMPA, Fla. - Members of a Tampa community hit hard by flooding following Hurricane Milton joined a pair of elected leaders Friday to mark four months since the storm and discuss how to continue their recovery. Big picture view During a news conference in the Forest Hills area, Tampa City Councilman Luis Viera and Hillsborough County Commissioner Harry Cohen updated neighbors on efforts to respond to the issues that contributed to flooding. READ: Tropicana Field repairs: St. Pete approves $950K in funds for next preconstruction phase "They're still living with the pain and the anguish of what they've gone through in Milton," said Viera. The backstory In the days after Milton, pump stations failed, causing several feet of water and sewage to flood dozens of homes in Forest Hills. A community leader told council members this week she counted at least 60 houses impacted by floods. Many of those families are still out of their homes and some will never be able to return, including Gwendolyn Torres, who had to move into a new home despite her financial struggles due to the storm. Follow FOX 13 on YouTube What they're saying "There was nothing salvageable. I lost my car. I lost my home, all our belongings," said Torres, who said FEMA provided her $6,000 to help with her recovery and other families are in similar situations. "The need is so great in this area, so it's a waiting game and then even what they do offer doesn't touch what we lost. Six grand is what got me into my [new] place, so it didn't pay for furniture, didn't pay for anything else. So battling [FEMA] and just trying to rebuild." What's next Cohen said he hopes a report ordered by the county will address neighbors' concerns, including potential upgrades to pump stations, stormwater systems and canals. He also said the federal government promised to make more than $700 million available to the county to help with post-storm upgrades. "Things that we can do to either help individuals or organizations or our own infrastructure to withstand these types of events in the future," Cohen explained, adding the report should be finished in the coming months. Viera said the city hopes to make funding available to impacted families as well. The Source The information in this story was gathered during a news conference held Friday with Tampa City Councilman Luis Viera amid Hillsborough County Commissioner Harry Cohen. WATCH FOX 13 NEWS: STAY CONNECTED WITH FOX 13 TAMPA: Download the FOX Local app for your smart TV Download FOX Local mobile app:Apple |Android Download the FOX 13 News app for breaking news alerts, latest headlines Download the SkyTower Radar app Sign up for FOX 13's daily newsletter
