Latest news with #KateSilverton
Spectator
13-07-2025
- General
- Spectator
Why shouldn't we call children ‘naughty'?
As we approach the final countdown to the school summer holidays and I am faced with the prospect of lots more quality time with my almost-five-year-old, and absolutely no idea what I will fill the days with, it seems a good moment to evaluate my style of parenting and seek out some advice to help the family get through the summer with our sanities intact. These days, there is a whole animal kingdom of parenting styles to choose from: could I be an elephant mother? A panda, a jellyfish? Or the better-known tiger mum – usually associated with parents pushing their children towards over-achievement. This year my son has learned to read, write simple sentences and, significantly, will go for a poo on his own, so I feel like we have already reached the pinnacle of what can be achieved in the academic year – so not tiger for me. Besides, if I'm honest, I'm not really looking for help on how to help my son achieve his goals – especially given his biggest aim is to get me to buy him the Hot Wheels T-rex transporter (for those blissfully unaware: a giant truck with light-up, roaring-effect T-rex head). Really, where I'd be open to some advice is on the day-to-day management of the emotional fallout of being four or five. How do you deal with tantrums and meltdowns, and – the worst – prolonged whining, when your tiny tyrant shows immense resistance to reasoned argument (and you're also dealing with a two-year-old who has recently discovered the power of 'no')? Many modern parenting styles focus on managing a child's emotions and behaviour, such as the millennial favourite 'gentle parenting' – where a child's feelings are validated but parents do not use rewards or punishments. And today's parenting 'experts' also seem to prize the validation of a child's emotion above all else, allowing it to dictate how you discipline a child. My interest was piqued recently by an interview with BBC anchor turned child counsellor Kate Silverton on the Netmums podcast. She suggested that parents ban the word 'naughty', as she claims children can internalise the label and think ''I'm bad. I'm naughty'. And then it becomes: 'That's me. That's who I am.'' She concludes: 'That's where sort of delinquency comes from.' But isn't 'naughty' exactly the kind of word you need when dealing with a young child's bad behaviour? It's an adjective made for children. 'Don't throw your toys everywhere, that's naughty.' 'Don't hit your sister, that's naughty.' You are not labelling your child with a permanently naughty identity – merely explaining to them what is good and bad behaviour, in appropriate terms. And what would you say instead? To actively try not to use the word goes against your parenting instincts. I am not only looking to raise children who are 'heard', I also want to raise individuals who are well-behaved and resilient Parental instincts are not always given enough importance by those offering advice. Silverton makes some decent points about taking a moment to calm yourself so that you can react in a more measured way, and trying not to unload your own childhood emotional baggage on to your children (although that might put her out of business as a therapist). But some of her tricks and tips, such as for defusing tantrums, are cringe-inducing and even counterintuitive. Silverton offers the example of picking up her child from nursery and bringing an apple as a snack when her child wanted an orange. The child proceeds to have a tantrum, lying on the ground in front of other parents. (I feel her pain, as this week I was treated to a full meltdown after I cut my son's toast in half, when he preferred it whole.) In these scenarios, Silverton advises that you should get down with your child and attempt to match their energy as you articulate what you sense they are feeling. She calls it her 'SAS' tool: See/Sense, Acknowledge, Soothe. In the podcast, she demonstrates by adopting an exaggerated angry toddler tone: 'You are so cross right now…' Honestly, I would sooner crawl out of my own skin than do this. And in front of other parents too? Absolutely not. Surely I cannot be the only parent who thinks the key aim in a tantrum scenario is not to validate your child's emotions, but rather to correct the bad behaviour and make your child understand that throwing a tantrum is unacceptable and will not get them what they want. Naturally, I want my children to know they can talk to me about any problem, big or small. But as a mother I am not only looking to raise children who are 'heard', I also want to raise individuals who are well-behaved and resilient. Acknowledging your child needs help regulating their emotions shouldn't mean abandoning all use of negative or authoritative language. When my son made his feelings crystal clear about the injustice of having his toast cut in half and demanded a new piece of toast, I said no, it was cut toast or nothing. And eventually, he ate the toast. Look, I'm not a monster, and for the sake of a peaceful summer I'll try my hardest not to cut his toast again. But if I forget, maybe, just maybe, he won't react the same way again.
Daily Mail
19-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
This Morning fans fume 'this is why kids commit crimes!' at parenting expert's VERY controversial advice - but who's in the wrong?
This Morning fans fumed 'this is why kids commit crimes!' as a parenting expert shared some very controversial advice. Yesterday's episode of the ITV chat show saw presenters Ben Shephard, 50, and Cat Deeley, 48, sit down to discuss parenting approaches as part of the This Morning's View segment. One panellist, TV presenter Trisha Goddard, 67, addressed recent controversial comments made by BBC newsreader turned child therapist Kate Silverton, 54. Kate told the award-winning Netmums parenting podcast earlier this week: 'It's just a fallacy to call children naughty. 'They're not making conscious choices for the majority of the time. They are driven by a very, very immature brain and a nervous system that very often is being triggered.' She added labelling children as 'naughty' wrongly makes them believe that defines them and can therefore be psychologically damaging to them. When Ben and Cat asked for Trisha's reaction to the comments on This Morning yesterday, she backed Kate up. Trisha explained: 'I always believe in labelling the behaviour and not the person. 'Naughty is probably the light end but if you keep telling a child they're stupid or they don't know what they're doing or, "Gosh, you're always clumsy", it absolutely does sit in their head and set a trend. 'If you talk about the behaviour rather than labelling the child, it's a much better way to go.' She further explained the distinction by saying, for example, it is more constructive to tell a child, 'That was a stupid thing to do', rather than, 'You are stupid'. Kate advocates for this approach to the extent she published a book in 2021 called There's No Such Thing As Naughty. The parenting guide for those with children under five offers techniques to manage everyday challenges and forge a strong bond with them from the start. 'At the heart of the book is a simple and revelatory way to understand how your child's brain develops and how it influences their behaviour', the synopsis reads. It claims to offer 'a new understanding that for under-fives, there can be no such thing as "naughty"'. But many viewers, hearing Kate's comments repeated on This Morning yesterday, felt this parenting approach was too soft, taking to X to express their disapproval. One wrote, The Mirror reports: 'If you don't tell a child off then they will think that their behaviour is acceptable.' Another went even further: '"Stop calling kids naughty". This is why kids carry knives and commit crimes we see today. Soft parenting. 'The kids parenting the parents because the parents start to become scared of their own kids because they aren't dealt with correctly!' Someone else asked: 'What would Trisha say about the actions of the killers of Bhim Kholi?' They were referring to the 80-year-old man who was killed after being racially abused and attacked while walking his dog in a park near his Leicestershire home in September last year. Earlier this month, a 15-year-old boy was jailed for seven years for manslaughter while a 13-year-old girl received a youth rehabilitation order and six-month curfew for the same offence. They took to X to express their disapproval In the same podcast interview, Kate added: 'Our children internalise every day. 'They're taking in messages from us, from their friends, from their teachers. And words carry such weight of meaning. '"Oh, stop being silly". "Oh, you are so naughty". "Oh, he's the naughty one". 'We all fall into that trap but our children are paying very close attention to how we think of them. 'And we might dismiss it as a comment - "Oh, he's so untidy". "Oh, she's always late". "She's a bit of a scatterbrain". 'They are internalising. And what they're internalising - because, again, they don't have that fully formed rational brain - "I'm bad. I'm naughty". 'And then it becomes: "That's me. That's who I am".' Elsewhere in the same episode as this controversial parenting discussion, Cat left fans open-mouthed as she revealed her real name live on air. The presenter made the surprise confession during a heartwarming segment for Thank A Teacher Day, where she was reunited with her former primary school teacher. Cat and Ben had been listening to children share stories about their favourite teachers at a school in Surrey when the emotional surprise unfolded. Mrs Cotterill, Cat's own teacher from her school days, appeared via video link - and casually referred to her by her real name, catching viewers off guard. Addressing the star, she said: 'Her name is Katie.' Ben said to Mrs Cotterill: 'Because you of course know her as Katie.' Cat, who received a glowing report from Mrs Cotterill, revealed her real name is Catherine. She went on to share she was known as Katie during her childhood - a far cry from the name fans have come to know her by over the years. 'Well, my real name is Catherine but my grandad always used to call me Katie and my mum and dad and stuff,' she said. 'Unless I was in trouble, then I was sometimes Catherine!' Giving her feedback on Cat, who was delighted to see the familiar face, Mrs Cotterill said: 'She was very enthusiastic, a very kind child. 'Always wanting to help, always wanting to be involved, just actually, an all-round super person.' Cat grew up in Birmingham, attending Grove Vale Junior School before moving on to Dartmouth High School. At just 14, she made it to the national finals of a modelling competition run by the BBC programme The Clothes Show. Her success led to a modelling contract - and it was during this time her name was shortened to Cat, marking the start of her career in the spotlight.
Telegraph
17-06-2025
- General
- Telegraph
Ban parents from calling children ‘naughty', says Kate Silverton
Parents should be banned from calling their children 'naughty', according to Kate Silverton. Mrs Silverton, the child therapist and former BBC newsreader, said it is harmful for children because they 'internalise' the message of the word, and it reinforces a belief that it is 'who I am', leading to more problematic behaviour. Mrs Silverton, 54, also said it is a 'fallacy' to use the word because it is ' not scientifically correct ' as their brains are too immature. The counsellor called for parents to 'change the language'. 'Words carry such weight of meaning' 'Our children internalise every day,' she told the Netmums podcast. 'They're taking in messages from us, from their friends, from their teachers. And words carry such weight of meaning. 'Oh, stop being silly. Oh, you are so naughty. Oh, he's the naughty one'. 'We all fall into that trap, but our children are paying very close attention to how we think of them. 'And we might dismiss it as a comment – 'oh, he's so untidy. Oh, she's always late. She's a bit of a scatterbrain'. 'They are internalising. And what they're internalising, because, again, they don't have that fully formed rational brain. ''I'm bad. I'm naughty.' And then it becomes: ' That's me. That's who I am '. 'And you may well end up with a child that then thinks, well, 'that's who I am so I may as well just be that'. You know, that's where sort of delinquency comes from.' 'Just a fallacy' 'Labels are not who our children are,' Mrs Silverton added. 'So we might say, 'I didn't like that behaviour', but it's not 'I don't like who you are'. And that's really important.' Mrs Silverton added: 'It's just a fallacy to call children naughty. 'They're not making conscious choices for the majority of the time. They are driven by a very, very immature brain and a nervous system that very often is being triggered because they're coping with a lot during the day. 'It's just not scientifically correct. It's not, it's just, as I say, it's a fallacy. 'And I'd really like to change that language.'
Yahoo
17-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Ban parents from calling children ‘naughty', says Kate Silverton
Parents should be banned from calling their children 'naughty', according to Kate Silverton. Mrs Silverton, the child therapist and former BBC newsreader, said it is harmful for children because they 'internalise' the message of the word, and it reinforces a belief that it is 'who I am', leading to more problematic behaviour. Mrs Silverton, 54, also said it is a 'fallacy' to use the word because it is 'not scientifically correct' as their brains are too immature. The counsellor called for parents to 'change the language'. 'Our children internalise every day,' she told the Netmums podcast. 'They're taking in messages from us, from their friends, from their teachers. And words carry such weight of meaning. 'Oh, stop being silly. Oh, you are so naughty. Oh, he's the naughty one'. 'We all fall into that trap, but our children are paying very close attention to how we think of them. 'And we might dismiss it as a comment – 'oh, he's so untidy. Oh, she's always late. She's a bit of a scatterbrain'. 'They are internalising. And what they're internalising, because, again, they don't have that fully formed rational brain. ''I'm bad. I'm naughty.' And then it becomes: 'That's me. That's who I am'. 'And you may well end up with a child that then thinks, well, 'that's who I am so I may as well just be that'. You know, that's where sort of delinquency comes from.' 'Labels are not who our children are,' Mrs Silverton added. 'So we might say, 'I didn't like that behaviour', but it's not 'I don't like who you are'. And that's really important.' Mrs Silverton added: 'It's just a fallacy to call children naughty. 'They're not making conscious choices for the majority of the time. They are driven by a very, very immature brain and a nervous system that very often is being triggered because they're coping with a lot during the day. 'It's just not scientifically correct. It's not, it's just, as I say, it's a fallacy. 'And I'd really like to change that language.' Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Telegraph
10-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Telegraph
Kate Silverton on moving to the Cotswolds: ‘I didn't want to be surrounded by brick buildings anymore'
Kate Silverton trained as a journalist and was formerly a regular newsreader and presenter for the BBC. In 2018, she took part in Strictly Come Dancing, and she and her partner Aljaž Škorjanec finished in eighth place. She left her TV career to retrain, and became a qualified child therapist in 2023. Last year, she and her family left their home in London to move to the Cotswolds. Where do you live? Last summer, we moved to a village in Gloucestershire, in the Cotswolds. My husband Mike and I, and our two children, Clemency, 13, and Wilbur, 10, had been living in west London for years. There's no denying it was a massive step – a little bit like turning an oil tanker around very slowly. But it was something that I'd been dreaming about for a long time, even before I decided I wanted to retrain as a child therapist. I kept saying to Mike: 'I don't want to be surrounded by brick buildings any more.' Initially, we started looking all over the place, even abroad, but when we found this Arts and Crafts house in the Cotswolds, the garden literally had me at hello. The previous owner, a wonderful lady called Joan, was a passionate gardener, so we inherited this large south-facing garden, which has a wonderful, dreamy English cottage garden feel about it. Her pale pink roses alone were a sight to behold. The garden had everything I'd ever imagined. How did it compare to your garden in London? We had a tiny garden at the back of our London home, where the sun would disappear after three o'clock. If I tell you we had a hammock that stretched from one corner to the other, you get an idea of how small it was. But we did squeeze in a tiny greenhouse where I made a half-decent attempt at being green-fingered to make the front look nice. But I confess, we did have fake grass, which was awful. Now, just walking across our new lawn of real grass is one of my greatest pleasures. One thing we never had room for in London was a proper outdoor table and chairs, so I was beside myself with excitement when we finally got them. Even in February, Mike and I were sitting outside drinking coffee in our poncho blankets. How are you finding life in the Cotswolds? When we came here, it was with the intention of immersing ourselves in every part of the garden and embracing the local community. We've already got to know lots of people, many of whom are happy to share their knowledge of the landscape. We have a small woodland area, and I've just got off the phone to a lady who's going to teach me how to coppice. She's also going to show the children how to whittle spoons. We really want the kids to have that climbing-trees-and-muddy-knees experience, but I also appreciate little things, like walking barefoot across the Village Common with Clemency when I've picked her up from school. One thing we always did with the kids when we were in London was to go camping, and one of the first things we did when we arrived here was put up our bell tent on the lawn. It was magical. On a deeper level, why do you think being outside is so important? In today's world, it's so easy to get overstimulated by technology and disconnected from the natural world. People often say they get a sense of well-being by spending time in the garden, that they find it deeply regulating in some way. And there's a scientific reason for that. From a neuroscience perspective, I now understand that anything with a repetitive or rhythmic pattern is very soothing for the brainstem, which connects the brain with the spinal cord and is an essential part of the nervous system. So, I truly think that a garden is your nervous system's best friend. What have you been enjoying in the garden this year? In January, we had the end of the hellebores and the start of the snowdrops, then rows of daffodils, followed by blossom that filled our small apple orchard where the hammock hangs. Now I look around and see bluebells, irises, forget-me-nots and tulips, while the scent of the white wisteria climbing the house hangs in the air… something I've always wanted. Every day, I see something new, and a week doesn't go by without me hugging a tree. I've also been planting things with the children; we sowed lots of sunflower seeds and have one pumpkin on the way, which is terribly exciting. Only this morning, I was looking at the runner beans and picked our first spring onions. We've also started using wool pellets as a natural slug deterrent, and they seem to be working. Where did you first get your love of the outdoors? Growing up in Essex, we had a very small garden, and the only connection I had with it was through my pet tortoise, Rupert. As a little girl, I was a voracious reader, and one of my main introductions to nature was through children's adventure books by authors such as Enid Blyton. Joining the Girl Guides and doing their outside activities was also a huge influence on me – I was even given the Queen's Guide Award. As I got a bit older, I loved authors like Wilbur Smith, whose descriptions of the African landscape left a great impression on me. In my late teens, I went off travelling to Africa, where some of my fondest memories are of sleeping under the stars. How did you get involved with the Chelsea Flower Show? I started going to the show a few years ago and, through the RHS, got involved in Project Giving Back, which was set up by two private philanthropists to support a range of good causes. Not only have they funded gardens at Chelsea since 2022, but they have ensured that every single garden has had a permanent home afterwards. This year, I'm specifically supporting three of the causes they are funding: The Glasshouse Garden, which works with female prisoners through a programme of horticultural training and employment; the Down's Syndrome Scotland Garden, which involved young people at every stage of its making; and the King's Trust Garden, which creates wonderful parallels between the potential every young person has in life and the way seeds, even those growing in a tough environment, do succeed. How do you feel now about your new life in the Cotswolds? A year on, I'm just as excited as ever. Of course, we've also got a growing shopping list of things we want to get. Only last week, I turned to Mike and said, 'When are we getting the chickens?' He's coming with me to Chelsea, and once we've seen all the gardens, we'll be looking into everything from mowers and pruning ladders to hot composting and fruit cages for our strawberries and raspberries. One thing I'd really love to have is a garden office, whether it's in a shepherd's hut or a cabin. If we could get it installed by the time I sit down to write my next book, I'd be thrilled. How would you sum up your feelings about the garden now? For us, moving here was the right decision. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to follow your dream, but you can do it, if you really want to. There are so many wonderful sayings you come across about gardening. From a therapist's perspective, I find certain ones particularly poignant, such as: 'Plants forgive neglect – with time and care they come back. And so do we.' Another one, which Audrey Hepburn once said, and which sums up the hope any gardener must feel, is: 'To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.' Isn't that just wonderful? Project Giving Back is supporting ten gardens for good causes at this year's Chelsea Flower Show, May 20–24. For more information, visit
