Latest news with #KatieDissanayake
Indian Express
05-08-2025
- Health
- Indian Express
All about the dating app swipe culture habit driven by self-obsession, not connection
Dating apps were designed to help people find love, companionship, or a meaningful connection. But not everyone using them is actually looking to date. A new pattern of behaviour has emerged online — one that involves constantly swiping and matching, but rarely engaging. The motive? Not connection, but validation. This pattern now has a name: ego scrolling. Katie Dissanayake, CEO and founder of the dating app After, describes it as 'the act of swiping through dating apps in search of easy validation rather than genuine connections or relationships.' 'You're not even looking for a date — or often even a real conversation — you're just seeking proof that you're still desirable,' she told USA Today. While that may sound harmless, this kind of behaviour can lead to confusion, rejection, and even emotional harm for people who are genuinely seeking connection. Neha Cadabam, senior psychologist and executive director at Cadabams Hospitals, tells 'Ego scrolling is a pattern where individuals swipe or browse through dating profiles not with the intention of connection, but more for a sense of validation, distraction, or even entertainment. One way to recognise this behaviour is by observing your mindset while using dating apps. Are you swiping out of boredom, stress, or a need to feel attractive, rather than curiosity about the other person?' To shift toward more intentional dating, she says, it's helpful to pause and reflect on what you're really looking for, whether it's companionship, meaningful conversation, or a long-term relationship. 'Setting small boundaries like limiting swiping time, reading profiles more mindfully, and engaging in thoughtful conversations can help ground the experience.' For individuals earnestly seeking connection, repeated disinterest or ghosting can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and emotional fatigue. 'Over time, this can contribute to a cycle of low self-esteem where users question their worth or start to internalise rejection as a reflection of their value,' observes Cadabam. The unpredictable nature of dating apps, where interactions often feel disposable, can trigger emotional burnout, especially for those sensitive to social cues. It's essential for users to remember that the digital space often does not accurately reflect their relational potential. 'Grounding oneself in real-life social connections and seeking emotional support, whether through friends or therapy, can help buffer these effects and restore a sense of self-worth,' states the expert. Cadabam mentions, 'Individuals with avoidant attachment styles often experience discomfort with emotional closeness and may find ego scrolling a low-risk way to feel desired without the vulnerability of real connection. The controlled environment of swiping, where they can engage or disengage at will, offers a sense of emotional safety.' She adds that breaking this pattern starts with gentle self-exploration. 'Becoming curious about what intimacy means to them and acknowledging fears around closeness is a good first step. Psychotherapy can be beneficial here, as it creates a safe space to unpack these patterns.'
USA Today
18-04-2025
- Health
- USA Today
Searching dating apps for validation, not dates? You may be 'ego-scrolling'
Searching dating apps for validation, not dates? You may be 'ego-scrolling' Show Caption Hide Caption How to fight a fear of commitment in your relationship Relationship expert explains why some people struggle with commitment and how they can push through their fears. 'It's just for fun.' 'I don't actually message anyone.' Whether you're redownloading Hinge after 'swearing off dating apps forever," or online dating for the first time, chances are you've been guilty of 'ego-scrolling.' Katie Dissanayake, the CEO and founder of the dating app 'After,' defines ego-scrolling as swiping through dating apps looking for easy validation, rather than meaningful connections or relationships. 'You're not even looking for a date, or often a real conversation, you're just looking for proof that you're still desirable,' she explains. 'It's almost like window shopping for love without the intention to buy.' Instant social gratification and self-worth validation are among the most common motivations for using dating apps. Even after matching, users often get ghosted, misinterpret what the other person wants or have mismatched expectations, leaving those looking for love frustrated and burnt out. Jordan Pickell, a trauma and relationship therapist, says ego-scrolling 'lowers the stakes around rejection, loneliness and the wanting to be desired.' She takes Dissanayake's analogy one step further: 'You're window shopping, and you don't have any intention of going into the store.' Why do people 'ego-scroll' on dating apps? Dissanayake attributes the rise in ego-scrolling to the loneliness epidemic and a collective increase in stress and unhappiness among young adults. 'Dating apps have become almost like an emotional pacifier,' she says. 'If you're bored, anxious or feeling invisible, getting a match, especially from someone you find really attractive, feels almost like a mini serotonin shot. And more often than not, that becomes the goal.' Notifications of new matches can feel similar to the dopamine rush some people receive from Instagram likes. 'A lot of dating apps were perfectly engineered to feed us that dopamine fix," Dissanayake says. Pickell says ego-scrollers may also be hoping to protect themselves against rejection or the vulnerability of a real relationship. 'People want to be seen, but it's too scary to be known," she explains. "So it gives this feeling of being seen and this validation without having to be emotionally invested.' However, Amy Morin, psychotherapist and author of "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do,' says ego-scrolling can be beneficial in limited scenarios. For instance, someone who has recently gone through a divorce or breakup may not be ready to date, but needs a reminder that there are other options. And still, it's not going to fix the underlying issues. If you're struggling with low self-esteem or loneliness, it can feel like a 'Band-Aid for a minute,' but not the cure. Are we headed towards 'boysober' summer? Why more women are taking intentional breaks from dating Mismatched expectations cause dating app fatigue Many of Pickell's clients are frustrated by the lack of mutual engagement on dating apps. They make a match, send a message and never receive a response. 'It's disheartening,' she says. Dissanayake says ghosting, miscommunication and dating app fatigue often occur when one side of a match seeks a genuine connection, and another is just looking to feel good. For those who want to ego-scroll, it is important to be upfront about your intentions and not waste your matches' time. 'Remember that the other people on dating apps are real human beings with their own fears of rejection and feelings of loneliness,' Pickell adds. Tired of dating apps? I went to NYC's hottest singles run club. Here's what it's really like. Checking in with yourself If you're ready to stop ego-scrolling, the first step is checking in with yourself. What are your needs, boundaries and goals? Pickell encourages people to notice what emotions arise as they swipe through dating apps. It may be time to take a break when you feel depleted and alienated rather than energized and connected. Another sign that the apps are unfulfilling is if using them 'feels like a chore,' Morin says. Dissanayake says there may not be a quick fix for ego-scrolling, but it starts with 'knowing your self-worth before you try to meet anybody else' and accepting where you are on that journey.
