Latest news with #LoveLetters:TheNewsletter
Boston Globe
8 hours ago
- General
- Boston Globe
Sister gets short end of the stick from father's estate
Dad had a paid-off house worth about $250,000. To make probate easy, he 'sold' the house to my sister when his health declined. He had said we were to sell the house and split it four ways between me, her, and two step-siblings when he passed. Both steps had no contact with him for several years, so she asked me if I minded leaving them out. I said OK. Advertisement She sold the house, said she didn't get much because of issues it had, and sent me $10,000. I tried to be OK with this, but a bit more would have been nice. Yes, she deserved more for the time she put into his care. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up I found out through a cousin that, after selling the house, my sister paid off her own house, bought her and her daughter brand-new cars, and sent her grown daughter and grown grandchild on European tours. I think the part that gets to me is she lied to me. I guess she didn't have to technically send me anything because it was in her name. Maybe if she would have told me differently, I wouldn't have minded as much. But telling me she didn't get much out of the sale hurts knowing it had to have sold for more than $150,000. Advertisement I just wonder now if I should say something to her? I am trying to be OK with this, but that was a slap in the face to me. Should I reach out, or let it lie? LEFT OUT SISTER A. First, the legal: You could, if you want, consult an estate attorney to see about the possibility of suing your dad's estate. From your description, this could be tricky, as much of what was agreed upon seems to have been spoken, instead of written, and the house was in your sister's name. But if it's bothering you, that is an option. However, I think a conversation with your sister — whether or not you talk to an attorney — is going to be more productive. There are some parts of this story that you can check out on your own — the sale price, for instance. But it sounds like what you need most is a way to understand the new shape of your relationship with your sister. Yes, the money is important, but the grief from your father's death and the confusion around the inheritance have created wounds that money wouldn't fix. So, talk to your sister. Try to have a conversation that is focused less on accusation than it is on finding some peace for yourself and, perhaps, a new foundation for your relationship with her. Q. My 15-year-old granddaughter recently texted me to say, 'Grandma, I am a lesbian.' I was only mildly surprised because her mom had told me before that she had a 'girlfriend.' I texted her back and said whatever she was, I would always love her. And I asked her how long she had known. She said, 'for a while now. I've dated boys and girls, and it just feels better to date girls.' Advertisement Less than a year ago, this granddaughter bought a T-shirt that said, 'I love my boyfriend.' She had dated boys from the time she was about 12. I am just wondering if she is really lesbian or afraid of being with guys? CONFUSED GRANDMOTHER A. It sounds like your granddaughter is still exploring what, and who, is right for her. This is natural for teenagers, and folks of any age. The way she identifies may continue to evolve throughout her life. You're already doing exactly the right thing: assuring her that you love her for her and will be there for her no matter what. Even kids who are sure they're straight have shifting relationships to dating. They might be gaga over one person one day and over another person the next day. All of us get to know new parts of ourselves through love relationships and those discoveries can be surprising, and sometimes confusing. By continuing to listen to her, to show up for her, and to reply with love, you're letting her know that you're a safe adult she can confide in and go to for advice on dating or anything else she has questions about. That's the most important kind of relationship for her to cultivate right now and it will continue to benefit you both as life goes on. R. Eric Thomas can be reached at .
Boston Globe
18 hours ago
- Health
- Boston Globe
Beat the heat with these cooling gadgets and wearables
Yet these wearable wonders and breezy gadgets can offer some relief. They might look quirky, but when the AC struggles and the sidewalk feels like a stovetop, they can start to seem like must-haves. When you're at home Indoors, stay comfy with cool-feel sheets (like those with a silky finish or lightweight fibers), bed fans (where a nozzle inserted into the bed linens pumps a flow of air around you), or a cooling pillow or chill pad, which are filled with a gel that can stay cool for hours. Sleep-product brands include Serta, Sealy, Casper, Pluto and Threshold. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up The chill pads can work for your own bed and the pets' bed too. There are chillable full-size mattresses (Chilipad, 8Sleep and BedJet get good reviews from The Spruce) and smaller, simple pads (CoolCare and Sharper Image, among others). Advertisement To stay cool indoors, many people invest in cool-feel sheets, bed fans, cooling pillows, and chill pads to ensure a comfortable sleep. Kim Cook/Associated Press Outdoor wearables Clare Epstein, an employee safety expert with Vector Solutions in Tampa, Florida, works to reduce heat stress for at-risk employees in industries like construction, aviation and agriculture. She recommends wearables like cooling scarves and evaporative cooling vests. Advertisement 'By soaking the fabric in cold water at the beginning of the day, the vest slowly cools, and keeps the wearer cool,' she says. Clothes made of 'phase change materials,' or PCMs, contain gel capsules or pads that can help moderate body temperatures. advertises a vest that stays under 60 degrees for a few hours, and AlphaCool offers a neck tube that performs similarly. Another feature of the tube, which is made of a polymer material, is that it doesn't get overly chilled, so it's safe for kids to use. Also for kids, there's a line of plush toys from Warmies that includes little critters of the farmyard, ocean, forest and safari that can be popped in the freezer before a trip to the park or playground. Wearable items that incorporate small fans or thermoelectric coolers are also good, Epstein says. And there are vests with tubed reservoirs you can fill with water or electrolytes so you can sip as you go. 'These encourage people to take more water breaks, and stay hydrated,' says Epstein. The wearables range is extensive. Along with cooling buffs, headbands, wristbands, socks and scarves, there are cooling brimmed hats and ball caps. Brands include Mission, Ergodyne, and Sunday Afternoon. The Campbell family wore sun protection shirts and hats during their hike to protect themselves from the heat. Uncredited/Associated Press If you'd prefer a refreshing breeze, USB-chargeable handheld or wearable fans might do the job. Chill advice Lynn Campbell, co-founder of 10Adventures travel company in Calgary, Alberta, takes a lot of strenuous hiking and cycling trips with her husband, Richard. They've developed some easy hacks for hot days. 'We'll wake up early, so we're done by 10 or 11 a.m., or if we're out on the trails, split the day in two, so we rest by water or in the shade over the hottest part' of the day, she says. Advertisement Wear light colors and thin, breathable fabrics. And bring an umbrella. 'This is a game-changer,' Campbell says. 'Now we always pack ultralight, compact ones; they're incredible.' Also, pour cool water on your head and back. 'We freeze a few bottles of water so we can pour ice water on us to cool down,' Campbell says. 'Putting the bottles under the armpits, in the groin, or on the back of the neck can effectively cool a person down.' And Annita Katee, a contributing writer for Apartment Therapy, has another way to prep your bed on hot nights: 'Pop your sheets into the freezer at least two hours before bedtime, then pull them out right before you hit the sack,' she wrote in a recent post. She folds hers into a zipped plastic bag, flattens it, then sets it on a freezer shelf between ice packs. 'The result? A delightfully cool bed that feels like a refreshing oasis against the heat.'
Boston Globe
2 days ago
- General
- Boston Globe
Niece excludes one branch of large family tree at wedding
The save the dates went out and we were not invited along with one sister-in-law. Everyone else was invited and attended. I feel excluded and snubbed. I have been dwelling on this way too much but don't understand. There were never any words or any rift. Advertisement My brother-in-law who is the stepfather is close with my husband. When I spoke to a few of his siblings, I was told she wanted a small wedding (there were 150 people that went) and I should be happy because of the expense of the hotel. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up I was going to have a 70th birthday party for my husband but have decided to have a quiet dinner with my kids and grandchildren. I would also like to have no contact with them moving forward and I told my husband this. He feels I'm too sensitive, which added salt to the wound. He can have any relationship he wants with them, but I want out, personally. Advertisement Am I in the wrong? I just can't see myself in their company and feeling comfortable. EXCLUDED A. You have every right to feel the way you do. And, to your point, it seems pointed to invite six out of the eight siblings. But — and this is a big but — the family is large, even without considering the niece's mother's family, the father's family, her friends, and the family of the person she married. Even with 150 guests, options start to narrow. So, grant her a little grace. And, more importantly, don't take her wedding invite list out on her parents. They told you they didn't have any control over the invites and it's best to take that at face value. While you've been kind to the niece, you and she don't have as close a relationship as you do with others in the family. That's OK. It's also OK to have bruised feelings about it. You reached out your hand and she didn't reach back and that can hurt. It also sounds like other members of the family are trying to offer comfort and sympathy by telling you you didn't miss anything. Try to accept that. And then try to let it go, for your sake and for your husband's. Going no contact with branches of the family, who also didn't have control over the invites, is only going to hurt him. Q. My wife and I are a white couple in our mid-70s. We have numerous Black friends and acquaintances we see frequently at our church and workplace. Everybody is very cordial, and our conversations share insights into each other's goings-on (family, friends, et cetera). Advertisement What is discomforting to us is we are often addressed as 'Miss Jane' and 'Mr. John' rather than simply Jane and John. We're sure all intentions are respectful. We hate to think there is a racial element involved and hope it is just a matter of cultural mannerisms. We don't notice this 'title' formality with one Black person to another, even among those in our age bracket. We don't want to be rude if addressing this issue would be somehow offensive. Any thoughts on this? INFORMAL REQUEST A. Don't be afraid to ask people to call you what you're most comfortable being called. For instance, 'It would mean so much if you'd just call me John; it's how I know we're friends.' Something short and sweet like that. It's unclear to me whether the formality is related to your particular region, a particular subculture, or even your standing in your community. Or all of the above. But, if you're noticing that these honorifics aren't universally applied, it stands to reason you have the power to do away with them without being thought rude. Now, if your friends and acquaintances protest, that's an opportunity for you to dig a little deeper, with respect. 'Would you mind telling me more about why you'd feel more comfortable with Mr. John rather than John?' And then listen to what they have to say. Even if you don't agree with the reasoning, it might give you insight into how you're seen and how you and your friends can better see each other. R. Eric Thomas can be reached at .
Boston Globe
6 days ago
- General
- Boston Globe
Husband's eating habits disgust wife
I have brought up everything except for the smacking sound to him in the past and he always just gets this pouty look like he can't do anything right and then he is good for a while but then starts up again. Advertisement He is about to retire, and I shudder at the thought of eating even more meals with him. What can I do? Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up DINING ALONE A. The smacking sounds, while frustrating, are a different issue from his sanitary habits so address them separately. If you're sharing food or space, it's crucial to also have agreements about how to healthily coexist. Point out the things he's doing that are unsanitary when they happen - the lack of handwashing, for one (yuck!). Explain that it's something you can't abide and why. He may say it's no big deal, but it is a big deal to you. So, he has to work with you to come up with a solution. An easy-ish fix is to have separate chip bags. This doesn't get at the core issue, but it may help clear the air a little bit. Advertisement The larger issue at play, however, is a low-level disgust with some of his habits. Maybe they were bearable in smaller doses when he was working. But retirement is a different paradigm and you're both, essentially, about to create a new shared space together. If he's pouting, he's not contributing to the creation of that new space and he's not hearing what you're saying. Talk to him clearly and kindly but hold your ground. Also, consider if there are more deep-seated feelings of frustration or resentment that you can work through with him so that some of his habits don't grate as much. Q. I have an online friend, 30, who is married to a guy in his late 50s. Even though I don't know her in real life, I really like her and feel troubled by the age disparity. When she was 18, he was in his 40s. To me, this is indicative of a creep. I would like to know your opinion of men who seek out much younger women and vice versa. She says he is her best friend, but I feel like he is a troubled man-child. She is constantly leaving conversations to go tend to him. He comes across as needing her constant attention, which I find odd. The word codependent comes to mind. Her life seems to revolve around him completely. They live on his mother's property in some sort of guest house, and he does not work but is apparently writing a book. She moved from another country to be with him and had known him for a year when they married. Advertisement I know it is not my business ultimately, but do you think such age gaps (or at least in this case) spell trouble? She said to me that most women would dream of having a man like him and that he treats her very well. I wonder if this is just the infatuation of a younger woman who can't see that his preference for younger women isn't necessarily healthy. CONCERNED FRIEND A. Context is really important here. Eighteen and 40 is very different from 30 and late-50s because of maturity, experience, and a host of other factors. So, it's impossible for me to say that this is an unhealthy relationship, even though there are things he should work on in life. And I'd caution you against making such judgments, as well. Friends can be an invaluable resource when we're in relationships that don't serve us. They can point out things we might turn a blind eye to. So, you're within your right to point out things that concern you. From your telling, it's clear that you don't like him. But what's more important is whether she likes him and is in a healthy place. You feel protective of her, which is good. But don't let that desire to protect undermine her ability to make her own decisions. Online friendship can be deep and meaningful, but it isn't the whole story. If you talk to her about your concerns and she doesn't share them, accept that. R. Eric Thomas can be reached at .
Boston Globe
22-07-2025
- Health
- Boston Globe
RFK Jr. praises cane sugar
But studies do not show substantial benefits in using cane sugar as a substitute for high-fructose corn syrup, some nutrition experts said. Kennedy has repeatedly blasted high-fructose corn syrup — a staple of sugary snacks and drinks including Coke — as a driver of obesity and diabetes. And research has established that added sugar in food does fuel those chronic diseases. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up Cane sugar is also an unhealthy addition to drinks, the experts said. Advertisement 'Replacing one sugar with another isn't going to have much of an effect on health,' said Dariush Mozaffarian, director of the Food Is Medicine Institute at Tufts University, who praised other Kennedy food priorities, such as reducing consumption of ultra-processed foods. The Department of Health and Human Services declined to comment. Some Kennedy allies defended his comments, saying they were not contradictory and instead highlighted concerns over a pesticide commonly sprayed on corn. 'Of course, Coca-Cola is not a healthy drink. Of course, it still has a ton of sugar and is nutritionally void,' said Vani Hari, an author and activist known as the Food Babe. Advertisement But Kennedy is 'looking at the bigger picture,' Hari added. 'He understands how food is produced in this country. He understands the downstream impacts on human health.' Many US customers are already familiar with the Mexican version of Coke made with cane sugar because it is widely imported. President Donald Trump, known for his love of Diet Coke, said last week that he had spoken to Coca-Cola about making its product in the US with cane sugar and that the company agreed. At the time, Coca-Cola did not confirm the move, but the company said in a statement that it appreciated Trump's 'enthusiasm' for its brand. The company said the addition of a soda with cane sugar in the US 'is designed to complement the company's strong core portfolio and offer more choices across occasions and preferences.' James Quincey, Coca-Cola's chief executive, said some of its other drinks sold in the US already use cane sugar, such as teas and lemonades. 'We are definitely looking to use the whole toolbox, the whole tool kit of available sweetening options to some extent where there are consumer preferences,' Quincey said on a Tuesday earnings call. Trump's preview of the decision revived a long-running debate over whether 'Mexican Coke' made with cane sugar tastes better. Nutrition experts bristled at the focus on the type of sugar in the drink instead of whether people should be drinking it at all. 'To actually improve health, the administration should focus on less sugar, not different sugar,' said Aviva Musicus, science director of the nonprofit Center for Science in the Public Interest, which advocates a healthy and safe food supply. Advertisement Cane sugar, derived from a sucrose-rich plant, and high-fructose corn syrup, made by breaking down corn starch and processing it, share similar compositions with slight differences in their makeup. The Food and Drug Administration says it is not aware of evidence showing a difference in the safety of foods containing the syrup versus other sweeteners such as sucrose, also known as table sugar, and honey. Several nutritionists said they have not seen scientific evidence showing sucrose is healthier than high-fructose corn syrup in food. They pointed to a 2022 study indicating that both have similar effects on weight, blood pressure, and body mass index. 'Biochemically and physiologically, they're the same,' said Marion Nestle, a retired professor of nutrition, food studies, and public health at New York University. 'They're sugars. Everybody should be eating less of them.' More than three-quarters of children five years and older and more than half of adults consume more than the recommended limit of added sugars, according to US data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey. Kennedy has long targeted high-fructose corn syrup and touted 'Mexican Coke' over the version manufactured in the U.S. 'High-fructose corn syrup. That is poison. … Clearly it is linked to the obesity epidemic. It's linked to the diabetes epidemic,' Kennedy said on a 2023 episode of 'The Breakfast Club,' a radio show. He added, 'If you're going to drink Coca-Cola, drink a Mexican Coke because they don't have it in it.' But public health experts have long raised alarms about soda consumption in Mexico. According to one 2019 study, nearly a fifth of all deaths of Mexican adults due to diabetes, cardiovascular disease, or obesity-related cancer were attributable to sugar-sweetened beverages. At one point, the drinks contributed to more than 40,000 excess deaths per year in Mexico. Advertisement A May report from the Trump administration's MAHA commission - which Kennedy chairs - said high-fructose corn syrup and other added sugars 'may play a significant role in childhood obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD).' Embed code:
