Latest news with #MasahiroYamada
Yomiuri Shimbun
15-06-2025
- General
- Yomiuri Shimbun
My Son Has Been Taken in By His Wife's Family
Dear Troubleshooter: I'm a man in my 60s who works for a nongovernmental organization. I'm worried about the relationship between my eldest son, his wife and her family. My son lives in Tokyo and is a dentist. After graduating from university, he married a former university classmate. I thought he would return to his hometown after they got married, but his wife insisted that she would divorce him unless he bought a house. I was opposed to the idea, but my son had no choice but to do it. Later, her family bought a house next to theirs. He has become like an adopted son of her family. I have a grandchild who is now 3 years old. However, my wife and I have only been able to see the child twice, including once just after they were born. Whenever we say that we will go to Tokyo to see them, my son's wife will not allow it, giving reasons such as 'They are not feeling well.' She does not work, and she goes to her parents' house next door whenever she is upset. My son says to me, 'I would have divorced her long ago if we didn't have a child.' I advise him to tell her what he has to say, but he apparently cannot say anything because he is tired of arguing with her. Of our four children, our eldest son is the only one who does not return to our house for the New Year's holiday period. He only says it can't be helped. I can't help feeling sorry for him if things go on like this. — P, Osaka Prefecture Dear Mr. P: Your son has been taken in by his wife's family. Cases like his are not uncommon, and various sociological surveys show that many women in large cities maintain strong ties with their own parents even after they get married. In my research on families, I once heard of a man who had decided to divorce his wife who was always spending a lot of time at her parents' house. He made the decision because, when he asked her 'Which is more important, me or your parents?' she simply said, 'My parents.' However, your son has to decide for himself what kind of life he wants to lead. Since his relationship with his wife does not seem to be so good, I think he is probably considering a divorce, but he might be torn between waiting until their child is older or divorcing early and making a fresh start. As a parent, you should avoid getting emotional and interfering in their relationship. However, I would like you to stay in touch with your son, be a good listener and encourage him by telling him that you are always there to offer him help whenever he needs it. — Masahiro Yamada, university professor
Yomiuri Shimbun
04-05-2025
- General
- Yomiuri Shimbun
My Wife is Pregnant, But I Want a Divorce Because We Have Different Values
The Japan News Dear Troubleshooter: I'm a male company employee in my 30s. I've been married for three years, and my wife is six months pregnant. I'm thinking about getting a divorce because we don't share the same values. My wife thinks that I should pay for all the household expenses as the husband, but I think that she should also help since we both work. I didn't like her idea but respected her opinion for the time being. I was optimistic and thought things would change once we have a baby. When we went to our favorite slightly high-end restaurant the other day, I told her that we won't be able to eat here as often once the baby is born. But my wife looked confused. She said she had no intention of changing her standard of living after giving birth and that I should continue to pay for all the expenses. I was speechless. My wife doesn't like to talk about things, so we can't reach some kind of compromise. Our child will be born soon, but I'm feeling more anxious than excited. I'm feeling more strongly that I want to get a divorce to make things easier. What should I do? J, Tokyo Dear Mr. J: It's not just that you feel as if you don't share the same values, but you're also no longer in love with her, so you're considering getting a divorce. In general, divorce is possible in Western countries if one party wants one. This means that couples need to work to find a compromise by having discussions, so they won't be hated by the other party. However, in Japan, unless someone cheats or there is domestic violence, divorce is rarely granted if only one party wants one. I don't think your wife will agree to a divorce, even if neither of you care for each other, as you're necessary for her to maintain her lifestyle. The only way to get away from the situation is if you play the bad guy. You could get a divorce by separating and going through mediation or court procedures on the grounds that you two have different values. However, this process will take time, and people might view you differently. You might also experience financial hardship. You could choose this option if you don't mind the negatives. Why don't you try and see your marriage as a partnership to raise a child? Try to manage the family finances without your wife by telling her it is for the sake of your child. You can raise your child while expressing your opinions, even if you cannot discuss things with your wife. I'm not sure if your marriage will continue, but you can consider this time as a period of self-growth. Masahiro Yamada, university professor
