Latest news with #NairaVelumyan
Forbes
17-06-2025
- Business
- Forbes
The 'Ugly Duckling' Scenario Of New Hires: A Tale Of Misalignment
Naira Velumyan, Ph.D., Communication/Relationship Coach, Etiquette Expert, Founder of the Academy of Social Competency. In today's performance-driven world, people change workplaces, roles and even industries for a variety of reasons, and this transition is rarely as smooth as we would wish. A survey by Monster showed that 54% of employees surveyed had left a job within the first six months, with burnout and a mismatch between the role and what was described in the interview being the biggest reasons for these exits. From an organizational perspective, the consequences are significant, as employers face financial losses not only from employee replacement but also from prolonged low-productivity periods of adaptation. Gallup estimates that each employee departure costs the company roughly one-half to twice their annual salary. Given these staggering numbers, it's no surprise that both employers and employees struggle during this vulnerable "new hire" stage, meaning that both sides need to address the problem. I think the process of a new hire's journey has insightful parallels with the classic tale of "The Ugly Duckling." Just like the ugly duckling, a new hire in the initial integration phase may feel out of place, anxious and uncertain about belonging. They may also be perceived by co-workers and superiors as hesitant, withdrawn or underperforming. Like the ugly duckling, new employees often internalize the stressful discomforts caused by real or imaginary signs of mistrust or rejection. You need to remember that discomfort is normal in new ecosystems, including being unfamiliar with new standards, experiencing complex emotional turbulences and trying different behavioral strategies to cope. Just because you feel out of place doesn't mean you lack value or capability. Therefore, rather than trying to prove yourself to anyone, invest your energy in observation, reflection and real growth. Focus on learning and evolving, so that you can rise above any perceived negative opinions, showing your true worth. The turning point in the duckling's journey was not convincing the barnyard creatures that it belonged—it was finding its fellow swans. In the new workplace, don't exhaust yourself to win over everyone. Instead, build relationships with those who are supportive and value-aligned. Seek out those quiet allies who will help anchor your confidence while the rest catch up. Don't tie your self-worth to immediate performance. It is widely recognized that new employees don't function at full productivity—one estimate is that they work at about 25% productivity in their first month, increase to 75% by weeks nine through 12 and reach full productivity only after the 12-week mark. Take your time to grow confidently! Stop comparing yourself to others by irrelevant measures, as it will only erode your self-confidence. Reflect on your own progress and wins, no matter how big or small. Being motivated to grow is always beneficial, especially for your own development. Fitting in requires conformity, but belonging should not conflict with individuality. Your goal isn't to be like everyone else, but to contribute your unique strengths to the team. Belonging begins with self-acceptance and grows through authentic contribution. High-performing teams are built not on uniformity but on complementary differences. Feeling like a fraud in a new role is common, even for advanced professionals. As a new employee, you may experience this not because of a lack of competence but because you've seen no evidence of competence yet. This feeling can be fueled by your expectation that you must perform in your new role or responsibilities perfectly; however, the process of adaptation is not only about effort but also time. The fable of the "ugly duckling" is about being judged by appearance, not potential. Employers must recognize that early awkwardness or quietness isn't a lack of ability—rather, it may be part of psychological adaptation to a new environment, a natural and time-limited process. Expecting the new hire to perform by the company's standards from the very start is like expecting a baby swan to act according to the barnyard rules of which they are not yet aware. Onboarding requires a combination of mentoring, gradual exposure to responsibilities and reasonable time for integration while building psychological safety. The "duckling" didn't fit in at the barnyard, but it had something rare to offer. Many companies prioritize conformity over innovation, unintentionally excluding many who could bring meaningful evolution. Immediate conformity may not reflect the duckling's true value and alignment. Too often, new hires are left in social isolation, which can make even promising individuals feel unappreciated or out of place. Integration isn't just logistical, but also emotional and relational. Therefore, ensure structured peer introductions, assign onboarding buddies and establish rituals of integration to make new hires feel comfortable. The workplace culture can help with your new hire's professional integration, but can also erode it. While feedback, openness to questions and acknowledgment of effort help to adapt, a dismissive environment can instill self-doubt before the employee even has a chance to perform. So, encourage instead of criticizing. The "ugly duckling" phase is not a failure; it is an interactive journey of discovery, adaptation and recalibration. When employees and employers recognize the psychological complexity of this phase and allow space for growth without judgment, both sides will co-create a workplace where potential becomes performance and difference becomes strength! Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
Forbes
15-04-2025
- General
- Forbes
Mastering Your Responsivity: The 4-Step Path From Stimulus To Response
Naira Velumyan, Ph.D., Communication/Relationship Coach, Etiquette Expert, Founder of the Academy of Social Competency. Our actions are triggered by various internal and external signals (stimuli). These signals may occur from verbal or physical interactions, ongoing or scheduled tasks, urgent requests, reminders, deadlines, etc., and it is important to master a timely and professional response to each of them for the best outcome. How fast and properly we respond to these stimuli is a matter of skills, time and consideration, depending on specifics. 'Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space, we all have the freedom to choose our response.' This powerful idea, originally expressed by renowned Austrian neurologist, psychologist and philosopher Viktor Frankl, gained widespread recognition through the works of prominent American educator, author and businessman Stephen Covey. His book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, with over 41 million copies sold in 40 languages, introduced the importance of pauses to manage our impulsivity and build thoughtful responses. Every day, we encounter various stimuli—people, events, conversations and challenges that prompt our reactions, initiating a so-called reactive behavior. This occurs when a response is automatic, subconscious and often emotionally driven. In this type of behavior, we, instead of thinking through a situation, react on impulse, which may often result in unintended consequences and even regrets. Reactive behavior can be triggered by both external and internal stimuli. The most common external triggers that I observe are: Life Dynamics: In today's society, quick reactions are just a way of being in tune with our rush-rush lifestyle. Since we are often expected to have and are rewarded for quick reactions, pauses may be misinterpreted as hesitation or weakness. Filling The Emptiness: Our fast-paced, full-of-stimuli life has made us used to constant 'noise,' associating silence or stillness with discomfort. To cope with this discomfort, we most often react on impulse before processing the situation. Manipulation Fostering Our Responses: Marketing and sales strategies are often aimed at eliciting immediate reactions. They reduce our ability to pause and process information rationally, pushing us to make impulsive decisions. Some of the most common internal triggers are: Emotional Tension: When emotions reach a peak, we need to release the pressure. By reacting to emotional tension, we get a temporary relief from this burden, even if eventually it leads to poor outcomes. Fear Of Losing Control: Tolerating uncertainty is hard, as the longer we wait, the more we get overwhelmed with doubts. This state is hard to cope with, urging us to react quicker, even if waiting or reflecting would be the better choice. Perception Of Threat: In situations of aggression, whether real or imaginary, a natural response is to fight back. While this is kind of a form of self-protection or protecting others, responding with another aggression before considering alternatives may result in unexpected consequences. The opposite of reactive is proactive behavior, which is based on an ability to reflect, predict, pause and make conscious choices based on our values and needs rather than immediate impulses, dictated by factors such as the life dynamics, feelings of emptiness, being subjected to manipulation, emotional tension and fear of threat. Research has identified cognitive control as a key factor in managing personal impulsivity. It refers to our ability to regulate our thoughts, behaviors and actions, aligning them with our personal goals rather than acting impulsively. Cognitive control plays a crucial role in restraining impulsive responses, ensuring that our decisions are thoughtful and context-appropriate rather than automatic and reckless. Cognitive control is based on a combination of different mechanisms, including attention, inhibition of immediate response, internally represented goals and response selection. These components, detailed below, can be beneficial if worked dynamically and in harmony rather than randomly. To embrace a combination of these mechanisms while ensuring they work harmoniously, consider the following four practical steps: 1. Attention: Pausing is not just a habit; it is brain training. Sharon Begley, co-author with Richard Davidson of The Emotional Life of Your Brain, has noted that 'attention is almost magical in its ability to physically alter the brain and enlarge functional circuits.' The more we take control of our attention, the easier it will be to embrace rationality over impulsivity. By deliberately pausing before reacting, we enhance self-control and emotional balance. 2. Inhibition Of Immediate Response: While pausing is often beneficial, Dutch psychologist Namkje Koudenburg found that it can trigger feelings of rejection and distress, pushing people toward impulsivity. Her research suggests that a four-second pause in conversations appears to be optimal—long enough to generate controlled responses but short enough to maintain conversational flow naturally and not feel or look rejected and stressed. 3. Internally Represented Goals: According to Marilee Adams, author of Change Your Questions, Change Your Life, adopting a conscious questioning mindset empowers us by shaping our behaviors and outcomes. Questioning helps us understand the world around us and why we do what we do. Therefore, when pausing for four seconds, ask yourself: What for? This question shifts focus toward purpose, fostering cognitive control and intentional decision-making. It directs attention to the future, ensuring that your next step aligns with your values and needs. 4. Response Selection: Finally, once the space between stimulus and response is firmly established, you can consciously shape your reaction, transforming you from a marionette of impulses into the architect of your life. As Viktor Frankl profoundly stated, 'The last of the human freedoms [is] to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.' Ultimately, this freedom of choice shapes our character, strengthens our resilience, saves valuable relationships and fuels our personal growth. Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
