5 days ago
Harold Pollack: I studied the high male suicide rate. Then I lost my friend to it.
When I think of my friend Andre, my mind drifts back 50 years to our times in grade school delivering papers together during frigid upstate New York winters. Then my mind drifts back 45 years to the thousands of conversations we had with our friends at our public high school cafeteria lunch table. Or my mind drifts 35 years, to our time as apartment mates, when Andre showed me how to drive our U-Haul moving truck, all the while ignoring the glances of admiring young women drawn to his movie-star good looks.
A hundred more memories ran through my head as I learned of Andre's death by suicide three weeks ago. To say that I was surprised would hardly cover it. If I had to make a list of the 100 people in my life I was most concerned about, Andre would not have been on it. When we last shared a meal several months ago, he projected such confidence, solidity and strength. He leaves behind a partner and young-adult children. A friend's tribute on LinkedIn described 35 years of Andre's formidable accomplishments, which included founding several startups and playing key roles in other ventures.
By a cruel twist of fate, Andre died within a week of my colleagues Nate Glasser, Jacob Jameson, Nabil Abou Baker, Elizabeth Tung and I publishing a study that documented the remarkably high suicide rate among older American men. We middle-aged and older men face higher suicide rates than are found among our teenage sons and grandsons, or among women of any age. Suicide rates among men dramatically escalate postretirement. Suicide rates among women, always a fraction of the male rate at younger ages, decline once women reach their mid-50s.
This national challenge doesn't get the attention it should. Suicides among teens and young adults are far more noticeable, simply because disease doesn't take the lives of younger people like it does those who are elderly or even middle-aged. It's easy to lose sight of older-male suicides in the statistical noise, since we older men die far more frequently of various cancers and cardiovascular disease.
We don't fully understand why older men have such high suicide rates. Suicides are more common in states with lax gun laws, where men who are unsafe are more likely to have lethal means close at hand. Social isolation is another important factor, as is the loss of a spouse or life partner, and the stings of financial and professional disappointments. Many of us older guys are reluctant to seek help when we are experiencing mental pain. For a million reasons as we age, it's easy to feel like a superfluous presence in this world.
Several years ago, I myself experienced a bout of depression when my father passed and I faced some humbling work challenges. Andre was a source of strength and support in those difficult times. I will always regret that I could not do the same for him. I will never fully know why he took his life. I do know that he was a respected entrepreneur and colleague, a deeply loved partner, parent, brother and friend, now so very deeply missed.
