3 days ago
Buying a cheap, used Mitsubishi Pajero unseen: how bad could it really be?
Ricci's Garage
Spoiler: it bad. Let's all play Ricci's Garage Bingo! Skip 3 photos in the image carousel and continue reading
Renowned photographer Mark has been working with Top Gear for many, many years. When not taking photos he's buying inappropriate cars. Here he shares his addiction with the world
Welcome everyone to round 57 of Ricci's Garage Bingo, and for those first time players this might be a little different to the bingo you're familiar with. You won't find any Dryrobe garms here nor will you be listening to Jess Glynne on repeat for three hours. Instead, you'll witness a man trying to justify his automotive related horrors, repeating the same mistakes in the hope the end result is slightly different. Plot twist: the end result is always the same.
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If you look at this month's card you'll see Ricci's Garage Bingo is littered with many familiar topics. Top left, we have 'the GT-R needs another engine' followed by 'the M6 refresh is about to bankrupt me'. In the top right, you'll see 'more off road wheels purchased' with the classic 'I've bought a car unseen and it's crap' under it. For the bottom row, we have 'sending money abroad and hoping it's not a scam' joined by 'the 911 has a new warning light'. In the middle, you'll see the red bonus ball that simply reads 'Pajero'.
That's because this month's winning card really is a greatest hits of all the above. Not only have I bought another Mitsubishi Pajero, but I bought it completely unseen. You might like
This MkI three door Pajero (Shogun) was for sale in the UK, but it was priced very cheaply on the UK MkI Pajero Owners' Club Facebook group. Given how popular these cars are in extra curricular activities like cash machine theft and among those with no fixed postal address, a cheap MkI is the equivalent of wearing a meat bikini and diving into the Amazon river.
'Someone is coming around to look at it this afternoon unfortunately,' the seller told me after I'd asked to buy it. Naturally, this could not go unpunished, so minutes later I'd transferred him the money allowing me to feel smug that I'd snagged a bargain. And then it turned up.
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Its 2.5-litre turbodiesel engine runs, but rather than pistons it's powered by an improv jazz drummer who seems to be constantly falling down a flight of stairs. The paint has been reapplied using a paint roller. Either that, or an Old English sheepdog has bathed in green paint before being allowed to roll over every panel. The term 'prep' may have been lost at this stage too – no masking or sanding was used to protect parts that didn't need paint. Like the headlights. But at least they exist, which is more than can be said for various rubber trim pieces around the windows. Also, the inside now smells so strong even someone with a penchant for Chinese wet markets might consider it a bit of a hazard.
And do you know what the worst thing is? I don't care about any of that, because I am once again utterly in love with a horrid excuse of a Pajero. One that somehow still has an MOT certificate, which must have been done via wifi in a previous life. I can't even begin to tell you what the plans are for it – my Pajero Evo has a blown engine and my other MkI needs more welding. What's most annoying is the fact I now need to find another MkI Pajero with a bubble shape roof to replace it. But we'll save that adventure for a future game of Ricci's Garage Bingo.
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