Latest news with #ScienceofPeople


Fast Company
16-07-2025
- Health
- Fast Company
How to banish toxic positivity at work
Sure, we know that feelings are highly contagious, and being positive can help others around us to feel the same, but let's be honest for a moment: sometimes life isn't all rainbows. Some days aren't great, and sometimes positivity isn't the best way to handle it. And research confirms it: one 10-year study into using avoidance to cope—perhaps by pretending things are fine, rather than addressing when they aren't— finds that it can increase chronic, acute stress and be linked to long-term depressive symptoms. In my experience as an emotional intelligence and human behavior specialist, our workplaces are becoming more focused on employee wellbeing, but it's an easy way to compel us to fake optimism, regardless of the real circumstances at hand. In workplace cultures, toxic positivity compels people to remain optimistic or think positively regardless of the real circumstances—say, key clients lost, budgets and bonuses frozens, or team-wide layoffs. And it's pervasive: one survey by workplace blog Science of People finds that almost 68% of people had experienced toxic positivity in the last week. The fundamental basics of relationships between people is based on the ability to trust. Trust is created through being honest and transparent, being accountable and creditable, and being empathetic and vulnerable. It takes being real—and fake positivity isn't real. If I can see that your optimism is a put-on, how can I trust the other things you say or do? Do I feel safe to be real, or do I, too, need to fake positivity? When this occurs, it impacts every part of our workplace—from our culture, to our performance and our mental health. Ultimately it impacts the overall success of each person and in turn, their organization. Here are five steps to shut down toxic positivity in a workplace. Own the reality of the situation. The world is not perfect; we are not perfect. Things will go wrong, and we will get it wrong at times. The only thing we have control over in this world is how we choose to respond—and our response should be authentic and genuine. Respond appropriately to the workplace situation, at the right intensity, without the need for forced toxic positivity. Face emotions head-on. There is no such thing as a 'good' or 'bad' emotion, and while we tend to think positivity is the former, that isn't the case. We should be focusing on whether an emotion is appropriate for the situation, and whether the intensity that we are feeling the emotion is appropriate. We feel emotions for a reason. Acknowledge and understand what is driving an emotion so that it can be processed before we move on. Understand how the people around us are feeling. Our emotions are influential to the people around us, but people can spot an insincere emotion from far away. Faking an emotion is setting a standard in workplace environments of what is acceptable and what is not. Trust and respect won't be created when people are not being authentic or genuine. Ask the right questions, and answer questions asked. Communication is always key to the workplace environment, and the ability to communicate effectively directly influences our culture. When we are feeling any form of intensive emotion, we have something to say. Ask the right questions to better understand what is driving another person's emotions. Answer the questions they have, and provide the information they require to be able to move forward. Drive emotional intelligence. Realistically, we know that a great culture in a workplace is when all emotions are being displayed appropriately. In some situations, it may be optimism—and other times it might be sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, or frustration. Let's not judge someone else's emotion. Assess it, and do what it takes to ensure they are felt and processed before moving forward. 'The standard you walk past is the standard you accept,' Australian Lieutenant General David Morrison once said. Every person contributes to the culture of a workplace. By facing toxic positivity and choosing more effective communication, you can change yours.
Yahoo
10-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Why Some People Feel Lonely Even With A Strong Group Of Friends
Loneliness isn't always about being alone. Sometimes, the deepest loneliness shows up in a crowded room, surrounded by people who know your name—but not your heart. It's a quiet ache, and for some, it lingers even with a full social disconnect often has little to do with the number of friendships and everything to do with their depth, safety, and reciprocity. If you've ever felt unseen, unheard, or strangely empty around others, these reasons might explain why. Loneliness can hide in connection—and these 13 signs reveal how. When your friendships rely on performance instead of authenticity, you'll always feel a little out of place. You become the version of yourself that's easiest to digest—funny, agreeable, or low-maintenance. But under that mask, the real you gets lonelier by the day. According to Manhattan Psychology Group, masking creates emotional distance even when you're physically close to others. The approval feels good in the moment, but it never fills you. Because what's the point of being liked if it's not really you they like? If you're always the emotional caretaker in your group, you may be overfunctioning to feel needed. But when the time comes for your own vulnerability, there's no space. You give, but no one asks how *you're* really doing. That imbalance creates a quiet resentment—and emotional isolation. You're everyone's safe space, but no one's really yours. It's not that you're alone—it's that you're never fully received. You might fear that if you go too deep, people will distance themselves. So you stick to safe, surface-level conversations even when your heart is screaming. This self-censorship creates a façade of connection—but it's hollow. As Psychology Today highlights, meaningful friendships thrive on emotional vulnerability. Without it, you're stuck in perpetual small talk. And small talk doesn't cure soul-deep loneliness. You can love your friends but still feel like they don't *get* you. If your core values clash—on parenting, politics, ambition, or spirituality—you'll start editing yourself to keep the peace. That editing slowly becomes self-erasure. Compatibility isn't about shared hobbies—it's about shared inner worlds. And if you constantly feel like a misfit, the loneliness will creep in no matter how social you are. Being understood is more important than being liked. Growth can create distance—especially when one person evolves and the other stays stuck. Holding on to old friendships out of nostalgia or guilt can feel like emotional deadweight. You're staying loyal, but also stunting your own emotional expansion. As the Science of People outlines, clinging to misaligned relationships keeps you stuck. You miss what the friendship used to be—but it's not what it is. That gap becomes a constant reminder of disconnection. You've tested the waters before—opened up, shared something real—and it didn't land. Maybe they changed the subject or made a joke. So now you stay guarded, even if your presence is consistent. Without psychological safety, connection can't deepen. Your friends might not even realize you're hiding. But that hidden part of you still longs to be held. If you're always the planner, the texter, the one who makes it all happen, you might start wondering if your presence is actually valued. Friendship should be reciprocal—not a one-person job. When effort isn't mutual, the emotional drain builds. As noted by Verywell Mind, one-sided friendships can erode your self-worth over time. The silence becomes deafening. And eventually, even a full inbox feels empty if you had to fill it yourself. Some people are more introspective, emotionally complex, or spiritually attuned. If your inner world runs deeper than your friends' capacity to hold it, you'll feel unseen. You might be craving existential conversations, while they just want memes. This isn't snobbery—it's wiring. Your need for depth isn't wrong—it's just mismatched. And until you find your energetic equals, the loneliness will linger. You laugh. You talk. But when you get home, you feel…hollow. That's emotional starvation—it happens when your needs go unmet even in the company of others. There's nothing lonelier than being surrounded but unfed. It's not about the noise—it's about the nourishment. Real connection should leave you full, not depleted. And true friends should see you, not have you along for the ride. Maybe you were bullied, excluded, or ignored growing up—and that trauma never fully healed. So even now, your friendships are colored by fear. You assume rejection is inevitable, so you stay one emotional step back. The past echoes louder than your current reality. And even when people do show up, part of you can't trust it. That kind of guardedness creates its own cage. If you grew up around transactional, shallow, or toxic relationships, your radar for healthy connection may be skewed. You might settle for proximity instead of intimacy. And that means you're surrounded by bodies—not bonds. When you've never seen what real support looks like, loneliness becomes your baseline. It's familiar—even when it's painful. And changing that script takes conscious reprogramming. You never mention your mental health struggles. You avoid talking about your sexuality, culture, or spirituality. Why? Because you're scared of being judged, pitied, or misunderstood. Hiding core parts of yourself creates an emotional void. You're there, but not whole. And that incomplete version of you will always feel isolated. You might have hundreds of shared memories—but no one truly knows you. Not your fears, your secret dreams, or what keeps you up at night. That absence of being *witnessed* is at the root of chronic loneliness. It's not about more friends—it's about deeper presence. And if you've never experienced that, it's not your fault. But it might be time to go find it.