Latest news with #ScottBarryKaufman
RNZ News
27-05-2025
- Health
- RNZ News
Feature interview: How to overcome a victim mindset
Newsflash. No one's life is perfect. But we've managed to turn everyday suffering into social currency and being a victim into a competitive sport says renowned psychologist Dr Scott Barry Kaufman. In the age of TikTok therapy, typical difficult feelings are treated like a diagnosis. Dr Kaufman says that while some adversity is real, it can be the start of the story not the end of it. His new book offers insights about taking personal responsibility and embracing the idea that our greatest challenges can result in our greatest victories. The book is called Rise Above: Overcome a Victim Mindset, Empower Yourself, and Realize Your Full Potential. To embed this content on your own webpage, cut and paste the following: See terms of use.
CNBC
19-05-2025
- General
- CNBC
Ivy League psychologist shares his No. 1 key to success and happiness: 'We have to choose a different way of living'
Often, people's biggest obstacle to success and happiness is their own fear — of failure, rejection, or uncertainty, to name just a few — says psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman. You can overcome it with a process called "unlearning fear," says Kaufman, an adjunct associate professor of psychology at Columbia University's Barnard College. By doing so, you can become more resilient and, ultimately, more successful by developing an ability to identify your self-imposed obstacles and think objectively about how to move past them, he adds. "Fear is automatically learned" from people's past experiences and traumas, Kaufman writes in his latest book, "Rise Above," which published in April. "And fear must be actively unlearned: We have to choose a different way of living, and we can start by taking responsibility for the fact that unlearning fear — or any past patterns — can take a lot of inner work." Avoiding something that scares you is a normal reaction, says Kaufman. Maybe you're afraid to ask your boss for a promotion or apply for a new job, because you don't want to suffer the disappointment of rejection. Or, maybe you fear failure too much to take the risk of launching your own business. The easiest thing to do in those situations is typically nothing: "Our default state is to have a sense of helplessness when we get overwhelmed," Kaufman the key to "unlearning fear" is to reframe what frightens or worries you as an opportunity to learn or try something new, and potentially unlock a greater level of success than you'd previously thought possible. Kaufman calls this "learning hopefulness," he says: "You can, in any moment, decide to live and make the fear decision or make the growth decision. You have more control over that than you realize." Try asking yourself "What" questions instead of "Why" questions, Kaufman recommends. He offers this example: Your boss gives you more work than you were expecting, leading you to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. "You can go from 'Why am I feeling this?' to, 'OK, what am I feeling? What would make me feel better?'" Kaufman says. "Asking, 'what' questions — 'What do I need right now, in this moment?' — these lead to a whole upward spiral of productive questions." The result: You might end up talking to your boss about setting realistic expectations for how much work you can get done in a set amount of time, so you can prioritize your tasks together. Asking why can lead you to "a dead end" for identifying possible solutions, Kaufman says. Asking "what" helps create distance and objectivity, making it easier for you to recognize harmful patterns and come up with solutions to break them — ultimately helping you build the mental strength and resilience you need to overcome obstacles and become more successful. "If we approach life with a sense of flexibility and embracing all that life has to offer, we learn that everything can teach us something," says Kaufman. "Going into any situation with curiosity and an openness to learning is a much better way than leading with your fear." Other experts recommend similar strategies to overcome fears, particularly fear of failure. Most successful people can reframe their failures, identifying them more as learning opportunities, rather than falling into the trap of a "fear-based fixed mindset," psychologist psychologist Jenny Wang wrote for CNBC Make It in May 2022. Failure is "a pitstop where you refuel your journey and redirect your approach," Wang wrote, adding: "Failure can be a tool to help hone your skills, understand your obstacles, and realize that you have it within yourself to stand back up and keep pushing." ,
Forbes
15-04-2025
- Health
- Forbes
4 Ways To Overcome Victim Mindset At Work
You can overcome a victim mindset at work. getty You've probably seen the victim mindset at work, both in yourself and others. The team member who blames every missed deadline on "impossible expectations" rather than looking for solutions or figuring out how to prioritize. The manager who says their team underperforms because "HR sent me bad hires" instead of looking at their leadership style. The colleague who believes "the boss plays favorites," without considering how they might better demonstrate their value and advocate for themselves. Maybe you've even caught yourself in this pattern too. You might not even realize you're doing it until you're deep in a spiral of negative thoughts. Falling into a victim mindset is actually quite natural—it's our brain's way of protecting us from perceived threats and preserving our self-image when things go wrong. When we face challenges or criticism, our minds instinctively look outward for causes rather than inward for solutions. While this self-protective mechanism may feel comforting in the moment, it can ultimately hold us back from growth, resilience, and taking productive action. Luckily, this mindset isn't fixed. It's something we can recognize and change with practice. Psychologist Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman has studied this pattern for years, drawing from both research and personal experience. His new book, Rise Above, offers evidence-based insights on how to shift from feeling powerless to taking meaningful action. Here are key takeaways from his work that can help you transform your approach at work. Being victimized by unfair circumstances is different from adopting a victim mindset. As Kaufman explains, you can face real challenges, biases, or difficult systems without letting them define your outlook. Acknowledging barriers while still taking personal responsibility allows you to maintain agency in challenging situations. This distinction is crucial in the workplace. You might genuinely encounter unfair treatment—discrimination, working under a difficult manager, or dealing with unreasonable deadlines. But the problem arises when these experiences become the lens through which you view your entire work life. Try a "yes, and" approach, acknowledging the reality of challenging systems while still asking yourself, "How can I as an individual make the most of my situation knowing I have to live within that system?" This doesn't mean accepting unfair treatment or not working toward systemic change. Rather, it means refusing to surrender your agency and joy while navigating difficult circumstances. For example, if you're facing a biased performance review system at work, you can simultaneously acknowledge this unfairness while also advocating for better processes,, focusing on showcasing your achievements, or building relationships with allies. When you catch yourself blaming external factors for your workplace challenges, create psychological distance from these thoughts. For example, when thoughts like "my boss is always creating problems" cross your mind, try: You can also use a technique from psychologist Tasha Eurich of swapping why questions for what questions. Instead of asking, "Why does my boss always do this to me?" or 'Why am I never recognized for my work?' to 'What am I feeling right now, and what's driving that feeling?' or, "What opportunities exist within this challenge?" This earned hopefulness pairs perfectly with building emotional resilience. Many of us have become victims to our own emotions, believing we can't take action until we feel comfortable or confident. But as Kaufman points out, 'Sometimes the only way out is through.' Learned hopefulness can be developed by: When one person or situation disappoints you at work, it's remarkably easy to spiral into catastrophic thinking. A single critical comment from your manager can transform into "I'm never appreciated here." One missed opportunity can become "I'll never advance in this field." Kaufman illustrates this with a personal example: "I've taken up magic lately and I go around to restaurants and do mentalism. The manager at one restaurant was clearly not into magic and was being dismissive. It would be very simple to overgeneralize and think, 'No one wants me here,' but the kitchen staff and bartenders were saying, 'Wow, it's amazing, do more!'" This example highlights a crucial truth: most people aren't actively conspiring against you. As Kaufman puts it, "The truth of the matter is that people just don't care about you. They're not actively conspiring against you. They're just in their own worlds." Notice when you use absolute language like "always," "never," or "everyone" in your internal dialogue. These words are red flags that you're overgeneralizing. When you catch yourself thinking "My team never appreciates my contributions" after one person overlooks your work, pause and challenge that interpretation. Ask yourself if there's evidence that contradicts your sweeping conclusion. Perhaps other colleagues have expressed appreciation recently, or maybe the person who didn't acknowledge your work was distracted by other priorities. The next time you feel yourself slipping into victim thinking, remember that you have choices. You can choose to see multiple pathways forward. You can choose to hold both frustration and hope simultaneously. You can choose to view setbacks as temporary rather than permanent. These choices won't magically transform difficult workplace situations, but they will transform your experience of them.
