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The Independent
2 days ago
- Health
- The Independent
I visited a tech-free retreat with my partner to see if the no-screen rule could bring us closer together
I have a confession: every single day begins and ends with my phone. It's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I gaze upon before I close my eyes at night. My partner of 15 years doesn't get a look in. There's no chance of spontaneous sex – we're parents, I'm tired, overwhelmed and honestly, I'm looking for an effortless, fast dopamine fix. I'd rather scroll mindlessly on Vinted and social media than genuinely connect or enrich my mind with a good book or activity. I can feel how bad it is for me, and for my relationship, but it's an addiction and one that, if we're being realistic here, you probably have too. A smartphone relationship survey undertaken by SellCell has revealed that 71 per cent of people spend more of their personal time with their phone than their partner. Compounding this is the fact that 'no phone zones' don't exist in 82 per cent of homes, meaning phones are being used in the bedroom, which has been proven to disrupt sleep as well as meaningful connection. Relationship coach and psychotherapist Ashley Parker is one of many experts who believes excessive screen time inevitably removes our presence in relationships. She explains that, 'healthy interaction in relationships requires our full presence. When we're distracted, there's a lack of eye contact, we miss non-verbal cues which is a huge proportion of our communication and we miss opportunities for connection.' Parker says couples frequently complain about a lack of connection in her sessions because of time spent on screens, resulting in less talking and even less sex. 'It's not uncommon for couples to have some of their most meaningful interactions at bedtime, but with the rise in scrolling, this is often overtaken and means that those crucial times are being replaced. There's definitely an element of avoidance too. It's easy to gloss over difficult interactions or conflict by picking up your phone and drifting off into another world.' Sometimes to break the habit, regardless of what the habit is, you have to get out of the environment where you've become comfortable feeding it. So, to get clean from the screen we decided to leave our son for a few nights for the first time in eight years, and head to a luxury, low-tech retreat in Cotignac. Provincial French resort Lou Calen is not quite The White Lotus – they don't confiscate your phones and laptops on arrival but eschewing them is encouraged. There are no TVs in the bedrooms and you're immersed in nature – the estate comprises olive trees, fragrant flowers and an enchanting chorus of twittering birds, frogs and insects. The fruits and vegetables growing everywhere might end up on your plate at dinner at the retreat's Michelin starred restaurant. Plus, there are activities like locally grown wine tasting and traditional crafting workshops every week, developed specifically to bring you back to reality. It was astonishing to notice the anxiety the impending screen ban brought up. Despite heading off on what we both knew was likely to be a wonderful and well-earned break, I kept thinking of all the reasons I needed to be online – what if I got an urgent work email? What about taking and uploading photos for my friends and family to see on social media? What about needing to video call our son? Parker explains that calling out too much screen time is sometimes met with defensiveness and nerves, but approaching the topic with compassion and curiosity is key. 'Screen time doesn't have to be eradicated completely, but having some parameters around when both people will be completely present is important. This might look like ditching the phones at bedtime and in the morning – this is a prime time to reinvest energy in reflecting on your day. Or sharing what your hopes are for the coming day.' Realistically screens are always going to be a big part of our lives at home. But I hoped that perhaps by having this break and instigating a change, we might be able to develop healthier relationship with our phones, and each other. Going screen free was hard, and I'll admit. There were many times I reached for my phone to start scrolling out of habit, and felt irritable and anxious when I couldn't. But as we had scheduled calls home and I was officially OOO, I forced myself to keep the phone out of reach, and keep the laptop – which I did bring 'in case of emergency' – switched off. Over the course of three days, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Each morning, we woke and instead of immediately reading the news and checking notifications we connected with each other. We interpreted our dreams like we used to when we first met, talked about our plans and hopes and worries for the day ahead, and even had the chance to be physically intimate – definitely a better mood and energy boost than finding new likes on an Instagram post. It was certainly easier being in the stunning and carefully curated environment of Lou Calen than it would have been at home. Back in Scotland, where we live, we've fallen into what I now recognise as pretty depressing lifestyle habits. Constant chores and childcare always feels as though there's never enough time for self care, to exercise or to enjoy a hobby. Suddenly with screen time gone there were several more hours to play with. In Provence we swam in the outside pool, went to a wine tasting, played tennis, explored the village and learned its fascinating history. If we'd arrived a little earlier, we could have joined one of the retreat's drawing classes, learned to weave baskets or create flower wreaths. In the evenings we went for meals and actually spent the whole time in conversation – something 1 in 4 people, who say they play on their phone while eating with their partner, can't attest to. When we returned to our room, without our usual Netflix binge, we chose to read and make love. Admittedly, this last part might have been the hardest. The urge to bed rot while watching a TV series until the damning question, 'are you still watching…?' pops up on the screen is very real. Somehow, the idea of taking time to meditate or draw, or knit or read feels like it's going to be an effort rather than relaxing, even though I know from my own experience and the endless research papers exploring downtime demonstrates quite the opposite. All I wanted to do after dinner was put on an episode of Peep Show that we'd watched a thousand times before, and stare at memes. But it turns out, when forced, getting lost in a good book is still really nice, like it always used to be. Funnily enough, so is having sex and actually making that a priority. Maybe if I'd been forward thinking enough to bring some more activities with me, doodling, crafting or colouring in would have been pretty great too. Despite feeling a little jonesy, I ended up going to sleep earlier, waking feeling more refreshed and, here's the crazy twist: I did feel genuinely relaxed and happy, without the edge of despair and self-loathing that comes after a good scroll sesh. Parker says there's an immediacy in scrolling that becomes addictive, which is a large part of the reason we continue to do this to ourselves, rather than seek meaningful connection and true relaxation. Until recently, the term 'addiction' has typically defined behaviours related to substances, but given our widespread, problematic use of popular platforms such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and TikTok, this has now changed. A first of its kind study, conducted by the UCLA, scanned the brains of 32 teenagers (who often have the most susceptible brains) while they used what they were told was a small social network similar to Instagram. The teenagers were shown 148 photos over the course of 12 minutes, including 40 photos each that they had submitted themselves. When they saw a large number of 'likes' on their own photos, the scan lit up in the brain's reward circuitry. Very often couples will be watching other people doing the things they want to do, so why not invest the energy into actually doing that instead? Ashley Parker This constant synthetic use of our reward system has been linked to potential desensitisation and raised tolerance levels to feel-good chemicals, such as dopamine. This means that, just like an addiction, the more we use social media to get an approval fix, the more we feel we need to experience that happy feeling. Something that might have given us a healthy sense of satisfaction and enjoyment before, like reading or sex, would then be far less likely to. 'There's also a level of escapism and a low-level energy required,' Parker explains. 'Choosing screen time over connecting with your partner isn't necessarily a sign that the relationship is over, but perhaps more that the scrolling is serving as an avoidance or distraction. It can be really useful to consider what each person is actually getting from the screen time. What are you watching? What takes your interest? This really boils down to a deeper question – what are you both missing? You could think about how you might bring some of those interests into real life. Very often couples will be watching other people doing the things they want to do, so why not invest the energy into actually doing that instead?' Leaving Lou Calen feeling refreshed, romantic and with a strong incentive to lay off the screens back at home, I still knew there was a long way to go before we were able to kick the habit. Of course, as soon as we landed we uploaded the photos we took, we checked our messages and that night, we watched TV. But we've since deleted our social media apps and implemented a 'no phone zone' in the bedroom. It's baby steps, but having had a taste of freedom, I'm keen for us to break out of our virtual reality and relearn how to be present, and how to be happy with each other.
CNET
08-05-2025
- CNET
Not Bought Into Apple Intelligence? Here's What You Can Do
Even though Apple has taken a more measured approach to implementing AI features compared to rivals like Google, Apple Intelligence has had a spotty track record so far. Siri delays, dodgy message summaries and unpredictable generated images. Now, a new ZDNET/Aberdeen survey reveals that a majority of US adults say they will not use most AI features, and just 8% would consider paying extra for them. Some AI features are more welcome than others -- 58% of respondents said using AI for photo editing would be valuable, and I'll admit that Priority Notifications have been helpful -- but I won't hold it against you if you want to pause or pass on Apple Intelligence for now. Turning off Apple Intelligence is easy, though, whether you're turning it off completely or selectively switching off individual features. See also: Did a well-meaning friend send you a message about Apple Intelligence possibly reading your private information? I explain what's actually going on. Why turn off Apple Intelligence in the first place? Since the first Apple Intelligence features rolled out in iOS 18.1, some people have opted out of the new technology. Tools such as Image Playground, Genmoji and message summaries can use up to 7GB of your device's internal storage -- a sizable chunk, especially if you tend to run against the upper limit of its free space. Even if storage is not an issue, you just may not be interested in Apple's set of AI features. According to a new survey by SellCell, 73% of Apple users think AI adds little to no value to the experience. In a separate survey, CNET found that 25% of smartphone owners aren't interested at all. Or, honestly, you may not want to deal with features that are creating inaccurate summaries or that can be replicated without Apple Intelligence. The trainer killed someone? Screenshot by Nelson Aguilar/CNET (Earlier iOS 18 updates re-enabled Apple Intelligence automatically even if you had turned it off, but as of iOS 18.4, the setting is honored.) The good news is that it's easy to turn off Apple Intelligence entirely. Or if you'd prefer to pick and choose, you can selectively disable some of the features. Doing so also lets you reclaim the storage it's using. Is Apple Intelligence really ready to be on by default? I'm not an AI crank -- I appreciate features such as notification summaries and the Clean Up tool in the Photos app. And yet, Apple Intelligence is also a work in progress, an evolving set of features that Apple is heavily hyping while gradually developing. I wouldn't hold it against you if you wanted to not be distracted or feel like you're doing Apple's testing for them (that's what the developer and public betas are for). Remember that Apple Intelligence works only on the iPhone 15 Pro, iPhone 16, iPhone 16E, iPhone 16 Pro or M-series Macs and iPads, plus the newest iPad mini. Here's what you need to know about disabling it. Now Playing: Does Apple Think We're Stupid? Apple Intelligence Ads Say Yes 06:15 How to see the amount of storage Apple Intelligence is using If you're concerned about the storage requirements of Apple Intelligence, you can find out how much the system is using by going to Settings > General > iPhone (or iPad) Storage > iOS (or iPadOS). See how much space Apple Intelligence is using in Settings. Screenshots by Jeff Carlson/CNET Note that even after turning off Apple Intelligence, that storage still shows up in the iOS Storage list. However, I was able to confirm that if the phone's storage fills up and the system needs that now-inactive space, iOS reclaims what it needs. Once I filled my iPhone's storage, the inactive Apple Intelligence data was purged to accommodate the added files, dropping from 5.89GB to 2.87GB. Screenshots by Jeff Carlson/CNET How to turn off Apple Intelligence entirely (iPhone, iPad and Mac) Open Settings (iPhone or iPad) or System Settings (Mac) and choose Apple Intelligence & Siri. Then turn off the Apple Intelligence option. Confirm your choice in the dialog that appears by tapping Turn Off Apple Intelligence. Turn off Apple Intelligence entirely with one switch. Screenshots by Jeff Carlson/CNET Here's what you lose: (Curiously, the Clean Up tool in Photos sticks around even when Apple Intelligence is turned off, perhaps because the first time you use it the app downloads resources for it and holds onto them.) How to turn off individual Apple Intelligence features Maybe you're finding some Apple Intelligence features helpful while others are annoying (or just highly amusing). You can turn off specific features in the settings for apps to which they apply. For example, to disable text summaries in Messages notifications, go to Settings > Apps > Messages and switch off the Summarize Messages option. Turn off Messages summaries while still using other Apple Intelligence features. Screenshot by Jeff Carlson/CNET Some features are not as app-specific. Writing Tools, which use Apple Intelligence to proof or rewrite text, appear as an option when you select text, regardless of the app. To turn that off, you need to disable Apple Intelligence system-wide. Also note that nearly every app includes an Apple Intelligence & Siri option in Settings, with a Learn from this App option (turned on by default). That applies just to whether Apple Intelligence and Siri can monitor how you use it to make suggestions; it doesn't affect any particular Apple Intelligence features. How to turn off Apple Intelligence features in Screen Time settings Another option for restricting what Apple Intelligence can do is buried in the Screen Time settings. Screen Time is designed to control which apps and features can run on another device, such as the iPhone used by a child in your household. But it's also helpful for tracking how much time you're spending on the device and, in this case, turning off some components of Apple Intelligence. Open the Settings app and go to Screen Time > Content & Privacy Restrictions. Turn on the Content & Privacy Restrictions option if it's not already enabled. If this is the first time you're flipping this switch, don't worry -- everything is allowed by default. Tap Intelligence & Siri. Tap on the following three features and decide whether to allow or don't allow their use: Image Creation (such as Image Playground and Genmoji), Writing Tools and the ChatGPT Extension (which uses ChatGPT to process requests that are beyond the built-in Apple Intelligence capabilities). Turn off selected Apple Intelligence features in the Screen Time settings. Screenshots by Jeff Carlson/CNET For more on iOS 18.4, see how the Mail app sorts messages into categories and if you haven't upgraded already, make a good backup first.
Yahoo
01-04-2025
- Yahoo
iOS 18.4 Again Reactivates Apple Intelligence Automatically. Here's How to Turn It Off
Apple really wants you to use Apple Intelligence to an almost annoying degree. Sure, the new iOS 18.4 update adds a welcome Prioritize Notifications feature that I've found helpful, but it also includes non-AI features and the usual assortment of security and bug fixes. The problem is that even if you previously turned off Apple Intelligence, this update turns it back on. The same applies to iPad OS 18.4 and MacOS Sequoia 15.4. I won't hold it against you if you want to pass on Apple's AI tech for now. It is, after all, still technically in beta -- which is no doubt why it's annoying that Apple Intelligence is getting turned back on. Message summaries can be dodgy, generated images are unpredictable and the promised leap in Siri's capabilities has been officially pushed back. Turning off Apple Intelligence is easy, though, whether you're turning it off completely or selectively switching off individual features. See also: Did a well-meaning friend send you a message about Apple Intelligence possibly reading your private information? I explain what's actually going on. Since the first Apple Intelligence features rolled out in iOS 18.1, some people have chosen to opt out of the new technology. Tools such as Image Playground, Genmoji and message summaries can use up to 7GB of your device's internal storage -- a sizable chunk, especially if you tend to run against the upper limit of its free space. Even if storage is not an issue, you just may not be interested in Apple's set of AI features. According to a new survey by SellCell, 73% of Apple users think AI adds little to no value to the experience. In a separate survey, CNET found that 25% of smartphone owners aren't interested at all. Or, honestly, you may not want to deal with features that are creating inaccurate summaries or that can be replicated without Apple Intelligence. The good news is that it's easy to turn off Apple Intelligence entirely. Or if you'd prefer to pick and choose, you can selectively disable some of the features. Doing so also lets you reclaim the storage it's using. I'm not an AI crank -- I appreciate features such as notification summaries and the Clean Up tool in the Photos app. And yet, Apple Intelligence is also a work in progress, an evolving set of features that Apple is heavily hyping while gradually developing. I wouldn't hold it against you if you wanted to not be distracted or feel like you're doing Apple's testing for them (that's what the developer and public betas are for). Remember that Apple Intelligence works only on the iPhone 15 Pro, iPhone 16, iPhone 16E, iPhone 16 Pro or M-series Macs and iPads (plus the newest iPad mini). Here's what you need to know about disabling it. If you're concerned about the storage requirements of Apple Intelligence, you can find out how much the system is using by going to Settings > General > iPhone (or iPad) Storage > iOS (or iPadOS). Note that even after turning off Apple Intelligence, that storage still shows up in the iOS Storage list. However, I was able to confirm that if the phone's storage fills up and the system needs that now-inactive space, iOS reclaims what it needs. Open Settings (iPhone or iPad) or System Settings (Mac) and choose Apple Intelligence & Siri. Then turn off the Apple Intelligence option. Confirm your choice in the dialog that appears by tapping Turn Off Apple Intelligence. Here's what you lose: Writing tools Notification summaries Visual Intelligence (on iPhone 16 and iPhone 16 Pro) Genmoji (on iPhone and iPad; it's not available yet on Mac) Image Playground -- the app remains, but you can't create new images. ChatGPT support for Siri Image Wand in the Notes app (Curiously, the Clean Up tool in Photos sticks around even when Apple Intelligence is turned off, perhaps because the first time you use it the app downloads resources for it and holds onto them.) Maybe you're finding some Apple Intelligence features helpful while others are annoying (or just highly amusing). You can turn off specific features in the settings for apps to which they apply. For example, to disable text summaries in Messages notifications, go to Settings > Apps > Messages and switch off the Summarize Messages option. Some features are not as app-specific. Writing Tools, which use Apple Intelligence to proof or rewrite text, appear as an option when you select text, regardless of the app. To turn that off, you need to disable Apple Intelligence system-wide. Also note that nearly every app includes an Apple Intelligence & Siri option in Settings, with a Learn from this App option (turned on by default). That applies just to whether Apple Intelligence and Siri can monitor how you use it to make suggestions; it doesn't affect any particular Apple Intelligence features. Another option for restricting what Apple Intelligence can do is buried in the Screen Time settings. Screen Time is designed to control which apps and features can run on another device, such as the iPhone used by a child in your household. But it's also helpful for tracking how much time you're spending on the device and, in this case, turning off some components of Apple Intelligence. Open the Settings app and go to Screen Time > Content & Privacy Restrictions. Turn on the Content & Privacy Restrictions option if it's not already enabled. If this is the first time you're flipping this switch, don't worry -- everything is allowed by default. Tap Intelligence & Siri. Tap on the following three features and decide whether to allow or don't allow their use: Image Creation (such as Image Playground and Genmoji), Writing Tools and the ChatGPT Extension (which uses ChatGPT to process requests that are beyond the built-in Apple Intelligence capabilities). For more on iOS 18.3, see how the Mail app sorts messages into categories and if you haven't upgraded already, make a good backup first.
Yahoo
08-02-2025
- Yahoo
The Latest iPhone Update Includes 1 Feature You Might Want To Turn Off ASAP
If you are an iPhone user, you have been hearing a lot about the AI-powered 'Apple Intelligence' tools. Available on iOS 18.1, iPadOS 18.1, macOS Sequoia 15.1 or later versions, including the recently-released iOS 18.3, the latest updates include ChatGPT integration, the 'Image Playground' that creates images from your text descriptions, notification summaries of messages, and 'Visual Intelligence' that lets you learn about objects and places by pointing your iPhone's camera at them. But if you're not a fan of Apple Intelligence features, you may be in the majority. In a recent survey of 1,000 people by tech trade-in site SellCell, 73% of Apple Intelligence users said they found the features to be either 'not very valuable' or 'add little to no value' to their smartphone experience. (Ouch.) Unfortunately for the haters, Apple Intelligence is a growing part of the iPhone experience ― and quite literally in the case of storage. In December, Apple updated its website to note that Apple Intelligence now requires at least 7 gigabytes of storage to maintain the features, as opposed to the 4 gigabytes of storage the tools originally required to work. And soon, Apple Intelligence will be a default setting. Right now, Apple Intelligence is not turned on automatically. But 9to5Mac reported that starting with iOS 18.3, which is set to be released in the coming days, Apple will automatically enable Apple Intelligence in iPhones, according to Apple's beta release notes. In other words, you will have to actively choose to opt out once you do this new update. For many, that storage is valuable. Most of us don't want to delete photos or take the time to go through the thousands of screenshots we've taken over the years. Or perhaps we don't want to off-load some of our favorite apps in favor of making room for new images or texts. If you have already been using Apple Intelligence, you can see for yourself how much storage it takes up on your iPhone. Go to 'settings,' then 'general.' Select 'iPhone storage,' and then select 'iOS.' From there, you can see how many gigabytes Apple Intelligence is eating up on your device. If you are dismayed by the number you see, you still have a way to opt out and free up your storage if you have an older iPhone where every gigabyte counts. To turn off Apple Intelligence on your iOS devices:1. Go to 'settings' on your iPhone or iPad, or 'system settings' on your Mac. 2. Go to 'general' and select 'storage.' 3. Toggle off Apple Intelligence. Maybe you do love those notification summaries and the 'Clean Up' tool and want to keep using them. There are other ways to get back storage on your iPhone without turning off Apple Intelligence. Here are two ways: This is not the free option, but buying an iPhone with more standard storage capabilities is one way to escape the headache of every iOS update taking up more valuable real estate on your device. The iPhone Pro models, for example, have the most storage space with 1 terabyte, which is helpful if you are a gamer or creator with video needs. Also, if you already have an iPhone and want to keep more photos and files on your device, buying the iCloud+ premium subscription will expand your iCloud service and storage capabilities. This is the free option if you want to clear up storage fast. Go to 'settings,' then 'general,' then 'iPhone storage.' There you will see exactly the percentage of storage that your applications, photos, music, messages and iOS take up. Scroll down and see what your iPhone advises you do under 'recommendations.' My own iPhone, for example, suggested that I review large attachments from videos so that I could save up to 45 gigabytes. Once I selected to view the attachments, I could quickly select 'edit' to click which old videos I wanted to delete. Ultimately, freeing up space on your device can be tedious, but the storage capabilities on your iPhone can be the difference between a phone that functions well and one that feels slower than ever. The Latest iPhone Update Includes One Unbelievably Convenient Feature This App Is Saving People's Lives In The LA Fires — And It Might Help Yours, Too This 1 Common Phone Charger Habit Could Actually Be A Major Safety Hazard
