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Yahoo
31-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
14 Phrases Toxic Family Members Use To Control You
When it comes to family dynamics, things can get complicated. You'd think those closest to you would have your best interests at heart, but sometimes family members use words to manipulate and control. It can be hard to see through the smoke when you're in the thick of it, especially when the words are wrapped in a blanket of supposed love and care. Here are 14 phrases toxic family members use to keep you under their thumb. 1. "After All I've Done For You" This phrase is a classic guilt trip. It's meant to remind you of everything a family member has ever done for you, implying that you owe them unquestioning loyalty in return. It turns a relationship into a transaction, rather than one of mutual respect and care. By bringing up past favors, they're trying to make you feel indebted and less likely to stand up for yourself. It's a way to silence your opinions and keep you from asserting your needs. Guilt is a powerful tool for control, and toxic people wield it expertly. They know that reminding you of past sacrifices can manipulate your emotions. It's crucial to recognize this tactic for what it is: an attempt to leverage past actions to influence current behavior. Understand that genuine love and support don't come with strings attached. Your worth isn't tied to a list of past favors. 2. "If You Really Loved Me, You Would..." This manipulative line leverages love as a bargaining chip, making you feel like your actions are the measure of your affection. It effectively puts you in a no-win situation where the only way to prove your love is to submit to their desires. Dr. Robin Stern, a licensed psychoanalyst and author of "The Gaslight Effect," notes that this kind of emotional blackmail is a common tactic for those who want to maintain power and control in a relationship. This phrase plants a seed of doubt about your loyalty, pressuring you to comply to prove your love. It can lead to a cycle where you act against your own best interests just to meet their demands. Love is not a test you have to pass by doing someone's bidding. Genuine relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, not compliance. If someone uses love to manipulate your actions, it's a sign that their intentions aren't pure. You should never have to prove your love by sacrificing your dignity or self-worth. Your love should be appreciated for what it is, not what someone else can gain from it. 3. "You're Too Sensitive" This phrase is often thrown your way when you express hurt or discomfort. It's a tactic to make you doubt your feelings and question your perception of reality. Toxic family members use it to suggest that the problem isn't their behavior but your inability to handle it. According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of psychology, gaslighting techniques like these are designed to destabilize your confidence and make you second-guess yourself. Ultimately, it can make you feel isolated, as if you're the only one who thinks there's a problem. When someone says you're 'too sensitive,' they're really shifting the blame. They want you to feel like you're the one in the wrong, not them. This type of manipulation can chip away at your self-esteem over time. It's crucial to remind yourself that your feelings are valid, and being sensitive is not a weakness. You deserve to have your emotions acknowledged and respected without judgment. 4. "You're Just Being Paranoid" This phrase is a classic way to undermine your intuition. When you sense something is off, a toxic family member might label your concerns as paranoia. They aim to make you doubt your instincts and dismiss your valid concerns. By casting your legitimate worries as irrational fears, they attempt to disconnect you from reality. Over time, this tactic can make you question your mental state and obscure the truth. If you hear this line often, it's a red flag. People who care about you will listen to your concerns, not belittle them. They won't make you feel like you're imagining things just to dodge responsibility. Trust your instincts; they're often a reliable guide. Being vigilant about your well-being is not paranoia—it's self-preservation. 5. "Can't You Take A Joke?" This phrase is a way to avoid accountability for hurtful remarks. By labeling their words as a joke, toxic family members dismiss your feelings and make you seem overly sensitive. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that 'just joking' can serve as a cover for hostility and aggression. When called out, they backtrack, suggesting that you're the one overreacting. It's a manipulative tactic designed to disguise insults as humor. Humor shouldn't be a weapon used to belittle or insult others. When someone uses "I was just joking" to dodge responsibility, it reveals a lack of respect. Genuine humor uplifts and connects people, not wounds them. Don't let anyone convince you that their hurtful words aren't valid just because they're wrapped in a joke. Your emotions matter, and it's okay to call out behavior that crosses the line. 6. "Why Can't You Be More Like [Sibling]?" Comparisons like this are designed to undermine your self-worth. By holding someone else up as a model, toxic family members plant seeds of inadequacy. They want you to feel inferior, as if you need to change to be worthy of love and acceptance. This statement isn't about encouraging your growth; it's about maintaining control. It's a pressure tactic that can lead to resentment and rivalry among siblings. You are your own person, with your own strengths and flaws. Being compared to someone else diminishes your individuality. It's a backhanded way to suggest you aren't good enough as you are. Remember, everyone has their unique path, and you deserve recognition for your own achievements. Don't let someone else's standards determine your self-worth. 7. "You Need To Stop Overreacting" When you're told you're overreacting, it's a way to downplay your emotions and experiences. Toxic family members use this phrase to dismiss your feelings and invalidate your response to their behavior. Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, an expert on narcissism, states that telling someone they're overreacting is a form of emotional invalidation designed to keep the power dynamic unbalanced. The aim is to make you question whether your emotional response is justified. It's a means to control the narrative by positioning you as irrational. It's important to remember that your reactions are valid. No one has the right to dictate how you should feel about a situation. When someone accuses you of overreacting, they're often trying to deflect from their own actions. Trust your feelings, and don't let them be dismissed so easily. Your emotions are an important part of your truth. 8. "You're So Dramatic" Labeling you as dramatic serves to trivialize your feelings and experiences. It suggests that your emotions are extreme or uncalled for, shifting focus away from the issue at hand. This phrase is a tactic used to make you feel like your reactions are exaggerated and unworthy of attention. It's intended to put you on the defensive, questioning whether your feelings are valid. The goal is to silence you and minimize your concerns. Your experiences are significant, and so are your emotions. Being called dramatic is often a way to dodge accountability. It's a strategy to keep you from expressing genuine concerns and standing up for yourself. Don't let the label of being 'dramatic' deter you from seeking the respect and understanding you deserve. Your voice matters, and it's worth using. 9. "I'm Doing This For Your Own Good" This phrase is a manipulative way to disguise control as care. Toxic family members use it to justify actions that may actually be harmful or self-serving. By positioning themselves as acting in your best interest, they try to disarm your objections. It's designed to make you feel like they know what's best for you, even when their actions suggest otherwise. It's a tactic that can easily mask controlling or overbearing behavior. True concern for someone's well-being doesn't need to be cloaked in manipulation. When someone truly cares, their actions align with your best interests without needing to assert superiority. They respect your autonomy and support you without exerting pressure. Be wary of those who insist they know what's best for you without considering your perspective. Genuine care is cooperative and empowering, not controlling. 10. "You're The Only One Who Thinks That" This phrase is intended to isolate you by suggesting that your concerns aren't shared by anyone else. It's a tactic to make you feel alone in your thoughts and discourage you from speaking up. By implying that you're in the minority, toxic family members aim to make you question your judgment. They want you to doubt your perspective, making it easier for them to maintain control. It's a subtle way to silence dissent and marginalize your voice. Feeling isolated in your thoughts can be disheartening. However, just because you're the only one speaking up doesn't mean your concerns aren't valid. It's important to trust yourself and your intuition. Remember, being in the minority doesn't make your perspective any less important. Your voice adds value, and it's important to stand firm in your beliefs. 11. "Everyone Else Thinks You're Wrong" This phrase leverages social pressure to force compliance. Toxic family members use it to imply that a consensus exists against you, isolating you in your stance. By suggesting unanimity, they aim to make you feel shame for your perspective. It's a tactic to make you question whether you're seeing things clearly. The goal is to make you feel like the outlier, increasing the pressure to conform. Social pressure can be a powerful influence, but it shouldn't dictate your beliefs. Just because others might agree doesn't mean they're right or that your perspective lacks value. Don't let the illusion of consensus stifle your voice or change your mind. Your opinions matter, even if they go against the grain. Stand by your convictions and trust in your ability to see the truth. 12. "You're Imagining Things" This phrase is used to dismiss your observations and feelings as figments of your imagination. It's a tactic aimed at making you question your reality and doubt your perceptions. By suggesting you're imagining things, toxic family members attempt to free themselves from accountability. It's a covert way to gaslight you, creating confusion and self-doubt. Over time, this can erode your confidence and make you heavily reliant on their version of events. Your perceptions are an important aspect of your reality. Don't allow someone to trivialize your experiences by suggesting they're imaginary. Trust in your senses and your ability to interpret situations. You deserve to have your reality acknowledged and respected. Stand confident in your observations, and don't be swayed by those who seek to deceive. 13. "You Never Listen To Anyone" Accusations of not listening are often used to derail discussions. Toxic family members might throw this phrase at you to divert attention from the actual issue. By blaming you for not listening, they avoid addressing their own faults or the topic at hand. It's a way to make you feel guilty and shift focus away from their behavior. The goal is to make you feel inadequate, as if the communication breakdown is entirely your fault. Communication is a two-way street, and blame should not rest solely on your shoulders. If someone accuses you of not listening, consider whether they're truly communicating effectively. Often, this accusation is used to force you into compliance. Don't let it dampen your confidence or make you question your ability to engage in meaningful dialogue. You have every right to expect respectful communication. 14. "I'm Only Trying To Help" Claiming to help is a common way to justify unwanted interference. Toxic family members use this phrase to insert themselves into your life under the guise of support. It's a way to bypass boundaries and assert control over your choices. By framing their interference as help, they aim to make you feel ungrateful for resisting. It's a manipulative tactic that disguises an agenda as altruism. True help respects boundaries and doesn't come with conditions. Genuine support is given freely, without expecting compliance or gratitude. When someone insists they're only trying to help, consider whether their actions align with your best interests. It's okay to set boundaries and decline unwanted assistance. You're entitled to make your own decisions and live life on your terms. Solve the daily Crossword
ABC News
26-07-2025
- Entertainment
- ABC News
Divination isn't scientific, but can it ever be therapeutic?
Sana Qadar: Whenever I read a description of my star sign, which let me preface this by saying is not often, I do think that kind of fits. I don't really believe in astrology and horoscopes, actually I don't believe them at all, but I am totally a Sagittarius. According to astrologers, if you're a Sagittarius, you like new experiences and travel, you're curious and a storyteller, hello, you can also be blunt. I've lived in Washington DC, Beijing, London, Qatar, New Delhi and now Sydney. I tell stories for a living and as my husband can attest, I can be blunt. It all feels like too much of a coincidence not to be true. But the idea that celestial objects and events can determine your personality or how your life is going to go, it's not exactly backed up by science. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: The position of the planets has a lot to do with your inner dynamics. I'm not so sure, but you know, some people really take it seriously. Sana Qadar: Why do we take it seriously? And is it harmful to do so? Or can seeking guidance from the universe ever be therapeutic? Ryan Findlay: If I'm just feeling really confused or stuck or I'm sort of swirling, I just really want to see what the universe wants to tell me essentially. Sana Qadar: I'm Sana Qadar, this is All in the Mind, and this week's episode is from reporter Shelby Traynor, looking into how occult practices like astrology set up cognitive traps that many of us fall into. But also, how practices like reading tea leaves or reading tarot might overlap with traditional therapy. Shelby, hi. Shelby Traynor: Hello. Sana Qadar: I'm very intrigued by all of this subject matter, but let me start by asking you, what's your star sign? Shelby Traynor: I am a Gemini, and I don't always relate to being a Gemini. I feel like Geminis get a bad rap to be honest. Sana Qadar: I don't actually know what a Gemini is supposed to be, so fill me in. Shelby Traynor: They are the twins of the zodiac, and so it's often said that Geminis can be two-faced, which sounds like an insult to me. Sana Qadar: but I don't recognize you as quite as very two-faced. You're pretty straight. Shelby Traynor: No, but maybe I have two sides to me, because I'm one of those people who does not believe in these things, like horoscopes, and also does kind of believe in it at the same time. Like, I own crystals. Do I think that the clear quartz that's beside my bed is bringing me clarity? No. But when I bought it, I was seeking clarity. Sana Qadar: Okay. Shelby Traynor: So there's a little something going on there, clearly. And so I wanted to explore this contradiction of believing and not believing and dig down into why a lot of us feel this way. But I figured, as this is an evidence-based show, we're going to start with the science and the skepticism. But for all the horoscope girlies out there, stick with me. I am a Gemini, as you pointed out, and so this story is going to be quite two-faced. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: People are willing to believe almost anything about themselves if it looks official and seems to fit. Shelby Traynor: This is Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a clinical psychologist known for her work on personality and identity. Also, she's a Sagittarius, like Sana, but she doesn't take much stock in it. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: It's like a sock that's not quite too big, not quite too small. You can get it on, it doesn't matter if it doesn't fit perfectly. You're happy with it. Shelby Traynor: She made the connection between a well-known effect in psychology and horoscopes. It's called the Barnum effect. We've mentioned it on All in the Mind before in relation to psychics. It's playfully named after 19th century showman P.T. Barnum. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: We like the name, it's easy, people really can understand it. And it's named after Barnum because of that sucker born every minute. People are willing to believe almost anything about themselves. The more general it is, almost the better, because you will make it fit you. You want to suspend disbelief, you want to believe in it. Shelby Traynor: The Barnum effect was originally called the fallacy of personal validation. And it wasn't coined in response to astrologers reading people's horoscopes, but in response to shoddy personality tests. In 1948, psychologist Bertram Forer gave his students a test which promised to produce a vignette of their personality. But this was all a farce. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: I did the exact same thing that the original researcher had done. I gave a questionnaire, paper and pencil questionnaire. I would give it to my students, they would take it, and then we would magically produce the feedback. What I really did was throw them all out. There was never any scoring. I mean, there's like 300 kids in my class, so I'm not going to score those. Toss them out, print something back. Shelby Traynor: When the students received their test results, what they got was an identical response with statements like, you need people to like and admire you, or you have a tendency to be critical of yourself. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: And so they read this generic description of themselves, and then they had to rate how much they felt it applied to them. And they'd say like, yeah, that's totally me. Shelby Traynor: How'd you know that? Susan would score these results, eventually revealing to the students it was all a fallacy. And look how many of you fell for it. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: So we would give them back the feedback and say, look how easily you were suckered. I didn't say suckered, probably, but drawn into this explanation that had nothing to do with you because it seemed real. I mean, I felt a little bit bad, like we fooled you, but again, it's for science. Shelby Traynor: In order to sucker the students, there did need to be some sense of legitimacy to the test. It was done in a classroom, they filled out intimate information about themselves, which is kind of how it feels to fill in a form before it spits out your astrological birth chart. You've got to dig out your birth certificate or ring your mum to ask what time of day exactly you were born. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: The premise is you take a test, it seems legitimate. The test spits back feedback that seems to fit. And you say, oh yeah, that's me. And the way it works is the feedback in and of itself has some internal contradictions. You're a little of this, you're a lot of that. Sometimes you feel this way, but sometimes you feel the other way. Sometimes you feel like you fit in. Sometimes you feel like nobody likes you. I mean, who wouldn't agree to that? Shelby Traynor: So, Sana, now we know what's happening psychologically. I want to test this out with your horoscope today and see how you feel about it. Sana Qadar: Okay, so my horoscope that's going to tell me how today is going to go for me? Shelby Traynor: Yeah, exactly. Sana Qadar: All right, let me open it up. Okay, July 7th, 2025. You may feel like someone caught in a tornado, Sagittarius. Things are whirling around you and everything seems out of control. Don't get stressed out. There's nothing you can do about it. Allow the storm to do what it will. You will only get hurt if you try to stop it. Accept things you have no control over. The storm will settle down soon. Well, that is perfectly vague and nice enough, I guess. It gives me a hopeful message. Things will settle down. I don't know. Shelby Traynor: Yeah, but it's all about stress, which I feel like anybody could relate to, really. Sana Qadar: Yeah, who's not stressed? Shelby Traynor: Yeah. I guess one of the issues, though, with horoscopes is they do look forward. They tell you, here's how your day is going to go. Or if you get a broader reading, here's how your month is going to go, your year, your life. And so this is where something else sets in. Confirmation bias. It's the tendency to seek out and fixate on things that fit our existing beliefs. If you believe there's a storm coming, then you're going to be on high alert. The overwhelming, stressful parts of your day are the things that might end up standing out. Sana Qadar: And I will say this horoscope says the storm will settle down soon, which is, there's no timeline there. I just have to trust it will. And of course, at some point it will. No one's stressed forever, right? Shelby Traynor: Yeah, I guess. And you're going to hold on to that little glimpse of hope, aren't you? Sana Qadar: Exactly. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: There's no way this is valid. Shelby Traynor: Because of confirmation bias, you might then look back at your day and think, whoa, that horoscope was really accurate. And so tomorrow you read your horoscope again, this time armed with the supposed evidence from yesterday, you might take it more seriously. You might even change your behavior based on its advice. And this doesn't just apply to your daily horoscope either. It applies to people too. For example, you've probably had this interaction before. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: After the fact, you say, oh, I knew that all along. Of course you were a Leo. I mean, this totally fits with being a Leo. Shelby Traynor: Of course it is a spectrum. Some people are aware of their star sign and don't pay much attention beyond that. But for others, star signs might determine who they choose to be friends with or who they date. It's pretty common these days to have your star sign on your dating profile alongside your age and your height. There is a study from 2020 that looked into this so-called astrological compatibility between couples. Researchers looked at data on married couples in Sweden between 1968 and 2001, and they failed to find any evidence that people with compatible star signs were less likely to get divorced. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: You know, people believing lies is really what it turns out for. I mean, nobody wants to be a sucker on purpose, but people are inadvertent suckers when they believe in something that has no truth on the face of it or even in any way, shape or form. Shelby Traynor: It is worth acknowledging, though, that while this might seem either like a bit of fun or ridiculous, depending on your views on astrology, it does have deep roots in history and culture, stretching all the way back to Mesopotamia. It arose side by side with sciences we don't dispute, like astronomy, similar to alchemy's journey alongside chemistry. It was a way of making sense of the world and remains so for many people. But Professor Krauss-Whitbourne takes issue when money gets involved. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: That's one problem is just the whole industry that's based on this and has for hundreds of years. It's just irritating that people make money off of this fake information they provide to people. So we need to train people, don't fall for this stuff. You can if you want, if you feel like it. But I felt I really wanted to get that point out there that there's no way these generic statements about you could have anything to do with who you are as a person. Shelby Traynor: When it comes to personality, it's much more complicated than your birth chart. Ironically, though, researchers from Lund University, again in Sweden, did try to find out whether certain personality traits predicted a belief in astrology. Belief was associated with a higher narcissism score as well as a higher agreeableness score, while people with a higher level of intelligence had a lower belief in astrology. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: I mean, the number of people who say not just I read my horoscope, it's you're this way because you are, in my case, Sagittarius or a Leo. And just that's it. OK, we've now said this is you because you were born under the cusp, whatever that means, you know, in between two astrological signs. Shelby Traynor: While it can be a form of introspection, Professor Krauss-Whitbourne says it isn't the safest or the most rewarding path you can take. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: If you want to learn about yourself, which I think is an admirable goal, the way to do it is to find a reputable way to get that information. Sana Qadar: You're listening to All in the Mind. I'm Sana Qadar and I'm joined by reporter Shelby Traynor. Shelby, you kind of believe in astrology. How do you feel about being called a narcissist with low intelligence? Shelby Traynor: Not great. I did read the paper. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and I sort of understand the reasoning. So this is narcissistic traits. This isn't full blown narcissism, which is a slight comfort. And the researchers did say it might have something to do with a self-centered worldview. So like my personality and the way my life goes is determined by the stars. It kind of implies the universe cares about me personally, which is very flattering. I don't actually think it does. When I say I believe, I don't believe astrology is like a testable, verifiable science. I believe just enough in like the vibe of it to have a little fun without taking anything too seriously. And that applies to divination and the occult in general. So when I was reading that study, I was sort of like cracking my knuckles, stretching out, getting ready to make a bit of a counter argument. Sana Qadar: OK. Shelby Traynor: What I want to put on the table is something called an N of one experiment. That's a study with just one participant. Sana Qadar: Who's the one participant? Shelby Traynor: It's me. Sana Qadar: OK. Yeah (both laugh). What are you going to do? Shelby Traynor: Well, I've already done it. So Susan mentioned, if you want to learn about yourself, don't go to an astrologer or a psychic reader. Don't turn to tea leaves or cards. Go find a reputable person. See a psychologist or a psychotherapist, which is generally great advice. So I've had the same psychologist for years. She's amazing. Accredited. Love her. Wouldn't trade her for a pack of tarot cards at all. But I love tarot cards. Sana Qadar: Do you? Shelby Traynor: Yeah, I do. I have four decks and I've been reading tarot for the entirety of my 20s. I found it's a great way to reflect on things and set goals. But that's my experience. Sana Qadar: And why do tarot for those things as opposed to, I don't know, journaling? Shelby Traynor: Well, I do both (both laugh). I'm a glutton for self-reflection.I love it. But that is just my experience. I know that N of one experiments are far from ideal. So I wanted to get someone else's perspective. Ryan Findlay: Yeah. So my name's Ryan Finlay and I'm a practicing psychotherapist. I also practice tarot as well. Shelby Traynor: Ryan's day job is traditional psychotherapy. He doesn't typically bring tarot into that space. You might think tarot readers are fortune tellers. They consult cards and tell you you're going to meet a dark, handsome stranger or come into some money. But most tarot readers won't tell you what is going to happen. For the most part, they'll get you to reflect on your past, what it means for the present, and how that might apply in the future. Ryan Findlay: Historically, tarot was a card game. And then over the years, over the centuries, actually, since the 1500s, it's just gained more and more traction in terms of being used to help people find clarity. I think there's a misconception out there that it's purely based on fortune telling. And that's really not how I use it. I'm very much about bringing it into the present moment, what's here right now. So I'm really much more about using it rather than sort of a psychic prediction, more as an intuitive, let's find out what's happening right now and unpack that. Shelby Traynor: In that way, Ryan says tarot can overlap with his therapeutic work. Ryan Findlay: If you haven't really had experience with that version of tarot, then, yeah, of course, you can think of it as just how cartoons and movies and everything portray it as just a more fortune teller kind of thing, which, yeah, that archetype's been sort of bashed around a lot for a long time. But I think it's evolving. I think in this generation of people who have more access to the Internet and different ways of using these tools, I think there's a nice movement of, yeah, looking at it as another form of self-inquiry. Shelby Traynor: We have entered a new era of tarot. There are card readers all over TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. They usually tell you if you've stumbled across their video, it means it was meant for you. It's a powerful draw. Youtube clips: Hi there, welcome to your tarot readings for July and Cancer season... OK, we've got lovers on each got the tower on each side. I feel like you're more connecting with this person coming for today's reading, we have your one last message that you're meant to receive before you start your new life. Shelby Traynor: If you're not seeking some kind of message from the great beyond, if you're not feeling particularly introspective, you just scroll past. But if you are, then in many ways you're deciding to suspend disbelief and you're primed to make meaning from whatever you hear. That's one of the criticisms, that if you want it to mean something, it will. Ryan Findlay: And it's like, well, yeah, but we're meaning making machines. That's what we do. So why not draw upon this vast collection of beautiful symbols and instilled wisdom to make meaning out of what's going on for yourself? Shelby Traynor: OK, so Sana, I've brought one of my tarot decks into the studio and I want you to have a little look. Sana Qadar: OK, I'm intrigued. I've never actually looked at a tarot deck before, I don't think. Shelby Traynor: Nice. So there are 78 cards. There's the major arcana and the minor arcana. Sana Qadar: What is that? Shelby Traynor: So the major arcana, it kind of tells this overarching story from the first card, the Fool, all the way to the last card, the World. And it's kind of this journey the Fool goes on to like learning. Sana Qadar: The Full and the World? Shelby Traynor: The Fool. Sana Qadar: Oh, the Fool rather. And the World. Got you. Shelby Traynor: Yes. Then you've got the minor arcana. That's more like your traditional deck of playing cards that you'd be familiar with. It's split into four suits. You've got swords, cups, pentacles and wands. And like an ordinary deck of cards, these go from ace to ten, then the page, knight, queen and king. And all of these cards, all 78, have descriptions attached to them. They have different meanings. So I might get you to pull a card and we'll do a little reading. Sana Qadar: Okay, from anywhere on the deck? Shelby Traynor: Anywhere on the deck. Anywhere you're feeling drawn to. Sana Qadar: I'm slightly terrified of this. Okay. I'm drawn to this card. The Wheel of Fortune. Shelby Traynor: Ooh, that's a nice card. Sana Qadar: What does that mean? Shelby Traynor: So that's part of the major arcana. Let me look through my book. I don't know them off by heart. Wheel of Fortune. Destiny. Fortune. Success. Luck. Felicity. Sana Qadar: Oh hey, I like this. Yeah, this is a great card. Am I about to get rich? Shelby Traynor: Mmm, I think this is general enough that if you don't get rich, you won't blame the card. The Barnum effect might apply here. As I said, super, super general. There might also be some confirmation bias. If you win the lotto, you're going to say the card had predicted it. Sana Qadar: You know, I'm sad to admit, I do on occasion, more frequently than I should, buy a lotto ticket. So now I will after pulling this card (both laugh). Shelby Traynor: Exactly. So is that experience altogether harmful? In the right circumstances, Ryan says pulling a card like this can be just another tool for self-reflection. Ryan Findlay: From memory, there's 22 major arcana. So they're really big containers. If we look at an archetype, it's just a big container full of symbolism and meaning. Carl Jung was an eminent therapist back in the day, and yeah, his work looking into symbolism and the collective unconscious, that really maps beautifully with how I like to do tarot and how I like to do therapy as well, which is just looking more at, I don't know, the greater energies in life, not so much just getting caught up in the personal struggle. Getting out of that more personal problem-solving space into a more trans-personal space. Shelby Traynor: In psychology, trans-personal means beyond the self or beyond the bounds of the ego. Ryan Findlay: Yeah, just tune in. Just like, oh, what do I want to know? And I think, I guess the important kind of energetic part of that for me is opening up to vulnerability of like, oh, I don't really know what's going on. That actual step of going, oh, I actually want to seek some support here from outside of my own mind. I think that's, yeah, sort of the ritual for me is just really opening up to the cards themselves. Sana Qadar: So it sounds like they're almost kind of conversation starters. Shelby Traynor: Yeah, 78 of them. Ryan Findlay: So an example for that is like the five of cups. It's like asking me to just really tune in to grief or disappointment. And then also to let gratitude come in. So I sort of just pull them ad hoc. Now and again, I'll do a bigger reading to get a bit of a map or an overview, which is really quite special. Shelby Traynor: There's often ritual involved in tarot readings, maybe some meditation beforehand or a breathing exercise. Before pulling a card, people are usually encouraged to ask a question like, what do I need to know right now? There's plenty of evidence that ritualistic behavior can help us ease anxiety and regulate our emotions. But of course, it's not always appropriate to turn to tarot cards. Ryan had to figure out that balance when he first started practicing in his early 20s. Ryan Findlay: I just had a lot of, I guess, decision anxiety at that age. So tarot really helped me tune into my own intuition. Probably used a little bit too much. I used it every day at that point. So I was a little bit of a crutch. But yeah, it just helped me navigate my way through my early 20s, which were, you know, full of anxiety and doubt and all those sort of things. Shelby Traynor: It was later that Ryan became a psychotherapist. And even later that he decided to combine the two in private sessions. While he says therapy and tarot overlap in a lot of ways, there are many situations where tarot isn't the way to go. Ryan Findlay: Definitely someone with a lot of mental health diagnoses. So where they're feeling really, really chaotic in their life and they actually just need some grounding and some human connection. Shelby Traynor: The cards aren't where you turn mid-breakdown or when your emotions are heightened. Ryan Findlay: So I'm really big on making sure that if we are making meaning and we are connecting to new ideas and new associations, that it's actually feeling nurturing to us and grounding for us and making us feel more solid in ourselves. Shelby Traynor: And so Ryan recommends some questions to ask yourself before doing a reading. Ryan Findlay: How solid do you feel right now? And are you in your head already too much? Or just searching too much for some kind of clarity when really you actually just need some human connection to rest and reset. There's a thing called metacognition, which is like that ability to sort of zoom out and really watch yourself. And if you've lost that, like your frontal lobes go on and you're too dysregulated, then I don't think tarot is indicated. Shelby Traynor: But when he does use it, Ryan says tarot can bring something to sessions that he doesn't experience through traditional methods. The deck is almost like a third person in the room. Ryan Findlay: It brings a different energy. So I've been working as a counselor psychotherapist for about eight years now. And so I've got that established in me and I'm really quite familiar with that terrain or that landscape of therapeutic work. But when I do tarot with people, it sort of brings in this other energy, this almost third witness. Shelby Traynor: He finds it can even help drive home a message that maybe a client has been resistant to or defensive of. Ryan Findlay: Where they maybe have some self-sabotage or some built up defenses, the cards are really good at just gently spotting that and helping people see their blind spots. And it sort of takes me out of the equation a bit more because I'm like, well, it's what's coming up. Shelby Traynor: Suffice to say, there's no randomized controlled trial on the effectiveness of tarot alongside traditional therapy. And because it's a combination of cards giving you a reading and you interpreting that reading however you like, there is a risk involved. Ryan experienced this when he first got into tarot. Ryan Findlay: I think in those early days I was probably drawing upon the meanings and the cards too much. And I was just looking for answers, looking for answers, looking for confirmation, validation. Whereas now they just help me access parts within myself that I've already cultivated and developed. But I try to just use them intuitively rather than reactively. Shelby Traynor: But at the risk of over intellectualizing tarot readings, I should say that tarot can be as woo-woo as some people criticize it to be. Readings can feel meaningful beyond probability. Certain cards can keep coming up. A message can feel particularly hard hitting, sometimes brutally honest. And it feels inexplicable, like the universe really is trying to send you a message. Ryan Findlay: I'm more and more convinced every time I just get these amazing things happen and cards coming out that I'm just like, wow, you really are trying to say something to me. Because I've got a skeptic too, you know, I've got a science background as well. So I've always got that part of me, that skeptic part. And throughout the years, tarot has just proven to me over and over again how valuable and useful and intriguing and entertaining it is as well. Shelby Traynor: You can believe the universe is sending you a message, or you can believe that humans are really good at recognizing patterns and making connections. In fact, it's a basic survival skill. Last time I ate this plant, I got sick. Last time I heard this noise, it was a snake. There's a word for our tendency to perceive meaningful connections between unrelated things, apophenia. This skill humans have is why we're able to see constellations or detect images in the loose leaves at the bottom of a teacup. Apophenia can be an asset or it can be misleading, depending on the person and the circumstance. Here's Professor Krauss Whitbourne again. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: They just need to preserve their worldview or astronomical view, astrological view, I should say. I don't know. I mean, I suppose it is a way of imposing order onto chaos. People are always looking for that. It's just the wrong form of order because chaos is sometimes chaos. And sometimes chaos has a lot to do with your actual personality, your actual life, your actual upbringing, all of the factors that make us who we are and what make us tick. Shelby Traynor: I did ask her if she thought there could be any case in which horoscopes or other forms of divination might be harmless, maybe even a little beneficial. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne: I guess. If you're being totally tongue in cheek about it, but then why not actually spend your time reflecting on something real? Shelby Traynor: Ouch. But I guess for me, tarot cards at least are real. As in, I can shuffle them, I can pull them, I can see them laid out in front of me. And making meaning through them has been formative. Readings have helped me to accept things I've been resisting. They've given me confidence in decisions I have already made. And at the very least, they've been a comforting ritual, a method of inquiry and a form of self-care. Ryan Findlay: I do see it as like a candle in the dark. Like often if I'm just feeling really confused or stuck or I'm sort of swelling, I just really want to just see what the universe wants to tell me essentially. And that really brings a lot of solace because it paints a picture. And I'm quite a visual person, so it just immediately I get to see what's going on in my internal psyche out in the world, externalized. And that's something in therapy that we're really trying to help people do is externalize what's going on inside. And that does calm the nervous system. So for me over the years, it's just brought a lot of solace and a lot of comfort. And really made me who I am actually because each tarot card has so much wisdom in it. And so rather than just moving through the motions of life and waiting for the challenging emotions to disappear or whatever, I'm actually making myself stronger through those experiences using tarot. So just supportive, like just to get this big vision of what's possible for myself. Sana Qadar: That was Ryan Findlay. And earlier you heard from Susan Krauss Whitburn, Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. This episode was reported and produced by Shelby Traynor. You can stick around after the credits to hear Shelby do my tarot reading if you really want to. A warning, it does get a little woo-woo. Thanks to producer Rose Kerr and senior producer James Bullen and sound engineer Simon Branthwaite. I'm Sana Qadar. Thank you for listening. I'll catch you next time. Sana Qadar: Okay, read my tarot. Shelby Traynor: Oh my goodness. Sana Qadar: Okay, do I shuffle? Shelby Traynor: Okay, do you want to hear my ritual? Sana Qadar: Yeah. Shelby Traynor: I knock it. Sana Qadar: Oh yeah? Two times? Shelby Traynor: (Both laughing) Oh my god. I'm sorry I sound insane. Sana Qadar: (still laughing) You're like the weirdest science reporter ever, but keep going. Shelby Traynor: I knock the deck. It's to get the energy from the last person who read it out. No, no, no, you got to knock it yourself. Sana Qadar: Oh, I have to knock it. Okay. Sana Qadar: All right. Energy out. Shelby Traynor: And so I hold it to my chest. I do some breathing and I ask a question. Usually the question I ask is what do I need to know right now? And then I start shuffling and I just shuffle until I feel done. Okay, I feel then I turn three cards. Just one, two, three. Sana Qadar: From anywhere in the pile? Shelby Traynor: No, from the top. Sana Qadar: Top, okay. Okay. Shelby Traynor: Okay. You've got your past, present and future. So past will be your left. Can you tell me what your past says? Sana Qadar: Yeah, it's a man in a red robe and green kind of scarf thing with his back towards me. He's holding a long stick thing and there's three long stick things coming out of the ground in total. Shelby Traynor: Three of ones. There we go. A calm, stately figure with his back turned looking from a cliff's edge at ships passing over the sea. Three staves are planted in the ground and he leans slightly on one of them. He symbolizes established strength, enterprise, effort, trade, discovery, commerce. Those are his ships bearing his merchandise which are sailing over the sea. Sana Qadar: What's that supposed to tell me about my past? Shelby Traynor: To me it says something about your ships coming in. As in you've put in the work and you're watching at the horizon as those ships come in. Sana Qadar: So like the fruits of my labor. Shelby Traynor: Yeah. Sana Qadar: Coming home to roost. These are mixed metaphors happening (laughing). Shelby Traynor: There are many mixed metaphors. Yeah. All right, what's the next one? Sana Qadar: Okay, the next one is a guy with like a nail and anvil like chiseling pentagrams into some discs. Shelby Traynor: Eight of pentacles. Let's go. An artist in stone at work. Work, employment, commission, skill in craft and business. That's your present. Sana Qadar: Okay, that's what I'm doing on the show. Shelby Traynor: There's a lot of work going on. Do you work a lot? Sana Qadar: I feel pretty burnt out at this point in my life (laughs). Shelby Traynor: Okay, you work a lot. That's the vibe I'm getting. What about your future? Sana Qadar: I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of scripts. I do work a lot (both laugh). Shelby Traynor: Your future, is the holiday in your future? Well, I've got the knight of wands. So he looks pretty free. Sana Qadar: He's coming to save me. Shelby Traynor: He is shown as if upon a journey armed with a short wand and although mailed. I don't know what that means. Oh, he's got chain mail on. Yeah. He's not on a warlike errand though. He's passing mounds or pyramids. Yes. Oh, oh my goodness. Sana Qadar: What? Shelby Traynor: Departure, absence, flight, immigration. Sana Qadar: Oh my God, that's actually kind of uncanny. Shelby Traynor: You're about to go and leave, aren't you? Sana Qadar: I'm about to go and leave. That's why you're doing the episode. Shelby Traynor: Change of residence, it says. Sana Qadar: Well, I've been thinking more and more about whether I want to go back to Canada for a couple of years in a few years time. Like it's really heavily on my mind, Canada. Shelby Traynor: See, a lot of people could relate to that reading. Sana Qadar: Yeah. I mean, who isn't burnt out also? Shelby Traynor: But none of this is new to you as well. Sana Qadar: What do you mean? Shelby Traynor: Well, you've been thinking about this stuff. But sometimes the tarot reading is just a chance to actually make the space to think about it. Like you actually sit down. Sana Qadar: And to bring like these disparate ideas in my head together in one single narrative. And a narrative is very seductive, obviously. Shelby Traynor: But also it's really nice having something outside of yourself to tell you something you kind of have an inkling about. Sana Qadar: Yeah. I have worked really hard. I am tired. I do want a break. Shelby Traynor: (both laughing) And all you needed was a pack of tarot cards.
Yahoo
11-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
13 Phrases Selfish People Use To Manipulate You Into Getting What They Want
Navigating relationships is a tricky business, especially when you're up against someone who's mastered the art of manipulation. Selfish people often resort to crafty phrases to get what they want, leaving you feeling exploited or confused. Recognizing these manipulative tactics is a crucial step in protecting your own interests and maintaining healthy boundaries. Here are 13 phrases selfish people commonly use to manipulate others, and how you can spot them. This phrase is a classic guilt trip designed to make you question your affection and loyalty. It's a powerful form of emotional blackmail that manipulative people use to bend your will to theirs. They're leveraging your feelings against you, hoping you'll cave in to prove your love or commitment. According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, guilt trips are a common tactic in manipulative relationships because they exploit emotional vulnerabilities. Remember, love and loyalty are not proven through coercion but through mutual respect and understanding. When someone uses this phrase, they're essentially laying a trap for your emotional integrity. They want you to sacrifice your own needs to satisfy theirs under the guise of love. It's crucial to recognize that love doesn't require you to compromise your values or boundaries. Responding with clarity, such as 'I care about you, but I also need to honor my own values,' can help defuse the manipulation. Stand firm in your convictions, and don't let guilt be the basis of your decisions. This phrase is a tactic to make you doubt your own perceptions and instincts. By labeling you as paranoid, the manipulator shifts focus away from their questionable actions and onto your supposed overreaction. It's a subtle form of gaslighting, where they aim to undermine your confidence in your judgment. Instead of addressing the concerns you've raised, they dismiss them as irrational or exaggerated. This can leave you feeling isolated and unsure of your own thoughts and feelings. Being called paranoid can make you question your sanity, but it's important to trust your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is, and dismissing your concerns only benefits the manipulator. To counter this, calmly express why you feel the way you do and provide concrete examples that can help ground the conversation in reality. Reaffirm your right to express your feelings and insist on a conversation that respects both parties' perspectives. If they continue to dismiss you, it might be a sign to reevaluate the relationship. This phrase is designed to isolate you by suggesting that you're out of sync with the majority. By implying widespread agreement, the manipulator pressures you to conform to what they claim is the collective opinion. It taps into the human desire to belong and the fear of being the odd one out. Dr. Robert Cialdini, an expert in the field of influence and persuasion, highlights how social proof can be a powerful motivator in his book "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion." Manipulative people exploit this principle to create a false consensus. When you hear this, it's essential to pause and question the validity of the claim. Ask for specifics—who exactly agrees, and what did they say? This often reveals the bluff, as manipulators typically lack concrete details to back up their sweeping statements. It's important to trust your own judgment and not be swayed by purported opinions without evidence. Engaging in open dialogue can help you discern genuine consensus from manipulative fabrication. Labeling your reactions as overreactions is a tactic to minimize your feelings and experiences. By doing this, the manipulator deflects responsibility and shifts the blame onto your emotional response. It's an attempt to make you feel that your emotions are irrational or unwarranted. This phrase can make you second-guess your valid feelings, discouraging open and honest communication. Over time, this can lead to emotional suppression as you start doubting your own experiences. When confronted with this phrase, it's important to stay rooted in your reality. Your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step toward addressing any underlying issues. Communicate how their actions have impacted you and why you feel the way you do. By doing so, you reaffirm your right to your emotions and encourage a more respectful conversation. Remember, a healthy relationship allows space for all emotions, not just the convenient ones. This phrase is a hallmark of gaslighting, where the manipulator denies their previous statements to create confusion. It's an attempt to make you question your memory and undermine your confidence in recalling events accurately. When someone repeatedly claims, "I never said that," they aim to exhaust you into submission. Dr. Robin Stern, author of "The Gaslight Effect," explains how gaslighting can erode your trust in your perceptions and lead to self-doubt. Persistent denial of reality is a red flag that your partner is manipulating the truth. If this phrase comes up, it's crucial to maintain your grasp on reality. Documenting conversations can be a practical step in countering this manipulation. Gently remind the person of your recollection and ask them to clarify their stance. This can help bring the conversation back to a factual basis and reduce the manipulator's ability to distort the truth. Trust your memory and don't be swayed into doubting your own senses. This phrase is frequently used to backpedal from an offensive or hurtful comment. It allows the manipulator to dismiss any repercussions under the guise of humor. By claiming they're only joking, they deflect accountability and turn the tables on you for being too sensitive. It's a slippery way to invalidate your feelings while escaping responsibility. While humor can be a healthy part of relationships, it shouldn't be used as a cover for disrespect. When someone uses this line, it's important to address the underlying issue. Explain how their comment made you feel and why it wasn't acceptable. Setting boundaries about what kind of humor is appropriate can help prevent future occurrences. If they continue to use this phrase as a shield, it might be time to question their respect for your feelings. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication, not on hiding behind insincere jokes. Calling you insecure is a manipulative tactic to divert attention from their behavior and place the focus on your supposed shortcomings. It's designed to make you doubt your self-worth and question your reactions. Dr. Jennifer Freed, a family psychologist, notes that labeling someone as insecure can be a way to silence them and avoid addressing the real issues at hand. This phrase is an attempt to pathologize your legitimate concerns, making you feel like the problem lies with you. If you encounter this manipulative phrase, it's crucial to stand your ground. Recognize that questioning certain behaviors or situations doesn't make you insecure; it makes you self-aware. Validate your feelings and express why you're addressing the issue. By doing so, you can shift the conversation back to the actual problem instead of being sidetracked by attacks on your character. Trust in your value and don't allow dismissive remarks to undermine your confidence. This ominous phrase is a direct threat meant to instill fear and uncertainty. It's a way for manipulators to exert control by suggesting dire consequences for not complying with their wishes. The implied punishment is designed to make you second-guess your choices and reconsider your stance. By painting a picture of looming regret, they aim to sway your decision-making process. This tactic exploits the natural human aversion to loss and negative outcomes. When faced with such a phrase, take a moment to assess the situation objectively. Consider whether the threat holds any real weight or is simply an attempt to manipulate your emotions. Engaging in a calm and rational discussion about potential consequences can help you determine the best course of action. Remember, decisions based on fear are rarely in your best interest. Trust your judgment and prioritize your well-being over succumbing to intimidation. The insinuation that you're indebted to someone is a manipulation of the principle of reciprocity. By claiming you owe them, the manipulator seeks to leverage your sense of obligation to their advantage. This phrase is often used to extract favors or compliance by invoking past deeds or sacrifices. However, genuine relationships aren't transactional and shouldn't be governed by a tit-for-tat mentality. The manipulative use of this phrase is meant to make you feel guilty and beholden. In such situations, reflect on whether the supposed debt is legitimate or simply being exaggerated. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and voluntary acts of kindness, not on coercion. It's important to communicate your perspective and assert your autonomy. If you feel pressured, it might be time to reconsider the balance of give-and-take in the relationship. Stand firm in your belief that you're not obligated to repay perceived debts under duress. This dramatic declaration is often a form of emotional manipulation designed to create a sense of responsibility for their well-being. By suggesting they can't survive without you, the manipulator places the onus on you to stay, regardless of your own needs or desires. It's a way to guilt-trip you into maintaining a connection that might not be in your best interest. While the sentiment may seem romantic, it can mask an unhealthy dependency. Love thrives on interdependence, not co-dependence. When confronted with this phrase, it's important to assess the dynamics of the relationship. Is it fostering mutual growth and happiness, or is it rooted in one-sided dependence? Encourage open dialogue about boundaries and individual fulfillment. Emphasize the importance of personal growth alongside shared experiences. A relationship should enhance your life, not become a burden or a responsibility you feel obligated to bear. This phrase is meant to provoke a defensive reaction by lumping you with past grievances. It's a way for the manipulator to deflect current issues by implying a pattern of disappointing behavior. By generalizing your actions, they avoid addressing the specifics of the situation and instead focus on your supposed shortcomings. The goal is to make you feel inadequate and guilty for not meeting their expectations. This tactic often plays on your desire to stand out and not repeat past mistakes. In these situations, it's crucial to focus on the present issue rather than getting drawn into past comparisons. Encourage specific feedback on the current concern rather than broad generalizations. By dissecting the issue at hand, you can have a more productive conversation that addresses both parties' needs. Stand firm in your individuality and resist being painted with a broad brush. Healthy relationships focus on present dynamics, not past baggage. Blaming you for their actions is a classic manipulation tactic to shirk responsibility. By claiming their behavior is a reaction to yours, they attempt to absolve themselves of accountability. This phrase is designed to make you question your actions and assume unwarranted guilt. It's a diversion from their behavior, putting the spotlight on your supposed failings. Such reasoning can erode your confidence and make you feel unjustly responsible for their choices. When faced with this accusation, it's important to separate their actions from your own. Each person is responsible for their behavior and the consequences thereof. Encourage accountability by discussing how both parties can contribute to a healthier dynamic. By focusing on mutual responsibility, you can foster a more balanced and equitable relationship. Don't let misplaced blame cloud your judgment or self-esteem. This phrase is often used to downplay your concerns and make you feel like a burden. By suggesting you're the source of difficulty, the manipulator deflects from their own unwillingness to engage in meaningful resolution. It's a way to pressure you into compliance by insinuating you're complicating matters needlessly. This tactic can make you question the validity of your concerns and discourage open dialogue. However, addressing issues and seeking solutions is a sign of strength, not unnecessary complexity. When you hear this phrase, it's important to reaffirm the legitimacy of your perspective. Acknowledge that resolving conflicts and addressing concerns requires effort from both parties. Emphasize the value of constructive communication and the benefits it brings to the relationship. Stand by your right to express your needs, even if it demands more effort from both sides. Relationships thrive on mutual effort and understanding, not on dismissing valid concerns as mere difficulties.
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Manipulative Questions People Who Want To Control You Ask
We live in an age where conversation can often feel like a chess match, each move calculated for maximum effect. Ever found yourself walking away from a chat feeling strangely off-kilter? That may be because people use subtle tactics to steer your thoughts and decisions without you even realizing it. Here, we delve into the art of the manipulative question—a tactic employed by the most cunning conversationalists. You've spent time meticulously selecting your outfit, and then someone drops this little bomb. It's not just a question; it's a seed of doubt planted in your mind, leaving you second-guessing your choice. According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a psychology professor at the University of Massachusetts, these types of questions thrive on undermining self-esteem and sowing insecurity. The goal is simple: make you question your taste, your originality, and your confidence. The real power in this question is its insidiousness. It's a veiled judgment wrapped in faux curiosity, implying that you've made the wrong choice without explicitly saying so. This kind of question can derail your self-assuredness in an instant, making you doubt your own decisions. When confronted with this question, pause and remind yourself that your choices are valid and that someone else's opinion doesn't define your worth. Comparison, they say, is the thief of joy, and this question is the pickpocket in action. It invites you to measure yourself against someone else, setting the stage for an internal dialogue of inadequacy. The real kicker? It's often posed under the guise of admiration for the third party, making it even harder to call out the manipulation at play. When you're faced with this type of inquiry, notice the emotional reaction it triggers. It's designed to make you feel less than, to question your own intelligence and capabilities. It's a deliberate attempt to skew the power dynamics of the conversation, positioning you as inferior. Recognize it for what it is—a tactic to disarm—and refuse to buy into the narrative. Ouch. This question is designed to cut deep, often leaving you defensively scrambling for evidence that you do, in fact, listen. Dr. John M. Grohol, founder of Psych Central, explains that such questions can create a false narrative of neglect or disinterest. It's a classic tactic to shift blame and guilt onto you, making you feel as though you're failing in the relationship. The emotional sting of this question often blinds you to its true purpose: control. By positioning you as the one at fault, it diverts attention away from the accuser's shortcomings or miscommunications. You're left questioning your own actions and intentions, often when there's no tangible reason to do so. The next time you're hit with this question, pause and consider whether it's really about your behavior or the other person's need for validation. This question is the dream-crusher, lurking in the shadows of your aspirations. Its sole intent is to make you doubt your capabilities and question your ambitions. It hints that your goals are beyond your reach, planting seeds of uncertainty that can grow into full-blown self-doubt. By implying you lack the necessary skills or experience, the question challenges you to justify your dreams. It's a manipulative tactic that can make you feel as though you're overreaching, attempting something beyond your grasp. Remember, ambition isn't a crime and doubt is a normal part of pushing your boundaries. Don't let a question rooted in insecurity deter you from chasing what you truly desire. Ah, the classic emotional dismissal. This question belittles your feelings by suggesting that they are an overreaction. Dr. Brené Brown, renowned researcher and author, asserts that emotional sensitivity is often mislabeled as a weakness when, in reality, it's a sign of deep empathy and intuition. Its purpose is to invalidate your emotional responses, making you question their legitimacy. When someone questions your sensitivity, it's their way of deflecting from the real issue at hand. It shifts the focus away from their actions and suggests that the problem is your reaction. This question is often a thinly veiled attempt to avoid accountability. Stand firm in your emotions and recognize that sensitivity is not a flaw but a strength. There's a subtle art to the phrase "overreacting," as it suggests your emotions are unjustified. The implication is clear: you're blowing things out of proportion, and you should dial it back. This question is a masterstroke in emotional manipulation, designed to make you feel as though your feelings are not valid. By questioning the intensity of your reaction, the person skillfully deflects attention away from their own behavior. It's a tactic often used to silence dissent and maintain control of the narrative. When confronted with this question, take a step back and assess your emotions objectively before conceding ground. Your feelings matter, and acknowledging them is the first step to owning your narrative. A question like this often comes with a stinging undertone, implying that you're self-centered. It's a manipulative pivot, turning the conversation away from the original topic and painting you as the narcissist. Dr. Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, highlights how self-awareness is unfairly weaponized in such instances, detracting from constructive dialogue. This question is a deflective tactic, shifting blame and spotlighting your behavior as problematic. It minimizes your perspective, suggesting that your concerns are trivial or misplaced. It's crucial to maintain your sense of self-awareness and recognize when someone's trying to derail a conversation. Don't allow the manipulation to redefine the narrative; your voice and concerns are valid. This question is the emotional equivalent of a slap on the wrist. It implies that you're exaggerating the situation, making a mountain out of a molehill. Often, it's used to invalidate your feelings, suggesting that your emotional response is unwarranted. When someone accuses you of being dramatic, they are often attempting to diminish your experience. It's a tactic that shifts the focus from the issue at hand to your reaction, casting you in a negative light. The goal is to make you doubt your feelings and second-guess your instincts. Stand firm in your truth and remember that acknowledging your emotions is the first step to resolving any issue. This question is often wielded to underline a perceived lack of appreciation. It suggests that you're ungrateful for what you have, subtly nudging you toward feelings of guilt. Manipulative at its core, it aims to make you overlook any shortcomings or grievances you might have. When confronted with this question, it's easy to fall into the trap of self-recrimination. You start weighing your worth against what you should be grateful for, blurring the lines of your valid feelings and concerns. It's a clever tactic to keep you in check and deter you from raising issues. Stand your ground, and remember that gratitude doesn't negate the legitimacy of your feelings or experiences. This question masquerades as a concern but is often a cover for doubt. It's a subtle attempt to undermine your decision-making by suggesting that you haven't thought things through. The implication is that someone, presumably wiser, knows better. The power of this question lies in its ability to inject uncertainty into your plans. It's designed to make you second-guess yourself and reconsider your choices. However, remember that your decisions are yours to make, and mistakes are just lessons in disguise. Trust your instincts and recognize this question for what it is—an attempt to sway your resolve. Here's a question that carries the weight of moral judgment. It implies that your actions or desires put you at odds with what's deemed 'right' or 'considerate.' This query is a clever maneuver, as it leverages societal expectations to manipulate your behavior. The accusation of selfishness is a powerful one, often leaving you scrambling to prove otherwise. It's designed to force you into a corner, compelling you to reevaluate your priorities and possibly forego your desires. When faced with this question, remind yourself that self-care isn't synonymous with selfishness. You have every right to pursue what makes you happy, and your needs are important. Ah, the age card—a manipulative mainstay that subtly undermines your choices based on your age. It posits that certain things are only appropriate for specific age brackets, dismissing your desires or goals. This question is designed to pigeonhole you, corralling your ambitions into predefined societal norms. It's a cunning tactic to make you question your choices and reconsider your ambitions. By suggesting you're out of sync with what's 'appropriate' for your age, it aims to diminish your enthusiasm. Remember, age is just a number, and it holds no bearing on your capacity to achieve what you desire. Don't let this question deter you from pursuing what you are passionate about. This question is the ultimate blame-shifter, implying that you've failed in some fundamental way. It's designed to put you on the defensive, making you shoulder the burden of responsibility. The hidden insinuation is that you could have prevented the outcome, casting doubt on your judgment and capabilities. By framing the situation as a personal shortcoming, this question serves to manipulate your perception of events. It's an attempt to deflect attention from the real issue, laying it squarely on your shoulders. When faced with this question, take a step back and evaluate the situation objectively. Recognize the manipulation and refuse to accept unwarranted blame.
Yahoo
19-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
13 Traits Of Those People Who Get Along With Everyone
Do you know that one person who seems to get along effortlessly with everyone? It's not just luck. They're not born with an extra dose of charisma, nor do they have some magical formula. Instead, they embody certain qualities that make them universally liked. If you're curious about what these qualities are, stick around. You might find yourself nodding along, recognizing traits you see in that friend—or perhaps in yourself. Chameleons of the social world, these people can transition seamlessly between different social circles. They have a knack for reading the room and adjusting their behavior accordingly. This isn't about being fake; it's about being versatile. They know that what works in a corporate meeting might not work at a backyard barbecue. Their adaptability doesn't mean they're masking their true selves; on the contrary, they remain authentic but with a dash of flexibility. If the scenario calls for humor, they're ready with a joke. If it's solemn, they can empathize with depth. This ability to adapt doesn't dilute their identity; it enriches it, providing them with a kaleidoscope of experiences and friendships. People who get along with everyone have this uncanny ability to make you feel like you're the most interesting person in the room. They're not faking it either; their curiosity is genuine. Social psychologist Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne notes that showing a sincere interest in others can significantly increase your likability. When you're genuinely curious about people, it breaks down barriers and builds trust faster than you can say 'small talk.' Their curiosity isn't about collecting trivia; it's about understanding what makes people tick. They ask questions that go beyond the typical "how's the weather?" They want to know your story, your passions, and what gets you up in the morning. This genuine interest is like social glue, sticking people together in more meaningful ways. People who get along with everyone have mastered the art of listening. They're not just waiting for their turn to speak; they're genuinely engaged in what others are saying. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, active listening can significantly enhance social bonds, making you more likable and approachable. When you listen intently, you make others feel valued, and that's a surefire way to build rapport. Have you ever noticed how rare it is for someone to actually listen to you without interrupting? That's a power move right there. When you're the one doing the listening, people open up, and connections deepen. It's not about collecting secrets or gathering intel; it's about showing that you care enough to pay attention. And in a world where everyone wants to be heard, being the listener makes you magnetic. Empathy might be an overused buzzword, but those who get along with everyone know it's more than just a concept. It's a skill, almost like a sixth sense, allowing them to navigate emotional landscapes with ease. They can sense discomfort, joy, and tension without a single word being spoken. Emotional intelligence isn't just about being sympathetic; it's about being perceptive and responsive. Their empathy equips them with the ability to see life through others' eyes. It's not about pity or condescension but rather understanding and connection. This deep-rooted empathy creates a foundation of trust and mutual respect. It's not surprising, then, that they are often the ones people turn to in times of crisis—or celebration. The universal language isn't love; it's laughter. People who get along with everyone know how to use humor to bridge gaps and lighten the mood. A study from Stanford University found that shared laughter can increase feelings of closeness and connection. They're not stand-up comedians, but they know how to find the funny in the mundane and share it. Their humor isn't at anyone's expense, which is key. It's inclusive, not divisive, and never seeks to belittle. It's about finding common ground, a shared moment of joy that brings people closer. They know that when you can laugh together, you can more easily navigate life's ups and downs together too. Kindness is their default setting, not a temporary facade. Consistency in kindness speaks volumes, much more than grand gestures that are few and far between. These people aren't kind only when others are watching or when there's something to gain. They believe in kindness as a way of life, not a currency. Kindness, for them, is woven into everyday interactions. It's in holding the door open, asking how your day was, and genuinely meaning it. It's not about being a saint; it's about recognizing the humanity in everyone. This consistent kindness builds a reputation, one that precedes them and makes people naturally gravitate towards them. In a world where deflecting blame is almost a reflex, those who get along with everyone stand out by owning their mistakes. Acknowledging when you're wrong can be disarming and even endearing. According to psychologist Dr. Dan Ariely, admitting fault can actually increase your credibility and trustworthiness. It shows maturity and an understanding that perfection is a myth. When they make a misstep, they don't shy away from it. Instead, they confront it head-on, often surprising those around them. This honesty encourages others to do the same, creating an environment where openness and learning from mistakes is the norm. Their accountability is refreshing, making it easier for others to connect with them on a real level. Gossip is the social poison that these universally liked individuals avoid. They don't engage in it because they understand its destructive power. While it might offer a temporary bond, it ultimately erodes trust and creates a toxic environment. They steer clear, opting instead to uplift rather than tear down. Their absence from the gossip mill doesn't make them boring; it makes them trustworthy. People are more willing to share their stories, knowing they won't become fodder for idle chatter. They consciously choose positivity, which can be a rare commodity in many circles. It's this choice that makes them a magnet for those seeking real, drama-free relationships. Rigid views and judgments are foreign concepts to them. They embrace diversity, not just in culture but in thoughts and perspectives. This open-mindedness is their superpower, allowing them to connect with people from all walks of life. They don't see differences as barriers but as opportunities for growth and learning. Being open-minded doesn't mean they lack opinions or convictions. Instead, they are willing to listen and consider other viewpoints. They understand that everyone's experience is valid and worth exploring. This acceptance makes them approachable, creating a safe space for discussions that are both enlightening and enriching. Confidence is attractive; arrogance is repelling. The distinction lies in how you carry yourself and treat others. Those who get along with everyone have a well-grounded confidence that doesn't overshadow or belittle others. They don't feel the need to prove themselves because they are comfortable in their own skin. Their confidence is rooted in self-awareness, not in the need for external validation. They share the spotlight and celebrate the successes of others. This humility combined with confidence makes for a compelling mix that draws people in. It's a fine balance, a dance almost, and they've got the moves down pat. Getting along with everyone doesn't mean overstepping personal boundaries. They have a keen awareness of personal space—both physical and emotional. Respecting boundaries shows they value individuality and autonomy. This respect is crucial for cultivating trust and mutual respect. Their respect for boundaries doesn't mean they're distant or aloof. They are present and engaged but understand where to draw the line. This awareness makes others feel comfortable and respected in their presence. It's not about being a pushover; it's about understanding that everyone has different comfort zones. Vulnerability is often mistaken for weakness, but those who get along with everyone know it's a strength. Opening up about failures and fears invites others to do the same, fostering genuine connections. They're not oversharing; they're offering a glimpse into their humanity. This honesty is often met with empathy, creating a cycle of authentic interaction. Being vulnerable isn't about dumping emotional baggage on others. It's about being open to showing your true self. This candor can be contagious, encouraging others to lower their own walls. The result is relationships that are real, raw, and deeply fulfilling. Envy is not in their vocabulary when it comes to others' achievements. People who get along with everyone find joy in others' successes. They're the first to cheer you on, to genuinely feel happiness for your wins. Their support isn't just verbal but often translates into action, helping you celebrate in meaningful ways. Their ability to celebrate others is rooted in their own sense of self-worth. They don't see others' achievements as threats but as inspirations. This positive outlook creates a supportive environment where everyone feels lifted. They understand that success isn't a zero-sum game; there's plenty to go around.
