Latest news with #Tannoy
The Herald Scotland
18-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Meet the thriller writer who thought he was in a Beano adventure
The other day he was on a train when he assumed that he had slipped into an alternative reality; one governed by the rules of children's comic books. Liam concluded that he must be starring in an anarchic Bash Street Kids strip in the Beano, after he thought he heard over the Tannoy: 'Please be advised that peashooters are not permitted on trains.' Being a master of mystery fiction, he quickly solved the curious comic conundrum. 'Peashooters?' mused Liam. 'E-scooters!' Goldfish variations The Diary mentioned that most awe-inspiring of ferocious beasties, notorious for its starring role in a Spielberg movie… And, no, we weren't discussing E.T. We were talking about the great white shark, that toothy tearaway who picnicked on people in Jaws. Reader Chris Hanley proudly boasts that he's not intimidated by great whites. 'I looked them up in the dictionary,' he says, 'and was disappointed to discover that they're members of a species called the 'mackerel shark'. 'So it's just a mackerel, I thought. That's not much scarier than being chased through the salty brine by an oversize goldfish.' 'I was sort of hoping it was going to be champagne,' says ever-optimistic reader Chris Robertson (Image: Contributed) Roll with it Edinburgh-based stand-up comedian Jo Caulfield has been answering a questionnaire which asked: 'Which single battle do you think changed the course of history the most?' Most people would probably suggest the Battle of Hastings, Bannockburn, Agincourt or Waterloo. That's not the conclusion Jo arrives at, for she authoritatively says: 'Blur versus Oasis, AD 1995.' Blockhead Our correspondents are the fittest newspaper perusers in the land, possibly even the world. That's why we're not surprised when Grant Robertson from Falkirk announces: 'I got up this morning and ran around the block five times. Then I got tired, so I picked up the block and put it back in the toy box.' Art attack The Diary has been praising the colourful mural of TV's Still Game gang that recently materialised on Paisley Road West. Alas, as we pointed out, not everyone is a fan of the image. On social media one harsh art critic states: 'To be fair, it looks not bad from a distance. If the distance is Paisley.' Another person has this pithy response: 'Game over.' Burnt offering Culinary expert Rose Bayley gets in touch with us to point out: 'Forgetting that you left Alphabetti Spaghetti on the stove could spell disaster.'
The Herald Scotland
03-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Careful, there may be a painful secret behind this door
We jest, of course. It wasn't a pasty-'n'-pop scoffathon. Instead, the garrulous garden nosherati tucked into dinky sandwiches and cakes, plus tea and apple juice. And everyone was dressed to impress. Chaps in smart suits; ladies in pretty Edwardian-style summer dresses, with hats as tall and textured as the Manhattan skyline. (Can you tell that the Diary is auditioning for a gig with Paris Vogue?) Yup, men were dashing, women were dazzling… until they left the party. For our spies inform us that two lady partygoers were spotted awaiting their homeward-bound carriage at Waverley Station. Still wearing pretty Edwardian-style summer dresses. Still in those tall, textured hats. But one lady was now barefoot, while the other had changed into a pair of comfy bedroom slippers. Clearly it had been a VERY long day… Home sweet home On the subject of Waverley Station. A Tannoy announcement was heard on the concourse, warning people not to feed the pigeons. The announcer explained that this was to encourage the birds to find 'a better home'. But what could be more ideal than Waverley Station, wonders the Diary? For it has a café, if the pigeons desire a coffee perk-up plus seed cake. There's also a newsagent where the birds can buy a copy of The Herald, thus keeping up to date with essential Diary exclusives. There's even an M&S, if the pigeons want to purchase fresh Y-Fronts. Come to think of it, maybe the feathered residents should vamoose… and let the rest of us move to Waverley. Talking balls They're whacking yellow, fuzzy hingmies over nets in SW19 again, which inspires Eddy Cavin to provide his favourite Wimbledon clichés. 1. Defeated British players must be described as 'plucky losers'. 2. There must be a reference to Virginia Wade's win 'in Jubilee year'. (The tennis version of 1966.) Candid couture Philosophical thought from reader Lisa Scott: 'Three things that always tell the truth… Small children, drunk people and yoga pants.' Party pooper 'No offence to the Von Trapps,' says reader Chris Robertson. 'But if I go to a swanky party and seven kids start singing about going to bed, I use that time for a toilet break.' Zero effort 'What's a lazy person's favourite exercise?' asks Nicola Munro. 'Diddly squats.'
Metro
01-06-2025
- Metro
I fell hard for 'The Jewel' — a Caribbean gem off the main tourist trail
Leaving London, the weather couldn't decide between drizzle and all-out downpour. I wasn't just after sunshine. I wanted a place where 'productivity' meant remembering to reapply sunscreen before noon. Belize was exactly that. Not the Caribbean of infinity pools and stiff cocktails, but somewhere refreshingly real. Beaches with more driftwood than Instagrammers, bartenders who double as turtle-spotting experts, and a vibe so laid-back that a major public announcement is 'The snorkel boat leaves at 9… or maybe 10.' It might be known as 'The Jewel', a nickname that reflects its rich cultural heritage and natural beauty, but Belize is not on the main Caribbean tourist trail just yet. Fuel your wanderlust with our curated newsletter of travel deals, guides and inspiration. Sign up here. That path is currently populated by Barbados, St Lucia and Anguilla, but the Central American country has seen an increase in tourists in recent years. In 2024, it clocked a record-breaking 562,405 overnight visitors. In January, prestigious travel association ABTA named Belize as a destination to watch for 2025, citing its lush rainforests, pristine beaches, and ancient Mayan ruins as major drawcards for responsible adventurers. Landing on Belizean soil, I made my way to the Tropic Air Dangriga flight, which would take me on a breathtaking journey from Belize City to Dangriga in 20 minutes. Through scratched plexiglass windows, the reef emerges below like a jagged turquoise line against deeper blue, the coastline veined with mangrove channels. The 12-seat Cessna Caravan is not for the faint-hearted — it's a tiny capsule in which you can hear every word of the pilot, without a Tannoy system. A one-way ticket costs about £83. At the tiny airstrip – a concrete slab flanked by palm trees – I arrive alive, and a short drive takes me to The Lodge at Jaguar Reef. This hotel is essentially a collection of beachfront suites, complete with private plunge pools and a deck just steps from the ocean. The vibe is barefoot luxury: local wood, open-plan design, and a sea breeze drifting through windows. Rooms here range from approximately £189 to £334 per night, depending on the season and room type. Hopkins village moves at the pace of bicycle traffic and the occasional golf cart. I am guided by Get to Know Belize Adventures and as we drive around in our golf buggy, I'm struck by how peaceful this place is. More surprising is pulling up to the community square and seeing police officers repainting benches for the community. 'It needs a sprucing up,' one tells me. 'So here we are.' Nearby, I find a small bakery where I try fried jack, a buttery, fluffy pastry that's a Belizean staple, served by the smiling owner, her hands dusted in flour. The Garifuna people, descendants of West African, Carib, and Arawak ancestors, are central to Hopkins' culture. Exiled from St. Vincent in the 18th century, they settled along Belize's coast, maintaining their unique language, music, and traditions. My immersion begins with cooking hudut , a traditional fish and coconut stew, in an outdoor kitchen. My guide's wife shows me how to grate fresh coconut for the rich broth, then demonstrates the art of cracking one open with a machete. We pound plantains in a giant wooden mortar as the fish simmers away with coconut milk, garlic, onions, and habanero peppers. Eating it together at a long, rough-hewn table, the hudut's creamy broth balances the earthy mashed plantains perfectly. After lunch, a drumming lesson shifts to the beach. Local musicians teach me the basic rhythms of the primero and segunda drums. At first, I struggle to find the beat, but soon the sound of the waves and the music blur together. By sunset, I'm dancing barefoot in the sand, badly but blissfully. Later, we head out for a bioluminescence tour of Anderson Lagoon, and I'm told to expect magic. A mixture of excited and cynical, we sail through a tiny cut to get to the lagoon and find ourselves surrounded by giant mangroves. It's pitch black, the guide's flashlight beam cutting across the lagoon is the only light — then he turns it off. The boat picks up speed and the wake glows. Blue streams of light surrounds us from the water. As the boat pick upspeed, the tiny algae, which settle in the lagoon during the dry season, get agitated and glow, which for a bioluminescent newbie like me is mind-blowing. After a short boat ride through narrow mangrove channels, the captain kills the engine. In the dark stillness, every movement in the water sparks blue light — tiny bursts of, yes, living magic. Swimming through it feels like gliding through liquid stars, my arms trailing glowing comet tails. Tours cost approximately £56 per person. The next day's adventure feels a bit like driving through a film set. Winding along roads lined with orange groves and passing through the dreamlike Bamboo Cathedral – a natural tunnel of towering bamboo – is an experience in itself. As if the ride isn't dreamy enough, the road to the waterfall winds along the side of the mountain, with tall trees reaching above you and creating much-needed shade. We reach Maya King Waterfall, (entry £8 per person) in the Maya Mountains of the South East Coast. The two cascading falls are at their most dramatic during rainy season, crashing down into clear pools below. I could have spent hours here, soaking up the vibe, the only sound the rushing water echoing around us. In the charming village of Placencia, the footpath winds between brightly painted shops and beach bars. The Creole beach town is proud of its spot in the Guinness Book of World Records, where it's recognised for having the narrowest main street in the world. It's actually a 4,000-foot long footpath that is just four feet wide. A stroll along the pedestrian 'street' takes you past quaint rows of local artists' stalls, eclectic shops and cheekily-named beach bars. The village has managed to retain its boho vibe, despite a recent influx of wealthy American and Canadian retirees. Film director Francis Ford Coppola even opened a hotel here, the eco-friendly Turtle Inn. It's hard not to fall for the pace: no rush, no pressure, just friendly locals, lilting music, and the salty scent of the sea. My favourite perch is Tutti Frutti ice cream parlour, which serves delicious flavours like sour sop, a creamy local fruit beloved across the Caribbean that's usually made into a refreshing drink. After indulging in Placencia, a short Tropic Air hop (£75 one-way) takes me to San Pedro on Ambergris Caye. San Pedro is giving Wes Anderson: pastel-coloured wooden buildings, narrow sandy streets, and golf carts buzzing around as the main form of transport. In fact, my 'taxi' from the mini-airport to Ramon's Village Resort is a golf buggy (golf cart rentals cost about £7 per hour), although you could easily walk it if you wanted. Ramon's Village feels like stepping back in time, in the best way. Thatched-roof cabanas, lush tropical gardens, hammocks swinging in the breeze. Everything here is designed to help you unplug. Room rates vary by season and type, ranging from £135 to £360. Reggae music floats from bars and beach shacks all over town, a nod to Belize's cultural ties to Jamaica (both were once British colonies). It shows up in the food too: comforting dishes like stew chicken, rice and kidney beans, fried jacks (similar to Jamaican fried dumplings), and sweet plantain accompany almost every meal. Familiar, yet quintessentially Belizean. That evening, I join the Belize Food Tour, which turns out to be one of the best ways to experience San Pedro's spirit. Walking between stops with a chatty group of fellow travellers and locals, we try everything from fresh conch ceviche to grilled lobster, tamales wrapped in banana leaves, and rich coconut pies. Along the way, we get snippets of history, gossip, and restaurant secrets—it's less like a formal tour and more like wandering town with new friends who know all the best bites. Approximately £57 per person. The next morning, it's time for the ultimate snorkelling trip to Hol Chan marine reserve and Shark Ray Alley. Also known as 'Little Channel', it has impossibly clear waters and coral gardens teeming with life. Swimming alongside rays and nurse sharks is thrilling for some, but full disclosure, it's not for me. While hanging on to the side of the boat, I do manage to capture a semblance of magic as I duck my head in. A kaleidoscope of fish glide past me; if you're into that sort of thing, this place is a veritable underwater theme park. Before leaving Belize, there's one final bucket-list moment: a scenic flyover of the iconic Great Blue Hole. More Trending From the air, the vast circular sinkhole looks surreal: deep, endless blue surrounded by the lighter turquoise of the reef. You might even spot dolphins or manatees swimming below if you're lucky. It's humbling and breathtaking all at once. Scenic flights cost £200 per person, or, if you prefer to get up close and personal, sea tours typically cost around £100, including snorkel gear and guide. It sounds trite, but each new day in Belize brings new adventure and fresh perspective. It's the kind of place that reminds you to slow down… and eat everything. I've fallen for Belize and the love feels reciprocated. What more could you want? There are no direct flights from the UK to Belize. Travelling in the first week of June, the cheapest option is flying with United Airlines from London Heathrow, with stops in New York and Houston. Return fares start from £651, and the journey takes just over 24 hours. British Airways also flies from London Heathrow, with one stop in Miami. Prices start from £837 for the same week. Do I need a visa? UK passport holders do not need a visa for a tourist visit to Belize. You can stay for up to 30 days without a visa. MORE: I swapped my sun holiday for a train trip to Europe's rainiest city — with highs of 8°C MORE: I searched for grizzly bears in a Canadian region tourists often miss MORE: I thought British holidays were boring, but this underrated island changed my mind
Metro
25-05-2025
- Metro
Chasing waterfalls and a Great Blue Hole, I fell hard for 'The Jewel'
Leaving London, the weather couldn't decide between drizzle and all-out downpour. I wasn't just after sunshine. I wanted a place where 'productivity' meant remembering to reapply sunscreen before noon. Belize was exactly that. Not the Caribbean of infinity pools and stiff cocktails, but somewhere refreshingly real. Beaches with more driftwood than Instagrammers, bartenders who double as turtle-spotting experts, and a vibe so laid-back that a major public announcement is 'The snorkel boat leaves at 9… or maybe 10.' It might be known as 'The Jewel', a nickname that reflects its rich cultural heritage and natural beauty, but Belize is not on the main Caribbean tourist trail just yet. Fuel your wanderlust with our curated newsletter of travel deals, guides and inspiration. Sign up here. That path is currently populated by Barbados, St Lucia and Anguilla, but the Central American country has seen an increase in tourists in recent years. In 2024, it clocked a record-breaking 562,405 overnight visitors. In January, prestigious travel association ABTA named Belize as a destination to watch for 2025, citing its lush rainforests, pristine beaches, and ancient Mayan ruins as major drawcards for responsible adventurers. Landing on Belizean soil, I made my way to the Tropic Air Dangriga flight, which would take me on a breathtaking journey from Belize City to Dangriga in 20 minutes. Through scratched plexiglass windows, the reef emerges below like a jagged turquoise line against deeper blue, the coastline veined with mangrove channels. The 12-seat Cessna Caravan is not for the faint-hearted — it's a tiny capsule in which you can hear every word of the pilot, without a Tannoy system. A one-way ticket costs about £83. At the tiny airstrip – a concrete slab flanked by palm trees – I arrive alive, and a short drive takes me to The Lodge at Jaguar Reef. This hotel is essentially a collection of beachfront suites, complete with private plunge pools and a deck just steps from the ocean. The vibe is barefoot luxury: local wood, open-plan design, and a sea breeze drifting through windows. Rooms here range from approximately £189 to £334 per night, depending on the season and room type. Hopkins village moves at the pace of bicycle traffic and the occasional golf cart. I am guided by Get to Know Belize Adventures and as we drive around in our golf buggy, I'm struck by how peaceful this place is. More surprising is pulling up to the community square and seeing police officers repainting benches for the community. 'It needs a sprucing up,' one tells me. 'So here we are.' Nearby, I find a small bakery where I try fried jack, a buttery, fluffy pastry that's a Belizean staple, served by the smiling owner, her hands dusted in flour. The Garifuna people, descendants of West African, Carib, and Arawak ancestors, are central to Hopkins' culture. Exiled from St. Vincent in the 18th century, they settled along Belize's coast, maintaining their unique language, music, and traditions. My immersion begins with cooking hudut , a traditional fish and coconut stew, in an outdoor kitchen. My guide's wife shows me how to grate fresh coconut for the rich broth, then demonstrates the art of cracking one open with a machete. We pound plantains in a giant wooden mortar as the fish simmers away with coconut milk, garlic, onions, and habanero peppers. Eating it together at a long, rough-hewn table, the hudut's creamy broth balances the earthy mashed plantains perfectly. After lunch, a drumming lesson shifts to the beach. Local musicians teach me the basic rhythms of the primero and segunda drums. At first, I struggle to find the beat, but soon the sound of the waves and the music blur together. By sunset, I'm dancing barefoot in the sand, badly but blissfully. Later, we head out for a bioluminescence tour of Anderson Lagoon, and I'm told to expect magic. A mixture of excited and cynical, we sail through a tiny cut to get to the lagoon and find ourselves surrounded by giant mangroves. It's pitch black, the guide's flashlight beam cutting across the lagoon is the only light — then he turns it off. The boat picks up speed and the wake glows. Blue streams of light surrounds us from the water. As the boat pick upspeed, the tiny algae, which settle in the lagoon during the dry season, get agitated and glow, which for a bioluminescent newbie like me is mind-blowing. After a short boat ride through narrow mangrove channels, the captain kills the engine. In the dark stillness, every movement in the water sparks blue light — tiny bursts of, yes, living magic. Swimming through it feels like gliding through liquid stars, my arms trailing glowing comet tails. Tours cost approximately £56 per person. The next day's adventure feels a bit like driving through a film set. Winding along roads lined with orange groves and passing through the dreamlike Bamboo Cathedral – a natural tunnel of towering bamboo – is an experience in itself. As if the ride isn't dreamy enough, the road to the waterfall winds along the side of the mountain, with tall trees reaching above you and creating much-needed shade. We reach Maya King Waterfall, (entry £8 per person) in the Maya Mountains of the South East Coast. The two cascading falls are at their most dramatic during rainy season, crashing down into clear pools below. I could have spent hours here, soaking up the vibe, the only sound the rushing water echoing around us. In the charming village of Placencia, the footpath winds between brightly painted shops and beach bars. The Creole beach town is proud of its spot in the Guinness Book of World Records, where it's recognised for having the narrowest main street in the world. It's actually a 4,000-foot long footpath that is just four feet wide. A stroll along the pedestrian 'street' takes you past quaint rows of local artists' stalls, eclectic shops and cheekily-named beach bars. The village has managed to retain its boho vibe, despite a recent influx of wealthy American and Canadian retirees. Film director Francis Ford Coppola even opened a hotel here, the eco-friendly Turtle Inn. It's hard not to fall for the pace: no rush, no pressure, just friendly locals, lilting music, and the salty scent of the sea. My favourite perch is Tutti Frutti ice cream parlour, which serves delicious flavours like sour sop, a creamy local fruit beloved across the Caribbean that's usually made into a refreshing drink. After indulging in Placencia, a short Tropic Air hop (£75 one-way) takes me to San Pedro on Ambergris Caye. San Pedro is giving Wes Anderson: pastel-coloured wooden buildings, narrow sandy streets, and golf carts buzzing around as the main form of transport. In fact, my 'taxi' from the mini-airport to Ramon's Village Resort is a golf buggy (golf cart rentals cost about £7 per hour), although you could easily walk it if you wanted. Ramon's Village feels like stepping back in time, in the best way. Thatched-roof cabanas, lush tropical gardens, hammocks swinging in the breeze. Everything here is designed to help you unplug. Room rates vary by season and type, ranging from £135 to £360. Reggae music floats from bars and beach shacks all over town, a nod to Belize's cultural ties to Jamaica (both were once British colonies). It shows up in the food too: comforting dishes like stew chicken, rice and kidney beans, fried jacks (similar to Jamaican fried dumplings), and sweet plantain accompany almost every meal. Familiar, yet quintessentially Belizean. That evening, I join the Belize Food Tour, which turns out to be one of the best ways to experience San Pedro's spirit. Walking between stops with a chatty group of fellow travellers and locals, we try everything from fresh conch ceviche to grilled lobster, tamales wrapped in banana leaves, and rich coconut pies. Along the way, we get snippets of history, gossip, and restaurant secrets—it's less like a formal tour and more like wandering town with new friends who know all the best bites. Approximately £57 per person. The next morning, it's time for the ultimate snorkelling trip to Hol Chan marine reserve and Shark Ray Alley. Also known as 'Little Channel', it has impossibly clear waters and coral gardens teeming with life. Swimming alongside rays and nurse sharks is thrilling for some, but full disclosure, it's not for me. While hanging on to the side of the boat, I do manage to capture a semblance of magic as I duck my head in. A kaleidoscope of fish glide past me; if you're into that sort of thing, this place is a veritable underwater theme park. Before leaving Belize, there's one final bucket-list moment: a scenic flyover of the iconic Great Blue Hole. More Trending From the air, the vast circular sinkhole looks surreal: deep, endless blue surrounded by the lighter turquoise of the reef. You might even spot dolphins or manatees swimming below if you're lucky. It's humbling and breathtaking all at once. Scenic flights cost £200 per person, or, if you prefer to get up close and personal, sea tours typically cost around £100, including snorkel gear and guide. It sounds trite, but each new day in Belize brings new adventure and fresh perspective. It's the kind of place that reminds you to slow down… and eat everything. I've fallen for Belize and the love feels reciprocated. What more could you want? There are no direct flights from the UK to Belize. Travelling in the first week of June, the cheapest option is flying with United Airlines from London Heathrow, with stops in New York and Houston. Return fares start from £651, and the journey takes just over 24 hours. British Airways also flies from London Heathrow, with one stop in Miami. Prices start from £837 for the same week. Do I need a visa? UK passport holders do not need a visa for a tourist visit to Belize. You can stay for up to 30 days without a visa. MORE: Forget the Med — I swapped the sun for a spectacular Scandinavian train ride MORE: A weekend in Brighton through the eyes of a child MORE: Move over Dubai – the Middle East's 'Pearl of the Gulf' is more interesting
The Herald Scotland
22-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
We hate to bring up the name of this restaurant…
The possibilities of a violent encounter are minimal, though there is a very great chance that a wayfarer in those bad lands will be laid low by a terminal case of pretentiousity (which in the Layman's Medical Dictionary is defined as the inability to avoid expressing yourself in a long-winded and smarty-pants manner). Reader Gordon Sweeney was walking down Byres Road when he overheard two young fellows, who looked like students, chatting. Said one to the other: 'Y'see, I'm just an ordinary guy. I like experimental literature as much as the next man…' Naughty nan The smooth female Tannoy voice used to broadcast messages on Glasgow trains isn't to everyone's liking. Bill Durbin was on a train when the Tannoy made an announcement in its usual emollient way. Bill growled quietly to himself, then muttered: 'I can't stand that voice.' The bloke next to him nodded, then added: 'Know what you mean. It's smoothly sinister. Like a nanny with a machine gun.' Brought to book When most people visit New York they opt to see the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. Not reader Liz Wilde. When she was there last week with her husband they found themselves in a bookshop. Browsing the shelves, Liz's hubby spotted a book by a local restaurateur, which was titled: 'I Regret Almost Everything: A Memoir'. With an impish grin, Liz's hubby said: 'Pity this bloke used that title. It would have been perfect for your autobiography.' Liz glared at hubby for a beat, then said: 'I'm certainly regretting marrying you, right now...' The name game In a queue at the supermarket, reader Mike Slater overheard two women chatting. 'I've got awfy sore gums,' sighed one of them. 'Huv ye tried Bonjela?' inquired her friend. 'Nae idea what that is,' admitted the first lady, adding: 'But whit a great name fur a wee lassie. Is it French?' Rural riot act A few years ago reader Tom White and a pal were enjoying a pleasant country ramble when they were confronted by a red-faced farmer, demanding they get off his land, or there'd be hell to pay. After they had scarpered, Tom's pal turned to him and said: 'Bet that bloke's name is Farmer Geddon.' Cool runnings Health-conscious reader George Douglas tells us: 'I started jogging yesterday. That wasn't the original plan. It's just that the ice-cream van wouldn't stop.'
