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- General
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Elizabeth Day Tried Everything to Get Pregnant. After 12 Years, She Stopped — and Found Meaning in Failure (Exclusive)
After 12 years of trying to get pregnant, Elizabeth Day decided it was time to stop — and what she realized next was unexpected. The 46-year-old British podcaster and novelist, who hosts the podcast How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, says she always knew she wanted to have kids. Growing up in a heteronormative family with two sisters and two parents, Day believed she was going to be a mother from the very beginning. "I don't think I ever questioned the fact that I would have children," she tells PEOPLE. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Day, who grew up attending an all-girls school, explains that she went on birth control when she became sexually active and was on the pill for 14 years before she stopped taking it after getting married to her first husband. "I thought, because there is this idea that if you come off the pill, there's this sort of fertility boost sometimes and you can get pregnant at the drop of a hat," Day says. "And so I thought that might happen, but actually it didn't happen at all. And that's when I started exploring whether there was something awry." Day spent two years trying to get pregnant with her ex-husband before she decided to see a doctor, a time period which she calls a "very lonely experience." Ultimately, she was told she had "unexplained infertility." "[It's] a deeply unhelpful diagnosis because there's no explanation, so no one's quite sure how to treat it, so they just throw stuff at a wall and see what sticks," she explains. The doctors also told her she had a bicornuate uterus which, according to The Cleveland Clinic, is an irregularly shaped uterus that appears to be heart-shaped and can often cause complications with pregnancy. However, throughout all her meetings and appointments with "almost exclusively male clinicians," Day just kept feeling frustrated. She shares that she began to realize that women's medicine is "under-explored, underfunded and under-researched." "So very often when I asked for an explanation, I was told that I was the one who was failing," Day says. "So the language of infertility is very much the language of failure, which is partly why I'm so interested in exploring failure through my podcast is because of these experiences." "It puts the onus on women, and it is very often women who feel that — particularly if you are a kind of type A perfectionist, which I think I was — and you are used to putting in the work and hopefully getting the results, this is something that you cannot possibly control by being quote unquote, 'a good girl.' And I found that really difficult on top of all of the hormones." She was then advised to try in vitro fertilization (IVF), which she started during the beginning of 2014. After two rounds of IVF, Day was again unsuccessful in getting pregnant after transferring an embryo. "And again, there was no explanation for that. So I turned the sense of failure inwards, and it was actually talking to a friend of mine that really helped me kind of recategorize that experience," she explains. "And I told her I was failing to respond to the drugs, and she said, 'Maybe you're not failing to respond to the drugs. Maybe they're failing you.'" Describing that chat as a "lightbulb moment," Day says reframing the way she thought about failure changed how she saw the experience of fertility medicine. She took a break from IVF and ended up getting pregnant naturally, but had the first of three miscarriages at the end of the year in 2014. "2014 was a really intense year, partly because as anyone who has done fertility treatment will know, it's like having another job," Day explains. "There are so many scans that you have to go to. There's so many drugs that you have to take. There's so much measuring and prodding that happens and you are constantly living with this state of ambivalence and ambiguity because it might work, but it might not. And you need to carry both ideas." She explains that even getting something like a positive pregnancy test, which is often a very happy thing for couples, carries weight to it when you're going through miscarriages and fertility treatments. "There's this really difficult tension between all of your feelings because on the one side, you know you should feel uncomplicatedly ecstatic," Day says. "But on the other side, you know how fragile it can be. And if you've had a miscarriage, it robs you of any experience of a relaxed pregnancy." "Now that I've had three miscarriages, I also understand that it's a very nuanced type of grief because you are grieving an absence, but you are also grieving the dreams you had of a presence," she continues. "And that's a really hard thing to cope with." After a tough year, Day divorced from her first husband in 2015. She went on to freeze her eggs and unfortunately did not retrieve that many since she again was told she "failed to respond to drugs properly." When she was about to turn 40, Day met her now-husband on Hinge. She thought there wasn't much hope at getting pregnant since she was now older and her husband was 44, but she did end up getting pregnant naturally just after her 41st birthday. When that pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, Day says it showed herself and her partner how much they really wanted to have a baby. The two embarked on their own fertility journey, which ended with trying egg donation. Day explains that she felt like she was at an age where she would prefer to have a healthy egg that produces a viable embryo, rather than try using her own eggs. After a year of finding a donor and adjusting her lifestyle, she traveled to Los Angeles just after Christmas in 2022 for the embryo transfer. And it did not take. "Again, you are pitched into this devastating realization that there is no explanation that even when you do everything you are meant to do, sometimes it just doesn't happen," Day says. "And that was one of the lowest points of my life." "Looking back, that's over two years ago now, and I could never have imagined that I would be here, which is fully at peace with a life without biological children," she shares. "And the reason I am at peace with it, I had to confront some dark things. I had to ask myself some honest questions. But ultimately, it came down to the idea that maybe it's not my path in this lifetime to be a mother in the conventional sense." Day notes that she's lucky enough to have three step kids, two nieces and 13 godchildren. "I'm very blessed in that respect, and I'm very aware that there are so many different ways to show up in a parenting role in this world," she adds. She goes on to say that although the entire infertility journey is a very difficult one, she has learned something meaningful about herself, about love and about life. "It's my firm belief that actually going through the fertility struggles is an act of parenting," Day says. "That's what you're doing. You are parenting your child, you are living your life for your children, giving them existence," she continues. "And that's an extraordinary thing that you are doing, and you are so strong to be doing it." Day explains that while she was in the thick of trying to get pregnant, the thought of giving up was one she couldn't comprehend. "I thought [not having children] would mean my life wouldn't have meaning that I would be left behind and that I would feel something so fundamentally lacking," she shares. "I promise you that there is so much peace and fulfillment on the other side of it and so many opportunities to create meaning." "I think ultimately for me, part of my journey has been realizing how much I need to parent myself. And I think that's a struggle that many of us have," Day says "And so actually part of my parenting now is understanding what I need and that it's not a failure to meet those needs. And nor is it selfish. It's actually a really necessary part of being human." The podcaster goes on to explain that she's found meaning and a real sense of community by doing her podcast, which explores this topic of failure. "So I just want to say that to the person who is walking that path right now, there will be a way that you can find meaning again if it's not conventional parenting, and if it is and you do end up with a baby in your arms, I'm so so happy for you, and that is your path," Day says. "And I realize now that it's not mine." Read the original article on People
Epoch Times
25-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Epoch Times
Jennifer Lawrence Details ‘Extremely Isolating' Postpartum Experience After 2nd Child
Jennifer Lawrence has garnered an Oscar for Best Actress since landing her breakout part in the 2010 thriller 'Winter's Bone.' But behind the scenes, her role is that of a doting mom, having welcomed her second child with husband Cooke Maroney earlier this year. 'Having children changes everything, it changes your whole life—it's brutal and incredible,' the actress, 34, The psychological drama, directed by Scottish filmmaker Lynne Ramsay, premiered at the French film festival on May 17, drawing a six-minute standing ovation. In the film, Lawrence portrays a writer and new mother named Grace, who struggles with her mental health after relocating from New York to a rural Montana farmhouse with her husband, played by actor Robert Pattinson. 'Die, My Love' is an adaptation of Ariana Harwicz's Argentinian novella 'Matate, amor.' Originally published in 2012 and made available in English five years later, the book provides an intensely raw exploration of motherhood, plunging readers into the mind of a woman grappling with postpartum depression and psychosis. 'There's not really anything like postpartum—it's extremely isolating,' Lawrence said at the press conference. 'But the truth is, extreme anxiety and extreme depression are isolating, no matter where you are. You feel like an alien.' Related Stories 9/16/2024 9/29/2024 The 'Hunger Games' star drew upon her own experiences with postpartum depression for her new role. The actress, whose son, Cy, was born in February 2022, was around five months pregnant with her second child when production began on 'Die, My Love.' 'A part of what [Grace] is going through is the hormonal imbalance that comes with postpartum,' Lawrence said. 'But she's also having an identity crisis. Who am I as a mother? Who am I as a wife? ... And I think she's plagued with this feeling that she's disappearing.' The Cleveland Clinic However, postpartum depression, which is characterized by overwhelming feelings of sadness and loneliness, is a far more severe and prolonged condition, affecting roughly 1 in 7 mothers. If left untreated, it can persist for months or even years after childbirth. Gwendy Gregory, a certified birth and postpartum doula based in Tampa, Florida, told The Epoch Times that the intense emotional challenges women face after giving birth, though incredibly common, are often unspoken. 'After birth, many mothers feel like the world keeps turning while they are standing still. There's a surreal mix of love, exhaustion, vulnerability, and identity shift that can feel alienating,' the All Is Well Doula founder said. The hormonal fluctuations new mothers experience, including drops in estrogen, progesterone, and cortisol levels, only amplify these feelings. 'Isolation can quickly become overwhelming,' the mother of five said. 'We weren't designed to mother alone. We were meant to be surrounded, supported, and seen.' Columbia University 'It's a tender window where rest, nourishment, and support are essential for healing and bonding,' Gregory said. 'Unfortunately, our culture often celebrates the baby while forgetting the mother. But thriving babies need thriving mothers.' In addition to contending with the baby blues or postpartum depression, mothers can also face a slew of other complications, including difficulties breastfeeding, physical trauma from birth, and even grief over their former self. And like the fictional Grace, real-life mothers may also encounter psychosis, experiencing an altered sense of reality, marked by hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia, among other serious behavioral changes. The rare but serious mental health emergency affects about 1 in 1,000 women and carries an increased risk of suicide and harm to the baby, according to the Cleveland Clinic. 'Postpartum is sacred,' Gregory said. 'It's messy, beautiful, exhausting, and holy all at once. And when we honor it with intention—whether through community care, mental health support, or simply showing up with compassion—we give mothers the space to heal and thrive.' Touching on the joys of motherhood after navigating her own postpartum challenges, Lawrence said her children have given her a newfound outlook on her craft as an actress. 'I didn't know that I could feel so much, and my job has a lot to do with emotion,' she told the media at Cannes. 'They've opened up the world to me. It's almost like feeling like a blister or something, [it's] so sensitive. So they've changed my life obviously for the best, and they've changed me creatively.'
Fox News
01-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Fox News
Valerie Bertinelli strips down as she experiments with trendy wellness routine
Valerie Bertinelli is diving into cold plunging. The "One Day at a Time" star posted a selfie in a red bikini along with video of her getting into her pool in the early morning. "My pool is 66° Now, for a cold plunge that's relatively warm. (that's what they say whoever they are)," she wrote in the caption. She continued, "Along with everything else I've been experimenting with, this has helped improve my mood, has reduced inflammation and it's easier than filling my bath up with ice cubes." Bertinelli shared other changes she's making while answering audience questions backstage at "The Drew Barrymore Show." When asked about something from her past she's healing from that she once considered normal, she said, "people-pleasing." "I'm trying to learn or do my best to not people-please any longer. But I thought it was normal, because I had to make sure everybody liked me. At this point, you really don't have a choice whether everybody loves you or not, that's up to them. It doesn't matter. Do I like myself? Most of the time. I'll keep working on that." She also revealed that she has two therapists and has been doing EMDR therapy, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which involves moving your eyes in a specific way while processing traumatic memories, according to The Cleveland Clinic. Bertinelli explained that when it comes to relationships, "They're there to trigger you so that you finally heal childhood wounds that have been chasing you or sitting in you your entire life. And if you're anyone like me, you've been avoiding working on those. So I'm going to try and work through all these wounds so that I can have good, healthy, authentic emotional relationships with people. "But yeah, shame and self-loathing are bitches," she added with a laugh. "And they were never mine to begin with, but somehow they were given to me." Bertinelli also addressed how to embrace aging, saying she's "on that path right now." "I am doing my best to embrace my aging. It's challenging, but I have to say, it's better than the alternative. With age comes saggier skin, the wrinkles, the jowl line. You know, it's life. Your face shows what you've been through, and my face shows that I laugh a lot, so I'm cool with that," Bertinelli said. Last week, Bertinelli celebrated her 65th birthday, sharing a video montage to mark the occasion. "Went through it all in the last handful of years, and I'm so grateful for the downs as much as I am for all of the ups I am blessed to experience. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally here. I can see it. I feel it," she wrote in the caption.
Yahoo
03-04-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Stroke risk from neck artery tears reported to be growing
Strokes caused by an artery tear are landing five times as many Americans in the hospital these days, a new study says. Cervical artery dissection involves a small tear in the inner lining of an artery in the neck that supplies blood to the brain. Blood can clot at the site of the tear. If the clot breaks loose, it can travel to the brain and cause a stroke. Hospitalizations for this sort of stroke have increased nearly fivefold during the past 15 years, according to findings published Wednesday in the journal Neurology. "Cervical artery dissection is an important cause of stroke, especially in people under 50, so it is crucial to detect it right away," senior researcher Dr. Shadi Yaghi, a vascular neurologist at Brown University in Providence, R.I., said in a news release. "Strokes that are not fatal can lead to long-term disability, poor mental health and reduced quality of life," he said. "Our research found a dramatic increase in the number of hospitalizations for cervical artery dissection, with rates rising steadily year over year." These sort of tears in the cervical artery are most often caused by a motor vehicle crash or other accident that causes neck strain, researchers said. However, activities as simple as heavy lifting has been known to cause a cervical artery tear in some people. For the study, researchers analyzed 15 years of U.S. health data to identify more than 125,000 people hospitalized for cervical artery dissection. Patients had an average age of 51, and just over half suffered a stroke from their artery tear, results show. The number of artery tears increased about 10% a year on average, rising from 11 cases per million people in 2005 to 46 cases per million in 2019, results show. Men and women were equally at risk for suffering an artery tear, but there were differences between races. Cervical artery dissections increased by 16% a year on average among Hispanic people, compared to 13% for Black people, 12% for Asian people and 8% for white people. Seniors also have become more prone to these tears, with an average annual increase of 12% among people 65 and older compared to 8% for people under 65, researchers said. "Possible reasons for this nearly five-fold increase over 15 years include greater awareness of cervical artery dissection by health care professionals, better access to imaging to help identify it and an overall increase in this condition for which a cause has yet to be determined," Yaghi said. "Given the rising incidence of cervical artery dissection, our study underscores the importance of finding prevention strategies as well as new treatments to reduce the risk of stroke," he added. More information The Cleveland Clinic has more on cervical artery dissection. SOURCE: American Academy of Neurology, news release, April 2, 2025 copyright © 2025 HealthDay. All rights reserved.
Yahoo
31-03-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
This 62-calorie snack can prevent cancer, improve your sleep and even slow aging
In the quest for a healthier lifestyle, one tasty snack stands out for its cluster of health benefits. This ancient fruit was once regarded as a symbol for luxury — and, in many ways, it still is. And since it's 81% water and only clocks in at 62 calories per serving — it's sure to keep you hydrated and curb unhealthy cravings. 'Grapes are fantastic because not only are they affordable, but they're versatile,' dietitian Anthony DiMarino told The Cleveland Clinic. 'They can be used in a lot of different dishes and situations.' A powerhouse of nutrients and antioxidants, there are many reasons this delicious fruit — which some call 'nature's candy'— is so grape for you. Grapes are notable for having over 1,600 different plant compounds, many of which contain an incredible array of antioxidants. For example, anthocyanins are responsible for giving red grapes their rich hue — and they also combat free radicals that can damage cells and lead to cancer. The skin and seeds of red grapes are especially rich in resveratrol — which is known to reduce inflammation and lower your risk of heart disease and cancer. Resveratrol is also present in red wine — but since there's currently significant doubt about whether the anxtioxidant content really makes up for the all-around cancer-causing effects of alcohol, you're most likely better off with a handful of grapes. One study published in Nutrition Journal found that adults over 50 who ate 150 to 450 grams of grapes daily for two weeks showed a reduction in signs of colon cancer. Research has also shown that grape extracts can inhibit the growth and spread of human breast and colon cancer cells in laboratory settings and animal studies. 'Grapes are very low in sodium,' DiMarino said. 'They fit well into a low-sodium diet plan helping to reduce blood pressure.' They also contain a lot of potassium — which can help regulate your blood sugar levels — and polyphenols, particularly resveratrol, which have been shown to reduce blood pressure, lower bad cholesterol levels, and decrease the risk of heart disease. A 2015 study found that people with high cholesterol who ate three cups of red grapes per day had lower levels of total cholesterol and bad cholesterol at the end of the 8-week trial. 'I always explain it almost like a street sweeper,' DiMarino said. 'It gets in your bloodstream and carries all that cholesterol out of the body into the liver where it gets processed.' Research shows grapes can give your brain health a boost. A 2017 study showed that adults who took a 250-mg grape supplement every day for 12 weeks showed significant improvements in language skills, memory and concentration. In another 2017 study, younger adults consuming 230 ml of grape juice were able to complete memory-related tasks faster and seemed to be in better moods within just 20 minutes. Research suggests the free radical-fighting properties of resveratrol may also protect you from dementia and cognitive decline. 'Think about Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's disease, those can be signs of oxidative stress,' DiMarino said. 'Resveratrol may help reduce the chances of those diseases from happening.' That powerful antioxidant — resveratrol — may just keep your skin looking as fresh and plump as a handful of grapes right off the vine by reducing cellular damage. 'It helps protect certain genes which leads to healthy aging and longevity,' DiMarino said. You've probably heard that melatonin can help you sleep — and you don't need to take supplements to get a dose of this naturally-occurring hormone. You can just grab a handful of grapes — especially since they double as a delicious post-dinner dessert for the weight-conscious. 'Grapes do have a degree of melatonin in them,' DiMarino said. 'So they're a great evening snack. They don't have a lot of calories and they can potentially help you fall asleep.'
