Latest news with #UnplannedPodcast
News.com.au
25-04-2025
- General
- News.com.au
Marriage psychologist reveals number 1 sign you're heading for divorce
If you want to know whether your marriage is heading for divorce, don't check your partner's phone — check their face. A one-sided mouth raise — a subtle smirk of superiority — might just be the number one sign your relationship is doomed, according to renowned psychologist Dr John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted. His research, which was recently dissected on the Unplanned Podcast, found that four nasty little habits — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — are deemed the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' when it comes to dooming relationships. But it's contempt, experts warn, that is the true kiss of death, the New York Post reports. 'Dr John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards recently told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced — because he's looking for contempt,' she continued. And he knows his stuff. 'Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6 per cent accuracy,' Van Edwards added. Contempt, Van Edwards explained, is the most corrosive of all the emotional saboteurs. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.' She went on, noting, 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' Van Edwards suggests that if you catch a whiff of contempt — either from yourself or your partner — it's time to tackle it head-on. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' She also believes many couples get stuck in endless loops of the same three arguments — they just don't realise it. 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments,' she advised. 'That way, when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 — we're in a stalemate on this one.'' Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer backed up Gottman's findings in a 2019 article, writing, 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' He cited telltale signs like eye-rolling, mouth crimping — even subtle fidgeting, like picking at clothes or cleaning fingers mid-convo — as silent signals of disdain. Schneer dubbed this move 'The Lint Picker,' a behaviour he says screams contempt louder than words ever could. So, how do you douse the flames before they torch your love life? Schneer recommends cracking a joke, switching the topic to something you both enjoy, or simply walking away to cool off if the situation gets too toxic. Love may be blind, but contempt? It's written all over your face.
Sky News AU
24-04-2025
- General
- Sky News AU
Marriage psychologist reveals the first sign of a future separation - with 94 per cent accuracy
If you want to know whether your marriage is heading for Splitsville, don't check your partner's phone — check their face. A one-sided mouth raise — that subtle smirk of superiority — might just be the number one red flag for divorce, according to renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted. His research, which was recently dissected on the hit Unplanned Podcast, found that four nasty little habits — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — are deemed the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' when it comes to dooming relationships. But it's contempt, experts warn, that is the true kiss of death. 'Dr. John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards recently told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced — because he's looking for contempt,' she continued. And he knows his stuff. 'Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6% accuracy,' Van Edwards added. Contempt, Van Edwards explained, is the most corrosive of all the emotional saboteurs. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.' She went on, noting, 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' Van Edwards suggests that if you catch a whiff of contempt — either from yourself or your partner — it's time to tackle it head-on. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' She also believes many couples get stuck in endless loops of the same three arguments — they just don't realize it. 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments,' she advised. 'That way, when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 — we're in a stalemate on this one.'' Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer backed up Gottman's findings in a 2019 article, writing, 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' He cited telltale signs like eye-rolling, mouth crimping — even subtle fidgeting, like picking at clothes or cleaning fingers mid-convo — as silent signals of disdain. Schneer dubbed this move 'The Lint Picker,' a behavior he says screams contempt louder than words ever could. So, how do you douse the flames before they torch your love life? Schneer recommends cracking a joke, switching the topic to something you both enjoy, or simply walking away to cool off if the situation gets too toxic. Love may be blind, but contempt? It's written all over your face. Originally published as Marriage psychologist reveals the first sign of a future separation - with 94 per cent accuracy
New York Post
23-04-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Post
Marriage psychologist reveals the no. 1 sign of a future separation — with 94% accuracy
If you want to know whether your marriage is heading for Splitsville, don't check your partner's phone — check their face. A one-sided mouth raise — that subtle smirk of superiority — might just be the number one red flag for divorce, according to renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and mastermind behind one of the most extensive marriage studies ever conducted. His research, which was recently dissected on the hit Unplanned Podcast, found that four nasty little habits — criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling — are deemed the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' when it comes to dooming relationships. 4 Think your spouse's smug little smirk is harmless? Think again — that one-sided mouth raise could be the biggest red flag for divorce, says famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and the brains behind one of the largest marriage studies ever. JustLife – But it's contempt, experts warn, that is the true kiss of death. 'Dr. John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards recently told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced — because he's looking for contempt,' she continued. And he knows his stuff. 'Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6% accuracy,' Van Edwards added. Contempt, Van Edwards explained, is the most corrosive of all the emotional saboteurs. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 4 Dr. Gottman's research — spotlighted on the buzzy Unplanned Podcast — warns of four marriage wreckers so toxic they've earned the nickname 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse': criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. zinkevych – 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows.' She went on, noting, 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' Van Edwards suggests that if you catch a whiff of contempt — either from yourself or your partner — it's time to tackle it head-on. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' She also believes many couples get stuck in endless loops of the same three arguments — they just don't realize it. 4 If contempt creeps in — whether it's from you or your better half — body language guru Vanessa Van Edwards says it's a red alert: time to shut it down before it blows up. eakgrungenerd – 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments,' she advised. 'That way, when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 — we're in a stalemate on this one.'' Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer backed up Gottman's findings in a 2019 article, writing, 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' He cited telltale signs like eye-rolling, mouth crimping — even subtle fidgeting, like picking at clothes or cleaning fingers mid-convo — as silent signals of disdain. 4 Clinical psychologist Dr. David M. Schneer doubled down on Gottman's theory in a 2019 piece, saying disgust and contempt in a relationship are like tossing gasoline on a fire. bongkarn – Schneer dubbed this move 'The Lint Picker,' a behavior he says screams contempt louder than words ever could. So, how do you douse the flames before they torch your love life? Schneer recommends cracking a joke, switching the topic to something you both enjoy, or simply walking away to cool off if the situation gets too toxic. Love may be blind, but contempt? It's written all over your face.
Daily Mail
23-04-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Psychologist names the number one predictor of divorce: 'It is 93.6 per cent accurate every time'
A leading psychologist has revealed the four toxic behaviours that can destroy a relationship - and one small facial expression that could be a clear predictor of divorce. Dr John Gottman, a marriage and family counsellor and founder of the Gottman Institute, conducted one of the largest long-term studies on relationships ever undertaken. Through his extensive research, he identified criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling as the key conversation patterns that consistently ruin romantic relationships - calling them the 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.' His research became the centre of a conversation on the popular Unplanned Podcast, where body language expert Vanessa Van Edwards told hosts Matt and Abbey Howard that Gottman could predict divorce with an astonishing 93.6 per cent accuracy, just by watching a silent video of a couple. 'Dr John Gottman is a marriage and family counsellor, and he did the largest marriage experiment ever done,' she explained. 'He brought couples into his lab, and if one member of the couple shows a one-sided mouth raise towards the other, he can tell you if they're going to get divorced - because he's looking for contempt.' According to Van Edwards, contempt is the most dangerous of the four behaviours because it lingers. 'Fear comes in a burst, and then you calm down. Happiness comes, and then you go back to normal. Anger comes, and then you calm down,' she said. 'But not contempt. If you feel scorn or disdain for someone else, and if it is not addressed, it festers and it grows. 'That is why at the end of a marriage you have two people who can't even look at each other.' She urged listeners to be on alert for signs of contempt and recommended a direct approach to diffusing it before it takes hold. 'Ask, "What's going on? Are you okay? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it." Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' she said. 'And then you can either fix it or become the enemy against it.' Van Edwards also shared her belief that all couples have the same three arguments, and learning to identify them can defuse tension before it escalates. 'You have to sit with your partner and figure out what are your basic root-level three arguments. 'That way when you're in an argument, even if you feel like you still disagree, you can say 'this is argument number 2 - we're in a stalemate on this one',' she said. In a 2019 article, Dr David M. Schneer of The Merrill Institute echoed Gottman's warnings, stating: 'Disgust and contempt are to a relationship what gasoline and matches are to a fire.' Dr Schneer outlined the subtle but unmistakable signs of contempt, from eye-rolling to mouth crimping. The professional also called attention to the 'Lint Picker' - someone who fidgets with their clothes or cleans their fingers while you're speaking, silently signalling disdain. He offered several strategies for de-escalating contempt, including: changing the topic to something more pleasurable, seeking common ground, using humour to lighten the mood. Dr Schneer also suggested disengaging entirely if the situation turns toxic. While love may be built on trust and communication, experts agree that it can be quietly undone by the creeping presence of contempt, often visible long before a single word is spoken.
Yahoo
05-02-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Matt and Abby Howard Reveal a New Twist in Their Sleeping Arrangements — Why They No Longer Share a Bed
Matt and Abby Howard are opening up about their decision to sleep in separate beds. Matt, 26, opened up about the decision to sleep separately from his wife Abby, 25, in the first episode of his new Night Shift podcast on Feb. 1. He revealed he has been sleeping in their walk-in closet for a month and noted he dragged the guest bedroom mattress into the closet. "My wife's not a huge fan of this arrangement obviously," he explained in the episode. "I don't know a spouse that would be stoked about their significant other sleeping in the freaking closet." He clarified that the arrangement is temporary and shared that it was "something I had to do just to prioritize my mental health." "I was not okay," he continued. "I was really struggling [and] I was feeling awful, so that's why I'm here." Matt also opened up about his constant battle with ADHD and anxiety and noted that was part of the reason why he chose to sleep in the closet. Related: TikTok's Matt and Abby Howard Face Criticism for Leaving 1- and 2-Year-Old Sons Alone in Room During Dinner on Cruise "I would put so much pressure on myself to try to be the cool kid that I would rehearse the way I would say words in front of people," he continued. "Even though I knew how to talk... the fear of not being able to do something got so big that it overrode my desire to do the thing I wanted to do." Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Matt and Abby spoke further about the decision to sleep in separate beds on the latest episode of the Unplanned Podcast on Feb. 4. In the episode, Matt asked Abby to share how she felt about the new sleeping arrangements and said she "doesn't like it" and "complains about it every night." "I'm a lonely gal," she explained. "Say what you want, but I am codependent... [and] I hated being alone at night." She also added that it's been hard to go into the closet now since "there's a queen-size mattress in there." Matt also explained that he saw his parents sleep separately growing up because they both had sleep problems and noted that it also had "nothing to do with the 'health of their marriage.' " They both noted that their marriage is also in a good place, especially since Matt now has "more energy" than before and Abby said they're "still very much married." They confirmed again that the arrangement is temporary, especially now that they're installing blinds and Matt "can finally have darkness." Related: Matt and Abby Howard Reflect on Backlash from Their Controversial Father's Day Post: 'I Just Looked So Selfish' Matt also confirmed that he would still be a part of the Unplanned podcast. He spoke more about the Night Shift podcast and explained he picked the name since "I love the night [and] so I stay up and I have all these big ideas." "I've had some of my best conversations with friends and my wife [at night]," he continued. "The late-night conversations are just so good because you laugh, you cry and you bond on a really deep level. I don't see myself doing music or TikTok forever, but I can't see myself podcasting and interviewing people when I'm 80 years old. I genuinely love doing this so much. So I'm very excited to see where that show takes me and takes us." Read the original article on People
