Latest news with #VanessaVanEdwards
New York Post
21 hours ago
- Business
- New York Post
This is the rudest thing you're doing every time you meet someone new — and it causes instant dislike
When meeting someone new, it's not unusual to enquire about what that person does for work — but a body language expert says it's a surefire way to get off on the wrong foot. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. 3 3 'Stop asking 'What do you do?'' Van Edwards declared. 'That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking 'What are you worth?'' Because you may be subtly sizing up your new acquaintance with such a query, the expert asserted that the question is impolite. 'If someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,' Van Edwards stated. 'You can replace it with 'Working on anything exciting these days?' or 'Working on anything exciting recently?' She explained that such questions allow people to answer in the way they feel most comfortable, possibly opening up the conversation to create more possibilities for connection. While most may choose to discuss their occupation, others will use the questions as opportunities to speak about an exciting hobby they are working on or a holiday they are planning. 'This is permission connection,' Van Edwards said. 'You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do.' 3 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' the communications maven told The Unplanned Podcast earlier this year.
Yahoo
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
This is the rudest thing you're doing every time you meet someone new — and it causes instant dislike
It's the common question that's an instant connection killer. When meeting someone new, it's not unusual to enquire about what that person does for work — but a body language expert says it's a surefire way to get off on the wrong foot. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. 'Stop asking 'What do you do?'' Van Edwards declared. 'That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking 'What are you worth?'' Because you may be subtly sizing up your new acquaintance with such a query, the expert asserted that the question is impolite. 'If someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,' Van Edwards stated. 'You can replace it with 'Working on anything exciting these days?' or 'Working on anything exciting recently?' She explained that such questions allow people to answer in the way they feel most comfortable, possibly opening up the conversation to create more possibilities for connection. While most may choose to discuss their occupation, others will use the questions as opportunities to speak about an exciting hobby they are working on or a holiday they are planning. 'This is permission connection,' Van Edwards said. 'You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do.' Van Edwards has also made headlines for revealing the questions you need to ask a spouse if you're in a struggling marriage. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' the communications maven told The Unplanned Podcast earlier this year.
New York Post
a day ago
- Business
- New York Post
This is the rudest thing you're doing everytime your meet someone new — and it causes instant dislike
It's the common question that's an instant connection killer. When meeting someone new, it's not unusual to enquire about what that person does for work — but a body language expert says it's a surefire way to get off on the wrong foot. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. Vanessa Van Edwards, the author of 'Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People' made the claim in an interview on The Diary of a CEO podcast, which has resurfaced after being recorded last year. Youtube/ The Diary Of A CEO 'Stop asking 'What do you do?'' Van Edwards declared. 'That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking 'What are you worth?'' Because you may be subtly sizing up your new acquaintance with such a query, the expert asserted that the question is impolite. 'If someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question,' Van Edwards stated. 'You can replace it with 'Working on anything exciting these days?' or 'Working on anything exciting recently?' She explained that such questions allow people to answer in the way they feel most comfortable, possibly opening up the conversation to create more possibilities for connection. While most may choose to discuss their occupation, others will use the questions as opportunities to speak about an exciting hobby they are working on or a holiday they are planning. 'This is permission connection,' Van Edwards said. 'You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do.' Diary of a CEO podcast host Steven Bartlett is pictured. Youtube/ The Diary Of A CEO Van Edwards has also made headlines for revealing the questions you need to ask a spouse if you're in a struggling marriage. 'Ask, 'What's going on? Are you OK? What are you feeling? I want to be here for it.' Because then you're giving air to whatever that contempt is so that it can be addressed,' the communications maven told The Unplanned Podcast earlier this year.
Daily Mail
2 days ago
- Business
- Daily Mail
The common question that will make people dislike you, according to to a body language expert
An expert in body language and people skills has revealed one question you shouldn't ask in social situations - as it is likely to make people dislike you. Vanessa Van Edwards is the founder of Science of People, an organisation which 'gives people science-backed skills to improve communication and leadership'. She is also the author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People and Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication. She recently appeared on an episode of Steven Bartlett 's podcast Diary of a CEO, where she spoke about a range of topic - including why you shouldn't fake smile, how to be more charismatic, and the question you shouldn't ask people in social situations. While discussing which questions you should ask people if you want to 'level up' your connection with them, Vanessa also highlighted the one query which she believes is a conversational no-no. She said: 'Stop asking "what do you do?" [...]. That is telling them their brain can stay on autopilot. Asking someone that question is really asking "what are you worth?". 'And if someone's not defined by what they do, it's actually a rude question.' Moving on to what to ask in place of that question, she said: 'You can replace it with "working on anything exciting these days?" or "working on anything exciting recently?" Vanessa explained: 'This is permission connection. You ask someone that question, you are giving them permission if they want to tell you about what they do. "If they are not defined by what they do, they'll tell you something better. 'And that also gives you really good nuggets for the next time you see them, when you can say, "hey, how was that thing you were working on?".' Moving onto how people can follow up that question, she suggested asking 'what's your biggest goal right now?'. She continued: 'When you ask this question, you're gonna get one of two responses. One, someone shuts you down [...] or, they're going to tell you about goals. 'That's also a great thing you can follow up on, because then when you see them a month later, or a week later, or a year later, you can be like, "hey, how did that go?".' Discussing how you can get to know someone better, Vanessa suggested another question you can ask them. She said: '[The question] sounds innocuous, but it's not. 'It's "what book, movie or TV character is most like you and why?". It's kind of a silly, dinner party question that sounds casual, but the answer to this question is so incredibly important. 'How someone relates to characters, their values or personality is how they see themselves, and people's answers will shock you.' Vanessa then gave an example, explaining: 'I was friends with someone for six years. [She was] one of my closest friends, I saw them all the time. 'We went on a weekend trip together [...] and I asked her this question. I hypothesised that she's a mom of three, super funny, super savvy. I was like, "she's going to pick a great TV mom character that's super savvy and funny. 'I asked her, she thinks about it for maybe one second, and says "Katniss from The Hunger Games". 'I was like "the one who's fighting for her life?". 'She replied "yes, that's how I feel every day. And we, for the first time in six years, had a conversation about how she feels about her day that was totally different than anything I had ever known - that she feels scared and lonely, and that she's fighting for survival. 'And it was the first time that I truly connected with her. 'This question [has changed my relationship with so many people] based on how they see themselves, not how I see them, but how they see themselves.'
