Latest news with #YourLoverNotFree
Scottish Sun
5 days ago
- Health
- Scottish Sun
I've been having steamy affair with married man for four years – but he won't leave wife and kids for me
I am torn between my heart and what my brain tells me to do, which is to cut him off DEAR DEIDRE I've been having steamy affair with married man for four years – but he won't leave wife and kids for me Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING a passionate affair isn't all it's cracked up to be and I'm not proud I've been sneaking around with a married man for four years. It was never my intention to develop a long-term relationship and I haven't told a soul about us. Even though realistically he is the one cheating — after all, I'm strictly speaking a single woman — I still carry a lot of shame and I feel so bad for his wife and children. I first met my lover at work. He is 36 and I am 31. I had gone through a bad break-up and I found myself confiding in him. We'd fancied each other for ages. It all kicked off with some gentle email flirting. Then, after a couple of weeks, we began finding quiet spots to have sex at work. It seemed the most natural thing in the world even though it was risky. That is what made it exciting. I didn't think I would let myself fall in love with him, but of course then I did. He's adamant that he will never leave his wife and two kids for me and yet assumes he will always have me in his life. I am torn between my heart and what my brain tells me to do, which is to cut him off. It has been almost two weeks now since I last saw him and slept with him. He is the one who always initiates the meet-ups, never me. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships He will sometimes drive an hour to spend a night at the weekend with me. I never go to see him. I know he is a love rat and nothing will ever change. DEIDRE SAYS: You are right. After all this time he is not going to make the break, especially when he has the best of both worlds. It is now time to be kind to yourself. Explain that casual relationships are not your style and you are moving on. It will be tough, but you are worth more than staying in a one-sided, no-strings relationship. You deserve better and my support pack Your Lover Not Free explains more about how to handle this sort of situation. Be polite and professional with him at work but avoid being alone with him. There are plenty of men your age who are free to love you and give you all the things that you want. My support pack Finding The Right Partner explains more and should be helpful for you. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. TRAPPED AND ALONE IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE DEAR DEIDRE: THE reality of retirement is so different from what I imagined. I hoped my husband and I would spend time together, but he prefers to sit in his bedroom on the computer. Weekends are the worst. He makes his coffee, does his own washing and prepares his own food. He will spend every minute in his bedroom until he goes to the gym on Monday morning. My husband's 67 and I'm 63. We have been married for 40 years but in the last decade we have lived separate lives. He told me my snoring was keeping him awake so I moved into our single room. I have explained how lonely I am and would like to have a chat and a coffee together, but it always ends up in arguments. There is no support from him and I don't have any other choice but to stay as financially he has all the money. I took early retirement due to ill health. I feel trapped and don't see the point of going on. DEIDRE SAYS: This is a miserable way to live but it sounds as if he is not going to change. He may be mirroring his parents' relationship, so his behaviour does not seem abnormal to him. Pick a moment to talk to him about how you are feeling. He is actually being abusive. Withholding money is a form of abuse. My support pack Abusive Partner explains more. HOW CAN I CATCH MY THIEF FRIEND? DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend has been stealing money from me. I'm a woman of 51 and I've known my mate since we were in primary school. She's 52. She moved to Spain with her family for a while but she'd always meet me when she came home to visit her parents. She contacted me two years ago saying that she was divorcing her husband. He has a drinking problem. Her parents need her as they are getting on, so she's sold up in Spain and bought a flat near me but she's struggling to pay her bills and I regularly bail her out. I realised that I'd be taking money out of the ATM for incidental things – paying my dog walker, for example – but when I'd go to pay him, the notes would be missing. I've come to realise that the money disappears when my friend has been to my house. Do I confront her or say nothing and keep on bailing her out? DEIDRE SAYS: If she's taking money from you, this is a huge betrayal of trust so why shouldn't she be held to account? You need some evidence, though. Rather than going in, all guns blazing, tell her that you've noticed money going missing and you don't understand it and be clear that you're feeling the pinch of having money go missing. Watch her closely and if she takes money you may casually leave around, you can tell her she's hurt you and from now on, there's no more bailing out. I'M WORRIED BY HER LOW MOOD DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER dropping out of school, my daughter has now dropped out of college. It has got to the stage where she won't leave the house. I know she is suffering from depression and anxiety but rarely wants to talk. She is being assessed by the local young people's mental health team to see if she is autistic. I think she needs medication, but they won't prescribe anything. Every day she seems to get worse. I am her 48-year-old dad. I worry because she used to be very happy and outgoing, so I am not sure what has changed. I tried to suggest she talk to a counsellor, but she doesn't want to go. She's just 17. Having done some research online I also suggested she try 'journaling', mindfulness or yoga but that fell on deaf ears. She just shuts herself in her room, listening to music or watching Netflix. She is eating and she says she is sleeping but I am at the end of my tether. I work full-time and I am not always here to keep an eye on her. Neither is her mum. I am trying to keep calm and have talked to my wife, family and friends about how I am feeling as it is so isolating, not knowing what more I can do to help. DEIDRE SAYS: This must be a huge worry for you. It isn't unusual for a young person to feel depressed but with help and therapy, your daughter has every chance of recovering. Find support through (0808 802 5544), who can give you more advice about mental health services for young people. Juggling work and being a parent can feel overwhelming, but it is important to look after yourself. Your mental health is just as important, so it is a positive that you are talking to your family and friends for their support too.
Scottish Sun
04-05-2025
- Scottish Sun
I'm having best sex of my life with married man – but I've been left reeling since I found out I'm not his only lover
He won't stop flirting with other women on social media DEAR DEIDRE I'm having best sex of my life with married man – but I've been left reeling since I found out I'm not his only lover Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) I AM having the best sex of my life, with a married man, but since I caught him cheating on me I've been left reeling and feeling agonised about whether our relationship can work. I am 25 and my lover is 39. There was an instant attraction when I met him at work and I fell for him hard and fast. The discovery that he was married didn't stop us from then beginning an affair. I even met his adorable little boys and loved them, too. I am so happy, but my parents are not. They refuse to meet my lover because he is way older than me, and married. Stumbling across him kissing and fooling around with another woman at a work team-building day has made me question everything. At the end of the training there was a drinks reception, but I couldn't find my partner anywhere. After much searching, I discovered him at the back of a marquee with this woman I recognised from another department. Initially, I was gutted but I later forgave him. The problem is, he won't stop flirting with other women on social media. Dear Deidre: Understanding the impact of ghosting He never says anything about me or his wife to them. It is causing constant arguments and, although he occasionally says I am the one he wants to be with, it's only when he's been drinking. I thought he would be pleased when I discovered I was pregnant, but he went ballistic and tried to persuade me to have an abortion. My parents did the same and in the end I agreed. It was a big mistake because I feel so guilty and sad. The rows have continued and are much more frequent. I want things to be like they were when we first met. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm sure you do but this is not love. Everything is on his terms and he is never going to commit to you when he has the best of both worlds. A termination usually leads to mixed feelings. You suffered a genuine loss, a what-might-have-been. That doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. It would help to talk over your feelings with a counsellor. Contact (0808 808 4994), which helps under-25s. My support pack Termination You Reget will help you too. Look for someone who is prepared to commit himself fully and only to you because this man won't alter his behaviour to suit your wishes. My support pack Your Lover Not Free? explains more. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. SEX WITH WIFE'S SO VANILLA DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife says she is up for improving our repetitive and vanilla sex life – but when it boils down to it, she can't bring herself to do the things we have talked about. It is so frustrating. I am 33 and she is 31. We have been together for six years and have a two-year-old daughter. We are very much in love. Everything in our relationship is fine, except for the lack of bedroom action. My wife says no matter how much she wants to experiment and try new things, there is something holding her back. She won't even look at me naked, and struggles to touch me intimately. She says it makes her feel uncomfortable. She has no problem with me doing things to her, but it seems she is unable to do anything back, no matter how hard she tries. I am trying to be patient but how long do I wait for things to change? DEIDRE SAYS: You have patience by the bucketload, and it is sad that this has gone on for so long. It sounds as if there is something from her early-life experiences which could be affecting her. Or messages she received about sex from her parents, that sex is sordid, could be a trigger. If she wasn't kissed and hugged a lot, she may be too inhibited and struggle to show physical affection in return. She may feel anxious about getting it wrong, too. My support pack Want To Be More Adventurous In Bed explains more. STEALING AT WORK HAS RUINED LIFE DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I haven't put a foot wrong after being caught stealing at work, I am ashamed of what I did. I am a 29-year-old man. I owned up straight away, and had to pay a fine and do community service, but four years on I still can't forget it. I have a girlfriend who is 25 and she knows everything about my past, but her parents have no idea. We are meant to be going on holiday later this year to Las Vegas. The flights are all booked, and we are now looking at booking a hotel. But I am trying to delay the booking as long as possible. I need to wait to see if my visa application is successful. It is stressing me out. My girlfriend says she won't go if my application is refused. I do value her support, but it is likely to cause a rift with her parents if she doesn't go, which is the last thing I want. DEIDRE SAYS: This would be a lot less stressful if you could find the strength to be honest with her parents. Explain how you've learned from the experience and have made significant positive changes to your life. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her you want her to go without you if your visa is denied. Take character references with you, in support of your visa application. You can find out more through Nacro's Criminal Record Support Service ( 0300 123 1999). Good luck. TORMENTED BY MY ABUSIVE EX DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a nasty break-up three years ago, I still can't get my ex out of my life. I'm a woman of 30 and he is 33. We were together for three years. He was charming at first but then the controlling, abusive behaviour began. It started with little things such as always wanting to know my location, and criticising my choice of clothes and friends. I finally left him, and he went to live in Spain. I thought I was well shot of him and went on to meet someone new. Occasionally I'd still hear from him, but it was when I told him that I had met someone new that he began his campaign of nastiness towards me. He told me that he still loved me, though, and wanted to marry me. He can be so charming and sincere, but I try to keep our conversations as brief as possible. Then one day I got a call from him while I was at work. It put the wind up me because I have never given him my work number. I then discovered that he has been hacking my emails and social media accounts. I have tried both being polite and getting nasty, but nothing is working. I just desperately want him to leave me alone so that I can now start to move on with my life. DEIDRE SAYS: Despite his charms, this is harassment and a criminal offence. Break-ups are never easy to deal with, but you must tell him firmly that you do not want him to contact you again. Don't answer his calls, emails or messages thereafter. Block him if necessary. I hope he will get the message when he doesn't get a reaction from you. Keep a detailed diary of everything that happens, should he continue. Seriously consider reporting his behaviour to the police. You can get further advice from the National Stalking Helpline ( 0808 802 0300).
The Sun
25-04-2025
- General
- The Sun
I'm having an affair with my much older aunt – I know it's wrong but the sex is so good
DEAR DEIDRE: FOR a year, I've been having a passionate affair with my much older aunt. I know it's wrong but I can't stop as the sex is so good. I'm a single guy in my early 20s. She's 52 and married to my dad's brother. We're not a close family, so I barely met her growing up. I got talking to her at a family wedding last year. I couldn't believe how attractive she was, and how young she looks, it's like she's in her thirties. My uncle is the opposite — old for his age and grumpy. We both had quite a lot to drink, and I could tell she was happy to spend time with me. I also noticed that she seemed to appreciate my physique, as she kept touching me. She was very flirty. At the end of the evening, she slipped me her number and told me to message her. I wasn't sure what she intended but I started fantasising about her. Feeling very naughty, I contacted her. We met the following weekend in a hotel bar. She told me my uncle was away on business and invited me back to her house. The anticipation was thrilling and the sex didn't disappoint. I'd never been with an older woman before and she was so much more experienced than my previous lovers. Since then, we've met whenever we have had the chance. Even though we're not blood related, I know it's bad. My parents would be shocked if they knew. Yet the sex is so addictive, I keep going back for more. Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy I keep thinking the affair will fizzle out by itself, so I won't have to make a decision. But that hasn't happened yet. In fact, I think I've fallen for her. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: You both know this affair is wrong and dangerous – and that's what's driving it. Forbidden sex is very exciting. But the longer this goes on and the more risks you take, the more chance there is that you'll get caught. Not only could this wreck your aunt's marriage, it could also cause conflict in your family and destroy your dad's relationship with his brother. This affair has no future, she is 30 years older than you, as well as being a relative. You've fallen for her but she is using you for sex. As you've probably guessed, the only advice I can give you is to end this now before anyone in the family gets hurt. My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, will tell you more about the dangers of illicit relationships. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DITCH ONLINE STALKING DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I started to become obsessed with a man I met online, I realised how lonely and miserable I'd become. I was insanely jealous of another woman he was talking to – who he admitted having feelings for – even though we'd never met. And I spent hours looking at his social media and couldn't help messaging him several times a day. I'm a 45-year-old single woman. When it got to the point that I could barely leave my house, I wrote to you for help. You didn't judge me, but honestly and kindly told me this situation wasn't helping me, and that the relationship was going nowhere. You advised me to talk to my GP and to think about having counselling, and asked me to read your support packs, Living With Anxiety and Help For Your Depression. Counselling has helped a little. I've been managing to leave my house a few times a week, and I'm trying hard not to message the man I met online. I've also been talking to an ex, who is interested in making things work with me. I feel positive about the future. Perhaps delete the online man's contacts, so you can't message him. DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband left me a month after my wedding and I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends. We didn't argue and had a lovely honeymoon, so I'm completely blindsided and humiliated. He won't talk to me, so I don't know what to do. I'm 30 and he's 34. We'd been together for three years before we got married. I thought we were happy and I was looking forward to the future, to having a life and a family with him. But one morning, two weeks after our honeymoon, he got up, packed a case and told me calmly that he was leaving. He claims there's no other woman and that he'd simply realised he didn't want a wife, just the wedding and party, and I'd hear from his solicitor. I've learned he's moved back to where his parents live, about 200 miles away. Apart from my best friend, I haven't told anyone. It's only been a few weeks since everyone was dancing at my wedding. But I know that the news will come out soon. I'm not depressed, just in shock. I can't even cry. I'm going to work, watching Netflix and acting like everything is normal. But I know it isn't. DEIDRE SAYS: Your shock and devastation are absolutely natural. It sounds like your husband had been having doubts about your relationship but didn't have the courage to tell you, or to cancel the wedding. If he's not talking to you, you may need to accept that you'll never fully understand his reasons or get the closure you need from him. But it is important to talk to someone. Once the shock wears off, you will need support. Please don't feel embarrassed. This is not your fault. Lean on your friends and family, and let your feelings out. Think about talking to a counsellor. My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, tells you more. SEXLESS MARRIAGE DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years in a sexless marriage as a carer for my wife, I'm on the brink of looking for sex with another woman. I know cheating is wrong, but while I love my wife, my marriage is no longer a partnership, and I feel lonely and frustrated. I'm in my late 50s and my wife is 60. We've been married for 30 years. Although our marriage was loving at first, over time sex took a back seat. By the time my wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, four years ago, we had been celibate for almost a decade. Caring for her is physically and mentally exhausting and she is often nasty to me. I know she can't help it, but it makes me miss affection and intimacy even more. Would it be wrong if I looked for a woman to have a sexual relationship with? I don't want to fall in love with anyone, I just want to be held and kissed again. DEIDRE SAYS: You are clearly devoted to your wife but you also have normal needs and desires. Unless you're religious, the morality around cheating in a situation like this is not black and white. Perhaps what's more pertinent is how you would feel if you slept with another woman. You might feel too guilty to enjoy it. You need to think this through very carefully. Talking to someone who understands, such as a counsellor, could help. If you're struggling with caring, contact (0808 808 7777).
