Latest news with #assertiveness
Yahoo
11-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The Confidence Paradox
There are plenty of reasons to want to boost one's confidence. Confident people have better relationships and are more likely to get ahead at work and achieve more academically. They are even perceived as more attractive. It's no wonder that one of the top reasons people go to therapy is to become more confident. But here's something that might surprise you. Confidence isn't a feeling. It's a practice. Confident people prepare, they work hard, they still get nervous and suffer from imposter syndrome … but they've learned to take action anyway. The difference isn't that they feel more ready than everyone else. It's that they understand confidence comes from doing, not waiting to feel ready. I was reminded of this during a session with Sabrina, a new patient whose boss had told her she should be more assertive and speak up in meetings. She came to therapy convinced that we needed to excavate her past in order to understand why she was so quiet. Was it her three older brothers who dominated dinner conversations? Her parents' divorce when she was 16? The soccer coach in high school who only cared about winning? The breakup with her boyfriend of two years was because he felt their long-distance relationship wasn't working? The list went on and on… Here's what I explained to Sabrina: There is no amount of talking or thinking about confidence that will actually build it. What builds confidence is doing things. We gain confidence when we try to do something and succeed at it. Sure, it's easier to sit and talk about the causes of one's limitations than to take action to change them. All too often, this is what people do in therapy—focusing on the past and striving to understand the forces that shaped us. What this ignores is our ability to make our own choices and shape our present. Yes, believing in yourself and having others believe in you can help but it is only by putting yourself out there and taking action that you embolden and empower yourself. Most people think they need to feel confident before taking action. But confident people have figured out that action comes first, confidence follows. For example, it is from giving speeches that I began to feel better about my ability to give a good speech. Discussing one's problems and finger pointing rather than taking concrete steps to make a change can leave you in limbo. I think of it as the equivalent of sitting in an airport lounge waiting for the announcement that it's boarding time. In some ways, it's comfortable with the endless supply of bottled water and snacks but it's not time well spent. It's an 'as soon as' existence which is rarely a rewarding one. I suggested to Sabrina that rather than talking about why she doesn't speak up, that she could just begin by speaking up in meetings. That's the key. Stop talking about doing it. Stop thinking about doing it. Just begin. Think of confidence like a muscle. It strengthens through repetition, not through rest. Each time you speak up, try something new, or push through discomfort, you're doing psychological reps that reinforce a positive feedback loop: effort → action → evidence → growth. The magic happens in the gap between 'I'm not ready' and 'I'm doing it anyway.' Here's a simple yet effective exercise I use with clients to train their confidence muscle: Creating a Confidence Challenge—a short list of areas they want to grow in, paired with specific action steps. Want to speak up more in meetings? Try being the first to suggest an idea this week. Want to get more confident in the kitchen? Pick a new recipe and make it tonight. Want to feel less anxious about public speaking? Practice giving a toast at dinner with friends. The goal isn't perfection, it's momentum. Small wins create the psychological foundation for bigger ones. Your body produces identical physiological responses to fear and excitement—it's the same racing heart, sweaty palms, and butterflies in your stomach. The only difference is the story you tell yourself about what those sensations mean. Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks found that people who said 'I'm excited' before a performance consistently outperformed those who tried to calm down. Your nervous system is already revved up so why not use that energy to your advantage. As Adam Grant writes, 'Confidence doesn't always come from believing in yourself today. It often stems from recalling the obstacles you overcame yesterday.' When imposter syndrome starts whispering that you're not qualified, flip the script. Remember the project you thought was impossible but pulled off? That speech you were terrified to give but nailed? The difficult conversation you navigated with grace? You've been building evidence of your capabilities your entire life. Don't let self-doubt erase the data. Stand up right now. Roll your shoulders back, lift your chin, and smile like you just accomplished something amazing. Notice how you already feel different? Research shows that our physical posture doesn't just reflect our mental state—it actively shapes it. When we stand tall, we don't just look more confident; we actually feel more confident. It's like giving yourself a shot of liquid courage, minus the hangover. "Just be yourself" might be the worst advice ever given to someone struggling with confidence. When imposter syndrome is loud, being yourself feels like the last thing you want to do. Instead, try this: Think of someone who embodies the qualities you want to cultivate. How would they walk into this room? Speak in this meeting? Handle this challenge? Maybe it's a mentor, a friend, or even a fictional character—the key is to borrow their mindset until you develop your own. It's not about being fake; it's about stretching beyond your current self-concept to become who you're capable of being. If you want to sound and feel more confident, pay attention to the language you use. One simple shift can make a huge difference: stop saying 'I think' when you have a clear opinion. Instead of saying 'I think we should eat here,' say 'I recommend we eat here.' Instead of 'I think this might work,' say 'Let's try this.' Confident language doesn't just change how others hear you—it changes how you see yourself. Confidence grows by doing, not thinking. Whether it's raising your hand, sharing your idea, or stepping outside your comfort zone, each small act builds the belief that you can handle more than you thought. The leap comes first. The confidence comes later.
Yahoo
11-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The Confidence Paradox
There are plenty of reasons to want to boost one's confidence. Confident people have better relationships and are more likely to get ahead at work and achieve more academically. They are even perceived as more attractive. It's no wonder that one of the top reasons people go to therapy is to become more confident. But here's something that might surprise you. Confidence isn't a feeling. It's a practice. Confident people prepare, they work hard, they still get nervous and suffer from imposter syndrome … but they've learned to take action anyway. The difference isn't that they feel more ready than everyone else. It's that they understand confidence comes from doing, not waiting to feel ready. I was reminded of this during a session with Sabrina, a new patient whose boss had told her she should be more assertive and speak up in meetings. She came to therapy convinced that we needed to excavate her past in order to understand why she was so quiet. Was it her three older brothers who dominated dinner conversations? Her parents' divorce when she was 16? The soccer coach in high school who only cared about winning? The breakup with her boyfriend of two years was because he felt their long-distance relationship wasn't working? The list went on and on… Here's what I explained to Sabrina: There is no amount of talking or thinking about confidence that will actually build it. What builds confidence is doing things. We gain confidence when we try to do something and succeed at it. Sure, it's easier to sit and talk about the causes of one's limitations than to take action to change them. All too often, this is what people do in therapy—focusing on the past and striving to understand the forces that shaped us. What this ignores is our ability to make our own choices and shape our present. Yes, believing in yourself and having others believe in you can help but it is only by putting yourself out there and taking action that you embolden and empower yourself. Most people think they need to feel confident before taking action. But confident people have figured out that action comes first, confidence follows. For example, it is from giving speeches that I began to feel better about my ability to give a good speech. Discussing one's problems and finger pointing rather than taking concrete steps to make a change can leave you in limbo. I think of it as the equivalent of sitting in an airport lounge waiting for the announcement that it's boarding time. In some ways, it's comfortable with the endless supply of bottled water and snacks but it's not time well spent. It's an 'as soon as' existence which is rarely a rewarding one. I suggested to Sabrina that rather than talking about why she doesn't speak up, that she could just begin by speaking up in meetings. That's the key. Stop talking about doing it. Stop thinking about doing it. Just begin. Think of confidence like a muscle. It strengthens through repetition, not through rest. Each time you speak up, try something new, or push through discomfort, you're doing psychological reps that reinforce a positive feedback loop: effort → action → evidence → growth. The magic happens in the gap between 'I'm not ready' and 'I'm doing it anyway.' Here's a simple yet effective exercise I use with clients to train their confidence muscle: Creating a Confidence Challenge—a short list of areas they want to grow in, paired with specific action steps. Want to speak up more in meetings? Try being the first to suggest an idea this week. Want to get more confident in the kitchen? Pick a new recipe and make it tonight. Want to feel less anxious about public speaking? Practice giving a toast at dinner with friends. The goal isn't perfection, it's momentum. Small wins create the psychological foundation for bigger ones. Your body produces identical physiological responses to fear and excitement—it's the same racing heart, sweaty palms, and butterflies in your stomach. The only difference is the story you tell yourself about what those sensations mean. Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks found that people who said 'I'm excited' before a performance consistently outperformed those who tried to calm down. Your nervous system is already revved up so why not use that energy to your advantage. As Adam Grant writes, 'Confidence doesn't always come from believing in yourself today. It often stems from recalling the obstacles you overcame yesterday.' When imposter syndrome starts whispering that you're not qualified, flip the script. Remember the project you thought was impossible but pulled off? That speech you were terrified to give but nailed? The difficult conversation you navigated with grace? You've been building evidence of your capabilities your entire life. Don't let self-doubt erase the data. Stand up right now. Roll your shoulders back, lift your chin, and smile like you just accomplished something amazing. Notice how you already feel different? Research shows that our physical posture doesn't just reflect our mental state—it actively shapes it. When we stand tall, we don't just look more confident; we actually feel more confident. It's like giving yourself a shot of liquid courage, minus the hangover. "Just be yourself" might be the worst advice ever given to someone struggling with confidence. When imposter syndrome is loud, being yourself feels like the last thing you want to do. Instead, try this: Think of someone who embodies the qualities you want to cultivate. How would they walk into this room? Speak in this meeting? Handle this challenge? Maybe it's a mentor, a friend, or even a fictional character—the key is to borrow their mindset until you develop your own. It's not about being fake; it's about stretching beyond your current self-concept to become who you're capable of being. If you want to sound and feel more confident, pay attention to the language you use. One simple shift can make a huge difference: stop saying 'I think' when you have a clear opinion. Instead of saying 'I think we should eat here,' say 'I recommend we eat here.' Instead of 'I think this might work,' say 'Let's try this.' Confident language doesn't just change how others hear you—it changes how you see yourself. Confidence grows by doing, not thinking. Whether it's raising your hand, sharing your idea, or stepping outside your comfort zone, each small act builds the belief that you can handle more than you thought. The leap comes first. The confidence comes later.
Forbes
10-07-2025
- Business
- Forbes
14 Ways Business Owners Can Cross The Line With Assertiveness
While assertiveness is often praised as a key trait of successful entrepreneurship, when taken too far, it can become a liability for a business owner. From dismissing others' ideas to blatant self-promotion at networking events, being overly assertive can erode trust, hinder connection and stall business growth. Striking the right balance between confidence and consideration is essential for building strong teams, partnerships and client relationships. Here, 14 Forbes Coaches Council members share real-world examples of when a business owner being too assertive can do more harm than good. Read on to learn how to recognize the fine line between bold and brash. 1. Dominating Conversations With Investors One example of being overly assertive is a business owner pitching to investors and dominating the conversation—talking over questions, dismissing concerns and refusing to adapt the message. Instead of signaling confidence, this behavior reveals rigidity and insecurity. Investors look for partners, not bulldozers. Being overly assertive shuts down trust, curiosity and collaboration, which long-term success demands. - Carlos Hoyos, Elite Leader Institute 2. Pushing Sales In Every Context Without EQ A business owner constantly pitching their product—like promoting their T-shirt brand in a hospital waiting room—without reading the room is an issue. It's a mistake because it shows a lack of emotional intelligence and context awareness. Not every moment is a sales opportunity; timing and empathy matter in building trust. - Diana Lowe, Blue Light Leadership 3. Offering Solutions Before Understanding Needs Many business owners understand that it is better to focus on the benefits of their products and services rather than on 'what' they do; however, they often fail to explore in depth what the potential client is really struggling with before rushing to offer a potential solution. It is so much more effective to truly understand what a potential customer really needs before offering your services. - Christine Allen, Ph.D., Insight Business Works, Inc. 4. Pitching Too Soon In Social Media DMs Sending a sales pitch in the first (or second) direct message on social media can backfire. Jumping in with your website link and brochure before any connection has been built can come across as transactional and risks pushing them away (even if they are your ideal client!). - Tanya Edgar, Tanya Edgar Coaching and Consulting Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify? 5. Tipping Into Arrogance And Lacking Humility A business owner can be too assertive when it comes to pitching for business, particularly if what you are selling is yourself. People buy from people they trust. One of the habits of being trustworthy is being humble, so when assertiveness tips into arrogance this is a red flag for potential clients. There's a moment where one great question will be more powerful than having all the answers. - Dr. John Blakey, John Blakey Ltd 6. Ignoring 'Regular' People When Networking Dismissing people you think are 'nobody' at an event and only wanting to speak to the high and mighty, titled people is a huge mistake. It's a mistake because you rub people the wrong way, and if they ever thought about working with you or hiring you because you are knowledgeable, then forget about it. Although you may be more established, you'll lose business from not acknowledging 'regular' people you meet. - Miriam Simon, Mi Sí Coaching and Consulting LLC 7. Controlling Discussions And Silencing Others I recently attended a meeting where an individual attempted to set up a volunteer project. Unfortunately, he led the meeting by not allowing others to speak, constantly interrupting those who did to interject his thoughts and opinions. After an hour, he was the only one who had introduced himself. Needless to say, we're not seeing the volunteers stand up. - Ed Brzychcy, Lead from the Front 8. Ambushing Investors In Inappropriate Settings Imagine a founder at a startup pitch event who corners an investor during the coffee break, launches into a ten-minute monologue, slides pitch deck visuals across a croissant plate and demands a next step before the espresso cools. This kind of overassertiveness does not impress; it overwhelms. The investor will feel ambushed. Assertiveness without attunement turns confidence into insensitivity. - Thomas Lim, Centre for Systems Leadership (SIM Academy) 9. Ignoring Social Cues To Push A Product One example is a business owner who aggressively pushed their product at a networking event, interrupting conversations and handing out unsolicited samples. While eager, they ignored social cues and dominated the space, making others uncomfortable. This assertiveness backfired, as potential collaborators saw it as disrespectful rather than confident, damaging trust before any relationship formed. - Curtis Odom, Prescient Strategists 10. Interrupting Potential Investors To 'Correct' Them At a pitch event, a founder interrupts a potential investor mid-question to 'correct' their framing, trying to sound bold, but it reads as insecure control. The mistake? Overassertiveness in high-stakes moments kills curiosity. Investors fund clarity and adaptability, not dominance. If you can't handle a question, you're not ready for a boardroom disagreement. - Alla Adam, Adam Impact Institute 11. Making Snap Decisions About Team Members When dealing with employees, business owners can be too assertive by making snap decisions, such as firing, hiring or promoting someone based on surface-level interactions or assumptions. While quick decision-making is valuable, choices that impact people should be thoughtful. Rushing these calls can lead to low morale, high turnover and missed opportunities to develop strong, loyal talent. - Megan Malone, Truity 12. Sending Aggressive Email Follow-Ups A CEO cold-emailing potential clients with aggressive follow-ups every three to four days, demanding meetings and responses to questions is a terrible idea. It's desperation masquerading as confidence, and it repels rather than attracts. True authority doesn't need to shout; if communicated well, people lean in to listen. The irony is that the harder you chase them, the faster they run away. - Antonio Garrido, My Daily Leadership 13. Undercutting Competition With Desperate Tactics Impractical competitive practices, such as undercutting a competitor with aggressive pricing or imitating a product just to win a major client or customers, will fall short in the medium to long term. This will cannibalize the company's financial and brand value. Assertiveness in business should be strategic, not self-destructive. Compete with value, not desperation. - Arthi Rabikrisson, Prerna Advisory 14. Letting Ego Get In The Way Of Curiosity I witnessed a franchise leader ask a new executive in front of a room full of people, 'Why should we trust you since you don't come from the industry?' He saw himself as a 'truth teller,' while everyone else saw him as a jerk. His approach lacked emotional intelligence. He shamed someone when he should have used curiosity to foster trust and connection. Great leaders challenge with tact, not ego. - Justin Patton, The Trust Architect Group
Yahoo
01-07-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
From Runway to Radical Reinvention: Sandra Rives Launches "Unapologetically Authentic" Coaching Program for Executive Women
Creator of Red Opium unveils a transformational course helping executive women reclaim confidence, set boundaries, and speak with unapologetic clarity NEW YORK, July 1, 2025 /PRNewswire/ -- Internationally recognized fashion entrepreneur and professional counsellor Sandra Rives has unveiled Unapologetically Authentic: Assertiveness and Boundaries for Executive Women, a 90-day transformational coaching experience for women leaders over 35. Rooted in her 18 years of counselling, education, and lived wisdom, the program offers a powerful reset for women who are tired of shrinking, second-guessing, and sacrificing their truth in the name of success. Sandra is no stranger to defying convention. With no formal fashion training, she built Red Opium by Sandra Rives into a global label, debuting collections in Australia, Malaysia, and the U.S. In one standout moment, she was invited to reinterpret original paper-based artworks by renowned Perth Aboriginal artist Peter Farmer into wearable art. The resulting resort collection merged cultural reverence with bold, contemporary silhouettes and drew praise across the fashion world. The collection's impact extended far beyond the runway. The same intermediary who commissioned the project shared Sandra's work with a long-time friend—legendary designer Jimmy Choo—who created a bespoke pair of shoes inspired by the artwork. Later, Jimmy Choo attended one of Sandra's shows in person, where her bold, cross-cultural expressions took center stage. Her designs were daring and deeply authentic—just like the women she now helps transform. With Unapologetically Authentic, Sandra shifts from fashion to coaching, guiding women through emotional and behavioural breakthroughs using a trauma-informed biopsychosocial model for change. "This isn't surface-level empowerment," Rives says. "It's about recalibrating how women show up in life, business, and relationships. In fashion, I proved you don't need permission to create something powerful. Now, I'm helping women lead without apology." The need is urgent. According to KPMG, 69% of executive women feel they must compromise their authenticity to be taken seriously. Harvard Business Review reports 44% struggle to set boundaries, while 53% of senior women in a Deloitte study reported mental health issues tied to guilt around saying "no." Sandra's program combines trauma-informed modules, practical tools, and 1:1 coaching to help high-achieving women stop over-apologising, set boundaries, and lead with confidence. About Sandra Rives: Sandra Rives is a counsellor, transformational coach, and founder of Red Opium by Sandra Rives. Learn more at and Media Contact: info@ Photo - View original content to download multimedia: SOURCE Sandra Rives Transformational Authenticity Coaching & Counselling Error in retrieving data Sign in to access your portfolio Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data Error in retrieving data
Yahoo
31-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
DEAR ABBY: Retiree is finally ready to make time for herself
DEAR ABBY: I have spent 40 years serving the public and my country, putting other people first and feeling guilty if I didn't. However, I am becoming resentful of the demands for my time. I'm retired, and my husband still works. We have always split the expenses 50-50, even though I make less than 40% of his income. Once I retired, my share of the household chores and errands increased from 75% to 90%. I wanted to make life easier for my husband, but now he expects me to run personal errands for him, too. All the wear and tear and gas usage is borne by my car, which is considerably older than his. I have a friend and walking partner who has been having different issues she needs help with. She has always talked about the close friends she has known for decades and sees regularly. They all live about 20 minutes away and are retired, in good health and able to drive. I offered her my help in the past, but now she and her friends think I should be her go-to person since I live closer to her than they do. I have my own schedule and routine now. I like having some days free to do what I feel like and not have to fulfil demands from others. How do I let people know MY time is valuable and discourage them from expecting me to help them? — TOO NICE AND HELPFUL DEAR TOO NICE: It is not a crime to tell someone you don't have time to do what they want you to do. It's time to sign up for some assertiveness training so you can learn how to say no. (No, I'm not kidding.) If you do as I suggest, it might even improve your marriage. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified. DEAR ABBY: The floor I work on has a cluster of offices surrounding a central kitchen area. Fifteen of us share the appliances, including a hot water reservoir with a tap. The building is old and has lead pipes, so a service brings in large plastic bottles for a water cooler. Usually, whoever arrives first in the morning fills the tank on the water heater from the cooler, and we all use it to make hot drinks during the day. I just found out that a new employee has been filling the tank from the contaminated tap! When I asked her about it, she said that the microplastics in the water jugs were more dangerous than the lead in the pipes. She's very committed to this idea and is not going to budge. I don't think this is right. I will heat my own water from now on, but how should I warn the others in the office? The source of our tea water seems like a silly thing to start an office tiff over, but I also think people need to know their water is unsafe. — NOT DRINKING IN NEW YORK DEAR NOT DRINKING: I agree the employees in your office should know about this. At least they will be on notice about which 'poison' they are consuming. Report this to HR or your employer, so the announcement can come from on high and you can stay out of the line of fire. — Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
