Latest news with #behavior
Fast Company
a day ago
- General
- Fast Company
Motivation is a pattern: Moving from alarm clocks to purpose-driven success
Motivation isn't just a feeling—it's a pattern. A pattern of behavior, of habits, of choosing again and again to pursue something that matters. Too often we confuse motivation with external forces: deadlines, alarms, or pressure from bosses. But the most lasting, fulfilling kind of motivation comes from within. There are two types of motivation: alarm clock motivation and fulfillment-driven motivation. Alarm clock motivation is just what it sounds like—an external push. It's the reason you get up at 6:30 AM because your job or responsibilities demand it. It's duty-bound, sometimes driven by fear or necessity. Think of a teacher who wakes early because they have 30 kids waiting for them. It's not passion that gets them out of bed—it's the obligation. Fulfillment-driven motivation is different. It's internal. It's what happens when you believe you were meant to do something. That same teacher might be waking up at 6:30 AM not just to teach, but because they believe they're shaping minds and making a real difference in their community. That's purpose in action. And when your motivation is tied to fulfillment, your energy, creativity, and resilience increase dramatically. But to operate from fulfillment, your basic needs have to be met. You need stability: shelter, food, rest, safety, love. Only then can you lift your gaze beyond survival and start to think about the impact you want to make in the world. Subscribe to the Daily newsletter. Fast Company's trending stories delivered to you every day Privacy Policy | Fast Company Newsletters Many people set huge, noble goals—to start nonprofits, write books, change lives—but fail to get traction because they haven't overcome the basics. They're still stuck in alarm clock mode. And that's okay. It's a phase. But we must recognize that we can't get to fulfillment-driven motivation if we're still fighting to meet our daily needs. Once I reached a point where my family was stable—economically, emotionally, spiritually—that's when my motivation began to shift. I was no longer driven just by the need to provide, but by the desire to help others, to make an impact, to mentor and inspire. People lose enthusiasm when their motivation isn't sustainable. If you're driven only by money, fame, or a target metric, what happens when you hit it? Often, you find that the goal doesn't simplify your life—it complicates it. You need a deeper 'why' to carry you through. That's what fulfillment provides. The key is setting goals that are both attainable and purpose-driven. Don't aim for something completely out of reach just to prove a point. Instead, chunk your big dream into manageable pieces. One of my mentors used to say, 'The best way to eat an elephant is in hunks, chunks, and bites.' That's how motivation works best too. For example, instead of setting a goal to lose 50 pounds, start by going to the gym every day for two weeks. Then build from there. Instead of trying to get on a nonprofit board immediately, show up to events, serve, and connect authentically. Motivation builds when you take meaningful action—bit by bit. As I've grown, my motivation has shifted again. In my 20s, I was motivated by fun. In my 30s, by financial stability and growing a business. Now, as I approach 40, I'm motivated by spending time with my family, mentoring others, and making a meaningful dent in the world—just as Steve Jobs encouraged others to do. Ultimately, motivation is about setting yourself up for success, not burnout. It's about recognizing the season you're in and aligning your goals accordingly. So ask yourself: What motivates you now? And how can you break it down into the bites that will carry you forward? When you understand that motivation is a pattern—not a mystery—you gain the power to shape it.
Washington Post
a day ago
- Entertainment
- Washington Post
Parents are burned out and lonely. Are our rigid rules making it worse?
My friend Melissa has the voice of a principal you don't want to cross: calm, steady and, sometimes, dripping with disapproval. One Wednesday night, I watched her use it on my son. 'Ollie. Down.' He was scaling her mid-century modern table mid-game of tag, seconds from toppling a plant onto her Persian rug. In our house, that behavior might have earned a warning or maybe a plea to take the game to his room. But at Melissa's, it crossed a line, and he knew it.
The Guardian
5 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
I used to be scared of being a ‘difficult woman'. Now it's a badge of honour
I remember the thrill I felt when someone would tell me that I was a 'good girl'. I understood from a young age that, as a girl, goodness would be my supreme achievement – my calling in life. But what that looked like or how I might embody its essence took time to decode. I remember being in the back seat of our brown HJ Holden when I was young, leaving a family party and being reprimanded by my parents for my 'behaviour'. I was mystified. I had no idea what I had done that had caused them such embarrassment. Had I run when I was told not to? Or had I misunderstood an instruction? Was I a 'bad girl', I remember wondering. As powerful and incentivising as the idea of being a 'good girl' was, the 'bad girl' label was probably more powerful in the way it encouraged me to avoid it at all costs. I would have done anything to never be thought of as bad. I wasn't clear in those early years on what being a bad girl entailed but the threat was powerful enough for me to remain strictly within a narrow set of ideas of how I needed to behave. I have a strong memory of some family friends having a 'bad girl' stay with them for a while. Her mother was no longer around to care for her and her father was barely in the picture. I remember the warning that came with her before she arrived, that she was a kid who had done some 'bad' things and I wasn't to get too close. This all horrified me. So grand was the image of the bad girl in my psyche that I was immediately scared of what she might try to make me do. What sort of badness would she get up to? Only days after her arrival, I heard she had weed on the front lawn. She had simply pulled her pants down and peed. No one was sure why she hadn't gone into the house to use the toilet, and everyone was confused and shocked. So I pretended to be shocked too. But I don't think I was shocked – I think I was afraid. Afraid of her wildness. A wildness that I understood and felt inside me too but that had been pushed far down. While I performed the 'good girl', I never felt like one. The mere suggestion that goodness was judged by people on the outside of me was enough to send me into spirals of doubt and self-loathing. I would watch adults closely to see if I had made them happy. Had I said 'thank you'? Had I smiled at the right time at their joke? Had I spoken sweetly enough? Had I agreed with the way they thought about the world, even if I didn't? In writing my latest book, The Wisdom of Age, I wanted to find out from the elder women I interviewed if it was true that I might be able to grow old disgracefully, as all the Hallmark cards are now suggesting. Was it going to be real disgrace? Or just a performance of disgrace? Would I be regarded as difficult if I didn't do what was expected of me as an ageing woman? Yes, I was told by many women: if you step out of line and outside our ageing woman tropes, the swiftness of 'difficult' being attached to you and its conjuring of the bad girl trope remained a powerful restraint. Who would want to be considered difficult after so many years playing the game? There had been a stirring in me since my mid-30s to stop placating the people around me, and now that I had hit my 50s, it had begun to feel as though it was shaking me to get out. I wanted to break some metaphorical plates and leave them for someone else to clean up. I spoke to artists and activists in their 70s, 80s and 90s to find out if they were comfortable being thought of as difficult. These were women who were not making it easy for those around them to violate the rights or safety of others. They were speaking up and turning up to the frontline of protests, or they were simply letting their families know that they were no longer going to put up with their shit. In every conversation, there was a glint in their eyes at the suggestion of being 'difficult'. 'Difficult' had become a rallying cry – a sign that they were on the right track, a sign that they had reconnected with the girl who raged inside them. Many of those women wanted to clarify that being difficult was not done merely for difficulty's sake. Rather, they were finally following the beat of their heart, unmoved by the social conditioning that had held them captive for so long. 'Difficult' didn't faze them – it emboldened them. This wisdom, along with so much else I received in the writing of the book, has caused me to revisit that good girl and suggest that perhaps we might consider a do-over. Get back some of those years when we kept the peace and smiled nicely. We will invite back the girl who is clear on who she is – before she was told to be something else. The girl who doesn't please those around her for the sake of pleasing but instead loves wildly and passionately when it feels right to do so. The girl who is in touch with the voice that has been calling her for her whole life. The girl who might, facing the horrors of the life she had been given, pull down her pants and wee on the front lawn. Jacinta Parsons is a radio broadcaster and writer from Melbourne. Her latest book is titled A Wisdom of Age
Daily Mail
6 days ago
- General
- Daily Mail
I was extremely rich and extremely poor. I was a child prodigy and child actor who knew the Spice Girls. They were all lies. This is why I did it... and what it's really like being a serial liar: ALICE SNAPE
How often do you lie? Your instinctive reaction may be to protest, 'Me? Never!' But that's probably a lie in itself. Because all of us lie, in small ways, all the time. But the thing about lying is that it has a way of running away from you.
Yahoo
12-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
"I Cut All Ties With Him": People Are Sharing The Infuriating "Last Straw" That Made Them Finally Stop Talking To Someone
Recently, we published stories from people who chose to cut someone out of their lives forever after witnessing their "red flag" behavior. After that, even more folks chimed in with their experiences of ending their relationships with friends, family, and coworkers. Here's what they had to say. 1."I had gotten friendly with a girl at my workplace several years ago. We bonded over our mutual love of cats. One day, she said she had to have her cat put down, and I expressed sadness and asked her sympathetically about it. Her reply turned my stomach: Her boyfriend was moving in and was upset that the cat missed the litter box occasionally. It was in the basement, which he wanted to turn into his man cave. She didn't try to re-home her cat; she had her put down. I gave her the cold shoulder after that. She didn't even seem sad that she had the cat put down; she was very matter-of-fact about it." —ginnyjensen Related: 2."My father had just passed from cancer. My best friend of 24 years was with me at his apartment to help me clean. She did nothing but dig through everything he owned and ask me for stuff. She actually made a bigger mess by ransacking closets, drawers, and cupboards. I must have said 'no' to the wrong item because she suddenly screamed, 'It's not fair that you're getting stuff just because your dad died!' I instantly saw my respect for her shatter and fall to the ground like shards of glass." "I've never felt such rage. I largely ignored her and silently finished my tasks. We had an hour-long drive home, and the whole way, she complained that she had better things to do that day than help me. I could not believe how jealous, materialistic, and childish she was. It's been eight years, and I haven't spoken a word to her since. Oddly, a couple of years later, when my mom passed, she left a voicemail to offer her condolences. I couldn't believe her gall to offer to comfort me after being so awful about my father. To this day, she's been toxic and continues to tell our mutual friends how inconsiderate I've been to her." —Bentley, 52, Michigan 3."I had a friend I absolutely adored. He was funny and generous, and (as a bonus reason to love him) he had five dogs that he doted on. Just a salt-of-the-earth type of guy. Pretty well off, too. He also had a wicked sense of humor. One day in 2015, I was working at my bar, and he came in wearing a bright red trucker hat with 'TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT' emblazoned across the front. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen, and I could not stop laughing! When I went to high-five him, I realized he was not laughing." "He never looked back and became one of the pissed-off, paranoid carbon copies we see today. I swear that hat shaved 50 points off his IQ. The last time I spoke to him was over Facebook. He had posted that he paid 40% in taxes the previous year and how Trump's plan would fix it. I pointed out that the highest tax rate was 37%, so maybe he just needed a new accountant. I also pointed out that even at his relatively high income, he didn't make nearly enough to benefit long-term from Trump's tax plan. He unfriended me, and I haven't seen him since." —zydecosdeb 4."I was going through chemo and was wearing beanies to cover my bald head. My good friend and her man came for a visit one day. I opened the door to be greeted with, 'I knew you would look ugly, so I brought you a bandana,' and he literally threw it at me. My friend laughed, but I didn't. We sat down outside, and he immediately lit a joint. That's OK, I'm 420-friendly, and I smoked to keep my nausea at bay, but when I declined to smoke his, he called me a bitch. Again, my 'friend' just laughed. I stood up and said sorry, I'm really not up to this visit right now and went inside, leaving them on my deck. They left, and I never talked to either one of them again. She tried to stop by again many times, but I eventually blocked her." —Anonymous, 60, Canada 5."When I was 20, I had an older friend who I hung out with constantly. She lived with her boyfriend, so I hung out with him a lot as well. One night he sent me some dick pics and came onto me in some texts. I called my friend, sobbing because I had to tell her what her boyfriend was doing, and she didn't believe me. She called him and then called me back to say he said it was an accident and he meant to send them to her instead. Bitch, he used MY NAME. She continued making excuses for him, so I cut them both off. Best decision I ever made." —pepperhart 6."Someone in my extended family was having a tough time. She didn't have a job or money, so I offered her the opportunity to start over at my place, where I had a spare room and could help her for a month. She seemed to love my toddler, and I thought she'd help me around the house. She turned into a total diva, wanted a makeover, special foods and beverages, and left the outdoor jacuzzi running day and night. She cost me over a thousand dollars in debt, and when I helped her get the money to pay me back, she suddenly ran off that day." "It turns out she stole things and tore up a print of me and my son from our first three months, keeping the frame I bought. This was the only print of that size I had and the only one of that pose with the photographer. She also left chocolate out and sickened my dog the day she left. Worst human ever; I can't relate to that part of the family." —Anonymous, 62, Hawaii Related: 7."My brother had a high-level accounting job. He boasted about firing a woman for taking a pack of bankers' boxes to move. She had been at the company for 35 years and was close to retirement. She lost everything. Her son also worked at the company, and he loved the fact that he had to face him every day." —Anonymous 8."I had a couple of dates with a guy. The only physical contact we had was a hug, and sexual stuff was never brought up. I found out my best friend was dying from cancer. When I told him, he sent me a photo of himself in bed, naked. When I understandably got upset about that, because WTF, he kept insisting I was only upset because he wasn't hard in the photo, and it was supposed to cheer me up. I kept trying to get him to understand so that, hopefully, he wouldn't do that to someone else, but he really wasn't getting it and kept making it all about himself." —carsteli 9."It was a (now ex) boyfriend of mine. In the middle of a hot summer day, his mom let their old, near-blind, and deaf dog outside on the street. They live in an urban setting, so their house is next to a very busy street where cars always speed. Well, a dog catcher picked the dog up hours later (HOURS???). I went to the animal shelter to make sure the dog was all right. Thankfully, he was OK, if just a bit confused. I immediately called my then-boyfriend and told him, 'I found the dog; he's at the pound; you can come pick him up and take him home!'" "I can't remember what he said exactly, but there was silence for a few moments at first, and then he said he wasn't coming. This wasn't because he was at work or otherwise occupied; he just didn't want to. Now, I'm a huge animal lover. If one of my dogs had been rounded up by the dog catcher like that, I would do everything in my power to get them home. I didn't have the resources to take the dog in at that moment, so getting my boyfriend down to pick him up was the only option. However, I later learned that he wouldn't have been able to pick up the dog anyway: The animal shelter wouldn't allow a dog in such a pitiful condition to return to the household that had led him to that, and since he still lived at home, he was barred from retrieving the dog. Overall, my boyfriend's indifferent, limp-dick reaction to his dog being at the shelter made me realize that we had very different core values, which is intolerable for me in a relationship like this — an instant ick if you will. He became an ex-boyfriend after I had ripped him to shreds for what they did." —wafflebears198 10."I worked part-time at a store. I was in my late teens and had been dating a guy for over a year. He attended and lived on campus at a private school. He started canceling our weekend visits due to being 'gated.' I was working on a Saturday with a new girl, and she was going on and on about her new boyfriend. Well, my boyfriend showed up and looked so uneasy. He left, and the new girl asked me if I knew that guy. Sensing something was askew, I said no. She then told me he was her boyfriend, and they had been dating for three months. I then told her I was dating him. He phoned me the next day. I hung up and never saw him again." —Anonymous Related: 11."Once, I asked a guy I knew from my writing group on a dinner date. I planned to take the bus home, but he offered me a ride. I knew him pretty well at that point, so I said yes. Halfway through the ride, he said, 'I could kidnap you right now, and nobody would probably notice.' I got home safely, left the writing group, and never spoke to him again." —michelangelofangirl 12."I was good friends with someone in college. After graduation, we saw each other now and then. During that time, he started getting into political conversations, which made me uncomfortable. When I saw him for the very last time (we rarely communicated by that point), it was clear he was deep down the rabbit hole. He said the Clintons were responsible for all major celebrity deaths, from Robin Williams and Paul Walker to Prince and Bill Paxton, because 'they threatened to expose them.' Safe to say, I cut all ties with him and have no idea what he has been up to the past several years." —robertolmstead90 13."I went on a date with this guy I worked with when I was 19 or 20. I worked in the bank call center, and he was a director somewhere within the organization. He was much older than me, maybe in his 30s. We went to dinner; he ordered himself drinks and appetizers, and we had dinner. Everything was great. When the bill came, I asked if we were splitting it. He looked me dead in the eye and said, 'I don't pay for my meals. Women pay for me.' I said, 'Welp, I'm not paying for you, so we can split the bill for my portion of the meal, and you'll have to figure out the rest.'" "He got very upset and asked how it would look if we paid with two cards — that it was tacky. So he paid the bill, then drove me to an ATM in a dark parking lot, and I had to reach over him to get money out to pay him for dinner (this was 20 years ago, so no Venmo). We got back to my house, and he tried to make out in his PT Cruiser after all that." —clevergoose56 14."This guy I work with always seemed like a pretty solid, good guy. He'd do anything to help someone else out. One day, we were chatting about the state of the world and how Millennials have been through so many big world-changing events that seemed to kick off with 9/11. He laughed and said, 'I don't believe everything they told us about that either. It's just another big lie from the government. You also thought COVID was real, so it makes sense, I guess. You need better reading material.' At that moment, I lost all the respect I had for him as a person, and it was the last time I spoke to him for any reason besides work issues." —p46bf3ddf0 15."I have a close and old friend who I've known for over 40 years. During COVID, she became convinced that the vaccine was very dangerous. I'm in my late sixties, so I was going to get one, no matter what. We were FaceTiming, and I told her that I had gotten my shot. She began to yell at me, berating me for having gotten the shot. She would not stop. Finally, I told her I would not continue to listen to her yelling at me. I hung up and haven't heard from her in over three years. Sad." —Anonymous 16."My baby was born prematurely at 30 weeks, with several health issues, and spent nine weeks in the hospital, during which time he contracted sepsis (which he blessedly recovered from). Three weeks after our baby left the hospital, we went to a drinks function my husband's work was holding. While there, we were chatting with a male coworker of my husband; they had worked together for about three years and knew each other casually." "When the coworker asked about our new baby, we filled him in and told him that I had had an emergency C-section suddenly due to experiencing intense pain and our baby being in distress. (My husband wasn't able to get to the hospital in time; it happened so fast, and I had been all alone.) The coworker responded immediately to us telling him all this by saying, "You had a C-section? Ha, if your son is gay, he'll be gold star gay 'cause he's never been in a vagina!" Then, he laughed loudly at his own joke. I was so stunned, as was my husband. We said nothing." —slcreativewritingclasses Related: 17."One of the teachers I work with told a bunch of students that climate change was fake, COVID was fake, the moon landing was fake, the recent solar eclipse was list goes on and on. Another teacher I work with proudly proclaimed that if she didn't have enough chairs, 'certain' students 'could sit on the ground like the dogs they are.' These are supposedly educated people who are with kids for six to seven hours a day. How they both haven't been let go is beyond me." —ssstege11573 18."Our best friend was dealing with the loss of his wife from cancer. The day before her memorial service, our 'friend' (who was more like a brother to both of us) texted him to see if he'd be interested in investing in his new company. No 'How are you holding up?' or 'Is there anything I can do for you?' Nope. The selfish bastard only thought of himself. My friend and I quickly cut him out of our lives after 20+ years of friendship." —Anonymous, 40, Florida 19."My stepbrother arrived a few days after my mother passed to 'help get things in order.' When he saw that my mom had changed her gifts to actually give him more than he was previously allotted, but not as much as she had left me (I cared for her in her final year), he left in a dither. Two days later, he came back and wanted to just 'ignore' her changes. He also started accusing my mother and me of being thieves because he believed money and stocks were missing. I had picked my mom's ashes up no more than three hours before he started these accusations." —Anonymous 20."I had just moved from Los Angeles to Nashville and had an open house party for neighbors. I was used to open-minded and friendly religious talk in California. At our open house, when I commented that allowing others to have their own beliefs was important to religious tolerance, my new neighbor declared that I was possessed by the devil because only the devil himself would say something so nefarious and evil. I invited her to leave the party and never spoke to her again." —Gary, Nashville 21."I'll never forget where I was when I politely folded up my newspaper, paid for my coffee, and walked out on someone forever. I had met him studying language and culture abroad in Japan. We had gone to the same college and remained friends upon returning to the States. He had invited me to coffee when suddenly he aggressively explained to me that black and gay people were the cause of inflation. He said it in an obvious way as if he expected me to agree with him or argue. He wanted a reaction. Instead, I walked away and have never looked back." —dazzlingdolphin50 What red flag made you end a relationship? Let us know in the comments, or fill out this form to remain anonymous. Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds: Also in Internet Finds:
