Latest news with #boundaries
Forbes
6 hours ago
- Business
- Forbes
Overwhelmed At Work? 5 Steps To A More Sustainable Workload
I find myself working before 9am and after 5pm on my own stuff because when I'm at work it's too hard to concentrate. I'm frequently interrupted by my colleagues, and a big part of my job is being available to others -- I oversee a bunch of things -- so I need to be available. How do I make a more sustainable routine? - Editor Working overtime should be an exception and not the default if you're going to have any semblance of personal and professional balance. While many jobs entail managing or collaborating with others, if you find that it's a full-time job to attend to your colleagues, you need to assert stronger boundaries or you're just working on their schedule, not yours. Finally, if you're fitting in your own work at the margins of your day, you're probably not giving your best energy to it. Improving balance, setting boundaries, and assigning the most energetic part of your day to your most important work will help you make your workload more sustainable. Here are five steps to take now: Pick one good habit at a time to adopt for better sleep, exercise, diet and stress management (e.g., sticking to a bedtime routine, hitting X steps each week, eating at least one fruit per day, meditating in the morning). Starting with self-care allows you to flex your change muscle and introduce something new to your routine without disrupting your work. At the same time, you're building a stronger foundation that will make it easier to disrupt your work for the better. You have to be your biggest advocate against burnout. Experiment with reducing your availability to interruptions by following specific practices that signal to others you shouldn't be disturbed. This can be as simple as hanging a sign on your door (or cubicle) that says, 'Do not disturb', 'Please don't interrupt' or 'Working on deadline'. If you're worried that's not friendly enough, you can add a specific time for people to come back (e.g., 'Check back in 30 minutes'). If you have an office with multiple spaces, make it a habit to leave your regular workspace and go somewhere away from your colleagues. Block your online calendar so meetings can't be scheduled at all times of day. Whatever you decide to carve out uninterrupted time, start with 30 minutes three times a week and work up to dedicated blocks of focused time every day. Interruptions from colleagues might be the key reason this editor's other work is spilling into overtime. However, they also might have a To Do list that is unrealistic and could be pared down. To pare down your task list and still protect your job, get clear on what your manager prioritizes from you. Some projects or clients are more important than others, and some ongoing tasks count more than others. For this editor, it might be publishing a certain number of stories on a set cadence, submitting a status report on audience analytics or moving forward on a long-term research assignment. These tasks should get the dedicated blocks of focused times, and other tasks (e.g., filing more than the minimum of stories) fall off. At some point, you can take on more because ad hoc projects finish or you get more efficient with your output, but don't work overtime until you know it's on something that matters. You may prefer some aspects of your job more than others, or it may be easier to do some tasks more than others. Unfortunately, if you default to what you like or what's comfortable, you might neglect what matters most. That includes your manager's top priorities, as well as your own. Your manager's top priorities may not 100% line up with yours. You may be interested in a promotion and need to take on tasks outside your current job or focus on work that gives you more visibility beyond your manager. You may be developing a skill (e.g., AI) that is currently a small part of your job. You may have a personal interest in exploring other departments or areas of the company outside your current role. To keep your own career moving, use some of your focused time for your top priorities, not just your manager's. If your best efforts to bring routine to your workday are still met with interruptions, you'll need to schedule your interactions more deliberately. This could be a 15-minute weekly check-in with your manager, when before they used to drop by for an update. It could be you proactively walking around to check on colleagues and offer your help at set times you choose. Or block off specific 'office hours' each day for questions and requests. It may take time for people to realize you're on a new work cadence, but if you stick to it, they'll realize this is how you work and will jump on the new routine. Improve your time management, and you improve your career.
Yahoo
10 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
DEAR ABBY: Retiree is finally ready to make time for herself
DEAR ABBY: I have spent 40 years serving the public and my country, putting other people first and feeling guilty if I didn't. However, I am becoming resentful of the demands for my time. I'm retired, and my husband still works. We have always split the expenses 50-50, even though I make less than 40% of his income. Once I retired, my share of the household chores and errands increased from 75% to 90%. I wanted to make life easier for my husband, but now he expects me to run personal errands for him, too. All the wear and tear and gas usage is borne by my car, which is considerably older than his. I have a friend and walking partner who has been having different issues she needs help with. She has always talked about the close friends she has known for decades and sees regularly. They all live about 20 minutes away and are retired, in good health and able to drive. I offered her my help in the past, but now she and her friends think I should be her go-to person since I live closer to her than they do. I have my own schedule and routine now. I like having some days free to do what I feel like and not have to fulfil demands from others. How do I let people know MY time is valuable and discourage them from expecting me to help them? — TOO NICE AND HELPFUL DEAR TOO NICE: It is not a crime to tell someone you don't have time to do what they want you to do. It's time to sign up for some assertiveness training so you can learn how to say no. (No, I'm not kidding.) If you do as I suggest, it might even improve your marriage. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you to someone qualified. DEAR ABBY: The floor I work on has a cluster of offices surrounding a central kitchen area. Fifteen of us share the appliances, including a hot water reservoir with a tap. The building is old and has lead pipes, so a service brings in large plastic bottles for a water cooler. Usually, whoever arrives first in the morning fills the tank on the water heater from the cooler, and we all use it to make hot drinks during the day. I just found out that a new employee has been filling the tank from the contaminated tap! When I asked her about it, she said that the microplastics in the water jugs were more dangerous than the lead in the pipes. She's very committed to this idea and is not going to budge. I don't think this is right. I will heat my own water from now on, but how should I warn the others in the office? The source of our tea water seems like a silly thing to start an office tiff over, but I also think people need to know their water is unsafe. — NOT DRINKING IN NEW YORK DEAR NOT DRINKING: I agree the employees in your office should know about this. At least they will be on notice about which 'poison' they are consuming. Report this to HR or your employer, so the announcement can come from on high and you can stay out of the line of fire. — Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Washington Post
16 hours ago
- General
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: Husband's ex keeps posting photos of him on social media
Dear Eric: An old high school girlfriend of my husband's (more than 40 years) creates social media posts about him and tags him, including photos of him or of the two of them together. In my husband's defense, he has always responded or reacted appropriately with only a short neutral comment or reaction.
Forbes
a day ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Phrases To Avoid That Excuse Harmful Parenting — By A Psychologist
You can care for your parents and still prioritize yourself, particularly when they hurt you ... More emotionally or physically. How often do you find yourself retelling an argument with a family member, struggling to make sense of the way they treated you? You decide to open up to someone close in your life because you're overwhelmed with emotions and you need to lighten your mental load. But you also feel guilty right after the conversation. To avoid giving your friend or partner the wrong impression about your family, you try to reduce the impact of your words by adding something like: It's almost as if we are trying to convince ourselves that we should stand by them because they're family. Here are some things we commonly say to cover up our families' wrongdoing even when it hurts us, and how we can reframe our perspective. This phrase might come up in friendly chats or therapy conversations. You start sharing how your family treated you and how hurt you feel, but then you pull back. You feel compelled to soften the blow, to justify their actions by saying how much they mean to you and that you don't want to distance yourself — because they are family. Some of us prioritize loyalty to our family over and above emotional safety and boundaries. It could be because we understand that they took care of us when we were children; when we didn't know how to look after ourselves. But that does not mean all our emotional needs were met when we were kids. As adults, we may carry remnants of our childhood by continuing to find ways, often impractical ones, to find or regain our self-worth. This could be by trying to please others, staying quiet or always helping around to feel safe or valued. These habits are called codependent traits and they help us survive emotionally as children. Growing up with codependent traits does not make us inherently flawed, but if we want to accept ourselves as we are, we also have to come to terms with the fact that our parents may have failed us in some capacity. But exactly how far are we willing to go to prove our loyalty to our blood ties? To explore this question, a 2020 study published in Memory & Cognition created practical moral dilemmas for participants to imagine, so they could check the extent of a family member's loyalty to their kin. Researchers asked participants to imagine witnessing their brother possibly doing something bad, like street battery. They found that family members will often bend facts to favor another family member, even in the face of their wrongdoing. This is a practice called 'coherence shift' where our mind adjusts how we see things to make our beliefs, feelings and decisions line up. Loyalty is a powerful force but it shouldn't be an unquestionable one, here's why: In the long run, constantly justifying the behavior of those who hurt or mistreat us can drain us emotionally. Instead of using the 'but' statement, try to rephrase it with an 'and' statement like 'I can love them and recognize their behavior hurt me.' You can respect and love your family, while also loving yourself. As children, we see our parents as God-like beings who could do no wrong because we lack the mental faculties it takes to understand that our parents are, in fact, fallible. It's only when we grow up that we realize that our parents are not as perfect as we may have made them out to be. Despite our resentment toward them, we try to view them from a place of understanding and empathy, which can, counterintuitively, minimize your family's damaging or controlling behavior. This kind of justification often shows up in areas like academics, marriage or career paths. We say 'They wanted the best for me' to rationalize the pressure we have on us, but it eventually leaves us burnt out and disconnected from our own sense of purpose. 'Filial piety,' or the deep cultural expectation that children must respect, obey and serve their parents, is often seen as a virtue. But when that respect is one-sided, it can blur boundaries. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that children who were expected to submit to and be obedient to their parents, especially ones who did so out of fear rather than love or respect, were more likely to engage in cyber-bullying. This could stem from their inability to stand up to themselves at home, and instead lash out at others to regain a sense of personal control. Some families expect children to take responsibility in maintaining harmony, even if their parents are the ones behaving unreasonably. But clearly, these behaviors can have adverse consequences. This is why you need to change your understanding of what your parents truly want. They may have wanted the best for you, but that may not have led to the best possible outcomes. You can balance out your perspective, by saying: 'Their intentions might have been good, but the impact still caused harm.' There could be many different ways you say this. Perhaps, you say, 'They had a rough childhood' or 'They were just stressed.' Despite the choice of words, what you're ultimately trying to do is switch to an objective stance to possibly circumvent the emotions coming up for you — a classic case of intellectualizing emotions. On one hand, understanding that they did their best at parenting us with the resources they had available is important. But on the other hand, that doesn't mean we have to excuse or accept behavior that was hurtful or damaging. Recognizing their limitations doesn't erase the impact their actions had on us. Research published in Educational Philosophy and Theory suggests that when we learn that the person who hurt us is also suffering, we start to see them not as morally blameworthy, but as someone who needs help. This creates a tension between excusing and exempting abuse. We excuse their behavior when we think the harm was unintentional or based on ignorance. But when we exempt them, we think the person isn't fully responsible due to a deeper condition like severe trauma or mental illness. In this case, we try to shift our mindset from blame to compassion, but that doesn't mean we forget or accept the harm done. We need to remind ourselves that understanding does not require us to tolerate or excuse the harm they've inflicted on us. If the person is currently capable of making choices and understanding right from wrong, they're still responsible for their actions, regardless of the past. Setting boundaries is, therefore, necessary no matter how guilty and regretful we feel. They're still your family, they still may want the best for you and they may have had difficult lives that led them to act in damaging ways due to lapses in judgment. But if they harmed us, especially over and over, that harm is real and it matters. You can feel compassion for their suffering and set boundaries to protect yourself. Understanding where someone comes from is not the same as excusing what they did. You deserve safety and healing, no matter what kind of pain shaped the people who raised you. Did you have to take on the role of a parent as a child? Take this science-backed test to find out: Parentification Scale.
News.com.au
4 days ago
- General
- News.com.au
‘Wine into you': Muslim Senator Fatima Payman's shock claim about older, male MP
Independent Senator Fatima Payman has revealed the older male MP who allegedly made sexually suggestive comments to her at work 'wasn't Labor'. Ms Payman, who is Muslim and does not drink alcohol, claimed an older, male colleague told her 'let's get some wine into you and see you dance on the table'. She alleged she was targeted at work when attending a social event as part of official parliamentary business. 'It wasn't Labor. I reported it to PWSS and they dealt with it,'' she told She hasn't explained if the man in question was from the Coalition or another party grouping such as an independent. PWSS is the Parliamentary Workplace Support Scheme that was set up in the wake of Brittany Higgins' allegations that Parliament did not have a standalone HR department to make complaints about workplace behaviour. 'I don't drink and I don't need to be made... to feel left out because you do,' she told ABC's Triple J radio station. 'I told this colleague, 'Hey, I'm drawing a line, mate', and moved on to making a formal complaint.' Senator Payman has argued that calling out inappropriate behaviour could help others. 'Being clear is being kind,' she said. 'You actually are helping somebody understand what your boundaries are by speaking up.' Payman slams 'big blokes' in Labor Party Senator Payman quit the ALP in July slamming Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and his chief of staff as 'two big blokes' who hauled her into a disciplinary meeting at the Lodge to suspend her from the ALP caucus without allowing her to bring a support person. She then joined forces with so-called preference whisperer Glenn Druery, bringing him in as her chief of staff in August last year. She was suspended indefinitely by the Prime Minister after she vowed to cross the floor again if necessary on the ABC Insiders program. 'It felt quite intimidating to be there with the Prime Minister and his chief of staff, you know, two big blokes, I guess, and just me,' she told ABC Radio National at the time. Unionists have long campaigned for the right of workers to bring a support person to employment meetings, but Senator Payman said this was not offered to her at the meeting despite Mr Albanese organising his own witness in the form of chief of staff Tim Gartrell. 'And at that meeting, he gave me the decision of being suspended indefinitely,' she said. 'And suggested that, you know, if I do not want to follow corporate solidarity and come back inside the tent, then I must consider giving up the position that the late that I got elected because the ALP was in front of my name, and that was his suggestion. 'And after leaving that meeting, I had to start thinking about my future and what's to come.'
