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Yahoo
02-08-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The 3 phases of becoming ‘another milspouse in the group chat'
No one ever told you, but there really are three phases of becoming a milspouse. You're probably already showing up like this in the group chat. But here's the thing: Even if you don't love the group chat, even if you don't admit it's pinned to the top, we know you're already one of us. Everyone thinks they're different at first. You show up to your first duty station with a carry-on full of ambition and exactly zero intention of becoming 'that spouse.' You've got a career. You don't wear red, white, and blue in the same outfit. You don't even own a Cricut. You're just here to support your person and mind your business. And babe? We get it. We've all mentally subtweeted about the welcome coffee invite (that's pre-phase one in case you're wondering). We've all side-eyed the FRG Facebook group. We've all whispered, 'Please don't let me become that person.' (Plot twist: you might already be her because you're on your way to phase one.) Because the truth is… if you've ever cried in your car after a day care drop-off, rage-cleaned your entire base house at midnight, or sent a panicked text about Tricare and then immediately apologized for it? Yeah. You're one of us. Phase one: 'I don't need other spouses.' This is the era of polite distance. You're not judging anyone. You're just… adjacent. You've got your own friends. You're busy. The spouse scene doesn't feel like your scene. It's too pastel. Too perky. Too themed. And then the deployment orders drop. Suddenly, your civilian friends are like, 'Can he just say no?' and you're wondering how to explain the emotional architecture of separation to someone who thinks 'rear detachment' is a car part. You don't want to need the group chat. But you find yourself scrolling through it at 2 a.m. anyway. Looking for someone—anyone—who knows what it's like to hold down the whole damn fort with a frozen lasagna and a stress rash. Spoiler: they're in there. Muted, maybe. But they're there. Phase Two: 'Fine, I'll go do the thing, but I'm not making friends.' As far as phases go, this one is maybe a little easier? Mixer. Potluck. Unit Day with some egregious name like 'Taco 'Bout a Party!' that makes you want to disappear into the wallpaper. But you go. Begrudgingly. Arms crossed. Exit strategy engaged. And then someone else rolls her eyes at the cupcake contest and you laugh, too hard, too suddenly. Next thing you know, you're talking about PCS horror stories and trading blackout dates like war crimes. You didn't plan to connect. You didn't want to. But something softens. And that's when you feel it: the quiet relief of being understood without translation. Phase Three: The soft launch (a.k.a. 'I can send ridiculous memes and no one will judge me') You've worked through all the other phases, but this one starts with a reaction. A heart emoji. A 'same.' Then someone mentions their partner just headed out for an FTX, and now you're casually dropping a list of survival tips like a seasoned oracle of training exercise chaos. You don't even realize it at first, but now? Now you're in. Suddenly, you're one of the people who knows where to get good wine and which gate guard won't check your ID if you're crying. You've become part of the thing you swore you'd never need. And weirdly? It doesn't suck. Why we resist (and why it makes sense) Here's the thing: most of us showed up to this life with sharp edges and big plans. We weren't trying to be 'different.' We were just trying not to disappear into the miasma of being a military spouse. It's scary to get close to something that might swallow you whole. It's scary to be seen in a role you didn't choose. So we armor up. We keep our distance. We pretend not to care. But military life doesn't ask you to give yourself up. It asks you to let others in. You don't have to bake themed cupcakes or chair a committee or memorize all the acronyms. (Probably should memorize a few of them.) You just have to admit (either on some late night or after a hard day) that it's okay to be held by the weird, warm chaos of this community. Because this life will break you open. And the group chat? That's where we hold the pieces. You don't have to love the group chat But you're already part of it, whether or not you have accepted it. You're allowed to be skeptical. You're allowed to keep your sarcasm (Also, all parts of the phases, too). You're allowed to be a whole, wild, complex person who still doesn't fully understand what your partner does for a living. But don't sell yourself short by pretending you don't need anyone. You do. We all do. You don't have to become someone else to belong. You just have to stop pretending you're the exception. Because if you've ever cried into a load of uniform laundry, prayed there will still be leave left over to go home for the holidays, or sent a vulnerable meme into a thread of half-strangers who made you feel less alone, you're not 'like other milspouses.' You're exactly like us. Welcome to the chat. Mighty MilSpouse Mighty MilSpouse The 3 phases of becoming 'another milspouse in the group chat' By Jessica Evans PCS One month to go: 5 things every military family should do before a PCS One month to go: 5 things every military family should do before a PCS By Daniella Horne PCS PCS Hair Hustle: Why finding a Black stylist shouldn't be a military mission PCS Hair Hustle: Why finding a Black stylist shouldn't be a military mission By Tamika Sherman Mighty MilSpouse You're already behind on back-to-school budgeting, but here's how to catch up fast You're already behind on back-to-school budgeting, but here's how to catch up fast By Tamika Sherman PCS PCS Purgatory: The untold chaos of moving overseas with kids, pets, and a whole lot of baggage PCS Purgatory: The untold chaos of moving overseas with kids, pets, and a whole lot of baggage By Tamika Sherman Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
30-07-2025
- Yahoo
One month to go: 5 things every military family should do before a PCS
Every service member and military family out there knows how stressful and chaotic a PCS can be. With so much piling up on our to-do lists alone, we tend to lose sight of the fun and soulful moments we can still create to make memories before our big move. The final month before the move can bring exciting opportunities to enjoy a duty station before the goodbyes start setting in. You've got thirty days, one big move coming up, and here are five things to do before the month is over to close out this duty station chapter. 1. Focus on your bucket list. We have all been there. We arrived at a duty station with the motivation to do all the things, but guess what? Life, work, school, and all the routines got in the way, and we did not check everything off our list. Life happened, but now you have thirty days, so make it count! This is such a heartfelt way to transition out of a duty station while also visiting new places. Take advantage of your local natural surroundings and tackle one last adventure. Before everything gets packed, make plans to spend time together trying something new. Checking off more fun things off your bucket list can become treasured stories in your family's PCS journey. 2. Say meaningful goodbyes. Someone cutting onions? Goodbyes are rough. Not going to sugar coat it, they are hard… not just for you but also for our military kids, and the people we leave behind. Adults and kids need closure. We understand the challenges of military life when it comes to forming connections and friendships; these relationships deserve to be honored with meaningful farewells. Host a final gathering and invite neighbors and friends. Take all the photos together. Write notes for the people who made a difference in this chapter, and most of all, make honest and achievable plans to stay in touch. 3. Take a photo in your home. Just one snapshot of you all in the place you called home. This is something that has been a must for our family: Having a photo of us together at a place we called home throughout our military life adventures. This photo will help you reflect on the time you spent together in this home, the memories you made, the ups and downs of the duty station, and, most of all, the way everything always seems to work out despite the challenges of military life. 4. Revisit memories. If you completed your bucket list, then why not revisit some of your favorite spots with family and friends? From favorite coffee shops, nature trails, local markets, and hidden gems in your neighborhood, you can visit these with a different perspective. Return to your favorite running trail, the splash pad your kids love, your go-to sunset spot, a favorite bookstore, local diner… even your favorite installation staples like the bowling alley or an MWR outdoor site. Revisiting familiar spots during your last month offers a chance to see them differently: with more presence, more gratitude, and often, more emotion. You're not chasing nostalgia, you're collecting closure. 5. Take care of the necessary. The last month will be busy, and yes, having heartfelt moments is important, but taking care of the logistics of your move is, too. This is not limited to just packing. Don't forget to forward your mail or place it on temporary hold. Stop any subscriptions you will not need until you arrive at your new duty station. If you live in military housing, do not forget to request your final inspection and plan your move-out cleaning. Disconnect utilities, organize important documents, and make copies (yes, digital copies too). You can also plan to schedule vehicle maintenance if you are driving for your PCS, and never forget to track all your expenses for PCS-related reimbursements. While we're busy making the most of our time left, we also owe it to ourselves to wrap up the military-related loose ends that can make or break a smooth transition. You have one last month to enjoy the chapter you are getting ready to close. And while everything feels exhausting, the silver lining is that you have the power to make it count and make it memorable. It is your last pause before what comes next. We are all very aware of the unknowns that a PCS can bring. For the last thirty days, as you check off another duty station, let the countdown come with intention to reconnect. We know that change is coming, but one last month to enjoy and create more memories is essential to say farewell and move on to the next adventure. Goodbyes may be hard, but they're also proof that you made a place feel like home! 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