Latest news with #eHarmony
Sydney Morning Herald
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Sydney Morning Herald
Two of Us: Thi Le and J.Y. Lee
Partners in business and life, J. Y. Lee, 39, and Thi Le, 40, have helped each other cope with neurodiversity and lingering trauma while running Anchovy, their Melbourne restaurant. Partners in business and life, J. Y. Lee (left) and Thi Le opened their Melbourne restaurant Anchovy in 2015. Credit: Simon Schluter J.Y. : We met in 2012 on Pink Sofa, the lesbian version of eHarmony. We were both workaholics: me in market research, Thi in restaurants. In the first year of our relationship, I'd work from 7.30am to 7pm, go home, have dinner, sleep till 11.30pm, get up, catch a taxi to pick up Thi from work, go to her place, have dinner with her, then go back to sleep at 2am. I'd wake at 6am and do it all again. I liked her. It felt logical in some twisted way. She's the risk-taker, I'm the goody two-shoes. For my birthday, she took me to Yarra Bend Park. She had a camp cooker. I was nervous: this was so illegal. Her dog was off-leash, too. She fried blood pudding, put it in a lettuce leaf with pickles and chilli. It was genuinely life-changing: the heat, cold, crunch and pungency. She told me early on that she'd been sexually abused by her stepfather. I was quiet for a long time; I admired her grit and resilience. There were triggers that would cause her to shut down. We'd be driving, I'd get angry and honk my horn. She'd have a meltdown, we'd go back to her place and she'd go to bed. Nothing would happen for the rest of the day. This morning, we were going past a pedestrian crossing. Thi was triggered by the abbreviated sign, 'Give Way to Peds.' I grew up in Brunei and came to Australia when I was 18. Being Asian wasn't a focus, but Thi would talk about identity and I became more conscious of my roots. Both of us thought Asian dining in Australia needed to be higher-calibre. We talked about opening a restaurant. I thought, 'How hard can it be?' 'I still find social situations tiring, but I have a different energy reserve for Thi. When she's around, I calm down.' J. Y. Lee We opened Anchovy in 2015 and Thi's serious side came out. She'd yell, 'Don't run in the kitchen!' And I'd be like, 'What is happening? I've always run through the kitchen!' In the corporate world, all communication was written but, as a restaurant manager, I had to talk to people; I couldn't put my headphones on and work. My flaws became apparent. Thi and I had horrific fights. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't sit down with the team at the end of the week. I actually couldn't: I had nothing to give. We were losing a lot of staff and I was the common denominator. She made me get professional help. I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. Now I see a psychologist and I'm working on communication, emotion and anger management. There's pressure as partners in business and life. Where do we strike the balance? Thi piles her plate full and complains she's tired, but it's a common trauma response to avoid an idle mind. Part of why I see a counsellor is to get tools to help. In the past, she'd have an idea – 'Let's spend a really long time making fish sauce!' – and I'd be, 'Oh, please, not again!' Now, I'm more, 'OK, how can we do it together but preserve my wellbeing, too?'
Yahoo
10-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Dating apps mess with your hormones — and can even send libido levels plunging: study
Dating apps can put us on hormonal rollercoaster. Online dating is a gamble in more ways than one. Researchers have revealed that dating apps can monkey with our hormones, creating a chemical dependence that's on par with an addiction to games of chance — even when users swipe right. The freaky findings were part of a joint study conducted by eHarmony and the Imperial College of Business in London, UK, the Mirror reported. Scientists found that the rise in app usage — 50% of all UK couples will meet online by 2035, per the study — has brought about a disturbing phenomenon called the 'dating app' effect. This occurs when dating app devotees experience such a severe chemical imbalance that it resembles a 'chronic stress disorder and addictive behavior.' Unfortunately, this troubling phenomenon is caused by seemingly positive interactions like a psychological Trojan Horse. Hormone health expert Mike Kocsis explains that when a user gets a match or engagement, this messes with the brain's reward system pathway, eventually resulting in neurochemical dependence. Kocsis explained that this emotional rollercoaster is a result of a 'reinforcement schedule' that can be broken down into three parts: The Anticipation Phase, the Perception Phase and the Reward delivery. The Anticipation Phase occurs when users open the app and trigger a spike in the feel-good hormone dopamine. They experience a second rush when they start receiving notifications during the Perception Phase. However, users receive their greatest dose of the mood-boosting chemical during Reward Phase, which is when the user gets a match. While this initial dopamine dump might seem like a good thing, the uncertainty of getting matched prompts the user to adopt 'seeking behavior' so they can get their 'fix,' much like a gambling addict playing the slots, per the study. Similar to a casino fiend, being away from the app for prolonged periods can make the user irritable and moody, Kocsis explained. Dating app usage can paradoxically torpedo one's sex drive as well by messing with testosterone levels — a side effect that affects both sexes. A match can cause male sex hormone levels to spike by 15-20% in 20 minutes, while getting ghosted or unmatched can send testosterone production plummeting by 10-25%. The latter plunge can, in turn, cause symptoms ranging from decreased energy to reduced libido. One doesn't have to get rejected to have match-induced mood swings. Constantly awaiting feedback puts the user in a state of 'anticipatory anxiety,' where they experience elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol for several hours, which can disrupt the body's hormone and thyroid production. This isn't the first study to expose the potential detrimental effects of dating apps. A study by Austrian scientists suggested that these digital romance accelerants might prolong people's hunt for love. They found that people tend to be pickier on dating apps since they have a never-ending amount of options, appearing to give them higher expectations for their choice of a partner.
The Star
10-05-2025
- General
- The Star
Navigating online dating: Dos and don'ts to make the most of the experience
Online dating has come a long, long way since its inception (I'm looking at you which came out in the mid-90s!). The online dating sites have evolved significantly (Tinder, the first major app that you only use on your phone, launched in 2012), offering new features designed with the hope of improving people's experiences and leading to more, and better, connections. Despite all that, many people find online dating, for lack of better words, worse today than before. Why? Part of it comes from the sheer popularity of the dating apps. Whereas there used to be a stigma ('Ew, you're on eHarmony?!), everyone single is now on a dating app ('How could you not be on Hinge?!'), so the challenges of navigating such a saturated space become noticeable. The evolution of online dating When online dating first started, it was a novel concept for those willing to experiment with new technology, like me. I dabbled in online dating starting in 2001, first using JDate and then moving on to OkCupid when that launched in 2003. The platforms – the dating sites/apps themselves – keep improving and adapting to the times, incorporating algorithms, video features, and, more recently, AI (which I have mixed feelings about in this setting). But, with more widespread use comes more people. And with more people, and more anonymity, comes worse behaviour – ghosting, breadcrumbing, etc. So, it's not that the apps are inherently harder to use or less effective; rather, it's that when a space gets so packed, it's both hard to stand out and harder to weed through everyone. Basically, the likelihood of encountering bad behaviour or feeling overwhelmed increases exponentially. Struggles in the current landscape One of the biggest struggles my clients complain about is people not communicating – their intentions, their desires, their interest, their lack of interest. With so much technology available to us, it's easy to hide behind a screen when an in-person conversation would be much more appropriate. Sadly, this avoidance behaviour has become a hallmark of modern dating culture. And, of course, people struggle with writing their profile and knowing how to effectively use the apps to get the results they want – dates. And ultimately, a relationship. Turning challenges into opportunities While online dating has its own challenges, as I mentioned, it's still possible to overcome them with the right approach and mindset ... and maybe coach (wink, wink). Success in online dating often comes down to treating it with the same level of commitment and effort as any other significant endeavour, like searching for a job or hitting your fitness goals. Here are some practical tips for making the most of the experience: 1. Try a regimented approach Treat online dating like a daily routine. I recommend logging in for 15 minutes in the morning and another 15 minutes in the evening. This method ensures consistency, making sure you get back to people in a timely fashion, without letting dating apps consume your entire day... and mind. Commit to reaching out to or swiping on a certain number of people each day, perhaps eight on Hinge for example. Success often comes through persistence. Invest time in creating a profile that truly lets you shine. Write it. Read it over. Does it sound like you? Yes? Great. But does it also sound like everyone else? It's too generic. An exercise to help might be to 'name your five', which is a game I like to play. Name five things/nouns that truly describe you and no one else. For example, mine are whiskey, puns, crossword puzzles, ping pong and omakase (sushi). No judgment, please! If I take those five things, plus perhaps a bit of biographical information, I could easily turn them into a profile. 4. Limit app conversations While messaging is an important part of online dating, don't linger on the app for too long. Remember that online dating is simply a tool to facilitate meeting someone. The payoff Many people don't realise (or want to realise) the amount of work that goes into online dating. But my most successful clients say to me, 'The work pays off!' And I hope it does for you, too. – Tribune News Service Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating.
Sky News AU
08-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Sky News AU
Channel 10 star Barry Du Bois reveals his image is being used by scammers to catfish unsuspecting women
Channel 10 star Barry Du Bois has revealed that online scammers are using his photos to create fake dating profiles and catfish women. The 64-year-old presenter and author, who is currently battling incurable cancer, shared a screenshot to his Instagram Stories on Thursday exposing a fraudulent eHarmony account using his image. "Be aware of fakes in you're on Eharmony," he wrote over the screenshot, which featured a profile for 'Filip', a 61-year-old engineer using Du Bois' photos. The father-of-two is sadly no stranger to catfishers exploiting his identity. In April, the popular Facebook group Catch The Catfish flagged several accounts impersonating him, warning users: "Barry Dubois is being used a lot again lately. Four victims in the last week. Please be aware of his photos on profiles. Real one is verified," the post read. "Scammers using the names: Mwagasa Gisi, Jonathan Mbusa, others and his own." The group had also raised alarm back in 2020, reposting images of fake dating profiles with a caption that read: "Scammers are using the pictures of Barry Du Bois, Australian interior designer, builder and TV presenter. He is happily married with children." In response, one person commented that their grandmother was being targeted by a scammer using the name 'Ben Parkinson'. Another said a catfisher using the name 'Gary Donovan' had duped their elderly friend, claiming to be a petroleum engineer in Kuwait. "She's claiming he's called her on video call from Kuwait," the concerned Facebook user said. "He's going by Gary Donovan, Frank Elliott, André Fredric, Oliver Jackson." Despite being shown proof of the deception, the user said their friend was "STILL talking to him". "He's claiming someone stole his pictures and is using his profile and he's going to hire a lawyer! … I have tried repeatedly to explain to her that whoever she is talking to it is not Barry Du Bois or Gary Donovan," they added. "She won't listen to me, so at this point, there's nothing else I can do to help her." Overall, there were 54 users who commented on the post to express their concerns. Du Bois' warning comes shortly after he opened up about his ongoing cancer journey in a heartfelt social media post. The designer and building expert was first diagnosed with solitary plasmacytoma, a rare form of blood cancer, in 2010. His condition later progressed to multiple myeloma in 2017, an incurable cancer that weakens the immune system and attacks bone marrow. "It's over a decade ago now when I was diagnosed with my first cancer and given a very short time to live, (whilst they got that wrong), the weight of that diagnosis could have crushed me," he shared on March 29. "I was overwhelmed with fear, uncertainty, and the unknown. "But through it all, I realised something that I feel is why I am here today: It wasn't going to be cancer that defined me but the way I choose to approach it." Du Bois credited his mindset as being his "greatest ally" during the darkest moments of his illness, a mindset he says is crucial for recovering from any serious health or emotional challenge. He also promoted his work as a keynote speaker and workshop facilitator, offering guidance on "navigating tough times, embracing change, and thriving beyond adversity." Du Bois first appeared on Aussie screens in 2011 as a contestant on The Renovators, before joining Amanda Keller, Dr Chris Brown and Miguel Maestre as a co-host on The Living Room. It was during filming of the lifestyle show that Du Bois learned his cancer had returned in the form of myeloma. In 2018, he co-authored the book Life Force with Maestre, blending personal stories of family, illness and resilience with practical nutritional advice. The foreword was written by Keller.
New York Post
24-04-2025
- New York Post
S&M lawyer who dodged NYC sex assault rap hit with new 116-count indictment: ‘He enjoyed their pain'
An S&M-loving lawyer who dodged a sex assault rap 10 years ago was slapped with sick new charges Thursday, alleging he raped and tortured a half-dozen women in his Manhattan pad, prosecutors said. Ryan Hemphill, 43, who was found not guilty of choking and assaulting his then-girlfriend at knifepoint during an over-the-top romp in 2015, allegedly used cattle prods, shock collars and waterboarding to subdue new victims during 'multi-hour ordeals,' according to a 116-count indictment. 'He wielded his law degree and money as both sword and shield, coercing and silencing survivors,' Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg told reporters. 'The defendant told these survivors he was untouchable. The indictment makes clear that he was wrong.' 6 Ryan Hemphill in court wit his lawyer, Caroline Ng, as he was hit with a 116-count sex and drug indicdtment Thursday. Steven Hirsch Prosecutors said Hemphill claimed he had NYPD and organized crime ties to scare the women into submission, and hired prostitutes for the sick romps, later stiffing them or paying them with fake money. 'The defendant inflicted enormous suffering and trauma on these six women, raping them repeatedly and torturing them for hours simply because he enjoyed their pain and fear,' Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Mirah Curzur told Judge Ann Scherzer in court. 'And then he threatened and intimated them to make sure they never came forward,' Curzur said. The prosecutors said Hemphill forced the women to videotape themselves consenting to the sick abuse, and maintained records of the encounters and 'kept them as trophies.' Prosecutors said Hemphill also threatened his victims by claiming he had mob and cop connections. 6 Manhattan prosecutors said Ryan Hemphill sent victims threatening text message claiming he had NYPD connections. Kyle Schnitzer/NY Post 6 Ten years adfter he was acquitted of abusing his ex-girlfriend, lawyer Ryan Hemphill was named in a new indictment. Steven Hirsch 'You prostitute,' he allegedly wrote to one woman on Dec. 22. 'Did you not notice all the police business cards on my f–king coffee table? I know half the precinct, you f–k.' In another text allegedly sent on Nov. 30 he warned another woman, 'I'm leaving here in five minutes. 'If you're not here I'm gonna f–king unleash federal hell on you,' the text said. 'You're gonna wish you were f–king dead.' Hemphill, the son of a prominent neurologist, admitted during his 2015 trial that he liked rough sex, and often acted out sick S&M fantasies with hookers and other women — including role-playing as a TSA agent searching his partner's cavities. Former beau Christina Leos, who met the lawyer on eHarmony, said the pair enjoyed rough sex, but she claimed that Hemphill went too far when he allegedly put a 10-inch Bowie knife to her throat during a frightening encounter inside his Murray Hill apartment in 2013. 6 Ryan Hemphill was found not guilty in 2015 of charges that he choked his S&M partner with a knife in his apartment. Steven Hirsch 'I thought I was going to die,' she told the jury. But the panel deliberated for just a day and a half before finding Hemphill not guilty on all charges. 'This was an overcharged case to begin with and the District Attorney's office had little to no evidence,' Hemphill said after the he was acquitted. 'It should have never gotten to his far.' But Manhattan prosecutors maintain Hemphill's alleged fetishes didn't end then. Following an investigation by the DAs office he was arrested March 1, with cops allegedly finding high-capacity ammunition, surveillance cameras, videos of dozens of women, and a stash of drugs including heroin, cocaine, amphetamines and fentanyl. According to the arraignment unsealed Thursday, Hemphill is now charged with predatory sex assault and a slew of other charges, with prosecutors claiming it's just 'the tip of the iceberg.' 6 Christina Leos claimed that Ryan Hemphill choked her and held a knife to her in his Murray Hill hom in 2013 Steven Hirsch 6 Prosecutors said Ryan Hemphill, at left, claimed to have mob and NYPD ties to intimidate his alleged victims. Steven Hirsch There could be dozens — if not hundreds — of other victims, they said. 'The details in this case are beyond disturbing — a sustained, calculated campaign of violence and cruelty that targeted vulnerable women,' NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch said in a statement. 'This kind of predatory abuse has no place in our city and will be met with the full force of the law.' Hemphill was ordered held without bail pending a return court appearance.
