Latest news with #emotionalIntelligence
Yahoo
09-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
13 Ways To Listen Better Without Giving Advice
Listening is an art. It's not just about hearing words but understanding the emotions and intentions behind them. Sometimes, when someone shares their thoughts or problems with you, it's instinctual to jump in with advice. However, being a good listener often means resisting that impulse and focusing on understanding the speaker. Here are 13 ways to listen without giving advice. When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. This means putting away distractions like your phone and making eye contact. By doing this, you show that you value what they have to say and are present in the moment with them. According to Dr. Julian Treasure, a sound expert, effective listening can improve relationships and build trust, as it demonstrates genuine interest in the speaker's experience. As they speak, listen to their words and observe their non-verbal cues. Body language and facial expressions can offer insights into their feelings. This approach prevents you from jumping to conclusions or offering premature advice. Instead, it encourages a deeper understanding of the speaker's situation. Active listening is about engaging with the speaker. Instead of nodding absentmindedly, respond to what they're saying with small verbal acknowledgments. Phrases like "I see" or "That must be tough" show you're engaged without taking over the conversation. This creates an open environment where the speaker feels comfortable sharing more. Rephrase or summarize what they've said to ensure you've understood correctly. It can be as simple as stating, "So, you're feeling overwhelmed because...?" This not only clarifies any misunderstandings but also shows that you're truly interested in their perspective. Practice makes perfect, and soon this will become your natural response. Silence might feel awkward, but it's a powerful tool in listening. It gives the speaker time to think and express themselves without interruption. According to a study by Dr. Michael P. Nichols, author of "The Lost Art of Listening," silence can encourage deeper dialogue by allowing the speaker to delve into their thoughts and express them more fully. Don't rush to fill the silence with your thoughts or advice. Instead, let the pause linger, which often prompts the speaker to continue. This can lead to a richer and more meaningful conversation. Remember, sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing at all. Empathy is about understanding and sharing the feelings of another, while sympathy is merely feeling pity for them. When listening, aim to be empathetic. Try to see the situation from their perspective and feel what they might be feeling. This fosters connection and shows that you're genuinely trying to understand. Responding with empathy can be as simple as saying, "That sounds really challenging." Avoid phrases that imply pity or belittle their experience, like "At least it's not worse." This distinction helps build a deeper connection where the speaker feels truly heard. Empathy can transform a casual conversation into a meaningful exchange. We all have biases and judgments, but it's important to set them aside when listening. Judging can shut down open communication and make the speaker feel unsupported. According to communication expert Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, non-judgmental listening is crucial in creating understanding and connection. When you catch yourself forming an opinion, remind yourself to stay neutral. Listen to understand, not to critique. This openness allows the speaker to explore their thoughts and feelings freely. By keeping judgments in check, you create a safe space for honest communication. It's tempting to jump in with advice or solutions, especially when you think you know what's best. However, often people just need to vent without hearing potential solutions. Instead of jumping in with "You should..." try asking, "What do you think you might do?" This encourages the speaker to find their own solutions and shows you respect their autonomy. Listening without immediately offering solutions can be hard, especially if you're a natural problem-solver. But remember, your role is to be a sounding board. This approach encourages self-reflection and can be empowering for the speaker. Letting them come to their conclusions often results in more effective outcomes. Open-ended questions encourage the speaker to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, use queries that start with "how" or "what." This approach gives them the space to share more deeply and explore their feelings. Research by psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers highlights that open-ended questions foster a more meaningful dialogue. For instance, instead of asking, "Are you upset?" you might ask, "What are you feeling right now?" This invites a more detailed response and shows your genuine interest in understanding their perspective. Open-ended questions keep the conversation flowing and allow the speaker to steer the discussion. They also provide opportunities for deeper insight into their situation. Listening effectively means tuning into the emotions behind the words. Reflect on the speaker's feelings rather than just the content of their speech. You might say, "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated," to acknowledge their emotion. This kind of response validates their experience and shows you're truly listening. Reflecting feelings requires careful attention and empathy. It can be challenging to pinpoint the emotion behind the words, but with practice, you'll get better at it. This technique helps the speaker feel heard on a deeper level. It also fosters trust and encourages them to share more openly. When someone shares their experiences, it's natural to want to relate with your own stories. However, this can shift the focus away from them and onto you. Instead of saying, "I went through something similar," try to keep the conversation centered on them. Remember, this is their moment to be heard. Relating to someone's story by sharing your experiences might seem helpful, but it can divert the conversation. The goal is for the speaker to feel understood, not to compare your experiences. Keep your focus on their story, and save your anecdotes for another time. This respect for their narrative builds a stronger connection. Validation is about acknowledging the speaker's feelings and experiences. It doesn't mean you necessarily agree with them, but you recognize their perspective. Simple affirmations like "That makes sense" or "I can see why you'd feel that way" can be powerful. It reassures the speaker that their emotions are legitimate and reasonable. When you validate someone's experience, you contribute to their sense of self-worth. It shows that you respect their thoughts and feelings. This can be particularly important for someone who feels dismissed or misunderstood elsewhere. Validation strengthens your bond and fosters a trusting relationship. Everyone processes emotions and situations at their own pace. Some people may need time to articulate their feelings or thoughts. Allow them to take that time without rushing them. Patience is key in showing support and understanding. Avoid interrupting or finishing their sentences, even if you think you know what they're about to say. Let them express themselves fully. Patience demonstrates respect for their process and fosters a more meaningful dialogue. It can lead to deeper insights and understanding for both parties involved. Your body language can say a lot without you uttering a word. Nodding, maintaining eye contact, and an open posture signal that you're engaged and interested. These non-verbal cues reinforce your verbal responses and show that you're truly present. They can help put the speaker at ease and encourage them to share more. Non-verbal communication is a powerful tool in active listening. A simple smile or empathetic facial expression can communicate support and understanding. These subtle signals often speak louder than words. By aligning your body language with your listening, you create a welcoming space for open conversation. After the conversation, check in with the speaker later. A simple message or call to ask how they are doing shows that you care. It reinforces your support and helps build a stronger relationship. This follow-up is a reminder that you're there for them beyond just the initial conversation. Following up also provides an opportunity for the speaker to reflect further on what they shared. It shows that their feelings and experiences matter to you. This ongoing support can be invaluable, especially during challenging times. By staying connected, you continue to foster trust and understanding.
Forbes
06-07-2025
- Business
- Forbes
Outsourcing Emotional Intelligence: The Tools We've Built Aren't The Tools We Need
Just a few years ago, I could have confidently started every single one of my Forbes posts by saying, 'Every reader of this post is human.' Today, I can't say that. Why? A.I. is consuming information faster than it's delivering it. So, what's my point? I recently had a conversation with a friend. She was frustrated at work. Apparently, since the advent of A.I. all communications she received from her supervisor were written by A.I. 'At first, I didn't care,' my friend told me. 'But, I just celebrated my twenty-year anniversary at the company. The recognition email I received from my boss was not sincere at all. It was obviously written by A.I.' Think about the difference between employee recognition and employee appreciation. Recognition is an action taken by a boss. Appreciation is an emotion felt by a boss. Both are necessary. So, what was actually frustrating my friend? Her manager outsourced emotional intelligence to A.I. Curious about the present and future of humankind's emotional intelligence, I decided to seek answers from an expert. CEO and Co-Founder of Six Seconds Joshua Freedman 'A.I. is already having an impact on emotional intelligence,' said Joshua Freedman, one of the world's top thought-leaders, and bestselling authors, on the concept of emotional intelligence. 'Every big tech advancement has created a huge impact on our social and emotional wellbeing. Of course, the impact changes depending on how we use the technology.' 'What made you chase the concept of emotional intelligence?' I asked Freedman on our recent video chat. Without hesitation, Freedman smiled, and responded, 'I was bad at it.' He then told me how he had spent his early career as a teacher. 'My 13 year old students seemed more emotionally intelligent than I was. As I started learning and practicing, I found it made all the difference for me, first as a teacher, then as a leader, husband, father, and person.' Fast forward to today, Joshua Freedman is the co-founder and CEO of Six Seconds, the global non-profit dedicated to teaching people how to use emotional intelligence (EQ). He owns the million-member EQ Network group on LinkedIN, and is a master certified coach. He teaches professionals all around the world practical tools to measure and create value with emotional intelligence. 'You've created quite the impact since you realized you needed to improve and understand your own emotional intelligence,' I told Freedman. 'You've helped organizations like FedEx, Qatar Airways, the US Navy, P&G, Microsoft, Intel, Amazon, HSBC, and the United Nations, use emotional intelligence to improve results. That's quite a list.' Again, Freedman smiled. 'It's so far beyond what I imagined 28 years ago,' he replied. 'I feel deeply honored to see the difference this makes in companies and in people's lives. Six Seconds' practical tools and science take emotional intelligence to the next level. When people practice emotional intelligence they improve their outcomes -- you can feel it, and you can measure it. That's why we do this. It's transformational.' Then, Freedman, a man who loves to laugh, paused. His face turned serious. 'The issue is, our data from 169 countries shows that the world is in a five-year decline of E.Q. Over that time-period, optimism dropped by 8.6%. And, for younger generations, the decline is nearly double that. I could go on with other markers. But, in short: we're in a global emotional recession with sustained declines in our capacity to connect, adapt, and move ahead.' That last statement caught my attention. A global emotional recession is a scary thought. And, it's no surprise. For the past couple years I've written numerous posts about the record-high increases in anxiety, depression, and even suicide. That matches Six Seconds' research on global emotional intelligence: rising levels of burnout, declines in empathy, trust, motivation, and increased loneliness. A perfect storm that is battering our wellbeing. 'Is A.I. contributing to this recession?' I asked. 'We're already outsourcing so much of our thinking, and even our feelings, to machines. That's only advancing. I don't think it helps to point fingers, but let's be strategic about this: As A.I. grows, we also need to grow. That's why I decided to write my new book, Emotion Rules – a practical guide to using feelings as resources. The real question is, how do we continue to improve our skills with emotions, and help others improve their emotional intelligence?' He's right. So, I asked him, 'What advice would you give individuals or leaders who want to improve emotional intelligence for themselves, their teams, or for their organizational culture?' 'You get what you measure,' replied Freedman. 'Many leaders overly rely on traditional intelligence, or I.Q., yet now machines have higher I.Q. than most people. We need to shift our focus to Emotional Intelligence (E.Q.) The great news is that E.Q. and I.Q. can work together so we can see and solve the challenges we're facing. I work with a lot of very smart people, and when they take the emotional intelligence assessment and see that EQ is actually logical, measurable, and practical, they love it.' According to Six Seconds, here's how practice emotional intelligence: Step 1: Get the Data 'Notice emotions. Name emotions. Track emotional reactions to every aspect of your life, work, relationships,' says Freedman. 'Smart people love data, and companies collect tons of it. We're also suggesting including data about your emotions, your employees emotions, or even your customers emotions. Literally, you're simply collecting emotional data. You felt something. What was it? What do you call it? How did you react to it?' Step 2: Appraise the Data 'You recorded the data on what you felt and how you reacted,' said Freedman. 'Now your job is to assess it. How did it go? Did you like your reaction and the response you got from others? What other options could you choose? We don't get to choose what happens, but we choose how we respond to it. This is about switching off autopilot and making that response more intentional.' Step 3: Connect with Purpose 'You've collected and analyzed the data,' said Freedman. 'The final step is connecting with your purpose. What is the impact you really want to have? The point is, we're having an impact every day, and when we use our emotional intelligence, we can make that impact count. It's not easy being human. It's not easy having emotions. But, when we can understand and process them, emotions can actually help us become the best spouse, the best parent, the best friend, employee, leader we can be. When used well, emotions literally give us energy to change, grow and thrive.' As we concluded our conversation, I circled back to my friend's story. 'Any advice for my friend?' I asked. 'Her feelings matter. They're messages to help her navigate a difficult situation. Now she can use emotional intelligence to move forward.'
Fast Company
03-07-2025
- Health
- Fast Company
Lonely at work? Emotional intelligence can help
While remote work offers several benefits such as flexibility, working from home can also be lonely. In one survey almost a quarter (23%) of remote workers reported feeling lonely. Loneliness at work can result in decreased productivity, and feelings of dissatisfaction. Emotional intelligence can help us understand what to do to feel more connected at work. Here are four steps to take: Develop Self-Awareness Most of us experience periods of loneliness. Being self-aware allows us to better recognize when we are feeling lonely, link it to what is going on at the time, and come up with solutions. Even being able to express what we are feeling can help alleviate loneliness, as naming what we're feeling helps us to gain more control over our emotions. Consider journaling when you feel lonely to understand what you're feeling, as well as what situations cause these feelings. Discovering the circumstances that cause loneliness may help you avoid or alleviate loneliness in the future. Manage Emotions There are various methods for regulating and coping with our emotions, and one size does not fit all. Some methods that are known to work are deep breathing, mindfulness, walking in nature, or simply getting away momentarily from the setting we are in. I have found taking a short break from whatever is stressing me out and imagining a relaxed pleasurable experience helps me regulate my emotions. Experiment with different practices to learn what works for you. Increase Empathy If we are high in empathy, we will be more likely to reach out to others if we are experiencing feelings of loneliness. One way to increase empathy is to identify the emotions you hear someone bring up in conversations. For example: 'I hear you are feeling angry, sad, or afraid.' Chances are others share our feelings, and may be hesitant to reach out, unaware that others are struggling with the same problem. By increasing our empathy and reaching out, we form bonds, increase vulnerability, openness, and connection. Knowing that we are not alone in our situation and having people we can reach out to for support can go a long way in making us feel more connected. Build connections As humans we are hardwired to connect with others. This becomes even more important for remote workers. Creating opportunities to build connections is something that everyone needs to take ownership of, from leaders on down. Set aside some social time where everyone can share what is going on in their lives apart from work. If you have regular online meetings, take a few minutes to share something personal, such as challenges, struggles, and joys. If you have colleagues in the same city, try to get together in person on occasion. Encourage and support each other to come up with ideas on how to connect. Leadership could also host office lunches, where the company covers the cost of lunch and provides space for an informal online get-together. One of the ongoing topics could be how other people experience loneliness and what tools they use to work through it. Leaders can use their emotional intelligence to combat the loneliness associated with remote work. In my book Bigger Hearted: a Retired Pediatrician's Prescriptions for Living a Happier Life, I describe how the head of a local mental health center worked to alleviate loneliness on his team. He called each of them during their work hours, staying up late for several nights so he could talk to those who covered late-night emergencies. It may also help to s eek value and connection outside of work, whether through time with family and friends, hobbies, or volunteer work. Having something where you know you will be seen, heard, and supported can help alleviate loneliness and offer a bright spot in the day to look forward to.
Washington Post
03-07-2025
- General
- Washington Post
Asking Eric: After a rift, sister-in-law wants to rebuild relationship
Dear Eric: I'm close friends with one of my sisters-in-law but not the other, Betty. Betty and I used to be close until jealousy came between us. She was jealous that her brother and I were the first to get married, have kids and reach other milestones. She is also very sensitive, so I've felt like I need to walk on eggshells, especially after she confided to my husband that she thinks I complain too much. In short, I don't feel like I can share my joys or my struggles with her.
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- General
- Yahoo
13 Things You Should Never Say—They Can Sound Like Gaslighting
Navigating conversations with grace and empathy is an art form that often takes a lifetime to master. Yet, in the heat of the moment, we can sometimes unwittingly utter phrases that come across as dismissive or manipulative, sometimes even resembling the toxic patterns of gaslighting. While intent and impact may not always align, it's crucial to be aware of words that could inadvertently undermine someone's reality. Here are 13 things you should never say if you wish to maintain a respectful and genuine dialogue. Labeling someone as paranoid is dismissive and can inflict emotional harm, especially if their fears are rooted in past experiences. This phrase casts doubt not on an isolated thought but on the entire cognitive framework of the person you're addressing. By questioning their mental state, you imply a lack of credibility in their ability to interpret situations. A more compassionate route is to explore their concerns with curiosity and validate any underlying feelings. Fear and concern often stem from legitimate past experiences or learned behaviors, making it necessary to approach with empathy. Dismissing these feelings as mere paranoia overlooks the complexity of human emotions and the factors that drive them. Opening a dialogue about what underpins their feelings can lead to a deeper understanding and mutual respect. It's about offering assurance that you're a partner in navigating these emotions, not an opponent. Blaming someone else for your actions is a classic deflection technique that denies personal accountability. This phrase shifts responsibility from your behavior to their influence, which is neither fair nor constructive. It undermines the person's sense of agency and can create an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. Taking ownership of your actions demonstrates maturity and a willingness to address conflicts collaboratively. Personal accountability is a cornerstone of meaningful relationships, and shirking it in favor of blame can erode trust. By attributing your actions to someone else's influence, you create a dynamic where manipulation and control are subtly reinforced. Instead, own your choices and engage in a dialogue that explores the underlying issues together. This approach fosters mutual respect and a commitment to healthier interactions going forward. Dismissing someone's emotions by telling them they're overreacting can be incredibly invalidating. Psychotherapist Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps emphasizes that emotions are complex and valid, even if they seem disproportionate to you. By dismissing them, you undermine the other person's experience and convey that their feelings are not worthy of attention. Instead, acknowledge their emotions and offer a safe space for them to express themselves without judgment. Emotions do not exist in a vacuum; they are intricately tied to personal experiences and perceptions. When you dismiss these emotions, you inadvertently dismiss the person's entire narrative, which can be deeply damaging to trust and open communication. Opt for a more empathetic approach by asking questions to understand rather than dictate how they should feel. Considering their perspective can deepen your empathy and strengthen the relationship. Telling someone to calm down when they're visibly upset is akin to throwing water on a grease fire. Rather than soothing the situation, it often exacerbates it, as it implies they should dampen their emotions to accommodate your comfort. This phrase assumes an air of authority over their emotional state, which can be both patronizing and controlling. A more constructive approach would be to ask how you can assist or support them through their emotional upheaval. Emotional expressions are not switches that can be turned off at will, and suggesting otherwise can make someone feel as if they're being unreasonable. The reality is that emotions require processing, and your role should be to offer a supportive environment for that process. By actively listening instead of instructing, you empower the other person to work through their feelings at their own pace. True support lies in your willingness to be present without imposing timelines or expectations. What might seem trivial to you could be monumental to someone else. Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist and author, points out that minimizing someone's concerns can make them feel belittled and unimportant. It turns the focus away from their feelings and projects your insensitivity to their experience. A more effective strategy is to acknowledge their feelings and validate their importance, which fosters a sense of understanding and connection. By downplaying their concerns, you risk eroding the trust that is the bedrock of any meaningful relationship. This phrase can make the other person feel isolated, as if their perspective is invalid or irrelevant. Instead, express genuine curiosity and empathy by asking open-ended questions to better grasp their viewpoint. This not only enriches your understanding but also demonstrates that you value their perspective, no matter how minor it may initially seem to you. Denying something you've said, particularly when there's evidence to the contrary, can be gaslighting in its purest form. According to Dr. Robin Stern, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, this phrase erodes trust and distorts reality, leaving the other person confused and uncertain. It shifts the conversation from the issue at hand to a debate over memory and perception, which can be deeply unsettling. If you misspoke or changed your mind, own it and clarify your current stance instead of rewriting history. Mistakes happen, and owning up to them is far more constructive than deflecting responsibility. By denying your previous statements, you suggest that the other person's recollection is faulty, which can destabilize their confidence in future interactions. Acknowledge past statements and use them as a stepping stone for more transparent and honest communication. This not only builds trust but also shows a commitment to integrity in your dialogue. Telling someone that their feelings or perceptions are all in their head is a dismissive tactic that minimizes their lived experiences. It implies that their thoughts and emotions lack legitimacy and are merely figments of their imagination. This phrase can make them question their sanity and damage self-esteem, which often leads to further internal conflict. Opt for validating their experience and exploring the roots of their feelings together. The mind is complex, housing both conscious and subconscious elements that shape our perceptions and emotions. Invalidating someone's mental or emotional state dismisses this complexity and undermines their sense of self. Instead, engage with their perspective and encourage deeper exploration of their feelings. This not only promotes personal growth but also solidifies your relationship as one rooted in mutual respect and understanding. While perspective can be important, telling someone that their situation could be worse minimizes their current struggles. This phrase can come off as callous, suggesting that their emotions are unworthy of empathy or attention. It dismisses their feelings in favor of a hypothetical scenario, which is neither helpful nor compassionate. Instead, focus on providing support and validation by acknowledging their current dilemma and offering help. Everyone experiences hardship differently, and comparing struggles rarely brings comfort or clarity. Invalidating someone's feelings by suggesting worse scenarios can create distance and alienation in your relationship. Remember that empathy doesn't require comparison but rather an understanding and acknowledgment of someone's current reality. By showing up for them in the present moment, you strengthen the bond and facilitate an open, trusting dialogue. When your words hurt someone, explaining your intent doesn't negate the impact. By focusing on your intention, you shift the dialogue from their feelings to your defense, disregarding their emotional response. It's crucial to recognize that words carry weight, and their interpretation matters just as much as intention. Apologize for the harm caused and engage in a conversation about how to communicate more effectively in the future. Intentions are important, but they don't erase the emotional fallout from your words. Insisting that you didn't mean it "like that" can invalidate the other person's experience and make them feel unheard. Instead, acknowledge the impact of your words and commit to understanding why they may have been hurtful. Taking responsibility fosters an atmosphere of mutual respect and understanding, allowing for growth and improved communication. Labeling someone as too sensitive implies that their emotional responses are flawed or excessive, which can be incredibly invalidating. It suggests that they should alter their emotional baseline to suit your comfort, which is neither fair nor reasonable. Instead of judging their sensitivity, try to understand the depth of their emotions and what triggers them. This approach encourages a more empathetic understanding of each other's emotional landscapes. Emotional sensitivity is a natural part of the human experience, varying from person to person based on a multitude of factors. By dismissing someone's sensitivity, you overlook the richness of their emotional experience and the reasons behind it. Rather than focusing on changing their emotional responses, engage in a dialogue that explores and appreciates their unique perspective. This fosters a deeper connection and allows for a more nuanced understanding of each other. Telling someone they're being dramatic is a dismissive critique of their emotional expression. It implies that their feelings are exaggerated and unwarranted, which can be deeply invalidating. This phrase often stems from a lack of understanding or discomfort with the intensity of the other person's emotions. Rather than dismissing their expression, offer support and seek to understand the underlying causes of their emotional state. Drama in emotional expression often signals a need for attention and understanding, not ridicule. By labeling their emotions as drama, you discount the genuine feelings that fuel their expression. Instead, encourage open dialogue about what they're experiencing and how you can provide support. This reframing fosters empathy and allows for a more genuine connection, reducing the need for heightened emotional expression. Disputing someone's recollection of events can be deeply invalidating, especially if trust is already fragile. It implies that their memory is unreliable, which can lead to self-doubt and confusion. Instead of contesting their version of events, express your perspective and seek common ground. This approach opens a dialogue rather than closing off communication, fostering a more respectful and empathetic exchange. Memory is a complex and subjective phenomenon, often colored by emotions and perspectives unique to each individual. Dismissing someone's recollection can undermine their confidence and disrupt the mutual trust necessary for healthy communication. Instead, share your own perspective without negating theirs, creating a space where both sides feel validated. This promotes a more inclusive dialogue and strengthens the relationship by honoring both narratives. Using absolutes like "always" or "never" can corner someone into a defensive stance, detracting from productive conversation. In a study conducted by the Gottman Institute, it was revealed that criticism using absolutes is one of the predictors of relationship dissatisfaction. By generalizing their behavior, you obscure the nuances of the current issue and paint their character in an unfairly negative light. A more effective approach would be to focus on the specific behavior in question, avoiding sweeping generalizations. People are complex and capable of change, making it crucial to address actions, not inherent qualities. When you label someone with absolutes, you offer no room for growth or redemption, effectively trapping them in a perpetual cycle of blame. Instead, articulate how a particular action affects you, leaving room for constructive change and dialogue. This approach fosters an environment where both parties feel empowered to address concerns and grow together.
