Latest news with #emotionalabuse
News.com.au
a day ago
- Health
- News.com.au
‘Very concerning': One in three Australian men admit to intimate partner violence, horror study finds
A major new study revealing intimate partner violence is on the rise despite efforts to counter it is 'very concerning', Tanya Plibersek has said. One in three men have admitted to abusing an intimate partner either emotionally or physically, according to the latest Australian Institute of Family Studies findings. It marks an increase from one in four about a decade ago. Reacting to the AIFS report on Tuesday, the Social Services Minister said it was clear the trend was headed in the 'wrong direction'. 'It looks at a large cohort of men over a long period of time, and what the research shows is that over about a decade, between the first report and the second report, the number of men who have ever used violence has increased from one in four to one in three,' Ms Plibersek told the ABC. 'That equates to about 120,000 extra men every year in Australia using violence for the first time in intimate relationships. 'Obviously that's a trend that's going in the wrong direction. The study found emotional abuse was the most common form of intimate partner violence. Thirty-two per cent of men in 2022 reported that they had made an intimate partner feel 'frightened or anxious'. Meanwhile, 9 per cent admitted to 'hitting, slapping, kicking or otherwise physically hurting' their partner when angry. But Ms Plibersek stressed the report offered 'some really good insights into what makes it more or less likely that men will ever use violence in an intimate relationship'. 'It shows that men who have good mental health, who have good social connections and social supports, and who have a good relationship with a father or father figure when they're young, are all less likely to use violence in their relationships,' she said. According to the report, men with high levels of social support 'all of the time' were 26 per cent less likely to say they had committed intimate partner violence. It also said men with strong relationships, with an affectionate father figure as a child, were 48 per cent less likely to say they had committed intimate partner violence. In contrast, men with depressive symptoms were 62 per cent more likely to abuse a partner when compared to others without these symptoms. 'I think a lot of people in recent years have reported social isolation and loneliness as bigger features in their lives,' Ms Plibersek said. 'It shows why it's important that we invest in mental health supports and we're doing that as a government — an extra billion dollars with Medicare walk-in mental health clinics, expanding the number of Headspace clinics, reinstating telehealth psychiatry, telehealth consultations. 'All of those supports make a difference. It shows why it's important that we are investing to help women as they leave violence with the billion dollars extra for the Leaving Violence (Program), the extra housing and extra billion dollars for that.' The government-funded study has tracked more than 16,000 boys and men since 2013 and added an additional 10,000 men in 2024-25. It is the first of its kind in Australia.
Yahoo
3 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
More people are getting divorced in their 50s and 60s. 'Grey divorce' is 'scary, but also a relief,' says one Canadian woman
Grey divorces are on the rise, but what makes them especially difficult? Here's what you need to know about separating at an older age. (Image via Getty) Christine Dafoe never thought she'd leave her marriage of 41 years. She described her divorce as "scary, but also a relief." At 65, it's daunting to start a new chapter but Dafoe was adamant about prioritizing herself and her happiness. "It was getting really toxic and controlling. There was emotional abuse going both ways, but he blamed me for everything," Dafoe said. "And so we separated." This article was originally published in February 2024. Dafoe is one of many Canadians who are choosing to divorce later in life, in what's sometimes referred to as a "grey divorce." Christine Dafoe, 65, is a resident of London, Ont. and will soon be moving out of the house she and her ex-husband shared. She joined the Senior Women Living Together group to find other women she could connect with and potentially have as roommates in a few months. (Image provided by Christine Dafoe) Grey divorce has become increasingly prevalent in many countries, including Canada. According to Statistics Canada, the average age of marriage in 2019 was 35 years old, meaning people were choosing to marry at a later age than decades ago. Similarly, more data shows that divorces are occurring at increasingly older ages. In 2020, the average age of divorce was 46 years old. Advertisement The agency said, the "rise of grey divorce in Canada, which coincided with the arrival of the baby-boom cohort into this age group, was however quite modest compared with the doubling of levels observed in the United States over a similar period." Experts attribute this rise to reasons like decreased stigma on divorce and marrying later in life, adding that there are unique challenges for those who divorce at an older age. For Dafoe, she continued to live with her ex-husband for more than a year, which she noted was difficult. On top of that, there were the financial stressors that came with separation. But having the support of her family, who had "seen the signs" before she did, was reassuring. Yahoo Canada spoke to experts to get insight into the rise of grey divorces and what someone might expect if they are divorcing at an older age. Here's what you need to know. Why are people getting divorced later in life? According to Statistics Canada, the average age of divorce in 2020 was 46 years old. (Image via Getty) Grey divorce refers to the phenomenon of divorce among couples over the age of 50. These divorces often occur after decades of marriage and can present unique challenges related to financial security, retirement planning and emotional adjustment. Advertisement Though the rise of grey divorce can be attributed to factors such as longer life expectancies and changing attitudes towards marriage and divorce, Montreal-based divorce coach and researcher Ravit Rose said sometimes it's as simple as not feeling a connection anymore. She added because there is less stigma towards divorce and people feel like it's more of an option now, people might very well want to try to be independent and leave arguments or disagreements behind. "They start to realize that one has evolved much faster than the other one, and because they're not evolving at the same level, that disconnect causes them to want a divorce," Rose said. Of course, she added there are also a myriad of other reasons why people choose to separate. What makes grey divorces so difficult? Divorce can force individuals to reevaluate their sense of identity and purpose, especially if they have defined themselves primarily within the context of their marriage. (Image via Getty) Rose is also the founder of the Irooze Divorce Community, where she and her team study the science of "nasty divorces" compared to "amicable divorces." After clients fill out an assessment, they are offered a consultation and referred to professionals who specialize in divorce. Advertisement For the women over 50 she has seen in the past six months, she said about half of them have no income and no separate savings account. "When they're talking about getting divorced, their biggest worry is that they're not financially independent," said Rose. "They [say] things like, 'I feel petrified, I'm uncomfortable, I'm sad, I'm angry.'" After decades of marriage, finances are often deeply intertwined. Untangling assets, pensions, retirement accounts and property can be complex and may require the assistance of financial advisors or legal professionals. Splitting assets can also have significant implications for each spouse's financial security in retirement. In 2018, Statistics Canada reported senior women aged 65 and over are more likely to live in low-income households than their male counterparts. Advertisement Rose said the women who reported in their self-assessment as feeling more optimistic about their divorces were those who may have been the main income earners or felt more financially independent. Support networks become more important for senior women when they become single. (Image via Getty) Other challenges for those going through a grey divorce include rebuilding social networks and support systems, navigating adverse effects on physical and mental health and finding new living arrangements. Dafoe sold her shared property with her ex-husband in November 2023, and had been trying to find a new spot for last April. She found a group called Senior Women Living Together, where participants create a profile and try to find likely roommates. Arrangements like these can relieve financial stress from separation while building new networks and friendships. Dafoe said that although it can be scary, moving in with the ladies she met in the group was something she'd been looking forward to. She added that she feels comfortable enough and hopes everything works out. Let us know what you think by commenting below and tweeting @YahooStyleCA! Follow us on Twitter and Instagram.
The Sun
3 days ago
- Health
- The Sun
I found out my long-term partner is married when he called me by another woman's name during sex – I'm devastated
DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND out my partner is married when he called me by another woman's name during sex. We've been dating for five years. I'm devastated. At 40, I thought I was smart enough to spot the bad boys. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive so I'd sworn off men forever. But when I travelled 150 miles to oversee a project at work, one of the clients swept me off my feet. He's 45, funny, handsome and kind — he ticked all my boxes. And the sex was amazing. We'd spend whole weekends together in bed. The long-distance aspect made everything more exciting. He'd often be out of touch in the evenings, but I believed he was doing overtime. I saw him every other weekend, and he'd send me flirty texts and emails at work. I never for one second suspected he was married. Last month, he travelled down to my house for the weekend. On the Saturday night, we both got very tipsy on the sofa and ended up making love on the floor. He had his eyes shut. As I leant down to kiss him, he murmured another woman's name. I thought I'd misheard him, so I asked him to repeat it. He started to, then opened his eyes and the colour drained from his face as we both realised what he'd said. Eventually, I got the truth out of him. He's been married for a decade and he's got two kids. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships I kicked him out immediately, but he's been bombarding me with flowers and love letters. I know I should stay strong. I don't want to be some man's dirty secret. But I love him. DEIDRE SAYS: You thought he was your happy ever after, but he's just as emotionally unavailable as your ex. Start standing up for yourself now and tell him that you won't date a married man. Setting a boundary like this feels scary at first, but you'll be grateful you valued yourself in the long term. Cutting things off for good will stop you feeling like his 'dirty secret' and, more importantly, it will give you the chance to find somebody local to you. Someone you could see often, and who would put you at the top of his list of priorities. You owe that much to yourself. You've had a tough history of relationships, but it doesn't mean that every man will be like this cheat or your ex. My support pack, Your Lover Not Free?, explains why these types of relationships can be so addictive. You'll start to feel better when you've drawn a line under this and begun focusing on your future. SHE PREFERS SHOPPING TO SEX WITH ME DEAR DEIDRE: I NOW understand why people have affairs. I've been married for 21 years and my wife seems more excited about online shopping than sex with me. I'm 50, she is 46. We're too young to be celibate. Everything was great until a couple of years ago. We'd have sex a couple of times a week and we both enjoyed it. But then she started to seem annoyed, rather than aroused, whenever I made a move. After a few weeks, I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was 'perimenopausal'. I took her to the doctor and she got HRT patches. Her mood brightened up and she got her energy back, but the bedroom remained a desert. My frustration turned into anger and we had a blazing row. She said she'd be more in the mood if I took her out on date nights and booked a holiday. So I did. And she wasn't. In fact, on our last date night, she rushed through dinner and insisted we went home ASAP. I hoped it was because she finally wanted to hit the sheets. No. It was because she'd got a text saying her Amazon driver was three stops away. I don't know what to do. I'm on the verge of telling her I want to separate. I love her, but I don't want a sexless marriage. Even on HRT, the hormones are no longer as powerful as they once were and she may be feeling that she just doesn't get the 'urge' any more. She might also have started to find making love uncomfortable. If she's experienced painful sex, she could well be scared to try again. Perhaps, if you tell her you're thinking of separation then she may seek some extra help. Testosterone is one of the hormones believed to make the most difference in sexual appetite for women. Unfortunately, this hormone isn't available on the NHS. Your wife may want to consider talking to a private consultant about getting her hormone levels tested, or to ask her GP to refer her on to an NHS consultant. My Menopause Explained support pack, which goes into detail, will tell you more. Sex therapy might also help. You can find reputable help via The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists ( 020 8106 9635). FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY son blocked me from seeing my granddaughter, so I took him to court. But the judge ended up ruling against me. My son and I have always had a strained relationship. His father left us when he was a baby, so I brought him up alone and I must have spoiled him. He got used to having his own way and I always gave in. I'm 60 now and he's 34. He married five years ago and had a daughter. She's the apple of my eye. I loved seeing her. My son continued to bully me. He'd demand money and threaten to cut off contact if I said no. He expected me to look after their pets every time they went on holiday, even though I work full-time. I eventually stood up to him and told him I wouldn't be pushed around. That's when he stopped me from visiting my granddaughter. He wouldn't take my calls and barred me from their house. I sent my granddaughter birthday and Christmas presents, but heard from a mutual friend that my son ripped off the labels and told her they were all from him. After 18 months, I went to court to gain access. But the judge ruled against me, saying that as I hadn't seen my granddaughter for so long, it wouldn't be beneficial for contact to resume. My son smirked at me across the room during the ruling. I'm heartbroken. DEIDRE SAYS: What a distressing situation. I can understand why you're heartbroken. Your bullying son is using his own daughter to hurt you. Sadly, grandparents in the United Kingdom currently have no inherent legal right to see their grandchildren. But you don't have to go through this experience alone. You can find emotional support through Grandparents Apart UK ( a charitable organisation dedicated to helping grandparents keep in touch with their grandchildren if they've been denied contact or have fallen out. You can also find information and advice through Stand Alone ( can't get this link to work on laptop or phone, which helps people of all ages who are estranged from, or disowned by, their family. Good luck. UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NUDE SNAPS DEAR DEIDRE: MY friend keeps asking me to send him explicit photos. We're in our twenties and have known each other for years, but we were purely platonic until we shared a drunken night together a couple of months ago. Physically, things weren't good for us, so we agreed to go back to being pals. But since then, he drunkenly FaceTimes me every week, asking me to talk dirty to him and send him photos of my boobs and bits. I had no idea he was this kinky. I want to stay friends, but it's making me uncomfortable. I've also started a new relationship and I don't think they'd take kindly to it. DEIDRE SAYS: You are always within your rights to say no to sexual requests that you're not comfortable with. Not only is this man overstepping the bounds of friendship, but once you send nude photos of yourself out into the world, you have no control over where they'll end up. Keep saying no. If you lack the confidence to stay strong, read my support pack, Standing Up For Yourself. It explains how to communicate assertively.
Forbes
3 days ago
- Health
- Forbes
5 ‘Argument Tactics' That Narcissists Rely On — By A Psychologist
To strip the power from an emotional abuser, you must recognize their argument tactics for what they ... More are: logical fallacies. Narcissists tend to vastly overestimate the accuracy of their own beliefs. They become defensive, or even combative, when confronted with viewpoints that don't align with their own. As a 2023 study published in Frontiers in Psychology explains, this is due to the fact that narcissists often exhibit very low levels of intellectual humility. As a result, they rely heavily on manipulative argument tactics that serve to protect their inflated self-image. At face value, these tactics might seem clever, or maybe even intellectually sound. In reality, however, these tactics focus more on control than they do logic. A 2024 study in published in Memory & Cognition also notes that individuals prone to such poor argument tactics are highly likely to accept and perpetuate information that confirms their existing beliefs. Narcissists exploit this cognitive bias to others' wits end: they frame their arguments to align with their victims' fears or insecurities, or in ways that defend their warped self-image. As such, they're adept at spinning webs of flawed reasoning that feel convincing — but, under any actual scrutiny, they fall right apart. In other words, many of their go-to argument tactics are riddled with errors that are designed to deflect blame and derail conversations. In turn, they keep themselves in a position of control. Here are five logical fallacies narcissists often rely on, and why they keep them in their repertoire. The ad hominem fallacy occurs when someone chooses to attack the person making an argument instead of addressing the actual argument itself. They refuse to engage with the issue that was brought up, and instead discredit the speaker by focusing on their personal traits, emotions or past behavior. As a result, they shut down the discussion in its entirety. For instance, say you confront a narcissist about their manipulative behavior. With an ad hominem attack, they might respond with, 'You're just insecure and bitter, that's why you're making such a big deal out of this.' Rather than addressing your very real concerns, they attack you instead. As a result, your criticisms are rendered 'irrational' in their eyes. Narcissists heavily rely on ad hominem attacks, largely due to the fact that they will avoid engaging with facts that threaten their self-image at all costs. By turning the discussion into a critique of the accuser rather than their own actions, they change the course of the conversation. They make the victim feel self-conscious about raising concerns, which ensures the narcissist remains in control. The false dichotomy fallacy arises once someone presents two extreme options as the only possible choices; they ignore the existence of middle-ground or nuance. This type of reasoning serves to force the victim (and the conversation as a whole) into a total gridlock. In turn, they prevent the possibility of any thoughtful discussions ensuing. For instance, if you critique something that a narcissist says or does, they might respond in black-or-white statements like, 'Either you agree with me, or you're against me.' They equate any disagreement whatsoever with outright hostility. But, in reality, relationships cannot function without compromise. Nor can discussions be productive without acknowledging the existence of both parties' perspectives. Regardless, the narcissist limits the conversation to two opposing sides, which takes reasonable discourse out of the question entirely. Narcissists favor false dichotomies given how well they simplify complex issues in ways that solely benefit them. By forcing you to choose between two extremes — total compliance or rejection — they pressure you out of thinking critically or independently. More cunningly, this also serves to instill you with guilt: as though refusing to align with their viewpoints equates to a signal of disloyalty. 'Strawmanning' refers to the distortion of another person's claim, which makes it easier to attack, refute or ignore. They refrain from acknowledging any of the actual points that were made, and opt instead to exaggerate, oversimplify or misrepresent the argument. Consequently, the argument is painted as unreasonable or extreme. This eschews them from accountability, while simultaneously dismissing your concerns. Imagine that you've calmly expressed your discomfort about a narcissist's behavior. In response, they start a tirade with, 'Oh, so now I'm the worst person in the world? I guess I can never do anything right!' But by grossly exaggerating the complaint, they turn it into an extreme accusation (which was never never actually made) and trick you into focusing on damage control instead. Strawmanning is useful when a narcissist feels the need to redirect the conversation, or when they want to put their victim on the defensive. They turn your genuine concerns into a caricature, or create an entirely new, false version of it, to ensure the discussion revolves around their feelings instead of their actions. Not only does this discourage you from bringing up concerns in the future, but it also allows them to cherry-pick which of your points are worth giving credence to — even if they aren't based in reality. A red herring is a distraction tactic in which an unrelated topic is brought up purely to steer the conversation away from the real issue at hand. This technique is used to discombobulate the opposition, and to, once again, make it impossible to hold the person accountable for their actions. For example, when confronted about emotionally hurtful behavior, a narcissist might suddenly say to you, 'Well, remember when you forgot my birthday last year?' With this completely out-of-left-field rebuttal, your attention is diverted away from their actions. In lieu of admitting any kind of wrongdoing, they portray you as the aggressor and themselves as the victim. Red herrings are ideal when a narcissist is confronted with an argument that makes them feel uncomfortable, as they can derail the discussion in a manner that still allows them complete control over the narrative. Much like the other fallacies, red herrings divert your focus in a direction that ultimately only benefits them. You're forced into a position in which you must now defend yourself. Distractions like these are thrown in the hopes that their behavior will pale in comparison to yours — or that you forget you even brought it up in the first place. An appeal to hypocrisy, or tu quoque fallacy, is made by deflecting criticism with the fact that the accuser has likely done something similar in their lifetime. Once again, rather than addressing whether their behavior is right or wrong, the argument is sidetracked to whether the other person has ever made a similar mistake. In charged discussions, this appeal may actually seem like a valid rebuttal, which is what makes it so reliable. Ultimately, however, it's simply another way to avoid taking responsibility. For instance, imagine that you're trying to call a narcissist out about lying. Instead of explaining why they lied, or admitting that it was hurtful, they instead say, 'Oh, so you've never lied before?' Dishonesty is no longer the topic at hand; your past mistakes are instead. With this logic, they make it seem as though only a 'perfect person' has the right to call them out. Narcissists employ appeals to hypocrisy when they have no desire to engage in a meaningful conversation about their actions. They choose instead to create a false equivalence that vindicates them — a reality where there's neither a need to take accountability or admit that their behavior was unjustified. Concerned that you might have narcissistic tendencies? Take this science-backed test to find out if it's cause for concern: Narcissism Scale
Daily Mail
4 days ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
BEL MOONEY: Can I help my toxic mother be a nicer person?
By Published: | Updated: Dear Bel, I was brought up in a volatile household, scared of my mother. Sorry we are not currently accepting comments on this article.
