7 Topics High-Level Gaslighters Usually Avoid, According to Psychologists

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7 Topics High-Level Gaslighters Usually Avoid, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade.
Unfortunately, you or someone you know has probably experienced gaslighting before. 'Gaslighting' is a manipulation tactic that makes people question themselves, their sanity or their reality. It happens not only in romantic relationships, but also between friends, family members and in workplaces. High-level gaslighters are extra skilled (for lack of a better word) at the tactic. High-level gaslighting habits include weaponizing empathy and twisting stories to fit their narrative, while high-level gaslighting phrases can look like 'You're overreacting' and 'That never happened.'Let's broaden our insight by sharing topics high-level gaslighters tend to avoid—and ones they love to talk about—so we can better understand what to look for.Related:
People who gaslight refuse to be accountable for their hurtful behavior when they're called out, so they definitely won't bring it up. Don't expect to hear about that time they hurt your feelings (or if it does come up, expect them to blame-shift).'High-level gaslighters avoid the past unless they're cherry-picking it to make themselves look like the victim,' says Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who has expertise in emotional abuse, antagonistic relational dynamics, gaslighting and trauma. 'Owning mistakes means surrendering control, and that's their greatest fear.'a licensed clinical psychologist with SOBA New Jersey, points to this too. 'High-level gaslighters almost always dodge conversations where they might be held responsible,' she says. 'Owning up to mistakes threatens their need for control and opens the door for others to question their behavior.'If you raise this topic with them, Dr. Edwards-Hawver says they'll engage in DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. This tactic is a multi-step approach to avoiding accountability and making you seem like the problem.Related: These Two Types of People Are the Most Likely to Experience Gaslighting—Here's Why and What to Do, According to Psychologists
Gaslighters are often blame-shifters who don't want you to trust your intuition. For that reason, they aren't going to shed any light on or give any space for your emotional reality. They'll focus on what they say happened and how they feel.'If they acknowledge your emotions, it gives legitimacy to your perspective,' Dr. Estevez explains. 'Gaslighters thrive by making you question your reality.'If you bring up your feelings, Dr. Edwards-Hawver says they will sidestep, belittle or reframe them as irrational, dramatic or exaggerated. Basically, they'll say anything that causes you to doubt yourself, which is gaslighting's key.
Because a gaslighter is 'never' in the wrong, you won't catch them apologizing—at least in a genuine way. 'A real apology involves acknowledgement, remorse and changed behavior—which dismantles the illusion of superiority or control,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'They avoid true repair because it levels the emotional playing field.'If they do 'apologize,' it'll be a fake one, she continues, and may sound something like 'I'm sorry you feel that way.' (Again, no accountability taken.)Related: 7 Things To Do When You Apologize, Because There's More to It Than Saying 'I'm Sorry'
Since gaslighters want to trick you into believing them, they aren't going to give information that suggests otherwise. For example, if they're gaslighting you into thinking you're the one who started the argument, they won't admit to any part they played.'Whether it is a text message, a timeline or something they clearly stated before, they will sidestep the facts,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Confronting evidence puts cracks in the version of reality they are trying to control.'
Clarity and mutual understanding are common goals in healthy relationships, but you won't get them from a gaslighter. 'Any in-depth discussion about the relationship's dynamics risks exposing an imbalance or emotional harm,' Dr. Estevez explains. 'They will change the subject, deflect or accuse you of 'creating drama.''
Setting boundaries is so important in relationships, and that's one reason why gaslighters hate it.'They tend to avoid any dialogue where you clearly define your needs or set firm boundaries,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Boundaries reduce their power.'If you do try to assert one, she continues, they may respond with something like 'You're overreacting' or 'I guess I am just the bad guy now.'Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros
People who gaslight may avoid making social plans with you and a group of people, and it's not because they're introverted or shy.'They prefer to operate one-on-one where they can manipulate perception without resistance,' Dr. Edwards-Hawver says. 'Group settings with emotionally intelligent people threaten their control, especially if others might affirm your version of reality.'
On the flip side, what will you probably catch a high-level gaslighter talking about? Dr. Estevez and Dr. Edwards-Hawver mention the following topics:
Your flaws, mistakes and insecurities (under the guise of 'just being honest')
Their version of past events
Moral, high-ground arguments or vague philosophical takes that derail conversations and help them avoid accountability
How others have wronged you
Ambiguous, circular conversations or 'gray' situations where they can more easily manipulate you
How you should stay loyal to them and 'protect' them
Their reputation, charm and credibility
If you interact with someone who avoids the former topics or loves the latter, you may be in a gaslighter's territory. And a high-level one at that. Be on the lookout for other gaslighting signs, too, and if they look familiar, consider reaching out to a loved one for support.Up Next:Dr. Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist who has expertise in emotional abuse, antagonistic relational dynamics, gaslighting and trauma
Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist
7 Topics High-Level Gaslighters Usually Avoid, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 15, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 15, 2025, where it first appeared.