Latest news with #emotionalliteracy
Forbes
3 hours ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Ways Abusers Co-Opt Your Healing Language — By A Psychologist
From Instagram captions to dating app bios, it's heartening to see people becoming more emotionally literate. Words like 'boundaries,' 'trauma,' 'emotional safety' and 'self-care' are now part of everyday conversations. Ideally, this shared language should support healthier relationships. But like any powerful tool, healing language can also be misused, especially by those with manipulative or abusive tendencies. Abusers are increasingly cloaking controlling behavior in therapeutic jargon, confusing their partners and making it harder to recognize harm. Here are three ways abusers often co-opt healing language, and what to watch out for. Boundaries are meant to protect emotional well-being. At their best, they're an act of care, a way to express what feels safe, what doesn't, and what we need to stay connected with ourselves and others. But in the hands of someone emotionally avoidant or manipulative, the idea of 'boundaries' can be twisted into a tool for distance and control. You might hear things like: At first glance, these statements sound empowered, like someone doing the essential work of self-care. But often, what's happening beneath the surface is emotional withholding. This isn't always a person protecting their peace. This could be them avoiding vulnerability or evading accountability, especially in situations where it's reasonable to expect emotional availability. In emotionally manipulative dynamics, this can leave the other person confused and unsettled. You might start second-guessing whether your needs are too much or whether asking for reassurance is somehow a violation. Because on paper, it all sounds psychologically sound, but in your body, it feels like rejection. And over time, this dynamic has consequences. A recent study on emotional abuse and self-concealment found that people in emotionally abusive relationships often tend to suppress their feelings and retreat inward. Simply put, the more someone's vulnerability is shut down, the more likely they are to silence themselves. What's framed as 'boundary setting' can slowly teach someone that their emotions are unwelcome and inconvenient for the other. So how do you tell the difference between a healthy boundary and a defensive wall? Ask yourself: Real boundaries are relational. They're consistent, co-created and leave space for dialogue and repair. They don't ask you to disappear in order for someone else to feel safe. The rise of therapy-informed language was meant to bring more compassion into relationships. But unfortunately, in some cases, it's made them harder to navigate, especially when words meant for healing are used to hurt. In unhealthy dynamics, psychological language becomes a weapon. Instead of nurturing curiosity or compassion, it's used to pathologize you and shut down valid feedback. You might hear: These statements sound insightful, as if someone is doing deep emotional work. But they're actually not. They're a strategy to silence you. The language mimics therapy, but the intention is control. Your needs get framed as dysfunction. Your hurt becomes evidence that you are the problem. Suddenly, the conversation isn't about what happened, it's about what's 'wrong with you.' What makes this especially confusing is that it sounds like it draws from therapy without honoring its ethics. In fact, a study published in Frontiers in Psychology noted how many therapy terms such as, 'narcissist,' 'gaslighting' and 'projection,' are what are called 'open concepts.' Meaning, their definitions are fuzzy, context-dependent and easily misused. When taken out of clinical context, they lose precision, and worse, they can be used to undermine real emotional experiences. In relationships, this shows up as weaponized self-help: instead of holding space for your feelings, you're handed a diagnosis mid-sentence. The conversation stops being about repair and becomes about their need to be right, and your supposed pathology. So what do you do when this happens? Don't try to win the terminology war because that's the trap. Instead, come back to your internal compass. Ask yourself: And then, remind yourself that healthy relationships don't make you doubt your sanity. They allow room for your feelings, even when they're messy. And they certainly don't use psychology to silence you. Healing is quiet and deeply personal. It involves introspection and meaningful change over time. But when 'healing' is used to avoid accountability, it stops being about growth. You might hear these common phrases: In many cases, if you look closer, you'll see the pattern: these phrases often show up at moments when harm has been caused, and repair is needed. Instead of owning their impact, the person centers their healing, and conveniently chooses to sideline yours. This tactic mirrors DARVO, a manipulative response pattern where a person Denies wrongdoing, Attacks the confronter and Reverses the Victim and Offender roles. A first-of-its-kind study published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma found that people often use this strategy when confronted about the harm they've caused. Not only is it common, it's also effective at making the other person feel confused and self-blaming. In the study, those exposed to DARVO were significantly more likely to internalize blame. That's the risk here. When someone positions your request for repair as an attack, or insists that you're too 'unhealed' to understand their process, the focus shifts away from the harm, and onto your supposed shortcomings. Eventually, this can affect your self-trust. You may find yourself leaving these conversations doubting your right to your feelings, wondering if you were the one standing in the way of their growth. But real healing doesn't silence the people you've hurt. It's more of a call for you to repair and be present, especially when it's uncomfortable. So how do you tell the difference? Pay attention to the gap between language and behavior. Ask yourself: Because deep healing is meant for you to feel it in your body, unlike an announcement that is used to morally out-rank you. And if someone's 'healing journey' always results in you being the one hurt, that's a red flag. Psychological terms can offer clarity but when misused, they do the opposite. This kind of misuse is especially harmful because the very language meant to empower and protect ends up being turned against you. So, make it a quiet ritual to remind yourself of this: And trust your 'felt sense.' If the language sounds right but feels wrong, it probably is. Healing should feel like a softening, not a silencing. Can you safely bring your authentic self to your relationships? Take the Authenticity In Relationships Scale to find out.
News24
10 hours ago
- Health
- News24
Former Miss SA Shudufhadzo Musida declares ‘Power is knowing that your presence in the room is not a favour - it's necessary'
Winning Miss South Africa in 2020 was neither the beginning nor end of Shudufhadzo Musida's journey. Her perspective, shaped by her upbringing across both rural and urban areas, influenced her leadership style and advocacy priorities. This duality informs her work as an author of two impactful children's books 'Shudu finds her magic' and 'I Am Shudu: Finding My Voice and Knowing My Strength.' Recently honoured with an appointment as the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA) global champion for women and girls, Musida continues to build a legacy that transcends her beauty pageant achievements. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Shudu Musiḓa (@shudufhadzomusida) In a one-on-one with TRUELOVE, she shares more on her journey and the advocacy she stands for. Her mental health advocacy 'We've seen studies—for example, in the UK—showing a 20 percent rise in anxiety and depression in high school students post-COVID. But this didn't come out of nowhere. The pandemic simply exposed what was already there,' she shares, noting her passion in emotional literacy, especially starting in childhood. Her first book, Shudu Finds Her Magic, introduces mental health concepts to children in an age-appropriate way while her latest, I Am Shudu: Finding My Voice and Knowing My Strength, builds on that by helping older children and teens develop the language to articulate their emotions. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Shudu Musiḓa (@shudufhadzomusida) She believes that to improve our mental healthcare access there needs to be a full integration of mental health services into our public health system. 'At the moment, mental health support is often limited to crisis care - if it's available at all - especially in rural and township communities. But mental health should be treated with the same urgency and normalcy as physical health. You go to the clinic for a flu - why not for your mental wellbeing too?' Stepping into a room as the voice of people Growing up in the village showed Shudufhadzo what a lack of privilege and access looks like. She notes how in many rural areas, people don't have the same basic services — healthcare, mental health support, quality education, or even awareness of the full spectrum of careers that exist. 'In some places, children don't even know that being a creative, an artist, a strategist — or even a public speaker — is possible. And beyond imagination, the infrastructure is missing too. Many rural schools still lack proper ICT infrastructure, and without that, how do you compete in the digital world?' she notes. That lived experience gives her perspective. It keeps her mindful in every conversation — whether it's about youth inclusion, education reform, or leadership: 'True leadership is not just about making it out. It's about holding the door open, making space, and ensuring that the people you grew up with are not left behind — that they too are part of the future we're building.' View this post on Instagram A post shared by UNFPA (@unfpa) Heritage and identity Shudufhadzo will always be remembered for the iconic moment she wore the Miss South Africa crown with her short hair. Speaking to us, she reveals that the look wasn't meant to be a political statement: 'When I entered Miss South Africa with short natural hair, it wasn't a political statement — I just felt like it. Only later did I realise the impact it had. I didn't grow up wearing my natural hair, and even when I did, I often felt it wasn't good enough.' Since winning Miss South Africa, her understanding of power has evolved in many ways. 'For me, Miss SA was a platform, a powerful one, but it didn't define what power is to me. Power is not fame. It's not about being recognised in public or having influence for influence's sake. Real power, to me, is the ability to shift narratives, influence policy, redistribute resources, and show up in spaces in a way that opens doors for others.' View this post on Instagram A post shared by Shudu Musiḓa (@shudufhadzomusida)
