Latest news with #ethicalnonmonogamy
The Sun
20 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I visited UK's Swingathon fest with 50-person orgy & spank shows – here's why this year was younger & SEXIER than ever
BEAUTIFUL women in barely-there bikinis strut past as a young man pulls a blonde into a tent. She gives a quick, saucy wink over her shoulder before they disappear inside. 9 9 9 For a moment, I almost feel I'm at Glastonbury — until I glance to the side and clock a full-blown threesome in a tent. Welcome to Swingathon 2025. More than a thousand horny revellers have descended on the sleepy village of Allington, Lincs, for a weekend of frolics, flings and full-on filth. As The Sun's sexpert, I've been granted exclusive access to the steamy three-day romp-fest. It's not my first rodeo — I covered this saucy shindig last year — but 2025 is bigger and definitely better. As ethical non-monogamy continues to boom among younger generations — and is now Dear Deidre 's number one query — one of the most noticeable changes is the crowd. Some look like they have just strolled off the set of Love Island and straight into the hot tub. 'It just takes you out of normal life and into a whole new world,' says Macy, a model and mum from Blackpool, who is celebrating her 25th birthday today. Clad in a neon green fishnet bodysuit that's cheekily cut away at the back, Macy gives me a tour of her tent in the glamping quarters. She is sharing with her long-term partner Karl, 34, who she has been with for six and a half years. The pair, who also have a child together, tell me they discovered the lifestyle a few years ago and haven't looked back since. 'It's our first Swingathon but we've been to a few clubs,' explains Karl. 'Everyone is dead accepting. The Sun's Georgie Culley visits UK's largest sex fest Swingathon 'I've seen lots of willies' 'We're a pretty open couple and are open to anything but we tend to stick to softplay (sex with your partner in front of others, but not swapping), but it all depends on the people and couples.' The pair say they do have rules but don't have a safe word. 'She's my queen and I won't see her disrespected,' Karl continues. 'We are in sync with each other and connect with our eyes.' The couple haven't played with anyone else just yet — but the night is still young. 'There's a couple of girls I'm eager to get my hands on,' Macy laughs, excitedly. Their advice for curious couples? 'Don't knock it 'til you've tried it,' says Karl. 'It's a place where you can live out your wildest fantasies.' Macy adds: 'It's about being you, and being free — you don't have to do anything. Just being here is enough for some people.' Nearby, I find Annie, 38, a carer from Bristol and her long-term partner, Dave, 39, a scaffolder. 'We have a really good, healthy sex life,' says Annie, 38, who's been in the lifestyle for nearly 18 years. 'And then we'll come here and treat it like a sex toy — something you use and then put away. For us it's an enhancement of our sex life, not something we need, something we enjoy.' Friday's scorching sunshine caught many out — and let's just say the combo of baby oil and blazing July heat was not ideal. 9 9 There were plenty of red bums on display by sundown, as revellers soaked up the rays — and each other. For some, Saturday's downpour was a welcome relief — finally, something cool in a weekend that's anything but. Still, a bit of bad weather hasn't dampened the mood or slowed anyone down. In fact, there are loads of new additions to the festival this year. 'We've got Naked Attraction — like the Channel 4 dating show, but live and fully interactive,' one organiser tells me. 'There's Kerry's Kinky Quiz, spanking displays, foam parties, a group massage class, naked discos . . . and of course, dozens of orgy tents. 'There's also the new glamping village which is great for socials.' Each play tent comes fully stocked with bowls of condoms (we're talking hundreds), plus lube, blue roll and disinfectant. Revellers are expected to clean up after themselves and leave the space as they found it — or risk a fine for being messy. 'Last night we were in here with 12 other couples,' continues Annie. 'It was very hot and sweaty. We like to play with other women and sometimes that does mean a couple swap. But it's got to be pleasurable for everyone.' Festival organisers tell me they've come well prepared — with a jaw-dropping 4,000 condoms and hundreds of bottles of lube and baby oil stocked up for the weekend. And judging from the saucy stories I've heard echoing from every corner of the site, none of it's going to waste. As I walk to get a drink from the shiny phallic-shaped drinks bar, a group of beautiful women rush past me, wearing nothing but painted handprints smeared across their bodies. They giggle wildly, slipping into an outdoor bath, splashing and scrubbing each other down in a blur of skin, suds and laughter. In the content creator tent I find two Only Fans models posing up a storm. They tell me how it's their first time at Swingathon. Laughing, Jazzy, 34, says: 'I've seen lots of willies out which I like — I've had a right old gander at that.' 'It's a bit crazy, innit?' adds Shania Howard, 25, from Surrey. 'There were loads of people having sex in the play tents. I know I do Only Fans but that's wild.' As the day gets into full swing — pun intended — more and more revellers emerge from their tents. At one point, I overheard a couple casually plotting a 50-strong orgy for later that evening — just your average Saturday night at Swingathon. Elsewhere, others strip off without a second thought and slip into the outdoor hot tubs, cocktails in hand, as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Nearby, I meet circus performer couple Annabella Stanyer, 28, and Josh Gill, 32, from Bristol. 9 9 What is Swinging? SWINGING, also known as partner swapping, is a sexual activity where partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with other people. All parties involved must give explicit and enthusiastic consent. Open and honest communication between partners is crucial. Many swingers engage with a community or attend events specifically for swinging. Such activity can enhance intimacy and trust within the primary relationship. It provides an opportunity to explore sexual fantasies and desires. But it is not suitable for every relationship and requires a strong foundation of trust. Jealousy and emotional challenges may arise and need to be managed. 'Sleaze on our doorstep' 'I hired him as a sex slave for a festival,' dominatrix Annabella says. 'And the rest is history.' It's the pansexual pair's first time at Swingathon after Annabella bagged a free ticket by winning Best Fetish Model at the Alternative Awards. The pair have been together a year and set clear boundaries to ensure they don't get paranoid about anything and 'just have fun'. 'You're OK with me playing with a girl,' says Annabella. 'And he can play with boys individually and we play with both genders when we are together.' Josh adds: 'It's important to take things slowly and communicate with each other, which you should be doing in a relationship anyway.' While most locals I've met seem unfazed by the festival, one grand- father said: 'Our beautiful and peaceful little village has become synonymous with swingers. 'It's outrageous, and we don't welcome it. We don't want it here. It is sleaze on our doorstep.' But the founder of the event, 37-year-old Matt Cole, disagrees. He says: 'Live and let live — we are not hurting anyone and no one can hear or see what is going on inside, unless you are attending it.' His wife Stacie, 30, chips in: 'One of the main negative comments we get from people is that we are one big STD festival.' Matt adds: 'They call us dirty swingers and say we are spreading this and spreading that. 'But if we can make it all free for attendees to get tested beforehand then that stops that. In every play tent there are condoms and lube and most people play with safe sex.' For the first time in the five years they have been running the event, Matt explains how he asked festival-goers to test this year before they arrived. He says: 'I sent free NHS kits to everyone and 50 per cent of people here today have taken them. 'Next year, I'd love to work with an online testing company so we get everyone tested and then we will be the first festival that is as safe as can be.' As I peruse the stalls selling sexy underwear and kinky sextoys, a stunning brunette casually strolls by wearing a little jacket and nothing else. It's 7pm and the sun is starting to set over Britain's biggest swinging festival. But judging by what I've seen — and heard — it won't be the only thing going down tonight . . . 9 9
Yahoo
7 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What is 'soft swapping' and how is it different for LGBTQ+ couples? Sex experts explain
You've likely heard of polyamory, swinging, and ethical non-monogamy, but what about the term 'soft swapping'? The practice has been around for a long time within the swinging community, but it gained popularity when it was featured on the reality show The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which showed Taylor Frankie Paul's TikTok video where she talked about her and her friends being into 'soft swinging,' also known as soft swapping. Paul's marriage eventually ended in divorce, but she managed to popularize the term, which she said in a TikTok live referred to swapping partners where 'you just hook up but you don't go all the way.' Soft swapping can either be a relationship model or a way to dip your toe into ethical non-monogamy on your way to swinging or polyamory. The 'soft' in soft swapping means that penetrative sex is off the table. But what does that mean for the queer community, where penetrative sex doesn't look the same as it does for straight couples? We talked to experts to break down what soft swapping is, whether or not it's common for LGBTQ+ couples, which sexual activities are on the table, and what the downside is. JLco Julia Amaral/Shutterstock In an open relationship, both partners are able to date and have sex with people outside of the committed relationship, but with soft swapping, partners become intimate with people within a friend group or swinging community, and sexual contact is limited. This is different from 'hard swapping' or 'full swapping' which refers to swinging where penetrative sexual activity is allowed. 'Soft swapping is a form of consensual or ethical non-monogamy (ENM) where a couple explores sexual play with other couples, or within a community of other couples. It's a lot like swinging but tends to have more boundaries set out about what is allowed and often will restrict partners from having penetrative sex outside the relationship,' Emma Hewitt, a certified sex educator with Adulttoymegastore and the host of the podcast the Electric Rodeo, tells PRIDE. 'Historically, swinging in general has been considered a very hetero activity. You know the stereotype. The husband puts his key in a bowl at the party and whichever wife pulls his keys is who goes off with him for a good time,' Hewitt explains. 'Whether this party practice was ever actually popular or just a good trope for a comedy sitcom is up in the air, but what we do know is that how society learnt about swinging was definitely through a heterosexual lens.' But statistics show that the LGBTQ+ community is more likely to participate in non-monogamous relationship models than their straight counterparts. According to a 2018 study on open relationships, 32% of gay participants, 5% of lesbian participants, and 22% of bisexual participants report being in open relationships, while only 2% of heterosexual participants say the same. 'LGBTQIA+ folks likely are as into soft swinging as straight folks, if not more, but we just haven't heard as much about it. How queer people define sex tends to be different to how straight people do. While sex is often defined as penetrative sex by straight people, the definition is much more diverse for queer folks so how they define swinging or soft swinging is likely different too,' Hewitt says. Mincemeat/Shutterstock The parameters are fairly clearly defined for straight folks looking to spice up their sex life with soft swapping: just stay away from PIV sex. But what activities aren't allowed when you're dating in Queerland? 'In straight swinging circles, a soft swap usually refers to any non-penetrative sexual play,' she explains. "So, it might involve kissing, touching and oral sex. But in queer circles, these boundaries may look different depending on what the swinging partners determine to be sex.' Sex and relationship therapist Aimee Evnin-Bingham advises discussing your desires for soft swapping openly with your partner and then deciding together what sexual boundaries you're both comfortable with. 'Couples should decide on what they feel comfortable when opening up their relationship. It may differ on what is 'allowed' depending on the relationship boundaries,' she says. This means deciding together how you define sex and what sex acts are permitted within the agreement you have with your partner, and which ones are not. This also may be a good time to discuss how you both define cheating so that you know how to stay within the bounds of your commitment to each other. Soft swapping can feel like a safe way to explore open relationships and have sexual experiences with new people without committing to swinging, polyamory, or other forms of ethical non-monogamy. According to Evnin-Bingham, since soft swapping is often done when both partners are in the same room, it can give someone feeling insecure a sense of control because they know what their partner is up to, while for others, it can spice up the bedroom. 'It may be exciting to see their partners soft swinging with other people. It can broaden your desire and you can learn more about what you like and what you don't like,' she reveals. Hewitt agrees and says that soft swapping can also be a way to explore kinks, fetishes, and fantasies 'that their partner may not be interested in' without completely opening up your relationship. Srdjan Randjelovic/Shutterstock Even if you are in a stable relationship, jealousy can rear its ugly head and spell the end of your relationship. And if you end up falling for someone you're soft swapping with, you put your whole relationship at risk. This is exactly what happened to Paul when she developed feelings for someone outside of her marriage who she was soft swapping with. 'Soft swinging shouldn't be considered a band-aid for a relationship that is already in trouble. If you have trust issues with one another, it's likely to put more strain and pressure on an already struggling relationship and can be a contributing factor to relationship dissolution,' Hewitt says. If you're the one interested in trying soft swapping, have a conversation with your partner and be open about why you want to open your relationship in this way and how you think the experience will benefit you both. It can also help your partner feel less insecure if you remind them that you want to explore this with them, and not just as a way to skirt around monogamy. Then, give them the time and space to consider your request and be ready to accept it if they won't want to give it a try. 'Give them time to process and do some research about soft swinging if they aren't sure what it means and don't hurry them into answering then and there. This isn't something that people should dive into on a whim,' Hewitt explains. 'If they aren't interested, respect that. It's ok to ask if it's a conversation you can return to in the future but don't nag or pressure them if it's something they don't want to do.' And if your partner is the one who brings soft swapping up to you, try to keep an open mind and allow yourself to really think about it before you give an answer. 'Remember that it needs to work for everyone involved. If you are doing it because your partner wants to, but you don't, or vice versa, you are likely setting yourself up to fail as resentment inevitably kicks in,' she says. If you're going to start soft swapping, it's important to make sure you are taking care of both your emotional and physical health. Like with most things in life, and sex, communication is key. Consider setting up regular check-ins to make sure you are both still happy, and be prepared to be open about how you're really feeling. Set up clear boundaries. Hewitt warns that setting up 'blanket rules' for soft swapping won't be enough, instead you and your partner need to be specific about which sex acts are allowed with other partners and which are off the table since the way you each define 'sex' and 'cheating' may be different. Then, be clear about your boundaries with potential soft swapping partners. Talk about the future. After play sessions, you and your partner should talk openly about whether your needs are being met or your boundaries are being pushed so that you can decide together if you want to continue soft swapping. Safe sex is paramount. You are your partner need to be on the same page about your comfort level around fluid bonding, contraceptive use, and STI risks before you start soft swapping. Get tested regularly, consider going on PrEP, and talk openly about these things with anyone you and your partner may swap with. Emma Hewitt, a certified sex educator with Adulttoymegastore and the host of the podcast the Electric Rodeo. Aimee Evnin-Bingham, a sex and relationship therapist. This article originally appeared on Pride: What is 'soft swapping' and how is it different for LGBTQ+ couples? Sex experts explain If your girlfriend wants an open relationship but you don't here's what to do, say experts 10 tips for a better long-distance relationship 15 clear signs it's time for your relationship to be over
Yahoo
01-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Unconventional dating app Feeld reports surge in ‘vanilla tourists'
Ethical non-monogamy, switch, edging: you might expect these terms to be old hat for people on a non-traditional dating app – but increasingly they're not. Feeld, which describes itself as being for 'the curious', is being colonised by so-called 'vanilla tourists' – people who are using the app for more conventional dating. The result is that Feeld has been booming in recent years, at a time when other dating apps' numbers are falling. Since 2022, its user base has grown by 30% year on year, helped by those looking to observe and perhaps dip their toe into experimental lifestyles. The dating app's chief executive, Ana Kirova, said reaching a wide audience has never been a goal, and she fears alienating longstanding members. 'I do think it's a challenge that it's becoming more mainstream in some ways,' she said. 'How do we welcome people who've never heard of Feeld, who don't understand the list of sexualities and genders[or] who don't understand what ethical non-monogamy is?' But she added: 'Every time someone tells me about this vanilla people being on the app, I just ask: 'What's the problem with vanilla?' Why are we so binary about it? There is vanilla, which is boring and whatever, and then there is the rest, which is dark and interesting. 'We don't yuck anyone's yum … and that does count for more traditional relationships and popular sexual experiences, too. I think there is space for that.' Unlike other dating apps, users are able to browse profiles without gamified swiping 'like' and 'dislike', and Feeld does not use AI or predictive algorithms to find matches, which Kirova likens to 'shopping for granola'. 'That constrains the experience for the members. As soon as you join the app, you're put on to a conveyor of what your experience should be. And the platform makes a lot of choices for you in order for an algorithm to match you and people, because there is a default assumption for everyone that you're there to find X,' she added. As a result, she believes there is less – although not no – bad behaviour such as ghosting and 'benching' someone in the belief there is someone better a swipe away. However, she added that safety is still a battle. 'With toxic misogyny still a challenge in wider society, it inevitably finds its way into the dating app landscape,' she said. There has also been a proliferation of sophisticated romance scams, for which Feeld uses AI to identify fake profiles. 'There are big companies that are investing in scammers. It's like there is Feeld and then there is the 'dark Feeld' somewhere, with a lot of people and resources invested into making fake accounts on dating apps … it's a real difficult thing to tackle,' she said. Feeld has benefited from changing cultural attitudes towards sex, relationships, sexuality and identity, and a shift away from the 'linear journey from single to coupled to married to having children to having a house', Kirova says. She has observed a growing openness. 'Older generations look at identity and sexual orientation as quite static. They're starting to change slowly, but that's their perception. Whereas younger people see them as ongoing, growing and changing parts of the self.' Kirova said the app's second fastest growing demographic is women over 40, with numbers rising by 16% last year, thanks to culture and media challenging 'silly and offensive' perceptions of older women's sexuality. Feeld has also managed to hold on to gen Z users, who are turning away from other dating apps. 'There is also space for people finding friends and space for people finding community. I think especially gen Z are not always looking for sex on the app,' she said. For the curious: ethical non-monogamy involves having multiple relationships in a fully consensual away, a switch is someone happy to take on either a dominant or submissive role in BDSM, and edging involves delaying orgasm by giving or taking away pleasure.
The Guardian
01-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Unconventional dating app Feeld reports surge in ‘vanilla tourists'
Ethical non-monogamy, switch, edging: you might expect these terms to be old hat for people on a non-traditional dating app – but increasingly they're not. Feeld, which describes itself as being for 'the curious', is being colonised by so-called 'vanilla tourists' – people who are using the app for more conventional dating. The result is that Feeld has been booming in recent years, at a time when other dating apps' numbers are falling. Since 2022, its user base has grown by 30% year on year, helped by those looking to observe and perhaps dip their toe into experimental lifestyles. The dating app's chief executive, Ana Kirova, said reaching a wide audience has never been a goal, and she fears alienating longstanding members. 'I do think it's a challenge that it's becoming more mainstream in some ways,' she said. 'How do we welcome people who've never heard of Feeld, who don't understand the list of sexualities and genders[or] who don't understand what ethical non-monogamy is?' But she added: 'Every time someone tells me about this vanilla people being on the app, I just ask: 'What's the problem with vanilla?' Why are we so binary about it? There is vanilla, which is boring and whatever, and then there is the rest, which is dark and interesting. 'We don't yuck anyone's yum … and that does count for more traditional relationships and popular sexual experiences, too. I think there is space for that.' Unlike other dating apps, users are able to browse profiles without gamified swiping 'like' and 'dislike', and Feeld does not use AI or predictive algorithms to find matches, which Kirova likens to 'shopping for granola'. 'That constrains the experience for the members. As soon as you join the app, you're put on to a conveyor of what your experience should be. And the platform makes a lot of choices for you in order for an algorithm to match you and people, because there is a default assumption for everyone that you're there to find X,' she added. As a result, she believes there is less – although not no – bad behaviour such as ghosting and 'benching' someone in the belief there is someone better a swipe away. However, she added that safety is still a battle. 'With toxic misogyny still a challenge in wider society, it inevitably finds its way into the dating app landscape,' she said. There has also been a proliferation of sophisticated romance scams, for which Feeld uses AI to identify fake profiles. 'There are big companies that are investing in scammers. It's like there is Feeld and then there is the 'dark Feeld' somewhere, with a lot of people and resources invested into making fake accounts on dating apps … it's a real difficult thing to tackle,' she said. Feeld has benefited from changing cultural attitudes towards sex, relationships, sexuality and identity, and a shift away from the 'linear journey from single to coupled to married to having children to having a house', Kirova says. She has observed a growing openness. 'Older generations look at identity and sexual orientation as quite static. They're starting to change slowly, but that's their perception. Whereas younger people see them as ongoing, growing and changing parts of the self.' Kirova said the app's second fastest growing demographic is women over 40, with numbers rising by 16% last year, thanks to culture and media challenging 'silly and offensive' perceptions of older women's sexuality. Feeld has also managed to hold on to gen Z users, who are turning away from other dating apps. 'There is also space for people finding friends and space for people finding community. I think especially gen Z are not always looking for sex on the app,' she said. For the curious: ethical non-monogamy involves having multiple relationships in a fully consensual away, a switch is someone happy to take on either a dominant or submissive role in BDSM, and edging involves delaying orgasm by giving or taking away pleasure.
The Guardian
01-06-2025
- Health
- The Guardian
This is how we do it: ‘In my 50s I want to be 'monogam-ish' – to have to have my cake and eat it'
There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous Ever since I was young, I've looked up to strong men. I remember being really interested in my gym teacher when I was at school. So when I saw Gavin's profile on a dating site, I instantly liked the stats. He's athletic, pays attention to self-care, and right from the get go we found lots to talk about. It was an easy match. We're both into kissing and we love passionate embraces, but at the beginning we weren't connecting very well physically. It took us time to really develop a strong chemistry in bed. And then one day it just clicked, and we've never looked back. There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous. It all started when I told him that one of his ex-partners made me a little bit horny. I was apprehensive to tell him because it's a sensitive topic. But Gavin was receptive. He said, 'Well, maybe one day we could explore bringing in other people.' It took time to build a relationship before we were willing to entertain going elsewhere, but it was a natural progression. It changed the dynamic for the better and brought us closer. We call it a 'monogam-ish' relationship. We got here by mutual trust and respect – the idea that we're sexual beings and our relationship shouldn't stop us from exercising those tendencies from time to time. Gavin's retired so he has opportunities to meet people online and host them during the day, which I can't because I'm working. That's happened a couple of times and I've felt a little bit uneasy about it – I was worried about his safety more than anything. But on the flip side, he's mentioned that the pool starts to shrink the older you get. So if there's an opportunity, he believes it's fleeting and has to take it. Though being engaged sexually with Gavin is paramount to me, we're not daily sex people – we do it about once a week. Most evenings we tidy up in the kitchen, go to bed and live like an old married couple. Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion If you're keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate. Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it Despite our age difference, we're both very sexually active – it's continued to thrive and grow through our 11 years together. I was more conscious of the generational difference than Jimmy, and we took it very slowly, not wanting to rush into anything. Jimmy had always dated older guys, but this was new territory for me. We have a very open attitude to sex, and in about our third year we set up a joint dating profile and began introducing other people into our experience. It was my idea, but Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it. It took a lot of conversations about what the expectations were and it was a new experience for both of us. When you hit your 50s, you realise what you really want out of life. For me that was to be happy, to have freedom, to have a loving partner but to not feel restricted. To have my cake and eat it. As I'm older than Jimmy, I'm not quite as interested in sex. I don't feel any guilt about that, because if he wanted to have sex with someone else, he could do that. It brings us closer together as we find it exciting to hear about each other's fun times outside our relationship. Obviously there are people who Jimmy finds attractive and I don't, and vice versa. He is a very attractive young man and when we're out you can see people flirt with him. It's fun to watch and makes me appreciate him and all he has to offer. We have an active sex life together but I think having sex with outsiders is a realistic expectation of a 20-year age gap. When a person gets older they don't give up on sex, but a younger person definitely has a higher drive, so to have this freedom keeps it interesting for both of us. It keeps things sexy.
