Latest news with #exhusband
Yahoo
4 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
With 5 Words, My Marriage Ended. Then A Chance Encounter Across The World Gave Me New Life.
Her undulating tongue moved wet and slippery against my hand as her trunk pressed the unpeeled bananas into her mouth. I wore a blue canvas bag, laden with sugarcane and bananas, and I was surrounded by elephants. It was my last day in Thailand after making the painful decision to abort my trip 10 days early. I was homesick and missing my 15-year-old daughter, Sophie, who was in Bangladesh with my soon-to-be ex-husband. It was our first summer holiday apart since the January night six months prior when he'd informed me that our 20-year marriage was over. 'My soul is deeply unhappy.' He'd told me over a dinner of Costco salad. 'I want a divorce.' Losing my marriage was difficult, his admitted infidelity was worse, and the summer away from my daughter was the hardest of all. My husband and I had been fighting with an explosive vengeance as we unraveled our marriage, screaming things that couldn't be taken back during late-night phone calls and hastily-typed texts featuring f-bombs and accusations. After every fight, I'd felt ashamed of the horrible things I'd said in response to the horrible things he'd said — loop after loop after loop. Six months earlier, he'd been my best friend, and I couldn't reconcile how quickly we'd become enemies. That morning, before visiting the elephants, my face had looked older than its 49 years. In makeup consisting of shadows and tear trails, I wore a mask of crepey, dehydrated skin. My hangover had nothing to do with beer and everything to do with a desolate night of crying myself dry in a cheap hotel room. Emotional pain this deep was corporeal. The fight had been a doozy that left me literally bruised, as I'd pounded my thighs with my fists at 2 a.m. after hanging up the phone for the last time. I needed help. I shouldn't be hitting myself, nor starving myself, though it was difficult to eat with the phantom golf ball that had lodged in my throat for the past six months. I'd lost 30 lbs. When I returned to New Jersey, I'd look for a therapist, I promised myself. Today, though — my last in Chiang Mai — elephants. I'd chosen Elephant Nature Park because of its mission as a sanctuary and rehabilitation center. There was no riding, no circus tricks, no prodding with hooks. Elephants were brought to ENP to live their best pachyderm lives, tromping through the verdant jungle and rolling in thick mud by the river. I'd done my research and felt confident these rescued elephants were well-cared-for and that I would not be contributing to the problem. I hoped I could put last night's fight behind me and be present. A minivan pulled up to the meeting place where I stood alone. Its door opened wide enough for me to feel the air conditioning drift out into the humid Southeast Asian summer air. 'VanderVeen?' The middle-aged man at the wheel asked, looking down his bifocals at the folded scrap of paper in his hand. He wore a white polo shirt with the ENP logo on his left breast. 'Yep,' I said, my voice sounding as scratchy as it felt. A fierce, purple bruise, my souvenir from the previous night, seeped across my thigh as it scraped the fabric of the loose-fitting pants I'd bought for $1.50 at the Chiang Mai Night Market. I limped and winced as I made my way up the van's stairs to an empty seat. A head popped up from the row in front of me, and a friendly voice said, 'Hi! We're Kate!' Her companion laughed and said, 'She's Kate. I'm Carol.' I smiled without meaning it and returned the greeting. Behind me, a blisteringly adorable young couple held hands adorned with shiny new wedding rings. Outside the window, Northern Thailand was lush mountains, dirt roads lined with villages, children, dogs and chickens. The bus lurched as it ascended the steep mountain on what, though only one lane, was a two-way road. When cars approached us, the van pulled over into yards and gullies, making the bumpy ride bumpier. Arriving at camp, we washed our hands to protect the elephants and set off to find them. The sandy path was flanked on both sides by jungle. My heavy bag of fruit banged against my bruised thigh, and I was angry — at myself, at him, at this unwanted divorce. I felt the prickle of emerging tears when suddenly, the elephants appeared with their mahouts. They knew why we'd come and ambled jauntily toward us like horses returning to the stable at the end of the day. 'Feed them the bananas first, then sugarcane,' the mahouts instructed protectively. 'They think the sugarcane is dessert.' A leathery, muscular trunk ventured toward me, startling me with its languid athleticism. The elephant regarded me kindly through a curtain of long gray lashes as if asking permission, then came closer, in a nonthreatening way that put me at ease. Stout, whisker-like hairs anchored the dirt crown atop her head. She nudged my bag, and I gave her a banana. I offered one at a time, but she collected them until she was holding six in the crook of her trunk, then used its pointy tip to guide them into her triangular mouth. Her huge, wet tongue didn't protrude but, rather, swirled like a washing machine within her mouth, masticating the fruit. I cautiously reached out my hand, touching a jowl. It felt like it looked: loose yet muscular, creviced flesh soft and mighty. The two elephants I was feeding were mother and daughter. Mama's leg had been broken while dragging logs through the jungle. It was misshapen, and she walked with a limp. The logging industry, irresponsible breeding practices, landmines and reckless tourism had decimated the elephant population in Thailand. Lek, the founder of Elephant Nature Park, had made admirable strides in saving these gentle creatures. I wondered how I would walk through the world with my own daughter, now that I, too, had a limp. Kate stepped up beside me. Her face, with striking light blue eyes framed by a mass of tawny ringlets, was open and warm. 'This is my second time this week,' she confessed. 'I turned 50 this year, and my birthday wish was to come to Thailand and spend as much time as possible with the elephants.' 'I'm turning 50 this year, too,' I told her with a grimace. 'I love 50!' She said enthusiastically, then asked, 'Where are you from?' 'New Jersey,' I said. 'No way! Me too!' I was shocked. I'd been in Southeast Asia for four and a half weeks and had barely met any Americans, let alone one from my home state. Last winter, days after my husband left, I'd wept beside Gail and Andi, two of my best friends. 'What do you want your future to look like?' they'd asked. 'No idea. I don't even know what kind of music I like,' I'd said. I'd lost myself in being a wife and a mother, and now that he was gone and Sophie was in high school and needed me less, I didn't recognize my life. 'The only thing I know I want to do is travel,' I'd said, resolutely. So here I was, alone in Thailand. 'How long are you here?' Kate asked, reaching out to caress the flank of the elephant who had joined our conversation. I exhaled. 'That's a complicated story. I was supposed to go to Laos from here, but I'm going home tomorrow,' I told her, sharing the bones of the past few months. 'Oof, that's a lot,' she replied. 'I'm a therapist. I specialize in helping women transition through divorce, and in my 'professional opinion,' that sounds like a lot,' she said, forming air quotes with her fingers. 'I don't know if you know this, but elephants hold a lot of symbolism,' she said. 'They're so big, they clear obstacles, creating a path for those behind them to follow. Some cultures believe they represent new beginnings. Maybe you're here to start your new thing.' We arrived at the end of the jungle path, and the elephants continued to the river while we had lunch on a wooden platform overlooking the water. Spring rolls, vegetable stir fry, fruit and coconut mousse filled our table. After lunch, we mixed mango, banana and rice into balls for the elephants' dinner. My hands were soothed by the familiar, tactile exercise, which reminded me of making meatballs at home. They were Sophie's comfort food, and I'd made them for her since she was a little girl. I wondered with a clenched stomach how she was doing in Bangladesh. Dinner made, we walked to the river. The elephants liked to have a bath, then roll in mud to cool down and give themselves comfort from the sun. I'd looked forward to getting in the river with them, but I was scared by the potential for muck. I don't like muck, nor the leeches it harbors. Kate looked over at me, seemingly sensing my apprehension. 'They'll clear the obstacles,' she winked, nodding at the elephants who'd already walked into the river. The brown water eddied around them, but the bottom wasn't muck. It was sandy, and it invited me in. We tossed water on the elephants with plastic buckets, bathing them and ourselves in the river. Our final activity of the day was rafting back downriver to basecamp. Kate's friend Carol was not a fan of rafting, so she chose to return by van. This left Kate and me alone on a raft, with a boatsman rowing and steering us back. The prior night's fight and my lack of sleep had caught up to me. It was 4 p.m. and I was spent. As we made our way downriver, the tears came. I'd restrained them all day, but they were out now, and there was no stuffing them back in. For a moment, I was embarrassed to share my grief so openly with a stranger, even one who happened to be a therapist. But in that moment, my heart was stripped naked. I apologized, wiping my eyes. Kate looked at me with compassion and empathy. 'Don't apologize. I'm glad we met today and I could be here for you,' she said. Six months passed, and I was back in New Jersey. My divorce was final, and the bruise on my leg had healed. It had evolved through a kaleidoscope of colors from indigo to green to jaundice, painting my thigh for months. My despair over our divorce was beginning to subside, too, though I had a long way to go. Eventually, I felt ready to print photos from my trip and put them in an album. I found a photo on my phone that had been taken by Carol. It was my favorite photo of the whole month-long trip. In the dichotomous hell and magic of the day, she'd captured my joyful smile as the elephant behind me in the river sprayed a halo of water from its trunk. Looking back, it feels like a baptism — the beginning of a new life. Two years later, I googled Kate. She's been my therapist for five years now. It took me that long to recognize the gift I wasn't ready to receive back then. I could have skipped Elephant Nature Park and stayed back in my hotel, sleeping off the fight and marinating in my pain. Instead, I summoned the energy to get out the door, fulfilling my long-held dream of meeting elephants up close. More importantly, the day handed me a roadmap to healing, kicking me in the pants to seek therapy. I've created a new life for myself — one more rewarding than I had in my marriage. I've become a solo traveler and writer, made new friends and forged a successful career as a school administrator. Try as we might, we can't control life's twists and turns. But, if you get out there and keep going, the universe might hand you just what you need. Lisa VanderVeen is an award-winning travel writer whose recent work has been published in The Saturday Evening Post, Business Insider, New Jersey Monthly, and River Teeth Journal, among others. You can find her at Do you have a compelling personal story you'd like to see published on HuffPost? Find out what we're looking for here and send us a pitch at pitch@ Related... We Retired And Sold Everything To Travel The U.S. In An RV. There's 1 Thing We Never Expected. I Moved Abroad For A Better Life. Here's What I Found Disturbing During My First Trip Back To America. My Husband Died Abroad. As I Boarded The Plane Home, A Flight Attendant's Innocent Comment Broke Me. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
5 days ago
- Climate
- Yahoo
I moved to Florida when my husband got a job there. It was nice at first, but the downsides pushed me to leave 3 years later.
I moved to Orlando for my husband's job and a lifestyle that sounded dreamy with beaches and sun. Things like high home costs and a rough hurricane season made living there challenging for us. After a few years and a divorce, I moved to Atlanta, which is closer to family with milder weather. In 2019, my (now ex) husband and I joined the mass exodus of Californians moving to less expensive states. First, we settled in Atlanta. The bustling business hub seemed rife with career opportunities for both of us. Plus, it was familiar territory for me as I'd lived there a few times and had friends and family nearby. After two years of living in Atlanta, we weren't sold on the idea of settling there and preferred to explore our options. We wanted more perks of California living — sunshine, beaches, and proximity to theme parks — for a fraction of the cost. After a wonderful spring-break trip in 2021, we realized we could find all of those things in Orlando. When my then-husband received an offer for his dream job there a year later, we finally made the move to Florida. Living in Orlando felt like heaven on earth to me, but the honeymoon phase ended after about three years. Although I love visiting Orlando, living there wasn't all sunshine and rainbows At first, I really enjoyed living in Orlando. We had so much entertainment and fun right in our backyard: Our home was less than an hour from the beach, plus less than 30 minutes from Disney World, Universal, and SeaWorld. Soon, I realized some of the area's not-so-great qualities were dealbreakers in my long-term living plans. Since Florida is nicknamed the Sunshine State, I didn't think to look much deeper into its year-round forecasts before we moved. We enjoyed a lot of sun, but in our first year as residents, I was shocked to discover how much it rains in Orlando — even in the summer. The area has a rainy season that lasts months, and rainfall here is higher than the US average. Worse, though, is living through Florida's infamous hurricane seasons. Orlando is far inland and typically safe from hurricanes, but it isn't always entirely in the clear from the storm's path and local impact. The city still gets heavy rains and flooding. In two of the three years we lived in Orlando, several hurricane warnings pushed us to evacuate. Plus, as we're more inland, heavy winds can make the area susceptible to tornadoes. Although our top-floor apartment was never damaged by storms, we saw our homeowner friends fork out thousands for hurricane-related repairs while dealing with the area's rising insurance costs. Combined with the rising risk of hurricanes and home prices, this all turned me off from the idea of ever buying a house in Florida. Even if I didn't own property, it became clear to me that hurricane damages and risks would likely impact all residents one way or another — be it higher rent payments or car insurance rates. Unfortunately, the Sunshine State's hot, humid, and rainy weather can also make homes especially susceptible to mold. When I began experiencing health issues related to frequent mold exposure, it felt like my final straw. After three years, I'd had enough of living in Florida, and I was ready to leave, especially since my marriage was ending, too. I can't say living in Orlando played a role in our split, but not having family or a village nearby definitely wasn't great for us. I moved back to a place where I knew I could settle with ease: Atlanta Once our divorce was finalized, Atlanta welcomed me back with open arms. Although the Georgia city experiences its fair share of tropical storms, the weather feels much calmer year-round, and I still get tons of sunshine. I'm closer to my family and friends, and feel comfortable settling down here. I also like that there are so many thriving people in Atlanta who look like me. There's a reason this city is nicknamed the Black Mecca of the South — and I've seen firsthand its dense population of successful Black professionals and moguls. I'm excited for my new chapter in Atlanta. It turns out it was the right place for me all along — just at the wrong time. Although Orlando didn't work out as a permanent residence, it'll always be my home away from home and a go-to vacation spot. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
6 days ago
- Climate
- Yahoo
I moved to Orlando when my husband got a job there. After 3 years and a divorce, I happily returned to Atlanta.
I moved to Orlando for my husband's job and a lifestyle that sounded dreamy with beaches and sun. Things like high home costs and a rough hurricane season made living there challenging for us. After a few years and a divorce, I moved to Atlanta, which is closer to family with milder weather. In 2019, my (now ex) husband and I joined the mass exodus of Californians moving to less expensive states. First, we settled in Atlanta. The bustling business hub seemed rife with career opportunities for both of us. Plus, it was familiar territory for me as I'd lived there a few times and had friends and family nearby. After two years of living in Atlanta, we weren't sold on the idea of settling there and preferred to explore our options. We wanted more perks of California living — sunshine, beaches, and proximity to theme parks — for a fraction of the cost. After a wonderful spring-break trip in 2021, we realized we could find all of those things in Orlando. When my then-husband received an offer for his dream job there a year later, we finally made the move to Florida. Living in Orlando felt like heaven on earth to me, but the honeymoon phase ended after about three years. Although I love visiting Orlando, living there wasn't all sunshine and rainbows At first, I really enjoyed living in Orlando. We had so much entertainment and fun right in our backyard: Our home was less than an hour from the beach, plus less than 30 minutes from Disney World, Universal, and SeaWorld. Soon, I realized some of the area's not-so-great qualities were dealbreakers in my long-term living plans. Since Florida is nicknamed the Sunshine State, I didn't think to look much deeper into its year-round forecasts before we moved. We enjoyed a lot of sun, but in our first year as residents, I was shocked to discover how much it rains in Orlando — even in the summer. The area has a rainy season that lasts months, and rainfall here is higher than the US average. Worse, though, is living through Florida's infamous hurricane seasons. Orlando is far inland and typically safe from hurricanes, but it isn't always entirely in the clear from the storm's path and local impact. The city still gets heavy rains and flooding. In two of the three years we lived in Orlando, several hurricane warnings pushed us to evacuate. Plus, as we're more inland, heavy winds can make the area susceptible to tornadoes. Although our top-floor apartment was never damaged by storms, we saw our homeowner friends fork out thousands for hurricane-related repairs while dealing with the area's rising insurance costs. Combined with the rising risk of hurricanes and home prices, this all turned me off from the idea of ever buying a house in Florida. Even if I didn't own property, it became clear to me that hurricane damages and risks would likely impact all residents one way or another — be it higher rent payments or car insurance rates. Unfortunately, the Sunshine State's hot, humid, and rainy weather can also make homes especially susceptible to mold. When I began experiencing health issues related to frequent mold exposure, it felt like my final straw. After three years, I'd had enough of living in Florida, and I was ready to leave, especially since my marriage was ending, too. I can't say living in Orlando played a role in our split, but not having family or a village nearby definitely wasn't great for us. I moved back to a place where I knew I could settle with ease: Atlanta Once our divorce was finalized, Atlanta welcomed me back with open arms. Although the Georgia city experiences its fair share of tropical storms, the weather feels much calmer year-round, and I still get tons of sunshine. I'm closer to my family and friends, and feel comfortable settling down here. I also like that there are so many thriving people in Atlanta who look like me. There's a reason this city is nicknamed the Black Mecca of the South — and I've seen firsthand its dense population of successful Black professionals and moguls. I'm excited for my new chapter in Atlanta. It turns out it was the right place for me all along — just at the wrong time. Although Orlando didn't work out as a permanent residence, it'll always be my home away from home and a go-to vacation spot. Read the original article on Business Insider Solve the daily Crossword
The Sun
15-07-2025
- Entertainment
- The Sun
I lost custody of my kids & I'm thrilled – people say I should be ashamed but I now get to pursue my career
A MUM has been slammed for saying she's glad she lost custody of her three children. Clerichena, from the US, took to socia media to explain that her ex had won custody of their children and she was happy about it. 2 In the clip, the mum said: "This is going to sound crazy but I don't want my children back. It's not because I don't love them. "I love them so much. I love them wholeheartedly." "I don't want those children back. And it's not because I don't want to take care of them or anything like that," she continued. The mum who has two sons and a daughter said the reason she was happy she would not have custody full-time was because she had no support system to help raise them. "When I take them to the doctor, I don't have an emergency contact. I don't have friends. I don't have family," she explained. She also says she wants to focus on going back to school to get a law degree, something she wasn't able to do while raising her children alone. In another clip, Clerichena said she refused to see herself as a victim in this situation and was making the most of it. She added: "God is fair. That is what I remind myself of when I start to feel like a victim of life's circumstances. "My situation may not be ideal, but it is not special. I am not the only person that has ever gone through this, and I won't be the only person who has ever gone through this. " I know this is all working out so that I can be the best version of myself possible. I lost 'everything' when UC stopped my £4.3k-month payment... now I've been sacked from my new job "I gave up so much to have my children. I put all of my goals and aspirations on hold in order to be the mom that I wanted to be, in order to devote myself to my children. "And now I'm taking this as a sign from the universe, a sign from God, in support for me to continue to follow my dreams." The mum's video quickly went viral on her TikTok account @ clerichena with over 2.4 million views. Many mums were quick to judge her for not fighting for custody. One person wrote: "This is insane to me! You are a mom!!!! Shame on you!" Another commented: "Imagine seeing your mum post about not wanting you to the whole internet." Single Parent Facts and Figures Single parent charity Gingerbread is fighting to create a society where all single parents and their children thrive. These are the organisation's latest figures on single parenthood... There are two million single parents with dependent children in the UK, 89% of which are headed up by single mums A depressing 44% of children in single parent families are in poverty compared to 26% in couple families Around 13% of single parent households with dependent children used a food bank in the last 12 months compared to 3% of couple households with dependent children Less than 1% of single parents are teenagers, and this continues to decline - with the average age of a single parent in the UK being 39-years-old Research found that 36% of single parent families with dependent children have no savings, compared to 17% of couple families with dependent children "I raised three with no support system …. Not a good excuse love," penned a third. Meanwhile a fourth said: "I get that you're tired, rightfully so, but they are your children. It's not their fault that they are in this world." "A mother's instinct is natural- this scares me,' claimed a fifth
Telegraph
12-07-2025
- Business
- Telegraph
Divorcee forced to pay half of ex-husband's trans surgery in legal first
A divorcee has been forced by a judge to pay half for her ex-husband's trans surgery. The mother argued that it was unfair that she had to stump up £80,000 for the procedure when the decision to transition had led to the breakdown of her marriage. But in what is believed to be the first case of its kind, the judge said that the surgery was a 'need', not a 'whim', and therefore it was 'reasonable' for the cost to be met out of their joint funds. The husband, 58, had said that the argument was 'like saying someone who had cancer should not have the surgery' during the hearing at Brighton Family Court. The couple, who cannot be named for legal reasons, met while working in the financial sector in London in the late 1990s and married in 2002, when the husband was living as a man. They had a 'very international lifestyle living in several countries in different continents and purchasing properties in various countries' and accumulating £3 million in joint assets. They have two children who were privately educated and are now at university. In 2022 the husband informed his wife he was 'intending to 'transition to a woman' and 'commenced hormone therapy at that stage', the judge said. Two months later the wife, 60, issued divorce proceedings. The husband had surgery in 2024 after they had been separated for almost two years and the £160,000 bill was paid out of their joint cash. During their separation, the husband, who has retrained as a massage therapist and Reiki practitioner, claimed he could not afford to pay the court-ordered maintenance to his wife and children but splashed £14,000 on an Amex card in one month 'mainly on clothing, nails, jewellery and restaurants', got £13,000 worth of tattoos in six months and racked up a £1,000 Milan restaurant bill. Bitter legal dispute Whether they should split the surgery cost was at the centre of the bitter legal dispute which cost the couple almost £1 million in legal fees. Judge Stuart Farquhar said: 'It is not surprising that this issue has generated significant emotions from both of the parties. 'It is the applicant's position that it is as a result of the respondent's decision to transition to a woman and undergo the surgery that the marriage has broken down and that in the words of counsel's opening note 'it cannot be right that the applicant should have to pay half the costs from her share of the matrimonial funds'.' But the husband, who says his wife always knew he was trans, said that it should be 'treated in the way of any other medical costs which would ordinarily be met from the joint assets'. In his ruling the judge noted that the husband had provided medical evidence of gender dysphoria which had caused 'significant anxiety, depression and distress' and for which 'the vaginoplasty surgery was considered the next appropriate step'. In her evidence the wife 'was adamant that she was not aware that the respondent wished to transition until the end of the marriage' and said it was 'devastating and a big surprise' when she discovered her husband wanted to take cross-sex hormones. She was 'deeply shocked' when her husband 'stated that she intended to live her new life as a lesbian woman' and that is when she began divorce proceedings. She argued that it was the husband's choice to have the surgery but it should be paid out of his personal assets, saying it was unfair for her to foot half the bill as the 'decision to transition that caused the end of the marriage'. The husband responded: 'You marry a trans person. You live with a trans person. You benefit from a trans person. They are suicidal and you support them.' He argued that 'it would be like saying someone who had cancer should not have the surgery and that accordingly the cost of that surgery should be met from joint funds'. 'Genuine psychological need' The judge agreed with the wife's legal team that the husband had 'shown no understanding whatsoever that her decision to transition to a woman has had an impact on anyone else, and particularly' the ex-wife. Judge Farquhar said that while 'there is no doubt that this has been a hugely difficult and emotionally draining experience' for the trans woman, 'the lack of empathy' for the ex-wife 'is striking'. However, he said that could not be considered when dividing up the assets and the court 'will not consider the reasons that a marriage broke down within financial remedy proceedings'. He said he was satisfied the 'surgery was meeting a genuine and deep-felt medical/psychological need'. 'This cannot be, and has not been, said to have been carried out as a whim when all of the effort and time that the respondent has invested in the process is considered,' the judge noted. Therefore, it was 'reasonable' for the money to be spent 'out of joint resources', he ruled.
