Latest news with #financialinfidelity
Yahoo
26-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Why financial infidelity can be as harmful as cheating
Healthy relationships are built on trust; when that trust is broken due to infidelity, it can have devastating consequences. But that doesn't just apply to emotional or physical betrayal — secrecy around spending and saving can be just as damaging. 'Financial infidelity is when someone withholds, lies about, or hides financial information or behaviors from a partner,' said Nathan Astle, a certified financial therapist at Beyond Finance. He explained the problem often isn't about the dollar amount, but rather the breach of trust. 'Just like emotional or physical infidelity, it creates distance and dishonesty in a relationship.' This embedded content is not available in your region. And financial infidelity is more common than you may think. According to a poll by the National Endowment for Financial Education, among those who report having ever combined finances in a relationship, 43% confess to having committed some act of financial deception, with 85% of those individuals stating the indiscretion affected the relationship in some way. Read more: How to merge finances with your spouse after getting married Many people may not realize that lying about money to a partner 'counts' as cheating. Yet in relationships where finances are shared, financial infidelity can have serious consequences for both the emotional and economic well-being of the couple. 'Infidelity doesn't always look like late-night texts or secret meet-ups in an undisclosed location,' said April Lancit, a licensed marriage and family therapist and assistant professor of marriage and family therapy at La Salle University. 'Sometimes it shows up on the bank statements, hidden debt, or secret spending.' Lancit noted that these behaviors can rock a relationship just as hard as romantic betrayal. In fact, a 2022 survey found that nearly half of respondents said financial and physical cheating are equally as bad, while 11% said financial infidelity is worse. At its core, financial infidelity undermines transparency and shared financial decision-making. Even seemingly 'small' money lies — like rounding down a purchase amount or hiding a receipt — can snowball into bigger issues over time, including racking up debt, falling behind on financial goals, and straining communication within the relationship. So what does financial infidelity look like? Some common signs include: Secret credit cards or bank accounts Undisclosed debts Lying about spending or hiding purchases Undisclosed gambling Generally, withholding information about finances from a partner According to Lancit, this behavior is increasingly common, and often tied to issues related to power, control, or even shame, 'especially if you come from an upbringing where money was not discussed, there wasn't enough money in the home, or there was endless money and you never had to consult anyone about what you wanted to do.' Read more: Behavioral Finance 101: 7 ways your brain can sabotage your finances Financial infidelity can have serious implications for your relationship. Ultimately, a breach of financial trust can be just as hurtful as any other kind of betrayal. 'It erodes trust, creates emotional distance, and often leaves the deceived partner feeling hurt, unsafe, or out of control,' Astle said. 'In some cases, it leads to ongoing conflict or even separation, not just because of the money, but because of the violation of honesty and shared responsibility.' The good news is that recovering from financial infidelity is possible. But it takes time, patience, and a strong commitment to repair the trust that was broken. Before you can move forward, it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about the infidelity that occurred. Discuss the factors that may have contributed to this financial betrayal and what you can work on as a couple to prevent it from happening in the future. Be honest with each other about the state of your finances as they are right now. This level of transparency will help you build trust and make a plan for the future. Lay out all of your accounts, debts, expenses, and so on. This way, your partner knows that you fully trust them and are committed to a healthy and transparent relationship. Once you know where you both stand, take some time to think about what your shared financial goals are and what kinds of boundaries you need to set moving forward to make sure that the lines of communication are always open. The way you manage your personal finances can have a lot to do with how you were raised and your lived experiences. Sometimes, unlearning damaging habits can be tricky, and you may need the guidance of a family or financial therapist. 'As I often tell clients: You are not your debt, and you are not your mistakes,' Astle said. 'Repair is possible with honesty, accountability, and the right support.' Read more: Should unmarried couples have joint bank accounts?
Yahoo
19-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
‘Financial infidelity' blows up a shocking number of relationships — why lying about money is so damaging
Money talks — but in many relationships, it's staying suspiciously quiet. A new survey by Casinos Analyzer found that 41% of people admit to sneaky spending behind their partner's back — and 57% say it blew up their relationship. Experts call this shady little trend financial infidelity. That's right — it's not just about sexts and secret flings anymore. Lying about your paycheck, hiding debt or 'forgetting' to mention that $300 Sephora haul can be just as damaging. So, if you're sneaking swipes of your credit card behind bae's back, you might be cheating — just with receipts instead of lipstick on your collar. As noted by the Illinois Department of Central Management Services, financial infidelity is when 'one person in a committed relationship keeps financial secrets from the other.' Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a licensed relationship therapist and expert at Casinos Analyzer, explained in the study that this kind of infidelity, 'whether it's hiding a purchase, downplaying debt, or quietly overspending,' can be 'just as damaging as any other form of betrayal.' Just like cheating in the bedroom or the DMs, money betrayal can leave your partner feeling rattled, rejected — and blaming themselves for the whole mess. And it's more common than you think. As previously reported by The Post, half of men are playing financial hide-and-seek with their partners, keeping money secrets stashed like an off-the-books bank account, new research reveals. In a survey of 2,000 men, nearly one in two who are hitched or coupled up admitted to going rogue with their finances — with the most common covert move being a hidden savings account (14%). Others kept quiet about reckless spending (13%) or a secret credit card (12%). Roughly 1 in 4 said they were too embarrassed or ashamed to fess up, while nearly 20% claimed they 'just didn't know how to bring it up.' Turns out, it may not just be guilt — it's pressure. A whopping 48% of men say they feel the need to be financially successful, with more than half blaming their expectations and 27% pointing the finger at society. Commissioned by Beyond Finance for Men's Mental Health Month and conducted by Talker Research, the study shows what happens when cash and shame collide. In the former study, Bronstein stressed that financial infidelity 'chips away at trust and leaves one partner in the dark, often sensing something's wrong without knowing why.' That person, he went on, usually 'second-guesses their instincts and might not share how they're feeling.' Over time, he warned, this can create 'emotional distance and a disconnect that's hard to bridge.' If that doesn't sound ideal, the therapist recommended 'talking about spending, even when it's uncomfortable,' since this is a way 'for couples to begin reconnecting—not necessarily to fix their finances, but to understand each other better.' Ultimately, this is 'how you build trust,' he stressed.
Yahoo
15-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Americans spend $10 billion more on Mother's Day than Father's Day. What's going on?
When it comes to honoring our parents on their special days, dads appear to be the big loser. That's according to data from the National Retail Federation — specifically, its tracking of spending on Father's Day, which is this upcoming Sunday, and Mother's Day. This year, Americans are expected to shell out $24 billion on dad's holiday, whereas they spent $34.1 billion on mom's day last month, the NRF says. Israel-Iran clash delivers a fresh shock to investors. History suggests this is the move to make. I'm in my 80s and have 2 kids. How do I choose between them to be my executor? 'He failed in his fiduciary duty': My brother liquidated our mother's 401(k) for her nursing home. He claimed the rest. 'I'm 68 and my 401(k) has dwindled to $82,000': My husband committed financial infidelity and has $50,000 in credit-card debt. What now? These defense stocks offer the best growth prospects, as the Israel-Iran conflict fuels new interest in the sector That's a gap of $10.1 billion. And the gap has only grown over the years, at least as measured in dollars. Consider: In 2016, Americans spent $7.4 billion more on mom versus dad, according to the NRF. There may be no definitive reason as to why fathers lose out to mothers on their respective signature occasions — but that doesn't stop marketing, parenting and other experts from offering plenty of possible explanations. Begin with the fact that moms are generally more revered for their familial contributions from a societal standpoint, observers say. Much of that has to do with the intrinsic nature of motherhood, as in the fact that moms who go through childbirth have to endure the physical challenges of such. But even in an era when we keep hearing that parental roles are becoming more equal, studies still show that mothers bear the greater burden when it comes to housework and child-raising. 'Moms carry the emotional, mental and physical weight of parenting in most households. They're the primary parents; they're the daily grinders, the all-night pullers, the domestic glue,' said Nathaniel A. Turner, co-founder of the League of Extraordinary Parents, a support organization. All of this translates into a desire to spend more on Mother's Day. 'Moms get planned-out splurges,' said Stephanie Carls, a retail-insights expert with the RetailMeNot online platform. She noted that can include everything from jewelry to a meal or flowers — or in some cases, all of the above. By contrast, dad gifts are often an opportunistic, budget-minded buy, Carls said: think a small tool or grill accessory purchased at a home-improvement store, for example. Turner echoed that point: Father's Day, he said, is 'still stuck in the shallow end of grills, golf balls and gimmicks because it does not move consumers enough to move the economic needle.' He added that can be even more the case when consumers are feeling the financial pinch. And given inflation and other financial pressures in recent years, that may explain the growing spending gap between Father's Day and Mother's Day. RetailMeNot's spending data, based on consumer surveys, also shows this sizable gap. This year, we're shelling out $232 on dad per shopper, but we allocated $360 for mom — a gap of $128, according to the platform. In 2024, the gap was considerably smaller, with $257 spent on dad versus $316 on mom — a $59 difference. Restaurant owners are especially among those who are quick to pick up on the spending patterns. They say that Mother's Day is typically one of their busiest occasions of the year, next to Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve. By contrast, Father's Day is often not much busier than an average Sunday. Babak Bina, founding partner of Boston-based BCB3 Hospitality, a company that operates several restaurants, said that doesn't mean that dads are getting slighted, however. As a father himself, he thinks that dads just don't consider Father's Day all that important. 'We're okay with doing a barbecue and calling it a day,' Bina said. That's a view echoed by others. Brand strategist Reilly Newman said that men aren't necessarily into big social celebrations — they're as happy to celebrate Father's Day playing a round of golf on their own. 'Men are the lone wolves,' Newman said. Finally, experts say you can't ignore the role that the calendar plays. Mother's Day falls during a time of year when we're still in a get-things-accomplished mode — schools haven't let out for the summer and we're not quite hitting the beach just yet. But Father's Day falls after Memorial Day when we're much more in a vacation mindset, which can make the holiday almost seem like a distraction. Plus, we've already just spent all that money on Mother's Day, so we may feel a bit tapped out, experts noted. That leads some to wonder how things might work if Father's Day was moved to a different time of year. At least that's what Melissa Murphy, a marketing professor at Carnegie Mellon University's Tepper School of Business, has to say. 'If the holidays were further apart, it would be more equal maybe,' Murphy observed. 'It might be another Apple or Microsoft': My wife invested $100K in one stock and it exploded 1,500%. Do we sell? 'I'm not wildly wealthy, but I've done well': I'm 79 and have $3 million in assets. Should I set up 529 plans for my grandkids? My husband is in hospice care. Friends say his children are lining up for his money. What can I do? My mother-in-law thought the world's richest man needed Apple gift cards. How on Earth could she fall for this scam? Why bonds aren't acting like a safe haven for investors amid the Israel-Iran conflict
Yahoo
15-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
‘I'm 68 and my 401(k) has dwindled to $82,000': My husband committed financial infidelity and has $50,000 in credit-card debt. What now?
Without going into details of my spouse's financial infidelity, I would like your opinion. Here is the bottom line. I'm 68 and my 401(k) has dwindled to $82,000. I have $3,000 in gold and Social Security income for me and my spouse totals $46,180 a year. Our home is paid off and the estimated value is somewhere between $600,000 and $1 million. We live in a vacation area. Many out-of-state folks have moved in and the price of even a tiny home is outrageous right now. Yearly land taxes at $5,000. Israel-Iran clash delivers a fresh shock to investors. History suggests this is the move to make. I'm in my 80s and have 2 kids. How do I choose between them to be my executor? These defense stocks offer the best growth prospects, as the Israel-Iran conflict fuels new interest in the sector 'I'm 68 and my 401(k) has dwindled to $82,000': My husband committed financial infidelity and has $50,000 in credit-card debt. What now? 'He failed in his fiduciary duty': My brother liquidated our mother's 401(k) for her nursing home. He claimed the rest. Our adult children owe us a total of $90,000 and are attempting monthly payments of various amounts. My spouse has $50,000 in credit-card debt. I abhor any debt. What is the smartest way to pay off this debt? Feeling Desperate Related: My mother-in-law thought the world's richest man needed Apple gift cards. How on Earth could she fall for this scam? Financial infidelity — keeping secrets like excessive spending a secret — can be as damaging as more traditional infidelity. Your children could pay off your credit-card debt, almost twice over, if they were able to stick to a payment plan. But lending money to people — children, friends, neighbors, relatives — who have gotten themselves into the red won't necessarily solve their problem. It will merely create a problem for more parties: the lender, who wonders why the money was never repaid in a years-long game of cat-and-mouse, and the borrower, who has added creditor to their list. The smartest way to pay off your debt is to write all your expenses in one column and your income in another and create your own personal Department of Good Housekeeping. Slash and burn and pay off that $50,000 at all costs. Your husband should also prioritize his credit-card debt before you do anything — including eating out, going to the movies or the theatre, buying new sneakers (even if they're on sale), or taking a vacation. You don't mention the cause of your husband's financial infidelity, but unless you deal with this first and foremost, the chances of it happening again are high and/or probable. If he has a gambling problem or a substance misuse issue, for instance, it won't go away even if you do pay off the debt. Paying off the debt could even provide him with a new impetus to repeat the errors of the past. If this $50,000 debt was news to you, this is a separate problem. That said, your priority is to pay off your debt on a regular basis, automating those payments, with a medium- to long-term goal of getting back on track. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling is a nonprofit organization that can help you and your husband put together a budget and a realistic plan to pay off your debt. The American Consumer Credit Counseling is another nonprofit organization that helps people in your situation. Don't miss: 'I have committed financial infidelity': I racked up $50,000 in debt to help my troubled son — and have not told my husband. How do I get out of this mess? You could also attempt to renegotiate the debt with the credit-card companies. 'Call your credit-card company and ask to speak with the debt-settlement, loss-mitigation or hardship department,' advises. 'A general customer-service representative won't have the authority to approve your request. Once you're connected with someone who has the ability to negotiate with you, explain your situation and make your offer. Be polite but firm.' 'Outline your terms,' Bankrate says. 'If you're considering filing bankruptcy or hiring a professional to help you with your debt, let the card issuer know and mention that you'd rather work things out directly. At this point, be prepared for the card issuer to potentially freeze your credit limit or close your account.' Beware of for-profit debt-settlement companies, which frequently end up costing you more money for a less-than-satisfactory outcome. There are two main methods of paying off debt: the snowball method (paying off the card with the lowest amount on it first) and the avalanche method (paying off the debt with the highest interest rate first). The first is a way to help motivate people to get out of the red, but paying down the highest rate first makes the most sense to me. Your decision is whether these payments come out of your husband's income or joint funds. Looking ahead, you are sitting on a lot of equity, so you have another choice to make: Do you take this moment to review your finances, downsize, pay off your husband's credit-card debt and provide yourself with a cash cushion in more modest surroundings? Can you trust your husband with a cash cushion in a joint account? My biggest concern for you is that, after you pay off this debt, your husband will repeat the mistakes of the past. Related: I have $1,000 in credit-card debt. Will I be able to hide my inheritance from the bank? I met a friend for lunch. When the check arrived, she said, 'Thank you so much for paying!' Was I taken for a fool? 'I once felt that I had nothing and I was nothing': I had a secret $8,000 debt that I was afraid to reveal to my boyfriend, but I turned my life around My father died, leaving everything to my 90-year-old stepmother. Do I have a right to ask her if I'm in her will? 'It might be another Apple or Microsoft': My wife invested $100K in one stock and it exploded 1,500%. Do we sell? My husband is in hospice care. Friends say his children are lining up for his money. What can I do? 'I'm not wildly wealthy, but I've done well': I'm 79 and have $3 million in assets. Should I set up 529 plans for my grandkids? My mother-in-law thought the world's richest man needed Apple gift cards. How on Earth could she fall for this scam? Why bonds aren't acting like a safe haven for investors amid the Israel-Iran conflict
Yahoo
14-06-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
‘I'm 68 and my 401(k) has dwindled to $82,000': My husband committed financial infidelity and has $50,000 in credit-card debt. What now?
Without going into details of my spouse's financial infidelity, I would like your opinion. Here is the bottom line. I'm 68 and my 401(k) has dwindled to $82,000. I have $3,000 in gold and Social Security income for me and my spouse totals $46,180 a year. Our home is paid off and the estimated value is somewhere between $600,000 and $1 million. We live in a vacation area. Many out-of-state folks have moved in and the price of even a tiny home is outrageous right now. Yearly land taxes at $5,000. My husband is in hospice care. Friends say his children are lining up for his money. What can I do? These defense stocks offer the best growth prospects, as the Israel-Iran conflict fuels new interest in the sector I'm in my 80s and have 2 kids. How do I choose between them to be my executor? Israel's attack on Iran shattered stocks' early-summer calm. Here's what investors should watch out for next. 'He failed in his fiduciary duty': My brother liquidated our mother's 401(k) for her nursing home. He claimed the rest. Our adult children owe us a total of $90,000 and are attempting monthly payments of various amounts. My spouse has $50,000 in credit-card debt. I abhor any debt. What is the smartest way to pay off this debt? Feeling Desperate Related: My mother-in-law thought the world's richest man needed Apple gift cards. How on Earth could she fall for this scam? Financial infidelity — keeping secrets like excessive spending a secret — can be as damaging as more traditional infidelity. Your children could pay off your credit-card debt, almost twice over, if they were able to stick to a payment plan. But lending money to people — children, friends, neighbors, relatives — who have gotten themselves into the red won't necessarily solve their problem. It will merely create a problem for more parties: the lender, who wonders why the money was never repaid in a years-long game of cat-and-mouse, and the borrower, who has added creditor to their list. The smartest way to pay off your debt is to write all your expenses in one column and your income in another and create your own personal Department of Good Housekeeping. Slash and burn and pay off that $50,000 at all costs. Your husband should also prioritize his credit-card debt before you do anything — including eating out, going to the movies or the theatre, buying new sneakers (even if they're on sale), or taking a vacation. You don't mention the cause of your husband's financial infidelity, but unless you deal with this first and foremost, the chances of it happening again are high and/or probable. If he has a gambling problem or a substance misuse issue, for instance, it won't go away even if you do pay off the debt. Paying off the debt could even provide him with a new impetus to repeat the errors of the past. If this $50,000 debt was news to you, this is a separate problem. That said, your priority is to pay off your debt on a regular basis, automating those payments, with a medium- to long-term goal of getting back on track. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling is a nonprofit organization that can help you and your husband put together a budget and a realistic plan to pay off your debt. The American Consumer Credit Counseling is another nonprofit organization that helps people in your situation. Don't miss: 'I have committed financial infidelity': I racked up $50,000 in debt to help my troubled son — and have not told my husband. How do I get out of this mess? You could also attempt to renegotiate the debt with the credit-card companies. 'Call your credit-card company and ask to speak with the debt-settlement, loss-mitigation or hardship department,' advises. 'A general customer-service representative won't have the authority to approve your request. Once you're connected with someone who has the ability to negotiate with you, explain your situation and make your offer. Be polite but firm.' 'Outline your terms,' Bankrate says. 'If you're considering filing bankruptcy or hiring a professional to help you with your debt, let the card issuer know and mention that you'd rather work things out directly. At this point, be prepared for the card issuer to potentially freeze your credit limit or close your account.' Beware of for-profit debt-settlement companies, which frequently end up costing you more money for a less-than-satisfactory outcome. There are two main methods of paying off debt: the snowball method (paying off the card with the lowest amount on it first) and the avalanche method (paying off the debt with the highest interest rate first). The first is a way to help motivate people to get out of the red, but paying down the highest rate first makes the most sense to me. Your decision is whether these payments come out of your husband's income or joint funds. Looking ahead, you are sitting on a lot of equity, so you have another choice to make: Do you take this moment to review your finances, downsize, pay off your husband's credit-card debt and provide yourself with a cash cushion in more modest surroundings? Can you trust your husband with a cash cushion in a joint account? My biggest concern for you is that, after you pay off this debt, your husband will repeat the mistakes of the past. Related: I have $1,000 in credit-card debt. Will I be able to hide my inheritance from the bank? I met a friend for lunch. When the check arrived, she said, 'Thank you so much for paying!' Was I taken for a fool? 'I once felt that I had nothing and I was nothing': I had a secret $8,000 debt that I was afraid to reveal to my boyfriend, but I turned my life around My father died, leaving everything to my 90-year-old stepmother. Do I have a right to ask her if I'm in her will? Walmart's stock looks like it's in trouble. What the chart says may come next. Why bonds aren't acting like a safe haven for investors amid the Israel-Iran conflict My mother-in-law thought the world's richest man needed Apple gift cards. How on Earth could she fall for this scam? My friend wants me to join in a political protest. I'm worried about my job. Am I a coward if I say no? 'I am getting very frustrated': My mother's adviser has not returned my calls. He manages $1 million. Is this normal? Sign in to access your portfolio
